Desperate none bride

Written by Mambox from the blog Ezami lezi... on 21 Apr 2008
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It’s Friday 19h00 and I’m sitting here at work. No I am not working but I’m just going through wedding websites. I’ve been doing this since January. I’m so desperate to get married it’s not even funny.

I’ve always wanted to get married young I even set a date for myself which was on my birthday this year….I’ve always said I’ll get married on a Saturday of my birthday which was either this year Feb 16th or 2011 and the next option seems quite far. 

My dress (oh.... my dream dress)
My dream dress

I’ve collected my brides maids dress ideas, my wedding dress (which I chose with my boyfriend while he was still asking me out and who hasn’t said a word about getting married since we got together wagcina mhla engithembisa izulu nomhlaba), my shoes, my deco and I’ve already started looking around for nice wedding invites and wedding favours (table gifts) and mind you I’m not even engaged, there isn’t even a talk of that… 

Brides maid dress idea
My bridesmaid dresses

Brides maid dress idea
My bridesmaid dress 2

I feel under pressure to get married now. I have a friend whom we did everything together with since high school, we did the same subjects, did the same activities at school, did the same course in college and we always wished we’d find jobs in the same company because we were always together (which didn’t happen) and we wanted to get married on the same day…Oh well it didn’t happen because she got married last year and has a cute little baby boy now and me????? Well I still I’m still wondering where I’ll find a man who’s serious enough to marry me…phew!! 

My wedding cake
Ikhekhe lami

I was talking to my boyfriend right now and all that was going to my mind was how do I give him hints about me wanting to get hitched…he tells me about a bonus he’s getting in August this year:
Boyfriend: It’s shouldn’t be less then R50000
Me: *thinking that should be enough for ilobolo* so what are you gonna do with it babe?
Boyfriend: I’ll probably save it
Me: *thinking on my feet and acting like someone is calling me on my cellphone* (after the call) oh babe that was a girl I know, she thinks I got married, someone is spreading rumors about me I suppose
Boyfriend: Oh okay…

After this we have a small argument, I drop the phone I’m thinking “Nx!! I should dump his a** and get someone to marry me ghaa!!!. I mean guys how desperate can one get? 

My Wedding favours
Wedding Favours

I’m actually feeling sorry for myself am I the onlyone feeling like this la ngaphandle. Come on bloggers talk to me, counsel me, direct me…what ever, I hate feeling like this. Kwenziwa njani makunje?


19 Apr 2008 01:41

Propose to him........................ if u do beleive he is the husband material y not. 
Remember this always marriage is a big step.
u must not rush someone what if when u have problems he keeps on reminding u he neva wanted to get married u r the one who insisted.
u must stop comparing urself with ur friend coz that irritates as we cannot live the same life as others. We r all unique individuals who need to discover our own selves not immitate others....................Maybe u should have watched Friday's Oprah.
Thats my 2c 4 u............

19 Apr 2008 02:59

I think maybe u should first find out where u both are with yo relationship at the moment and u do that by talking to yo man. How long have u been together. Getting married is a big step for men dont ask me why because i will never understand why they are so afraid of it. We on the other hand are ready whenever they are. Maybe because we give all a bit too soon?Anyway talking is yo best bet, not the babe we to talk kind but casually without pressure. I should tell u dropping hints will not get u far! I was the last one to get married in my group,I went with my then boyfriend to all three weddings and they did not take place in one year!So there i was thinkin tic tok tic tok and he was just relaxed. At last he proposed but not before many enquireries on my part. Gently thou nothing too pushy. We got married and u know what? my day was exact dream even my ring is the best no cutting corners there. So take heart girl, you will get there. Or will u?Ask yo man. And oh invite me!

19 Apr 2008 03:08

Better still let me plan it for u.?Good luck and remember it does not only end with wedding day thats when it all starts. The rest of yo life together till death do u part.

