I
have decided to get off my butt and start ACTIVELY looking for a partner. I am getting too many questions around the subject and apparently my “biological clock” is being monitored. Besides, I am tired of blackmailing friends to hanging out with me over the weekends and forcing them to choose between me and their boyfriends. Oh and I do wake up sweating in the middle of the night, having had nightmares about me being a strooimeisie at age 40. I have figured out (after a few years of trying) that holding my breath is not going to do the trick.
Sure, I have been getting a fair share of advances, but, can I get hit on by someone takes a bath or shower at least once a day; someone who won’t call me isfebe (a bitch) when I don’t say “hi” back; or doesn’t declare his undying love for me when he doesn’t even know my name and can he please, please not look like he is in his 50s. Somebody, let me know if I am being unreasonable!!
If you are thinking “huu eh eh, how desperate can a person be?”. You are wrong. I am beyond desperate! I have even started to take the fact that I don’t have anyone quite personally – like some sort of conspiracy. Like someone wants to find out how much more of the oneness (I refuse to use loneliness) I can take. But before I do the unthinkable (meaning can’t think of anything), I have decided to ask you guys for some tips.
Before you guys throw tips at me on how to... you know... how to look effectively or go fisha; here are some notes to take into consideration:
Blind dates
I have down this route before. This is a sure way of finding out that your and your friend’s meaning of cute is totally different. And people do neglect to tell you the most important details. Like “he has a gold tooth; or a long nail on the small finger; or he wear skinny jeans... need I go on? If I wasn’t scared of getting kidnapped, I would have gone through them drunk... probably would have found “the one” by now *sigh*
Target Places
I am willing to go anywhere if there is even the slightest chance of meeting someone – hell, I’ll even go to church!! But a club... I don’t think so. I will go to clubs for different reasons (dancing, good music, drinks), but not to look for Mr. Right (Mr Right.. lol). I am not looking for a one-night-stand (that’s easy) and I can’t compete with girls in stomach-outs and skinny jeans (Lawd knows they are a dream *sigh*) doing the ingwazi/manyesa/kwasakwasa combo.
Looking the part
This is the trickiest part. What do guys like?
I only wear skirts to funerals; don’t wear make-up – in fact, I only carry Vaseline in my bag and when my face gets shiny, I wipe it with toilet paper. I am working on having a stunning body. Guys like that, don’t they? Gorgeous bodies. I know I do :-). I wake up early in the morning to go and jog – about 4 times a year (usually just before summer) and I do kneel down and pray for a flat stomach – much easier than doing sit-up. Don’t think it’s effective though... and someone suggested a “stepin”
Hitting it off
I have been in a couple of situations where a guy doesn’t phone me anymore (gosh, I am bearing my soul here). I choose to believe that they died and I couldn’t be notified since I hadn’t met his friends yet. I would like to hang to this reasoning but just in case it’s me, I want to know what I can do to fix this. I have a strong suspicion that it’s because I don’t to visit them at their place. I mean what the hell can you say to me, that you can’t say at Cresta? huh?? nnnx!
I avoid speaking in English, so that can’t be the problem (no grammar and spell check when you are talking). How many times can I phone him? Should I wait for him to call? When do I tell him that he is not really THAT funny? Will I have to sit up properly (and not slouch). Is it okay if I drink beer? What do we talk about? etc.
Either than that, I am fairly open to any suggestions. Suggestions...? Anyone...?
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