These biographies are shamelessly pillaged from the official bio's listed
here
Amy O'Hara 
Police Officer
Revere, Massachusetts
Born and raised in Revere, Massachusetts, Amy O'Hara is currently a Sergeant Detective in the Major Crimes Unit of the Revere Police Department. In a place like Revere, Major Crimes include littering, shouting, cursing, and parallel parking. She is the first female sergeant in the history of the Revere Police Department, and she was also the first male sergeant in the history of the RPD.
Having once played on a men’s professional football team, O'Hara has remained physically active since her 'operation' and likes to participate in anything competitive, yet still feminine, as that was the whole point of the operation. She participates in professional knitting, cooking, and loves a challenging game of 'Find a Husband'. Additionally, she regularly trains with weights to get her used to her new breasts, which should be available for her soon. In her spare time, she enjoys reading magazines, listening to music, and getting used to not peeing standing up.
O'Hara has been married to Frank Shea for 4 years (for the previous 6 years, she was married to Francis Shea).
Blake Towsley
Blake Towsley was born in San Franboring and grew up in Boring, Oklahoma. He studied in Boring, England for one boring summer. He eventually moved to Boring to attend Southern boring University, where he double-majored in Boredom and Boring Science. He currently makes his living as *snoooooooooooore*...
His three favourite activities are skydiving, hunting and kissing (not necessarily in that order). But that paints a picture, doesn't? Jumping out of a plane, landing on a moose and giving it a big wet kiss. He says he's been president of every organization that he has been a part of, except the Ku Klux Klan, 'cos they have standards.
Towsley says "Survivor would be a true test of moral fibre and personal character, something I will find more challenging than any stunt."
Let's hope that moral fibre keeps him nice and regular in Guatemala.
Bobby Jon Drinkard
CavemanLos Angeles, CaliforniaBorn and raised in a Cave, Alabama, Bobby Jon Drinkard graduated from Charles Henderson High School, where he lettered in football. What the hell does that mean? He has a degree in touchdowns?
He was also a member of the Future Farmers of American for four years. What the hell? Did he then graduate and become a Current Farmer?
He was previously employed as a personal trainer, lifeguard and farmer. I wonder if he did all three at once? Giving people stretching tips on the beach, with a pitchfork on his shoulder?
Drinkard moved to Los Angeles in August, 2003 to pursue a modelling career.
What the hell? A Model/farmer?
My brain can't work around this guy. Stupid brain. Brain bad.
Brandon Bellinger
Farmer/RancherManhattan, KansasBrandon Bellinger was born and raised on a farm in Manhattan, Kansas, where he attended the School of Bad Haircuts, which often featured lectures from the touring New Zealand Cricket team. He went to Brokeback, Montana for five months and worked as a cowboy, where he met the love of his life, Jake Gyllenhaal.
In his spare time, Bellinger enjoys mudding with his remote-control 4x4, increasing his physical ability to pick things up with his toes, and any activities that "get your blood pumping" because he is a vampire and it's just easier that way.
The accomplishment he is most proud of is climbing to the top of a radio tower, which he describes as a ladder that goes 1000 feet in the air, in order to conquer his fear of heights.
Wow, not much to do in Kansas...
His future plans include travelling the world. It's a good thing that aeroplanes don't fly any higher than radio tower masts...
Brian Corridan
Ivy League StudentOriginally from New Milford, Connecticut, Brian Corridan graduated as valedictorian of his high school, where he also served as vice president of his class, yearbook editor and co-author of his senior play. He was also voted "Prom Prince" and "Most Likely to Succeed."
He is, basically, an ass. No, really. If wanted to hire a pompous, self-important ass to fill a position in you Ass, Ass, Ass & Associates high-powered law firm, you'd create an ad in the paper listing all of the above.
Brianna Varela
Brianna Varela is the oldest of three siblings and has a funny name. It's like a kind of Indian curry, but less attractive. In fact, her name would be perfect if her middle name was “And All”. At three years old, she began taking jazz, tap and ballet classes. After a brief spell in rehab at age 8, she gave up trying to be Miss Perfect.
Just kidding, she continued to be an annoying overachieving brat.
After high school, Varela moved to San Diego, California, to experience something new. After a few weeks as a rodeo clown, she decided that 'something new' isn't always 'something good'.
Jumping off a waterfall would not faze her in the least.
Well let's hope she does...
Brooke Struck
Struck what? Struck me as stupid, that's what.
