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DH2 X 19: Who are your friends?

Written by Toxic from the blog inTOXICated on 19 Aug 2008
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Who are your friends? 


As the burden of a tear became too much to bear, I suddenly realized how important friendships are. The scene where Lynette ‘lied’ in the deposition and in effect voicing her faith in Bree and their friendship, I choked back the will to shed a tear.

Suddenly the clichéd reason, season and lifetime adage flashed in front of my eyes and I realized that I have been ploughing too much time and energy on friendships that are more for a season and not a lifetime- much less a reason!

Isn’t it true that we are more prone to bare ourselves open to complete strangers or casual acquaintances than to our close friends, families or significant others? When Bree called her AA sponsor to invite him over to Edie’s engagement party, she said something that resonated deep within me. When she said that she had to pretend to be ‘together’ when in the company of her friends because she couldn’t be less than perfect in their eyes but that she could be WHO she IS when with the AA sponsor because he had seen her at her worst, I felt like she was speaking my life.

I can count the number of people in my ONE HAND in whose company I feel I can lay my fears, vulnerabilities, insecurities and doubts aside and just be ME. And the reason is that I spend very little time with the people that matter, the people that know who I really am, the people in whose company silence is comfortable, the people whose secrets are safe with me and with whom I can confide in and not wonder who else would hear of my issues.

So what does this say about Bree and her friends? If she can’t be vulnerable in their presence and has to put up an act of togetherness, are they in any way her FRIENDS? Could they just be neighbours she’s known for long? If she calls her AA sponsor when she’s smashed, what does that say about her friendships with in Wisteria Lane??

What are your addictions??

Bree’s is alcohol, Susan’s seems to be heartache/failed relationships, Lynette’s I haven’t figured out yet and Gabi’s seems to be whatever it is that poses a challenge in obtaining. Who else wondered what that baby was fed?

My addiction is TVSA. I spend the better half of my day on this site and it is no wonder I have little time to check in on the ones that matter. I have struck up friendships on this site that I hope are long-lasting mara I gotta say that most times when I call you chomma, chommie, mngani, mogotsi, friend, friendo…..it’s only to give my sentence a friendly angle. In the real world I probably would not speak to some of you and so I urge you all to place the most effort where it matters most. Call your friends, check in on them, cause you never know when a character reference may be required and if you call on me to assist, I may just say I don’t really know you.

PS: Why is Edie’s role so unbelievable? Who on earth gives someone false teeth as a gift? And how can the entire community forget about a killer in their midst? Nxx

33 Comments

WhiteSockGirl
19 Aug 2008 04:24

Hey Tox,

Great article,..  again.  Love Desperate Housewives.

<<<I can count the number of people in my ONE HAND in whose company I feel I can lay my fears, vulnerabilities, insecurities and doubts aside and just be ME. >>>>

I know the feeling but then I chose it to be like that deliberately. I have  four really good  friends,… the rest are acquaintance . I don’t even regard my colleagues as friends,.. they are just colleagues. As such, there are boundaries in place, which I adhere to.

I have been told that by some of my colleagues and certain acquaintance that I am ‘cold’ and distance. But that suits me,… that is how I want it to be.

<<<When she said that she had to pretend to be ‘together’ when in the company of her friends because she couldn’t be less than perfect in their eyes but that she could be WHO she IS when with the AA sponsor because he had seen her at her worst, I felt like she was speaking my life. >>>>>

If I can’t fall apart  and be at my absolute worse in the presence of the people that I regard as my friends, who are suppose to love me regardless anything else, then I would have to fall apart all by myself. I am lucky in that I have really great friends and a wonderful family,.. 

But then, it may sound extremely arrogant, but I think I am a helluva of great friend myself. Just as my friends would cancel anything else they have going on, to gobble down a bottle of wine with me when I have a broken heart, I will be there ready to rob a bank to pay the hit man to take out the bastard who caused my friend pain.

monchooza
19 Aug 2008 04:32

why is it that everytime bree drinks she collapses or feints or what ever it is that she does...sleeping maybe?

belz
19 Aug 2008 04:36

Touching........... * reflecting*.................. Tox: Are you sure you are not talking to me???

