Tourette's Syndrome. Attention Deficit Disorder. Multiple Personalities. Anorexia. Judd. These are just some of the mental disorders on display in
Episode 6 of
Survivor: Guatemala. Some say Survivor is a
mental war, but it seems to have turned into a
mental ward.
There's More Oxygen at Yaxha Now
Blake is gone. Bobby Jon is still unsure as to why he voted for him. It's gotten to the point where BJ even tried to use actual words to describe his emotions. It was obvious that he hadn't used real words in a while: Brandon looked as though he wanted to go over to BJ and beat the sentence out of him.
Bobby Jon: I think... yes, I regret it.. but... it was, you know, one of those... um, the time had... if you look at it... come, so that when I ...Brandon: Aaarg! What *thwack* are *thwack* *swat* you *smack* trying *biff* to *bash* say!Bobby Jon: Wooo! Aaarg! Farble glubble! With Blake gone, we can now focus on the other fascinating, non-humourless members of Yaxha. We have Bobby Jon, about whom much has been said, and about whom much will be said, (and written, usually in sworn testimonies before a judge). The rest, well, there's not much to say, really. Gary is still denying his identity, Amy is still hobbling, Brian is still boring, Brandon is still a fungus (growing on me), and Danni is still wearing that stupid hat. By the way, you may all think that that's quite the six-pack Danni is sporting on her midsection. It's not: it's her spine. That's what the other side of a spine looks like.
By this I mean that Danni is very skinny.
Bobby 'Sisyphus' Jon
For those of you who read this column, you'll note from
this episode that I previously dubbed Bobby Jon
'Sisyphus' (read
here for the legend of the man who pushed a giant ball up a hill all day, only to have it roll down. Forever. Or don't, 'cos that's basically the whole story). Well, didn't it look like Bobby Jon was at his most futile in this week's reward challenge. run run run *crash into ball*. *push push push* *lose anyway*.
His confrontation with Jamie will go down in survivor history, (nay! world history) (Nay! Only Survivor history) as one of the funniest moments ever. Tourette's Syndrome needs to be renamed for these two. This is a transcript of the confrontation, word for word, with a human translation accompanying it.
Jamie: Woooo! yeah! Bobby Jon: Snrrg! Woo! Arrrg! Woo! Grgbrle! Jamie: Yararararara! Bobby Jon: Garoooble! Ooble! Doo! Jamie: YarararaGrr! Bobby Jon: Aiee aiee aiee aiee! Translation:
Jamie: We have won a most splendid victory! Bobby Jon: We have unfortunately lost! Woo! Darn, I keep saying that inappropriately! Woo! there it is again! Jamie: Your chest must touch mine now. We will rub against each other in a totally non-gay way now. Bobby Jon: I am sticking out my tongue too! That means I'm angry! Angry! Jamie: I concede the tongue, but I will not yield! Chest! Chest! Bobby Jon: Well matched, good sir. I shall retire. Anon! Amy had a tough time today, as she normally does. I'm not sure how one can be run over by a ball moving at maybe 3 meters an hour. She was crushed, but got up and continued, regardless of the oblique angle at which her leg was pointing (
"Tis but a flesh wound!'). She ended up grunting her way to a victory over the largely ineffectual teaming of Cindy and Margaret. Unfortunately, it didn't help her team much, as Judd proved to be the hardest rock to move (not for the first time, and not for the last time). Nakum won reward - beer.
Now, am I the only one who realises that putting Judd and Beer in the same vicinity is just going to lead to tears? Tears and Beers? Tears for Fears? Cheese? What…
Oops, sorry, had a Judd
'Free Association / Loss of Attention' moment there.
Yaxha had to compete for Immunity. I was disappointed Rafe won, particularly because it took a rare moment of JuddGenius to give it to him. Steph would have won otherwise.
Rafe: Hmm, so far I have 'ANIENT RUINS C'. I wonder what it could be? Judd: hey, Ancient ruins. I won! Rafe: What? Your hand is still stuck in your bag. Judd: I mean, Ancient Ruins. They're Everywhere? Rafe: Are you high? Judd: Lalala. I don't know what you're talking about *stupid knots! Damn you, modern technology!* Rafe: Oh, wait; did you just give me the answer? Judd: Yes. I think. Totally not accidentally. I meant it. Strategy *taps nose* And, so we had Rafe with individual immunity at Tribal Council.
Judd's a Dud
The first Tribal was the most fun. Judd has blossomed into the most non-sensical survivor ever. I'm surprised he doesn't wake up in the morning, crying, not knowing where the hell he is and why he smells like that.
Judd: ...and as as I walked into camp, she said 'He's got ADD!' Is that anything to say to a person?Margaret: Jeff, let me tell you how it-Judd: And just so you know- hey, this bench is made of wood...Margaret: Jeff-Judd: Oh, yeah, I still hate you.Jeff: So, Rafe, would you say -Judd: Uh uh uh! Simon didn't say!Jeff: What the hell. Anyway, Rafe, would you say you're intimidated by Judd?Rafe: Well, I -Judd: NO YOU DAMNWELL AREN'T, PANSY! And let me tell you something about Margaret!Everyone: ...Judd: Cheese. I like it.Everyone: ...Jeff: So, Judd, would you say it was obvious who you were voting for?Judd: Oh, yeah. Definitely. What? Is the answer 'a bus'? The choice wasn't difficult for Yaxha: vote out someone intelligent (Margaret), or someone who may well forget he's playing Survivor (Judd).
Nakum voted Brian out. I have nothing to say about that, because Nakum is boring.
The Shallow End Of The Gene Pool Award goes to none other than my man, the man with the plan, the man who needs a cat scan, Judd.
The Let This Person Breed More Award goes to Bobby Jon. He's going to need all the little offspring he can get to help him push that stone up that hill.