19 Apr 2008 03:23

Ok my honest advise to you is, you have put yourself under alot of pressure about this and you need to relax otherwise you will miss out on alot of things while holding on to this "getting married benchmark" you have put for yourself.....Marriage is a gift from God and if that is not in his plans for you then YOU DONT GET MARRIED....PERIOD and if its gonna happen then it will happen in its own time.Umshado isabelo sakho and if ungabelwanga wona angeke ushade (and Im realy sorry to be harsh) and kahle kahle you need to get over it.Just dont force it ngoba uzohluleka and then its *Gaaad what have I done to deserve this*

As for the hints to the boyfriend part.......NOT GONNA work unless you man can bhula (if he is a sangoma noma those people who can see).
Oh have you ever asked yourself if perhaps YOU ARE THE MARRIAGE TYPE??????Hmmmm 

Oh and lihle ikhekhe lakho

19 Apr 2008 04:19

I agree with Teej................. MARIAGE IS A GIFT FROM GOD..............
If you are one of those people who are lucky enough you will get snitched, but pls don't force it.

I am one of those ppl who dream't about getting married while I was @ high school........ I get to Varsity and my wishes changed  and my aunt on told me that as long a i am working, have a baby and have my own house it's fine mtakabhuti.

Along the way I got hurt, and stayed single for 2 and half yrs. And, to speak the truth, I strongly prayed to God to give me a loving man and a long term relationship...............and it happened................. i am in love with ayoung man who is already paying lobolad for me and will get married in December or early next year.

So MAMBOX............... if kuyisabelo sakho sisi................. sizolidla lelo khekhe..
And, I don't know where will I start asking my man if he's going to marry me or not. I think it's too much........phew!

I love the dresses.............. you've just gave me the ideas cause I was looking at all these colours trying to see which colour will fit my style........... I love them

It was a blessing in disguise, I wish you good luck ntombazana.

Lady D
19 Apr 2008 07:36

hahahahah,dont you worrygil,a hell lot of women undrgoes what you are going through at the moment ecspecially when all their friends are married with kids.But hey your time will come,Let your man do it at his own ti me if he is the right one,you dont want to get married for the sake of being married.mARRIAGE IS ONE OF THE MOST DIFFICULT INSTITUTIONS TO BE IN,so make sure you are ready when you enter.Just keep loving your man!

on a lighter,your cake and bridemaids dresses are out of this really thought of everything hey!!!

sweetie my baby
20 Apr 2008 00:24

to be honest, mambs -it seems to me you're more in love with the idea of the wedding than the actual marriage - all these wedding day fantasies, plans about your dress, cake, bridesmaids dresses.... and it's going to place unnecessary stress on your relationship.... your boyfriend's no idiot - he hears the hints, but he's not listening, coz he's not there.

try to enjoy what you have instead of focussing on what you DON'T have - is your relationship good, is your man loving, do you have a good relationship with your family, do you enjoy your job, etc?  

also this whole thing of your best friend - leave that kind of thinking alone - that's how blacks get caught up in the debt trap, keeping up with the motsepes etc. you're just living your life to keep up with some idea of perfection, and living to please other people.... a sure recipe for disaster. 

there's NOTHING worse than your partner pressuring you into marriage - it's enough to end the relationship. or if he agrees, he might always resent you and make you suffer - like he'll behave badly, and when you protest, be on some 'i married your ass, gave you what you wanted.... now shut up and leave me alone'. I've seen it happen, and it ain't pretty. 

enjoy your life, sweets - it sounds like it's a fairly good one - what is meant to be, will happen. don't force it. (besides, men can smell a woman who's desperate for marriage a mile away, and they RUN!) - not what you want....

21 Apr 2008 02:27

@Molilo Eish, I don’t see myself proposing hey? I once told him about a friend of mine who won a wedding and her boyfriend agreed to marry her and it was just a breeze, when I asked him if he would have said yes he was like “hell no” so I don’t think I want to be disappointed like that.
Another thing I don’t want him to do it when he’s not ready I just need to know if it will happen one day you know…just a bit of assurance.
Wat was Oprah talking about on Friday? 

@Onna We’ve been together for a year (yes I know that’s not long enough but wat’s there to wait for?) but we were colleagues for a year before that so I think I know him quite well.

I suppose a girl has to wait doesn’t she? But this weekend we we talking about our friend who got married a few weeks ago and I asked “so when is out turn babe?” and his answer was “me, get married? Even my dad would be shocked. I’ll get married after everything in the world…” which to me kinda meant never…I guess I just have to wait and see. 

@Teej thanks for your advice. Ngiyazi ukuthi if it’s not meant for me I won’t have….i do pray about it and god is our provider I believe he will come through for me… I think I am the marriage type a few people have told me that and I believe that too.