Renegade
19 Aug 2008 04:44

I can count the number of people in my ONE HAND in whose company I feel I can lay my fears, vulnerabilities, insecurities and doubts aside and just be ME. 

Not only do I hear you, I feel you. But I do prefer to have a few people like that, not too many. THe problem is in the effort you put in to be around them, now i wish i did that.

Simmone
19 Aug 2008 04:55

Awesome recap and even greater message.

Problem with Bree for me is she thinks her friends expect her to be perfect, maybe if she gave them a chance to see her vulnerable side maybe her friends will surprise her. Her comfort zone with her AA buddy is that he knows her not so perfect side and that’s made her comfortable in being vulnerable to him and he wasn’t afraid to tell her she is not perfect. He has the guts to call her on her *bleep!* but her friends don’t.

Now, Toxic do you want a friend who will lie for you, or call you out on your lie?

LM
19 Aug 2008 04:56

I have struck up friendships on this site that I hope are long-lasting mara I gotta say that most times when I call you chomma, chommie, mngani, mogotsi, friend, friendo…..it’s only to give my sentence a friendly angle. In the real world I probably would not speak to some of you and so I urge you all to place the most effort where it matters most. Call your friends, check in on them, cause you never know when a character reference may be required and if you call on me to assist, I may just say I don’t really know you. am heartbroken...LOL.

Great article, Tox. I'm not gifted in the department of initiating,establishing and nurturing new friendship, so I normally stick to my few friends no matter how far they are...even if it means staying indoors for the whole month....I can't stand half baked friends!

mjj
19 Aug 2008 05:06

Why is Edie’s role so unbelievable? Who on earth gives someone false teeth as a gift? - Clearly Tox you didn't grew up in cape town LOL!!!!!

felfel
19 Aug 2008 05:19

LM i so feel you yazi, my closest friend who knows the worst and the best about me is my primary school friend. I also find it hard to initiate friendships and i have absolutely no problem being alone. I take friendship very seriously and if i see a negative side of you towards me I avoid you like a rash, you just cease existence to me. I love my friends dearly but i'll dismiss them very quickly if reason came up.

Positivity1
19 Aug 2008 05:23

I also find it hard to initiate friendships and i have absolutely no problem being alone. I take friendship very seriously and if i see a negative side of you towards me I avoid you like a rash, you just cease existence to me. I love my friends dearly but i'll dismiss them very quickly if reason came up.

We are so alike felfel! But lately I've been feeling that this is one of my "bad side". I need to be more accomodating and accepting of other people.

belz
19 Aug 2008 05:37

I can count the number of people in my ONE HAND in whose company I feel I can lay my fears, vulnerabilities, insecurities and doubts aside and just be ME. And the reason is that I spend very little time with the people that matter, the people that know who I really am, the people in whose company silence is comfortable, the people whose secrets are safe with me and with whom I can confide in and not wonder who else would hear of my issues. > But then what happens if this one friend..... ok, le tme be straight, i've got a very good friend who lsitens and gives advice, i speak to her about everything, some stuff that i cannot share with my cousin, early this year i heard a lot of things from people, things that she only knew!!! i didn' t confront her, didn't know how, she's still my friend coz she knows me, more than i know myself. i told myself that she was doing that to get my attention, coz there was a time i was really not paying attention to her. i prefer talking to people who aint my friends sometimes.

tizoz
19 Aug 2008 05:43

I just think Andrew is the cutest manipulative idiot and Bree is always a winner she knows how to use people and it works for her....

tha - bang
19 Aug 2008 05:44

nice one tox

Segololo
19 Aug 2008 05:55

My addiction is everything... so I avoid most things because I have an addictive personality. If I start something, I get addicted!

I am the complete opposite of you two (WSG and Toxic) when it comes to friends... 

I have tons of friends... The only difference is, I learnt some time ago to keep them in groups... SO I have about 5 groups... and they are more lifetime friends than reason or season friends.

