This
Island Rat column is brought to you by
Folgers: The Coffee That Made Them Vote off Jamie. Folgers: It’ll Make You Less Stupid. I don’t know what excites me more: the fact that Jamie is gone, or the fact that he and Bobby Jon have to sit next to each other at seven more Tribal Councils, the final tribal council, and the reunion show. These guys are joined in a sort of Hate Marriage. I would bet good money on the two of them sharing a ward in the old age, many years from now.
Bobby Jon: Arrg! That’s my darg'unit bed pan….Jamie: *thump* Liar! Call me a liar? Why I’ll trundle over to you on my walker and kick your ass with my artificial hip!Bobby Jon: Arrg! After I take a nap.
The Fine art of Paranoia
Jamie hit new levels of delusion just after the Bobby Jon Tribal Council. After all, no one voted for him, which obviously means * They all wanted to *.
Jamie thinks everyone is out to get him. The fact that everyone * is * out to get him makes his paranoia ever the funnier.
Jamie: Lucky I had that immunity.Rafe: Yeah…*lucky*…Jamie: what the hell is that supposed to mean?Rafe: Nothing. By the way, how do you spell your name?Jamie: Whaaaat? Why do you need to know that? Come on man…Rafe: I’m just messing with you. So, do you need help packing your bags for tribal council?Jamie: * faint *Rafe: Tee hee.
More Folgers Mud for the Folgers Pigs
The
Folgers Reward Challenge was a fun, muddy affair, unless your name is Lydia, in which case the word
‘asphyxiation’ comes to mind. Poor Lydia sank further into the mud that Judd did.
Gary, Danni, Steph and Judd started poorly after Steph stopped halfway to eat some of the corn in the jar. They managed to get back into the game after Cindy collapsed from the exhaustion of having to find the top of Lydia’s head every few minutes. Steph’s team won, and Steph cried, because Steph cries when she gets food. I’ve never seen anyone get so excited by the prospect of food.
The muddy team messed up a nice, shiny helicopter, and were dumped at a spa, where they showered, ate, and cried (Steph). They also changed their names to ‘Folgers’ and said the word ‘Folgers’ so many times that I wonder if maybe it was product placement? I wouldn’t think that that sort of thing happened on TV, especially not on Survivor, but stranger things have happened.
Judd showered like a man who has to shower quite frequently. Unfortunately, he decided that he needed to do this naked, and thus CBS made a new world record for
‘Largest Blurry Spot on a TV Screen’.At the end of the day, Gary found himself in bed with two fine young ladies, which is what Pro football stars do. Judd found himself where he belongs, too: sleeping on the floor. In fact, I think the three others were actually in a different room. It must be nice to spend just one night away from VomitBoy.
The next part of the Reward was the obligatory Tape From Home. Everyone cried: Danni cried for her two adorable doggies; Judd cried because he was confused and wanted to know how they got those small people in the box; Gary cried because in the background were some pretty large pictures of him playing football (
‘It’s my football hero, Gary Hogeboom. Not me.’); Steph cried because her tape was a montage of her family serving food.
Gary tried to convince Steph and Judd to keep him around instead of Jamie. It wasn’t hard. Steph has obviously been thinking about it, and Judd is too busy looking for the Immunity Idol that isn’t there to be concerned with anything else.
Bored Games
Rafe told us that whenever Jamie wants to talk to him about the game, he calls him over to play a game of
‘Flarfoople’. You may not have heard him say that name, but he did, and you’re wrong.
Anyway,
‘Flarfoople’ is a game that Jamie invented. It’s similar to Backgammon in that you roll a dice, and move your stones pieces along a board. Once they’re at the end of the board, you eat them. Last one to die of a ruptured colon, wins.
If history has taught us anything, the following conversation is not out of the question:
Jamie: So, you’re sticking with the plan?Rafe: We’re going to vote for you.Jamie: * phew *! I’m so glad you’re voting with me. * swallow * yeah, I win again. You suck at this game. The survival of Gary came down to one person: Lydia. Lydia has done nothing else in this game so far, other than requiring much rescuing from mud pits. She looked positively giddy and confused when Steph and Rafe asked her to decide. Her face was a picture of concentration as she attempted to Make a Decision. In the end, she decided to do what Steph wanted her to do. Phew! That was a toughie. I sure hope Lydia wins.
This week, the winner of the
Shallow End of the Gene Pool Award is, for the last time, Jamie:
The winner of the
Let This Person Breed More Award is the whole Vakuum tribe. Thank you for whispering in corners, pointing and giggling, and then voting him off.