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WHY IT IS SOOOOOOOOOOOOOO HARD TO DO THE BEST THING FOR YOUR SELF?

Written by Latifah from the blog Don't cry when the sun is gone,the tears won't let you see the sun.Yep on 05 Feb 2008
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Hi Bloggers hope that this new year is been treating you well others having kids,becoming aunties,uncles,others the preggies treating them good (Ratanang you looked fab I must say awukho stayf ntombi you look great keep up the good work, I am not suprised that guy still followes you to your room even you told him that ugqhibe inkomo wedwa. Anyway guys back to why I am writting this blog.As you can see the heading THE BEST THING U CAN EVER DO 4 URSELF IS ALWAYS THE HARDEST THING U'VE EVER DONE,WHY IS DAT.Exctaly as it says Why.Most of us find it hard to let go even if you've been abused emotionally,verbally,beaten an so forth, drinking and get beat you until uya ehosi or sleeping until morning. When he does wakeup telling you how drunk he was he did not know what he was doing he still loves you are the lover of his life, promising you heaven and the earth RUBISH,UDOTI,INONSENSE LEYO.The next usisiza believe all that nonsense and forgive him like nothing happened.Usisiza will even cook him that delicious meal that he likes very much and swearing at you will he eats.COME ON GUYZ WHY?

The is still a lot in store.Having to raise a child that is not yours giving him/her a place to call home and love that kid knowing at some stage ubaba noma umama wencosi will want him/her back at , only to find out that it is hard to give the kid back. WHY IS DAT??????????

54 Comments

azHOT
05 Feb 2008 01:56

somewhere in the deepest of our beings, we confuse the need to be needed, for being needed.

you are so in ove with the idea of being in love you end up loving an abusive, ignorant &arrogant azz because you become so accustomed to the notion of being in love.

its the tricky part of our species.

Latifah
05 Feb 2008 02:04

Is acry for love? Rushing to be loved before loving ourselves.Plz guyz lets solve this puzzle?

Nonny
05 Feb 2008 02:06

Guys do u remember the song by Jagged Egde titled Goodbye, well this reminds me of that song which I LOVE so much elithi: "Tell me have u ever been in a situation where the best thing u could do, was the hardest thing u've ever done......." was that song perhaps the inspiration to this article latifa???

sponono
05 Feb 2008 02:21

Heres WHY ...so that y'all have story to tell and your life 'd be more interesting....but if you are always taking the best decisions, subconsciously you feel like your life will loose some meaning if it doesnt have some amount of drama and sorrow to tell the next person...espesh when you think you've survived....Y'all tend to cling on to the most damaging situations because they validate your existence ..the more drama the better ...quite silly really....when you think about it but its natural..half of us are guilty of it.....and you even have an articel on it...so go figure...LOL

OF COURSE THIS DOES'NT APPLY TO EVRIONE..

Nonny
05 Feb 2008 02:31

Hats off Sponza!!!

Amazing
05 Feb 2008 02:37

Pending

Nonny
05 Feb 2008 02:49

Hi Amazing............*waving like a lunatic*.........where have u been???

sponono
05 Feb 2008 02:55

hey Nonny I was thinking of registering another name so that I can greet myself and answer my own blog or respond to my own RUDE replies and create havoc..just to add some drama in my cyber life...(and to give MR Mod some heat...LOL)....sounds crazy neh!!!..whadayathink

Latifah
05 Feb 2008 03:00

@Nonny I have been there, find it so hard to let go. Kubuhlungu maar is fine.

Nonny
05 Feb 2008 03:17

LOL at Sponono, plz don't register in another name and create havoc, ngoba I think Mr Mod already has enouh grey hairs from all the disciplinary that he has to do here. Ur idea is too crazy, plus too, that kind of think is for izidomu, wena u are too itellegent to do that isht, just keep on being the one and only Sponono. By the way did I ever tell u that ngasekhaya kunendawo efamous called "Sponono" it's a very successful Spaza shop and I sometimes smile and think: "Heee, mhlampe ika Sponza weTVSA lana and I don't even know it............LOL

Latifah
05 Feb 2008 03:23

@Nonny I have't heard what is your story on why does it hurt sooooooooooooo bad and can't let go?????/

Nonny
05 Feb 2008 03:24

Sponono plz proceed to ur GB and make space coz it's full............

Nonny
05 Feb 2008 03:27

"@Nonny I have't heard what is your story on why does it hurt sooooooooooooo bad and can't let go?????/" @ Latifah, my story is TOO hectic for me to share at the moment, I am still healing, so I don't suppose u will be hearing it anytime soon!!!!