@Floh CONGRATS all the best to you and your man.

@Lady D, thanks…I’m sure my day will be perfect when it finally arrives. Unlike most people, I’ve got years to plan my dream wedding LOL

@sweetie my baby…thank you so much for you words, you gave me a new perspective to all of this

Ya’ll are invited when the big day comes

21 Apr 2008 02:34

Amen Sweety My Baby

@Mambox .. Sweety, is not about how you see your man only but also how he sees you, if he sees you as somebody he can spend the rest of his life with, a person who can mother his children, when and only when he is ready to take that step... he definately gonna pose that question ... just dont stress about it ... sometimes good things happens when you least expect them.

and remember not to compare yourself with anybody else FOR YOU ARE NOT GONNA GO THE SAME JORNEY OF LIFE, and You gonna be married to different kinds of people being different individuals with different interest and your marriage will not be the same .... so think about it, maybe you are stressing about the grave while they are in heaven

21 Apr 2008 02:40

Marriage my dear maybe Sego will write about it............. it was a good show PM her and ask her to do u the honours

21 Apr 2008 02:42

@Best-Achiever "if he sees you as somebody he can spend the rest of his life with, a person who can mother his children" he has spoken about all that before and it was all been positive but the thing is i'm ready for all that and he's not while i'm all hyped up about it...

As i said i don't want to feel like this anymore but this is how i feel and i'm just wondering how i can change that.

blk sunshine
21 Apr 2008 02:48

I also agree with sweety ma bby, there is more to a marriage then the wedding and it seems to me that ur more concerned with the latter. U dnt say how long you have been with this guy...Do u think marriage is the next onvious step to ur relationship. If you do maybe then thetha naye, no pressure just find out where he is yena in the relationship. Men hate feeling stifled and under pressure, sufosta, just be honest and frank abt hw u feel, but respct how he feels as well.

21 Apr 2008 02:52

Eish, I have discovered that after wise words from Sweety my baby and Best Achiever, anything else I say will just be plain repetition. Mambox dear, sezikhulumile izintokazi, now what more can I say except, relax and stop being so aanxious to get married and live life and if marriage was meant for u, it will happen naturally. And not meaning to damper ur wedding spirits but remember that in life the things we anticipate the most, we seldom get, so becareful not to miss precious moments in ur life by anticipating something that may never be.

21 Apr 2008 02:55

And lovie, try not to compare ur life to others, coz if u do that u will always feel like u have under achieved coz obviously someone else's life will always seem better than urs. So if that friend that u guys have always lived a similair life with is all of a sudden living a life that is different to urs, it's ok, ur life is still great nontheless.

21 Apr 2008 02:57

@ Mambox - Oh and thank u so much for posting those pink brides maid dresses, I am attending a wedding on the 7th June and thanks to ur dresses I have a design in mind.

21 Apr 2008 03:03

Seriously i'm not comparing myself to anyone the issue with my friend just adds more pressure not that i want to be like her, i don't want to have a child like her i'm not ready for that but i feel so ready to get married....

I think i just need assurance and to know that the person i'm with is not wasting my time.

21 Apr 2008 03:03

LOL @ ikhekhe lami! are u that OLD Mambox to worry kangaka. It could be just a phase u going thru and like the broody phase that females sometime feel and the amount of weddings around u, my best friend also got engaged 3wks back nami nje i felt the pressure.  Gaad ayindilumi le wig endiyifakileyo 2day sis!

21 Apr 2008 03:03

@ Mambox: I've seen too many long term relationships going down the drain, women giving 5 years of their lives to a relationship they fantasise will end up in marriage, but are too afraid to ask because its largely considered a man's place to ask for your hand in marriage.

Although I would never propose to a man (because I like knowing that he chose me), I am not the type to assume that we'all are on a journey in the same direction working towards a common goal. I believe I have a right to ask about the investment I'm making (which is my life) as early as possible (6 months is my benchmark). My boyfriend & I are dating for 5 months already and we've already had the marriage topic, initiated by moi. A year or longer of my life in an unfruitful/directionless (is there such a word?) relationship is just not an option for moi.

I firmly believe its my right to know where my life is going when someone asks me to partner with him. Having said that, its a conversation that requires delicate approach, no desperation, and lots of security in your position as an equal PARTNER in the relationship.