Always - these are friends I met in Primary school and we still hang together when we can and we are forever in each other's lives so breaking down or building up ONS IS DAAR!!  Vulnerability is not an issue

Tudor House - these are my high school friends. We meet once a month, we email on a daily basis and basically are just so a part of each other's lives that they are almost neighbours. Let's say our Suzan-selfs is a part of our lives

Valies - these are tertiary friends. We were so close at tech that we kept in touch beyond that part of our lives. We meet once a year but email and fb regularly. We fight more than any of my other friends but it keeps us together. Whenever there is a sad part or celebration of our lives, we convene... We call each other "psychos"

Vocation - Tox, you fall in this group. These are people that are I met due to my work but they are an intricate part of my life that I share secrets with them. If anything that remotely makes me smile, laugh, hurt, angry, shocked, baffled or just need to share - I pick up my phone and sms or call to tell! 

Friends of friends - I am a classic at stealing friends. not that I want or plan to. I become friends with other friend's friends and then we end up being so close that we are even better friends than the original friends.

felfel
19 Aug 2008 06:11

I see wat u mean Sego i don't have many friends but i think alot of people would come to ma funeral, I allow people to admire me from a distance but i don't bring them close to me cos I can be too open about maself.

I also separate the few friends i have, my friends are all different, politicians, academics, mothers, mere labourers, feminists, kiddish....they are my friends not each other's friends. End of this month i'm going to meet my close friend from varsity's friends at her house warming, i need to meet them cos i'm organising her baby shower and i don't know who to invite at all.

Toxic
19 Aug 2008 08:21

WSG:

I have been told that by some of my colleagues and certain acquaintance that I am ‘cold’ and distance. But that suits me,… that is how I want it to be. 

Me too!

Just as my friends would cancel anything else they have going on, to gobble down a bottle of wine with me when I have a broken heart, I will be there ready to rob a bank to pay the hit man to take out the bastard who caused my friend pain. 

Not me. i am the worst kind of friend there is and that's why the people i connect with are usually people that UNDERSTAND me. I find it tiring to nurture friendships and expect my friends to be there when i need them.....don't know y.

why is it that everytime bree drinks she collapses or feints or what ever it is that she does...sleeping maybe?

LOL!! Monchoo, she said mos she wanted to get drunk so i suppose that's the effect of alcohol on her.

Problem with Bree for me is she thinks her friends expect her to be perfect, maybe if she gave them a chance to see her vulnerable side maybe her friends will surprise her. 

@ Simmone:
True. But it may also be what they've said or their actions that may have given her the impression that they want her to be the solid one that doesn't break down.

Now, Toxic do you want a friend who will lie for you, or call you out on your lie?

I want someone that will LIE for me even under oath. That's what friends are for IMO.

I'm not gifted in the department of initiating,establishing and nurturing new friendship, 

LM, i can totally feel you. New friendships-like relationships-demand time we don't have or don't feel like giving away!

Toxic
19 Aug 2008 08:28

I take friendship very seriously and if i see a negative side of you towards me I avoid you like a rash, you just cease existence to me. I love my friends dearly but i'll dismiss them very quickly if reason came up.

U are fickle felfel unless u're referring to new friendships in which case i completely understand.

Belz:
i told myself that she was doing that to get my attention, coz there was a time i was really not paying attention to her. i prefer talking to people who aint my friends sometimes. 

mina i would have walked away. Imagine how much more you haven't heard about that she may have blabber-mouthed about?

Sego, i so wish i was you. The minute i have to group my friends then i'll know it's time for FRIEND-SHEDDING.

I allow people to admire me from a distance but i don't bring them close to me cos I can be too open about maself.
LOL, Felfel

LOL mjj......

Tnx tha-bang.....