Latifah
05 Feb 2008 03:28

U know what, is for the first time writting an artile or have my first blog be honest guyz 'cause I can see you are not interested is it boring or what? Thank Nonny for your insight.I love you with big L

Latifah
05 Feb 2008 03:33

Thanks anyway I understand really.This is a hectic topic and it looks like most of us have been there,felt it, cried about it and over it and soome of us are not over it but it's fine ngiya understanda. Al least Nonny tell me if it thumbs up or thumbs down Plz.

andi01
05 Feb 2008 03:43

Yho this article rocks, well done latifah, to me it has hit home, I was in that situation, boyfriend that doesnt work, takes drugs, abuses me physically, mentally and at times sexually,. I hold on and didnt even know why I was. everyone around me didnt beleive that i would let some1 treat me this bad, all in th ename of love, I am one step out of that and trying my best to drag the next foot out, it is hard beleive me it is, and you have asked the best qxn, pity i cant answer you coz i feel as though I'd be a hypocrite. I think i stayed bcoz i felt i dont deserve better, that he will one day change, that he does all this bcoz he is insecure and insecure bcoz he luvs me, but deep down I know that that is bull (you know what). I stayed bcoz his family luvs me, bcoz he was not like this at the beginning and bcoz I told myself that he needs me, but one qxn is how does one destroy something he needs.

I'll be back for more

andi01
05 Feb 2008 03:43

Nonny
05 Feb 2008 03:46

Latifah sisi, plz don't bring urself down, we already have enough haters in this world. The fact that people haven't been nasty and instead they are going pass ur blog to athers it means it's not a bad article. And personally I strongly believe in the saying that: "people in glass houses shouldn't throw stones" I say thumbs up for this blog, it might not be the best, but it certainly isn't the worst. And vele, in order to be good, u have to start somewhere and yazi I am so proud of u for even going the extra mile to wanting to find out why the response has been poor to ur article. And remember even the best writers can confess that even if u are good it doesn't mean people will come flocking, which is why u shouldn't use us a ur judgement TOO much!!! It's a good effort in my opinion and I salute u for ur firat article.........mina I am just too chicken to even test my writing skills lana coz at the moment I have a fabulous (I think???) blog that wrote about Valentines Day but I am not gonna post it coz I just don't have the guts...................yet.............LOL

andi01
05 Feb 2008 03:49

luving a loser is like a bad bad habit, i tried so much to quit but just couldnt, maybe I told myself that icouldnt. TVSA bloggers tried their best to warn me and advise me but I still went back for more. Its wierd but sometimes I would even miss the abuse. If he was all good and loving I would belive that there is something wrong. I would stir up the fight, its sad i promise u. That man turned me into a violent, person with the lowest self esteem, but fortunately I have seen all that and have the courage to walk away. Any1 in the same situation, i advise you walk away while you still can, I know what I am talking about. the only chances of a woman changing a man is when he is in his diapers". I didnt want to change him, all i wanted was some little appreciation.

To male bloggers, I am glad u are in my life, you show me the diffrence between a real man and a loser.and to all ya, u great friends I will always know that.

andi01
05 Feb 2008 03:55

An article is not judged by a number of replies, but by how many souls it touched and it what manner it touched them. Yours might not be the best, but to me it is, better than all 4 of mine, simply bcoz it has touched my soul, it has helped me deal with the pain I have been hiding and suppressing, that’s why I say it rocks,

Makhumo
05 Feb 2008 04:44

Well Latifah, its not bad at all. Its a touchy subject yet so very important. Sometimes we don't want to acknowledge whats happening to us with the hope that it will all go away!!!!.

But a nice effort indeed, i hope it will open a forum were we discuss abuse, not only women on the recieving end but also men who face abusing women daily.

Well done!!!!

Nonny
05 Feb 2008 04:51

U see Latifah, I told u, u are on the right track???

sponono
05 Feb 2008 04:53

yoh...mabloggers niya-nesana uma nithandile....hi hi hi

Latifah
05 Feb 2008 04:54

@Andy01 & Nonny thank you very for your advices and encouragement. I feel better and I love you guyz. I was down 'cause lasy year I tried but I was ignored maybe tha is why I said so. Thanks.

Makhumo
05 Feb 2008 04:56

Well you are welcome, Latifah on behalf of everybody else other that Andy01 & Nonny.

Latifah
05 Feb 2008 04:58

Thank for having the faith in me.I think I need you in my life, Now Ic things in different way.

Latifah
05 Feb 2008 05:08

Haaaaa Sponono yeka umona maan. I need that plz.

Latifah
05 Feb 2008 05:10

It shows how wrong I was ngamabloggers including wena sponono. Don't make me change my mind.

Cnglemother
05 Feb 2008 05:11

Why? because you love him, i know its a very stupid response but that's the response we always give as women in these kinda situations. We belittle ourselves for the sake of validating our love to our significant others. By standing so low and swallowing all the crap they put us through we pray & hope that they see how much we love them.