Best wishes!

21 Apr 2008 03:04

@Nonny...thanks, where's the part when you say i have great taste?

21 Apr 2008 03:11

Gaad ayindilumi le wig endiyifakileyo 2day sis!
@Cnglemom .... LOL kutheni nje ungayikhululi wethu

sorry Mambox ... i cudnt help it

21 Apr 2008 03:13

@Cnglemother no sisi i'm only 25 i do feel old though...i really hope it's a phase yazi for my sake incase luck doesn't come on my side...Now take off that wig LOL!!

@ Preshiii you know the way you feel gurl???????? that's exactly how i feel except that mina i have a pro active approach...he he he

21 Apr 2008 03:14

Eish Mambox, i wish i could say somehting but i hate weddings, i have never pictured myself in a wedding dress and i dont want anybody asking me to marry them, well at least not now, i would run away if someone asked me to marry them. Im sure you will get married one day and you are going to have this very wedding that you are planning, i jsut think you are going to have it a long time from now, judging from you boyfriend's responses.

21 Apr 2008 03:15

"@Nonny...thanks, where's the part when you say i have great taste?"
Eish if that is not fishing for complements then I don't know what is..........LOL............OK OK u have great taste ntombazane, the first design, from the three pink ladies is so what I want to wear, dankie sana ungisizile shame *angazi u-shame owani, but ke I had to add it...........LOL*

21 Apr 2008 03:16

Mambox thank you for the websites i can go to get dresse for my big day. I'm already married but i didn't have the white dress do. I'm gon have it no matter what. It was my dream to have that as a child but I was not gon put my husband to be through paint o give me that expensive wedding that I wanted. Now we are finanially good and I'm planning to have have that in December. 

Guys I want no interference from people in what I want. I want ti to be my day and I feel I can be selfish just for one day. It's either my way or no way, whether you are my mom or mo-in-law I don't care. it's gon be my day and I call all the shots including the guest list. I only want certain people to be there but as we all know people want to invite their friends, if you are not on the guest list on the day don't bother coming. Am I being mean???

Anyways mambox you must remember that the marraige is after the wedding. After the big show then what happens......  And don't worry your day will come!!!

21 Apr 2008 03:19

"@Cnglemom .... LOL kutheni nje ungayikhululi wethu"
@ BA, umngani (Cnglemom) ufihla ihlazo, she knows that without that wig, the nasty never been combed virgin hair will be exposed and it will contradict her glamourous Monday look..........LOL

21 Apr 2008 03:24

@blelz thanks sweety you'v just instilled a bit of hope in me :-)
"i jsut think you are going to have it a long time from now, judging from you boyfriend's responses." maybe never ...

21 Apr 2008 03:30

I could not say it better than sweety... 

Mambs, I am married. And it happened at a time when I was not even thinking about it. When King K proposed I was like "hell no! this ain't happening" until I saw my ma reading a letter from his family because I just did not believe it.

So, just enjoy your relationship. When it is time for you to make that dream wedding come true you will not have to hint to your man. He will know and do all that is necessary to ensure it is just as you wished (well, with a little bit of changes here and there - he also will have a dream wedding idea too)

YOU are putting too much pressure on yourself. And remember the wedding is only one day - marriage is for life and it is sometimes not easy...

21 Apr 2008 03:32

"I only want certain people to be there but as we all know people want to invite their friends, if you are not on the guest list on the day don't bother coming. Am I being mean???"
@ Dabs, no gal u ain't being mean, u are just being honest, nami I never have any desire to attend a wedding or function that I was not on the guestlist for. Not even if u bumped in2 ku West Street and u said: "Hey gal, so good to see u, yazi I am getting married on the 7th June, plz attend".........yeah right ungakpa iphela, I won't be there, I respect ama guest list and anyone who is not the list, mus not force it.

21 Apr 2008 03:37

“so when is out turn babe?” and his answer was “me, get married? Even my dad would be shocked. I’ll get married after everything in the world…” which to me kinda meant never…I guess I just have to wait and see.

Some men (notice I said men...boys??? that's a different story) do not like to know that their partner's are so desperate that they will settle for anything, even put their lives on hold for them, which I suspect your boyfriend knows by now.