Andrew cute? Tizoz?

tizoz
19 Aug 2008 08:33

yes Andrew is kinda cute

Toxic
19 Aug 2008 08:48

Maybe cause he irritates me so much i fail to see this cuteness in him. anyone that messes with Bree annoys me.

felfel
19 Aug 2008 08:51

U are fickle felfel unless u're referring to new friendships in which case i completely understand

I'm talking about serious negative stuff Toxic like backstabbing, man-stealing typer isht.......but i've never had any of this stuff with my serious friends, we respect each other, i think this sort of thing happens depending also on what kind of person you are. They experience these kind of things with their own funny friends......

carino
19 Aug 2008 08:58

Good one Tox.. It just made me cry a bit. I realised recently that I actually dont have close friends. Everyone is at arm's length and everytime someone comes too close I practically run away....

tizoz
19 Aug 2008 09:00

Trust me I love bree but she can be too manipulative at times

Toxic
19 Aug 2008 09:04

Everyone is at arm's length and everytime someone comes too close I practically run away....

That was me until about a year ago. i would even exchange digits and ignore them when they called or avoided any situation in which i'd have to meet with them cause i thought i'd have to be cheery and lovey-dovey even when i wasn't feeling like it. And that's y it's so much easier to hang with the people i've known for long. 

Carino, what's your reason?

I'm talking about serious negative stuff Toxic like backstabbing, man-stealing typer isht.......but i've never had any of this stuff with my serious friends, we respect each other, i think this sort of thing happens depending also on what kind of person you are. 

Gotcha!

belz
19 Aug 2008 09:07

i would even exchange digits and ignore them when they called or avoided any situation in which i'd have to meet with them cause i thought i'd have to be cheery and lovey-dovey even when i wasn't feeling like it> I still do that.

carino
19 Aug 2008 09:18

Carino, what's your reason?

Tox, nna it's especially people i've known for long. I avoid them like bad rash. It's easier with people i've just met. Thats coz with them I can do anything.. and they wont judge me, they'll just take me as i present myself to them. The people that have known me for long tend to think they can predict me... and i just feel caved-in by the fact that they have certain expectations about me and they've seen me do certain stuff and they just think they know me. I cant be myself with old friends it's like I have to maintain a certain image.
I still avoid their calls and i'd rather be indoors from Friday evening till Monday morning, or with my parents or my sisters, than with a bunch of friends.

That was me until about a year ago.

How did you get over it?

Simmone
19 Aug 2008 09:29

i'd rather be indoors from Friday evening till Monday morning, or with my parents or my sisters, than with a bunch of friends.

Okay, now I know I am not the freakishly odd one out.

@ Toxic, we definitely have two opposite definitions of friendship, at the end for me a friend should rather condemn my action than happily let me go astray just to appease me.

monchooza
19 Aug 2008 09:32

as for the Gabriel does she really think nobody will come looking for the baby???

Toxic
19 Aug 2008 09:34

Simmone, now i feel like i've just walked into a trap!

at the end for me a friend should rather condemn my action than happily let me go astray just to appease me. 

I agree with this too but in the context of DH's episode last night, i want what Lynette did for Bree....lie for me.

Carino, i grew up i suppose. i realised that people could either LOVE ME or LEAVE ME ALONE so to speak cause in the end i have myself to make happy and if i'm spending all this time being moulded by other people then i won't ever be happy. so now what they see is what they get.

Toxic
19 Aug 2008 09:37

as for the Gabriel does she really think nobody will come looking for the baby???

LOL. She thinks its a new toy. Mina i want to know what she fed the child!

Cnglemother
19 Aug 2008 09:42

poor Suzan back when the hubby threw her over the bed ouch! The woman just had an op.

Tox she did not even know what formula was and said the stuff that babies drink LOL!

carino
19 Aug 2008 09:42

I get you Tox... Nna someone once told me I have some kind of commitment phobia.

mstick
19 Aug 2008 09:51

Mina i want t oknw wht she fed the child.........

Me 2 i cracked when she said to Lynette "i dont even hav the stuff babies drink"and Lynette was like "formula" (spelling)

cobiefun
19 Aug 2008 09:55

Is Susan torn between the plumber and his ex-husband? Or is the ex -husband scared of his fiancee?because i feel that he should just come clean!

Simmone
19 Aug 2008 09:56

Don’t worry Toxic, not going to drag on it. And have to go now; three days camping at a stupid conference awaits me.

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