Latifah
05 Feb 2008 05:13

Thank for having the faith in me Nonny &Andy01 I think I need you in my life, Now Ic things in different way.TDC say something plz

Nonny
05 Feb 2008 05:16

"yoh...mabloggers niya-nesana uma nithandile....hi hi hi"...LOL @ Sponza, once in a blue moon kodwa, then we are back to our bashing ways.........ngiyadlala, I don't wanna scare Latifa!!!!

Nonny
05 Feb 2008 05:24

Latifah, it's good to be here for u, but try not to feel that way kakhulu ngabantu coz what would u have done if we were nasty??? (which I am capable of) it's a very tricky thing to rely on others in order to have faith in urself, be careful sisi coz we are all much better than what anyone else thinks of us ok???

Cnglemother
05 Feb 2008 05:34

Latifah you sound like you really need a hug or some love. Dont worry sisi with time uzoba right, ziyadlula wena ezizinto. As Xhosas we say "ziway zakhona".

Latifah
05 Feb 2008 05:38

Iyho @Nonny I can be also nasty, rude and naughty if I want to.Zidibene zifana sana. I was down now I'm fine bring it on .

Cutie Pie
05 Feb 2008 05:39

Hi All. Latifah & And01 i know what you are going through. I think we stay in these abusive relationships simply because of other people's expectations. We want so hard to prove to the people around us that we will not fail in our relationships. We stay because the in-laws love us, and they won't expect a break-up from us (Fulifilling their expectations). But in the end, it's all about us.

A break-up is mostly viewed as a failure, which is not true. As a result we stay because we are scared of being called failures.

I've been there. The man promised to marry me. Tricked me into buying a house (it was under my name only as he was blacklisted), and kicked me out of it. When i refused, he brought women in "my house" while i was there. You can imagine the humilation. HE physically abused me. He was getting paid o the 25th, but the next day i had to give him money for petrol. I was afraid of what people were going to say, but in the end i made a decision to leave. Sold the house and moved on with my life. Met a good man after that. The trouble is that you don't easily get over the abuse done to you by another person. You always think that the next person will do the same.

But it's entirely up to us to leave the situation.

Zee Babes!
05 Feb 2008 06:17

@ Latifa - Sana i just saw your blog and like Nonny is saying you dont have to be hard on yourself....what for, I have posted a blog and was a bit skeptical abt it but i did it anyway, remember babes - its not about the grammar or anything like dat...its abt expressing your feelings and getting ada ppls views -dats ol, K LUVIE.

Now lets get back to the topic. Life is like that you know the saying dat goes "we spend so much money buying things we dont want, with the money we dont have to impress the people we dont love" Yep its like dat ke nonoza, you stay with sum1 whom yu can not stand bcos like And01 said, they are fucked up and we think that we can save their a** by being there and all that jazz....Sometimes we are just plain scared of moving on or making ourselves happy.

@Nonny big up for holding the sistas hand.

Makhumo
05 Feb 2008 06:34

Latifah Girl, I hope you are not going to go all sensetive on us, because the reality is that we live in a harsh world, and you gotta have a thick skin to take!!!! So get over it already...... And you don't need to beg to be liked, you must earn people's respect so that you can be naturally admired. Just be yourself. We don't always agree with each other but we respect each other's point of views, right mabloggers!!!!

Now back to your stunning topic!!!!!! I think women are natural nurtures and we think that we need to nurture or mother the men in our lives, but thats not your role. Your role is to mother your children not their fathers. So when they say an abusive word, we make excuses that maybe we provoked them or somehow its our fault. I say he calls you a bitch once, GET OUT!!! he HITS you once GET OUT!!!! its not going to get better, believe me it gets worse!!!.

tshepiso
05 Feb 2008 06:51

ja neh!
Latifah that is true, Our problem is that we thought life ends up with that particular abussive life, forgetting that life is how we feel it.

Latifah
05 Feb 2008 06:55

Khumos I am over it kanti yini jo. I have realised that and I was not begging PLZ I think I just earn respect from you thank you LOL.

Makhumo
05 Feb 2008 07:06

Okay babes, just making sure you up for this!!!! I Like you lots.