My take on this is that its ok for whichever partner to initiate the marriage conversation, however its also ok for both parties to express exactly how they feel bout the matter. And its also ok for INDIVIDUAL decisions to be made thereafter, and I guess you've made yours, that you will wait & see whilst he's decided marriage is a NO-NO for him.

Your decision to stay & grin it out blows my mind away! 

I know if I were in your position, I would have told him, Thank you for being honest with me in terms of your commitment issues.Due to the value I attach to my life (never mind the one God attaches to me), my self worth does not allow me to be with someone who doesn't share the same vision as I for our relationship, not that I was expecting you to set a date here & now, however there's a difference between marriage is an option for me right now, but sometime soon in the future and NEVER! Therefore, I'd rather you played the field further than play me. If one day you do decide to get married & its me you want to get married to, if I'm still available then, maybe we'll talk. If I'm not available, your loss.

With that said...I would have left his ass a long time ago!

21 Apr 2008 03:49

agh Mambox kanti umncinci kanje? trust me doll its just the pressures around you that are fuelling this. 

Nonny & BA i cannot khulula it, nditshiswe yirelaxer (DIY grooming)so inwele zinamathele, ndinamakhokho all over the head.

21 Apr 2008 03:51

@Preshiii i was actually itching to say something like that yesterday, i sat there and typed the sms (sorry i'm not really good with talking) and while i was still sitting there a friend of mine called me and we talked about this at the end she told me not to make harsh decisions. when i really thought about it, i realised that i do need him in my life right now. Maybe he just needs sometime to grow and figure out what his priorities are...and i really don't feel like being lonely right now

21 Apr 2008 03:53

Cnglemother LOL @ ikhekhe lami! LOL @ ur perv approach

21 Apr 2008 03:56

Nonny & BA i cannot khulula it, nditshiswe yirelaxer (DIY grooming)so inwele zinamathele, ndinamakhokho all over the head.

@Cnglemom ... you just reminded me of the reason i went Natural hair all the way .. LOL and mekusuka lawomakhokho, you'll  have to relax again nci nci nci *me nodding my head in sympathy* ... LOL

21 Apr 2008 03:57

Sorry...meant to say...

however there's a difference between marriage is NOT option for me right now, but sometime soon in the future and NEVER!

Miss K
21 Apr 2008 04:03

Hello all. 
My ex once told me that they (men) know within a month in a relationship if they'd like to marry u or not. So i asked him so why do u stay if u know u have no plans of marrying the gal? then he said why end it if he likes u and enjoying the relationship? So i think us ladies we stay whie the hints are there, hoping that in time he'll change his mind. And in most cases u realised u just wasted a yr of your life with some1 who was just having fun. 

I like Preshii's approach to this. I just wish i was just as strong, it would have saved me from so many heartbreak and saved my time. Sometimes u fear being lonely so u stay although u know this person has no intentions of making this permanent.

21 Apr 2008 04:05

"Nonny & BA i cannot khulula it, nditshiswe yirelaxer (DIY grooming)so inwele zinamathele, ndinamakhokho all over the head."
@ Cngemom, cc BA - Mngani I always say that imali sayifica la emhlabeni and siyoyishiya khona, stop being so stingy with money, go to the salon for professional hair care and stop putting ur poor hair & head through so much pain.........*eish yazi the image of lezikhokho zakho esezigcwele ikhanda, is seriously not the best thing to imagine b4 lunch mxim..........LOL.

21 Apr 2008 04:05

when i really thought about it, i realised that i do need him in my life right now. Maybe he just needs sometime to grow and figure out what his priorities are...and i really don't feel like being lonely right now

Eish yah Mambox...
clearly I've underestimated your ability to grin & bear it all. Best Wishes tell how it pens out in the end!

21 Apr 2008 04:08

All i gots to say is i like how you wrote the article Mambox, big ups!!!

21 Apr 2008 04:12

My ex once told me that they (men) know within a month in a relationship if they'd like to marry u or not. 

@ Miss K: My boyfriend told me the same thing when we had the marriage talk, told me he knew in the 1st week where he was going with this relationship. 

I just wish i was just as strong: Every woman has the strength to survive anything, we undermine it most times, but we have it.

21 Apr 2008 04:20

Thanks Tox!! and it was my first article by the by!!

21 Apr 2008 04:25

Mambox the layout is awesome gal, Toxy said it all but congrats once again!  I wonder what wedding favours are though?

21 Apr 2008 04:25

Eish, Mambox,I feel u there sista.It's so unfair that we women have to wait for them to be ready.U know mos us women are ready withing the first three months LOL! I like ur bridesmaids' dresses,girl u got taste.I'll probably 'steal' them for my wedding which will happen in...I got dumped on saturday.CAN YOU BELIEVE IT!!!

21 Apr 2008 04:31

So Lex, I see u are not the only one who is getting married in 20NEVER...........LOL

21 Apr 2008 04:34

Mambox congrats on breaking ur virginity kamnandi kanjena ne weather iyakuvumela kangaka........LOL.........Gal I got so caught up in ur wonderful content I failed to realise this was ur first article, thumbs up sisi, u did a good job!!!!

21 Apr 2008 04:42

@Cnglemother wedding favours are the gifts they put on the tables mnto'mnyama!! lol...mine would be mini wedding cakes in those boxes....

@Lex you know the feeling mos, even worse when a guy makes empty promises in the begining like in my case.

@Nonny ha ha ha, thanks doll!

21 Apr 2008 05:35

Thanks guys i value all your opinions...i can finally see the light :-)

21 Apr 2008 06:48

@ Nonny - So Lex, I see u are not the only one who is getting married in 20NEVER...........LOL U are making me LOL a lot,being on this site is always therapeutic.

21 Apr 2008 07:57

Oh sorry maan Lex. Eish some other replies like Cinglemum abanentwala then babenamanga ngeewigs( plz lahla lonto babes) . Anyway Congra Girl to your 1st article & amabloggers already said everything just nje i came to say the closure. Your day is coming my darling. You dont have to go to Mamunengalo or whoever just nika idolo ukutya kwalo (just give your knees their food) . They said indoda iyathandazelwa (You pray for your Man). Can i get Amen Bazalwane. I wil pray for you to get a loving husband & may God bless u my child. And lastly make your day a special & unforgettable one.............Good luck

21 Apr 2008 08:04

Nxxx your dresses u got it babes................... maybe you will be my wedding planner once i marry myself ..........

21 Apr 2008 08:07

LOL thanks myname!! who is mamunengalo manje?

Here's your AMEN!!!!

21 Apr 2008 08:16

Again Mambox, great blog!!!!!

21 Apr 2008 08:29

Oh Umamunengalo is another mama from KZN bathi she can do magics like she can make your dream come true within seconds & if u want more info about her u can contact Nonny she is her PA if u know what i mean Nonny darling where are you when i need ur elaboration lol. Just joking my sweet love but really kuthwa she is good in her medicine. Love let mi leave & go home in peace. Bye

21 Apr 2008 08:43

Nonny kanti awuyixoxi indaba! ngicela ungikhulumele nomphathi wakho lapho abone ukuthi angangisiza kanjani kulenkiyankiya engibhekene nayo!

21 Apr 2008 08:52

@Lex:I'll probably 'steal' them for my wedding which will happen in...I got dumped on saturday.CAN YOU BELIEVE IT!!!-Eish sorry.

@myname:Umamunengalo? hayi I've heard of Kwa-Mhlaba uyalingana and apparently if you go there yonke into yakho izolingana.

Mambox-Qina sisi ungalahli ithemba if marriage is what you want then you will get married.

Interesting site for married couples, newly married, planning to get married etc

21 Apr 2008 09:09

Ngiyabonga're on my guest list already!

21 Apr 2008 11:05

nice blog indeed, enjoyed reading it...

21 Apr 2008 11:33

love the brides maids dresses, may borrow the idea...

21 Apr 2008 11:51

Dyamn reali have planned your non-existant wedding LOL......must you have!!!

21 Apr 2008 12:30

This is going too far.................seniya nakumam'nengalo "LOL"
Ayeye korobela ayeye!!!!!!!!!!

22 Apr 2008 01:12

@Dimago thanks...Where's the part where you wish me luck now that you got something out of this too...

@Tshd21 hhay hhay's not non-existant...

@Floh desperate times call for desperate measures gurl :-)

28 Jun 2013 10:53

WOW i can't believe i wrote this blog over 5 years ago...but believe it or not nothing has changed... hahahahahahah oh well i guess it's really beyond me!

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