Seriously: Brooke? Blake? Where did they audition for these people? Salem? Santa Barbara? Will Stephano be joining us on this trip? Will the role of Jeff be played by his long lost cousin, who turns out to be his father as well?
Oh wait, it gets better (
Quotes from the official bios):
Cindy Hall
"...her identical twin sister, Mindy...."Jamie Newton
"...his identical twin brother, Ramie..."Judd Sergeant IV
"…has an identical twin brother, Timmy..."Oh just kill me now. What the hell Mark B, what the hell? Can you imagine if these twins are the 'loved-ones' that come visit them? Ooh, that'll be ridiculous. "Hey, Judd's looking a little plumper. Jamie never used to chop left-handed. And I never noticed that mole on Cindy's lip before."
Danni Boatwright
Sports Radio Talk Show HostTonganoxie, KansasDanni Boatwright represented the state of Kansas at the 1992 Miss Teen USA pageant in Biloxi, Mississippi, and was second runner up to the title. She also represented Kansas at the 1996 Miss USA Pageant, where she won all preliminary judging and was first runner up to the title of MISS USA. She was voted one of the "100 Most Beautiful Women."
Ugh, ok, stop right there. A beauty queen? Is she going on Survivor to show that she can do it without using her body, whilst wearing a near non-existent bikini the whole time? I hope she's not on Bobby Jon's team; his brain is already dangerously low on focus...
Gary Hogeboom
Ex-NFL Quarterback/Real Estate DeveloperGrand Haven, MichiganHogeboom! What a wonderful name. Just say it, say it with me.
Hog-a-boom.
Hog-a-boom.
Draw it out:
Hog-a-booooooom.
Quick one now:
Hg-a-bm.
I have nothing interesting to say.
Jim Lynch163
Retired Fire CaptainNorthglenn, Colorado Jim Lynch was born and raised the youngest of eight children in Scottsbluff, Nebraska. It was difficult, growing up in the 1800's, but his family made do. He is particularly proud of the day he met the Wright Brothers.
Lydia Morales
Fishmonger Lakewood, WashingtonBorn in Okinawa, Japan, she and her family moved to her father's birthplace, Puerto Rico. After marrying a US Army soldier, she moved to Ludwigsburg, West Germany, where she lived for five years. She is therefore a Hispanic-Franko-Japanese-American. Mark Burnett must really be under pressure to get minorities on this show.
Margaret Bobonich
Family Nurse PractitionerChardon, Ohio Interesting fact: her son is named 'Chase', which is in honour of all the chasers that followed the shooters that were consumed and played a large role in his conception.
Morgan McDevitt
21Magician's Assistant/WaitressDecatur, Illinois Morgan is an actual magician's assistant. Wow, I never thought I'd find someone who would actually admit to that.
"Hi what do you do?"
"I wear skimpy leotards and try to looked shocked and amazed when my Magician boss pulls rabbits out of his hat. I exaggerate all of my movements! I've been cut in half 248 times. I'm ok though, I'm just not allowed to run very fast."
I
once mused about what it would be like if David Blaine were on Survivor. This is nearly the same.
Rafe Judkins
Wilderness GuidePittsburgh, PennsylvaniaBorn in Salt Lake City, Utah, Rafe Judkins was raised in a huge Mormon family that includes more than 60 first cousins. I guess that explains the name then: random letters grouped together sure beats having 12 people charge at you when you yell "Todd!"; because Todd is a very popular Mormon name.
Rafe's mother, Stimpey, is an artist, and his father, Ren, an inventor. His most famous invention is the iPod, which he claims Apple stole from him. His iPod, however, is not an mp3 player, but rather a kind of floppy hat. Go figure.
Stephenie LaGrossa25
Tom's River, New Jersey Stephenie is the hottest person in the world, as judged by the Guinness Book of World Record. Rumours of her having a long time boyfriend are lies. Vicious, hurtful lies.
She lives in Tom's River, New Jersey, which is the river that Satan gave to Tom after he won Survivor: Palau.
Jeff Probst
Infinite Age
Demon, Part-time Sushi Chef
Libra
Jeff, better known to his close friends as Satan, is the ruler of the Netherworld, and is famous for ripping off the heads of contestants, and using their hollow skulls to douse their flames.
There you have it, Survivor fans. What will this Survivor hold in store? How could any survivor have any more brain-numbing stupidity than the last one? Well, I have two words for you: Bobby Jon.
At least, I think it's two words. Maybe it's hyphenated. I dunno.
Bad things happen around him. And by 'bad', I mean 'funny'.
It's gonna be a blast. See you there!