Sunday's premiere of Mzansi Magic's Shaka iLembe was so "highly anticipated" we missed the first 10 minutes out of sheer distraction.
We've all been told many things about this show - and for so long - that we were lost in the confusion of what our opinion should be.
Marketing, pre-show reviews, Twitter - what are they saying?! ... so many sources telling us what to think about it, it took a full 10 minutes for us to concentrate on the actual show to determine our own thoughts about it.
And the topless scenes helped achieve that smart quick. A good ploy to capture any audience who might have been zoning out for any reason and a confronting detail of the 1700s time period, regarded as a natural way of everyday life.
Such a stark contrast with the present, where breasts are ruthlessly exploited by plastic surgeons and Instagram.
It was interesting because our preoccupation with them disappeared quite quickly and we were soon focused on other matters like the fact there was NO advertising.
Oh dear reader, it's impossible to explain just how precious this was. It was stress free, unpressured viewing!
No Lottostar T-shirts and NO-ONE telling us what we need to do or buy or be - you could just immerse yourself and
watch.
It's a completely different experience to the relentless, exhausting advertising on Big Brother Mzansi and gives DStv subscribers what we're paying for: a TV show from start to finish.
Because of this discretion we were very aware of Telkom as the sponsor, with their non-intrusive advertising at the beginning and end. It made them look good and top class.
It also suggested that MultiChoice has huge faith in the show and believes it can bring them value without suffocating us in ads.
Don Mlangeni must be thrilled by this because let's not forgot that he's the Dude when it comes to protesting the exploitation of entertainment and actors when shows are turned into glorified advertorials.
He even lost his job on Isidingo because of it! Flashback to 2013 when he refused to say the name of Standard Bank as part of his character Zebedee's script.
According to reports at the time, he said he wasn't being paid extra to endorse the bank on the show. Production house Endemol hauled him in front of a disciplinary hearing and next thing he was gone.
And now Don is Gone on Shaka iLembe too, in a South African first, devoured by hyenas who ate him as quickly as CGI will allow.
The creepy scene where his character King Langa faced the wrath of his discarded son Goloza was fun - out there and intense.
Khabonina Qubeka gets our award for Best Actress of the night, with the strongest subtext. You could feel Queen Ntombazi's twisted rage for her sons, embodied in the scary shaved landscapes of her "do".
Best actress... favourite character? Who was yours? And will we have favourite characters who we prefer to Shaka?
There's no clarity on when he'll be properly introduced, which means we might find that we prefer other characters to him.
This could cause a problem if they fast forward in time and our fave is no longer with us. Will we remain invested in the story if we don't see them anymore?
e.g. King Jama kaNdaba, played by Ernest Ndlovu who looks so perfect we're calling him AI Ernest because he seems AI generated.
Coolness factor about Jama is that his father was King Ndaba kaMageba, who was the son of King Mageba kaGumede and the famous Juluka song Impi is about them.
The song's about the defeat of the British army by the Zulus at the Battle of Isandlwana in the late 1800s and the opening lyrics are as follows:
Impi! wo 'nans' impi iyeza
Obani bengathinta amabhubesi?
All along the river Chelmsford's army lay asleep
Come to crush the Children of Mageba
Come to exact the Realm's price for peace
(full lyrics at the end)*
The song was an underground protest hit during apartheid and has since become a sporting war cry.
It's a lot a more fiesty and fiery than the musical score on Shaka, which had moments of over romanticising scenes e.g. during the I-want-you gazes between Nandi and Senzangakhona.
Those moments already had too much of a soapie feel to them and the soundtrack amplified that. Seems someone wants a SAFTA for epic music.
Clearly the production wanted music in a similar vein to Game of Thrones and it works in some places but it's too overly sentimentalised in other places. It felt as if there weren't enough African rhythms and beats in it, which lacked a gritty earthiness.
Not that the show itself is gritty in any way. It's very polished and perfect and might be too polished and perfect. Is there such a thing or is that what people want with the advance of technology?
It was a conflict while watching, feeling the production values are so high and yet wondering whether this creates too much of a veneer.
Of course Princess Nandi must look perfect while her uncool bestie fussed around her as she faced the prospect of marrying the loser who was engaged to his umqombothi.
And so it is we have another story of a woman forced to marry someone she doesn't love, as with events throughout the ages.
We know Nandi's going to have Shaka with Senzangakhona but how will that happen? Are we intrigued enough to watch another episode to find out?
Yes.
Other factors of note:
1. The advert before the show on the Explora's Catch Up is a different story to the live broadcast. Annoying - too Big Brother - more pushing of alcohol.
2. The series is narrated by Princess Mkabayi, played by Dawn Thandeka King, but she doesn't do the narrating.
It's done by historian Hlonipha Mokoena, an associate professor at Wits University - she's one of the show's history and cultural advisors.
3. *The full lyrics:
Impi! wo 'nans' impi iyeza
Obani bengathinta amabhubesi?
All along the river Chelmsford's army lay asleep
Come to crush the Children of Mageba
Come to exact the Realm's price for peace
And in the morning as they saddled up to ride
Their eyes shone with the fire and the steel
The General told them of the task that lay ahead
To bring the People of the Sky to heel
Mud and sweat on polished leather
Warm rain seeping to the bone
They rode through the season's wet weather
Straining for a glimpse of the foe
Hopeless battalion destined to die
Broken by the Benders of Kings
Vainglorious General and Victorian pride
Would cost him and eight hundred men their lives
They came to the side of the mountain
Scouts rode out to spy the land
Even as the Realm's soldiers lay resting
Mageba's forces were at hand
And by the evening the vultures were wheeling
Above the ruins where the fallen lay
An ancient song as old as the ashes
Echoed as Mageba's warriors marched away
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And a grainy, retro video, filmed in 1983: