Is it just me, or is Survivor mixing it up a bit with the music? For instance, this week, the opening sequence sounded very much like a shampoo advert. I suppose that if the next reward challenge is sponsored by Pantene, then we'll know just what Mark Burnett's price is. (Excuse me while I try to eradicate this mental image of him and Jeff running around, flicking their new shiny hair and shouting
"I'm worth it.").
Rafe Eats World Yaxha had to vote someone off last week (Morgan). Lydia had a close call, but, thanks to some oh-so-subtle editing, it became apparent that Brianna was on the chopping block as well, because... well, who needs reasons, right? Remember, this is the tribe that's eating termites and ants and minnows and thinks it might help. Mmm, protein. People have protein in them too, Rafe, but I don't see you eating any of them.
Rafe continues to taunt me with his threat to eat anything and everything in the jungle. This week, he can tick off
'Dirt' and
'Termites' on his already growing list.
Archaeology is Difficult to Spell The reward challenge was one we've seen before in different guises. That's right, it's the traditional 'Make your tribe mates walk into things in a funny way' challenge. The tribes had to build traditional Mayan archaeological tents, because that's the only thing we associate with the Mayans: the fact that we're digging their stuff up. You know those big pyramids? They're just old, stone, archaeological tents. Yup, we're excavating excavators. How truly pointless. How truly...
Bobby Jon. Gary, ever eager to conceal his leadership abilities and his NFL history, decides it would be a good idea to be the guy who 'calls the plays', so to speak. Nicely done, Gary. I'm sure the way you ended every instruction with
'Hut hut hut!' was completely overlooked.
The challenge ended in a building frenzy. It's sort of like a feeding frenzy, but slower, because that stuff is heavy. Bobby Jon went mad.
BJ: Aaaarg! Peg! Subtly place pole-thing in hole aarg! Gently attach rope Grrrr! Ferociously ensure parallel construction rooooar!Don’t you just love the way Bobby Jon puts his whole heart and soul into everything?
The reward went to Nakum after they successfully made their tent not fall down. This led Bobby Jon and Blake into fits of rapture, where they gleefully expressed their joy by trying to rip each other limb from limb. That's what Bobby Jon and Bobby Jon jnr. call a
'hug'. The reward was
blankets. Wow, that ranks right up their with
fire in terms of things you really want near you in the hot, humid jungle. What Nakum really needed was Crocodile Repellent (although I'd think Brandon would be effective enough at repelling just about anything).
The crocodile-swimming-expedition sums up the whole Survivor mentality for me. Seriously, they risked their lives because they were a bit warm. How very Braveheart.
"They may take our lives, but they'll never make us uncomfortable!" Brandon then tried to pipe up with
"The brave may not live long, but the -" but was cut short when he was eaten by a very brave crocodiligator.
Sulky Teenage 28-year-olds At Nakum, the tribe-mates decided to build a, like, a thingy, that covers, uh, stuff. Basically, they had no idea what they wanted to do. They were bored, had a tarp, and wanted to make things with it. Margaret made the mistake of not seeing this exercise as just a basic game of Lego for Judd and Bobby Jon. She made the mistake of thinking that BJ and Judd were actually trying to be productive. Heavens, no, Margaret! They're just trying to have some fun. Who needs shelter when you have fun, right?
So Bobby Jon and Judd wandered off, sulking and bad-mouthing
'Mom'. Wow, do these guys have issues or what? I'm guessing they just made up the whole 'having fun' thing, simple because Margaret actually had an idea in her head, whereas they have mostly hair-roots.
The Mayans Used Severed Heads The Immunity Challenge was the most fun challenge I think I've ever seen. It was almost like real sports, but with untalented people. I do feel for poor Gary though: he just can't escape these challenges that seem designed to make him look like an NFL Quarterback.
The teams were fairly evenly matched from the beginning. The problems started for Yaxha when Brianna and Lydia played on a team together. That was some great thinking there, Team Yaxha! I know Steph is awesome, but come on, no one is that awesome. Lydia had a hard time following the rules, and Brianna had a hard time with, well, everything.
In the end, it was an easy win for Nakum. A simple look at the play-books will tell the story:
Here’s the key:
A- Starting positions
B- Steph tackles
C- Steph runs
D to G – Brianna hangs around
H to L – Lydia tries not to suck
M – Nakum pounces on Steph
N – Steph Loses
O – Steph beats Brianna with Lydia’s arms.
Yaxha was faced with having to vote off a tribe-member for the second consecutive time. Instead of voting off the injured (Amy), the short and useless (Lydia), the cunning (Brian) (he wishes), or the Best (Steph), they vote off the least threatening (Brianna). They based their voting strategy on athletic ability, which sounds somewhat familiar. Steph is whining about not being on a strong team, and yet she continues to vote badly. Survivor is about a lot more than athletic ability. I'll bet she can run faster than Lydia, anyway.
This week, I found it very easy to choose the
Shallow End of the Gene Pool Award winners. Here's to the real Howlies, who whined and hooted like big babies when Margaret set them straight:
Because of her extra stretchy powers, and the way she dunked all up in everyone's faces, the winner of the
Let This Person Breed More Award goes to Danni. Her prize is a one-week getaway to Guatemala, to observe Howler monkeys.
It's as Cindy said: people pay money for that sort of thing.
Well, people are
stupid.
(Read the Crystal Ball Predictions for this episode.)