Forgive me, but what does LOL stand for????? (Don't laugh)

J-Girl
05 Feb 2008 07:09

Forgive me, but what does LOL stand for????? (Don't laugh) - are u 4 real Makhumo???????? LOL!!!!

andi01
05 Feb 2008 07:20

@ Zee babes Sometimes we are just plain scared of moving on or making ourselves happy. i couldnt agree with you more, this man made me believe that I was worthless, that he was the best thing that has ever happened to me, that if i dumped him I would be a nobody and that people would call me names, if you look at these clearly he was actually blackmailing me into staying with him. The last straw he pulled that made me realise that I need 2 get out was when he sold my phone, he used to steal my CD's and sell them just to get money for drugs, and his excuse was that he only hurst me bcoz I hurt him, he was always accusing me of cheating. To be honest "he is the first man I truly loved but our realtionship was the worst I ever had". To all ya out there no one deserves to be abused coz it neva ends, it is a vicious circle that goes on and on until you decide to get out or you die.

Pooky
05 Feb 2008 08:45

Makhumo: let me try and help you out here..
LOL = Laughing out loud
LMAO=Laughing my a** off
ROTFLMAO = Rolling on the floor laughing my a** off
& BBB's = Best Buzum Buddies...just thought i'd add that one as well

faraimagic
05 Feb 2008 08:51

is there such thing????mr right/miss right? i beliv that u build a person......if a guy hurts you look at yoself..there is something you were doing wrong...same to the guyz/...can i get an amen?

Nonny
05 Feb 2008 08:57

"if a guy hurts you look at yoself..there is something you were doing wrong...same to the guyz/...can i get an amen?".............@ Fara - no u will NOT get an Amen, it's a pity I'm on my way home, bengizokunika ezabhoqo nxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx!!!!!!!!!

Tshd21
05 Feb 2008 08:59

I think the real question is "why do women stay in toxic relationships"....Because we love the other person even though they abuse us??

One of the best things I did for myself...... which was one of the hardest things I ever had to do...was leaving a very ex abusive boyfriend....Still have scars...emotional scars to show for that relationship but damn glad I found the light...that little light at the end of the tunnel (in my best R Kelly voice) before it was too late....I'm glad I made that decision when I did because other people do not even live to tell their stories...

sponono
05 Feb 2008 09:02

.faraimagic said>>.....if a guy hurts you look at yoself..there is something you were doing wrong...same to the guyz/...can i get an amen?..

....nah some other time love some other time..LOL

if sungbadi hurts me ...It sure has nothin to do with me but their charecter which lacks judgement i.e they probably didnt think of ME a the time...or they were "revenging"..unfortunately tow rongs dont make a right..in fact they make the biggest fool the last wrong (wo)man standing..thats all...

so dont walk around thinkin you shoulda coulda if only blah blah blah...THEY hurt you let them do the thinkin.and the worryin...LOL

faraimagic
05 Feb 2008 09:10

well if i get someone who truely loves you why should i break such a hurt?some one sang this and its true......fact::::::::there is 99% that wat you do to yo partner ,yo partner is also doing the same..........

why dont you try buying love......she will love you eventually he he he no names mentioned!

in black street's voice money looooove money can buy you love!

Tshd21
05 Feb 2008 09:11

@ Farai: ......if a guy hurts you look at yoself..there is something you were doing wrong...

WTF??? Oh hell bloody no you just didn't!!! People who abuse other people are the ones with the problem...They are sad, selfish and low-self-esteemed human beings who believe that hurting other people give them the power and control they need to face their own demons....

Effing hell Farai...hope u not one of them guys who "hurt" ladies and justify it by saying that there was "something wrong with what she did"....!

faraimagic
05 Feb 2008 09:15

no i dont break hearts i make love he he he

mabhebheza
05 Feb 2008 10:48

Latifah ..great one indeed!
I have so much to say i dont even know where start..i think pretty much of it Andi01 has mentioned yazi i always preach that one must hlukanisa between love and insanity ..funny im cant practise what i preach ..holding on 2sumthing nawe uyibonayo ukuthi its over creates izinkinga becoz ur nt giving other ppl who can really make u happy a chance ..u compare them 2the scumbag that ill treats u and the way u so brainwashed u want miss that hectic life u adopt 2his bad habits ur become ur own monster ....yazi nah man...all i can say 4the ones who have managed 2COMPLETELY let go Well done i have so much RESPECT ,4y'all all i need is a bit of courage ..kancane kancane KUZOLUNGA!!

Nanana
05 Feb 2008 15:01

There is a simple answer to all this: You cannot give what you dont have have..

femz
16 Feb 2008 08:58

i love your blog nyc 1 In our minds we tend to justify sum behaviours he done this because of what I have done and we keep hoping he would change we hang on to those memories of what we use to be and say I know he will come to his senses and we could be happy again.Truth is in the back of ur mind that picture of what he had done to you will remain even though u take him and u live in fear and it is bound to happen again .Then you get ppl who say you fyt for what you love and you try to make things work things will get better but do they, do they get better? when is tym to let go how do you know that this is the last draw HOW DO I LET GO????

Latifah
17 Feb 2008 23:56

That's de problem how???????????

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