Japan was the destination in this week’s rather anticlimactic episode, which featured minimal team bitchery, maximum Hippie angst, and no elimination whatsoever.
One elimination to go until the finale. Who would make it? Would Nate and Jen rip each other to shreds first? Would Chris leave Ronald stranded on a rock somewhere? Would the Hippies get distracted by some clouds and wander away, never to be seen again? Would Donald remain old?
Ronald started off by making a pretty good case for leaving him stranded on a rock. He harangued a taxi-driver on the way to the airport while Chris berated him for his rudeness. At least he’s not bitching at you for once, Chris. “I’m an old fart who relies on emotion,” Ron confessed. Is “pompous know-it-all” an emotion now?
The Hippies were just not with it. Well, even less with it than usual. At the airport, they booked a bad flight without finding out whether the other teams’ flight would land in Osaka first. They began to get worried when they boarded their connection flight and didn’t see another soul. Imagine, not being able to enjoy a Nate-and-Jen-free flight because you’re too worried they’re ahead of you. Poor Hippies.
Damn, woman, the airline food can't be that bad, can it?The other three teams landed in Japan first by a good margin. Nate and Jen were the first team off the plane and in a taxi, much to Jen’s delight. She vowed to kick the old teams’ asses. What ageism! Puh-lease, Donald and Ronald could take you any day, without even breaking a hip. Hell, Ronald alone would give you mental scars your therapist would need years to heal.
After the chaos of India, Donald was glad to be in a first world country. He said that Japan was a clean and wonderful country. Yeah, I’ve never seen smog that pure a grey before.
Christina had an advantage. She had spent a few months in Japan before and therefore knew how to speak Japanese. Despite this, she had trouble getting her bearings and understanding the confusing road signs. “I’m glad I’m never driving in Japan,” Chris said, her sigh of relief drowned out by the Gong of Upcoming Comic Mishap.
We soon learned the reason for the gong when the Roadblock was revealed. The chosen teammember had to drive a taxi through the streets of Japan without killing themselves, their passengers, or driving into the ocean.
That's pretty much my reaction to Jen tooEven though the clue specifically mentioned driving, and Chris is a self-admittedly poor driver, she chose to do it anyway. Hey, she can’t be any worse than half the taxi drivers they’ve had. The instructions where the drivers had to go were written in Japanese and they were not allowed to ask their passengers what the hell was going on. Not that the passengers would have told them even if they were allowed. They were clearly enjoying the clueless Americans’ flailing.
I don't know about you but I'd trust her wholeheartedlyI do wish the customers were as pushy as the teams can be, just for the full taxi-driving experience. They kept silent, all the while making faces at each other and the camera. And here I thought the Japanese were supposed to be polite.
"I knew we should have taken the bus."Back at the Route Marker, Donald and Ronald were getting along, sharing food and bonding over their mutual hatred of kids on their lawn. What on earth crawled into (or should that be out of) Ronald? He’s suddenly nice to Donald. Maybe he’s planning to start a band with him, which he’ll call Ronald McDonald.
Each racer took a while and had to stop to ask for directions. These taxi drivers will do anything to pad their fare, won’t they? They did eventually manage to find their way and drop off their amused couple, although Nicolas had a time of it trying to find his way back to the Route Marker.
As for the Hippies, they were still up somewhere in the air, wishing they had Hiro Nakamura’s teleportation powers. The only suspense was whether they would land before or after everyone had completed the leg. That and what exactly the in-flight meal was supposed to be.
Considering she’s just spent time as one, you’d think Jen would be nicer to taxi drivers. You’d be wrong. Jen rudely got into her driver’s personal space and tried to make him go faster. She then sat back and started prattling on at Nate who wasn’t listening to a word she was saying. "Sorry, I can’t pay attention to you while the taxi driver is driving,” he explained. Jen gave him the stink-eye. I’d say that this was a defense mechanism against Jen’s yapping from Nate but I’m skeptical he can talk and chew gum at the same time, so he might be on the up-and-up.
"C'mon, babe, you know I can't listen to you when I'm in a vehicle. Or on a day that ends in y. Or when your mouth is moving. It's too distracting."Ronald and Christina’s taxi driver appeared to be dying. He was wheezing and coughing and looked as if he might keel over at any moment. That’s not good! If he dies, Chris will have to drive again.
The Detour was a choice between using the sense of touch and the sense of smell. One choice was to sniff out the real flower in a shop full of realistic-looking fakes, while the other was to control a robot soccer player and make it score a goal. Ooh, robots! I love Japan. Why isn’t there already an anime show about soccer-playing giant robots?
Cristiano Ronaldo, eat your heart outNate and Jen, delicate wallflowers that they are, picked the sniff test. Jen claimed she had the nose of a bloodhound She didn’t admit she also has the mouth of a yapping Chihuahua.
Ronald and Christina also chose to do the flowers while Nicolas and Donald picked Robo-soccer. Robo-soccer turned out to be harder than it looked – the robot kept falling on its little robot butt. Donald despaired of using the hi-tech equipment. The poor guy can barely master a microwave, never mind a robot.
Oh my god, that cheater totally dived! The other robot didn't even touch him!Meanwhile, the Hippies had finally landed in Osaka. Somehow I couldn’t see them staging a miraculous comeback.
The flower-sniffing was tough going as the racers had to get through two stories-worth of plastic flowers. Damn those Japanese and their love of fake florals. Nate and Jen were the first to sniff out the right rose and got their clue from the green-haired florist. I’ve heard of having green fingers but I had no idea it could spread. Nate and Jen had trouble finding a taxi, and this allowed Ron and Chris to catch up.
Then came Push-gate. When they finally found a taxi, Nate gave Jen a helping hand into it – by giving her a shove. What a gentleman. Jen’s reaction was exactly what you’d expect it to be. Nate denied having pushed her but a black-and-white action replay confirmed his pushiness. B&W footage never lies, Nate!
Nate and Jen badly wanted to be first and it looked like they might have a chance when Ron and Chris’s taxi driver proved to be as bad as the racers at finding his way. Delightfully, Nate and Jen’s hopes were crushed yet again. Ron and Chris arrived at the Pit Stop first and were told they had won a vehicle. Not just any vehicle, but an electrical vehicle. Ooooh! I bet it's a robot car.
Once again, Nate and Jen took a disappointing second place. Nate made some Freudian Slip about how they were going to lose for sure in the next leg, only to get a jigga-what look from Jen. Nate doesn’t really want to be there. He wants to be at Loser Lodge, playing X-Box and happily ignoring Jen whenever she tries to get him to go to the hotel pool with her.
You can practically hear the record scratching to a haltThat meant that Nicolas and Don were in a tight race with TK and Rachel to avoid coming in last. And by ‘tight’, I mean ‘looser than Blanche Devereaux on a naval vessel’. Nicolas and Don finished their Detour to robo-applause and arrived at the Pit Stop before TK and Rachel had even gotten to the first Route Marker.
TK and Rachel voiced over how much they lurved each other as a brief montage of their leg was shown. For curiosity’s sake, Rachel was the one to do the RB, as well as the one who spotted the fake flower with her spooky flowerology skills in about five seconds.
In the dead of night, the dippy Hippies finally arrived at the Pit Stop. It was not to be Sad Hippie Night however. Phil announced it was a Non-Elimination. He gravely informed them that not only did they have a three-hour deficit (which will no doubt be erased by bunching) but they also had to complete a Speedbump.
So the Hippies find themselves in a nasty spot. That Speedbump is pretty brutal. Can the Hippies turn down their mellow tortoise act enough to make it up?