Chamomile tea, late night Oprah and a warm blanket do not mix! I have to say this daily blogging is hard work! Can’t the SABC3 have an Omnibus of Oprah on Sunday afternoon…? hhhmmm! That would be 4 hours of watching Oprah just talk! Bad idea if you have to blog about all those shows! But I fully support
KeleFab on the idea of moving Oprah to a later afternoon slot… We know it is supposedly “day-time” talk but really now, 16:00 is pushing it! We wouldn’t mind moving “Days” to earlier or off our screens completely, sorry for whoever does the Days blog! Then I can even look into blogging about Noeleen’s show – 2 hours of talk back-2-back!
Anyways, the topic was five words to describe your marriage; the guest was Gary Zukav – the author of “Seat of the soul”. Oprah swears by the book, she read it in 1989 and keeps a copy next to her bed – Why? I guess you and I have to read it to know or get some of the bloggers that have to tell us more about the book. King K who clearly does not hide that he doesn’t like Oprah was excited when he saw Gary; he apparently loved the book. Gary did not help much to keep me awake – he speaks with such calmness, peace and absolutely takes his time to say what he has to that to me it felt he was hypnotizing me to sleep. So I missed a lot of what he had to say – I tried to stay awake but please tell me how to fight Chamomile!?
Gary ZukavGary started by explaining the kind of relationship we should all strive for – a spiritual connection and the “intention”. By this point all I was doing was nodding off to sleep and it was too much to figure out what “intention” means. For those who watched please fill in this blank space for me – I really missed the “intention” part. Does he mean we need to know why we get married to the people we marry or do we need to have an intention before getting married? Should we ask ourselves “What do I intend to achieve by this step? What do I intend getting from this union?” The spiritual connection part I kinda got – but fill in for me!
Oprah revealed the results of a poll she did on her website to kick off the main topic of the day… The only result I was able to get was 60% of the people that responded believed in one soul mate… Ok! Are you part of that statistic? I don’t really know if I am… I know that different people come to satisfy a part of you at the time of the specific need for them to be there. Therefore you find different relationships are there to serve a specific need at a specific time in your life – For example I have tons of friends, but I know when to call each when I am going thru a specific phase in my life – When I was pregnant I mostly kept in touch with the friends that have children; when I was going through a work crisis I kept in touch with my career-focused friends! Most of my friends call me when they are going thru relationship drama – and I love the fact that I seem to satisfy the need they have at that time of their need. So one soul mate, I don’t know!
Our True Oprah-style guests were 3 couples that had to describe their marriage with five words. Jim and Sheila have been married 15 years, they fight all the time. I don’t know, hey? What can you do after 15 years of marriage? I have not seen a lot of couples that have been married even 5 years all cuddly and loving. They get on each other’s nerves and they fight. I personally believe if you know what you want to have in your family; you can try to do things that will encourage others to see your view. Oh! Don’t get me wrong; I believe that if you want something done right, do it yourself. If you want to be respected, respect others, they will in turn do the same. Not everybody but those that want to, will do so. Sheila says she’s a screamer… In my limbo sleep and awake state; I thought she was talking sexually. Dirty mind! Burt she actually means that she communicates by shouting! Hell, I hate screamers... They embarrass me as a woman. I just don’t see how you can achieve anything espech when you are trying to communicate your unhappiness by screaming! How can shouting and screaming at people get you anything except fear and withdrawal. If you are a screamer please tell me how this has helped your relationships?
Jim and Sheila
Jim described his marriage as Sheila described her marriage as
Sucks Sad
Boring Lonely
On edge Lacking
Tiring Definitely On Edge
Empty Tiring
I would be devastated if anyone defined my relationship with them like this. A blow to the ego and to my hopes and dreams! Sheila also admits to wanting her husband to make her feel like she is somebody… Puhlease, woman! You are somebody! Show him that you are somebody! You are gonna be waiting a long time, gal! He needs to see and know that you are somebody before his wife, sexual partner, and mother of his children… Let him know that by being the woman he fell in love with! Just be you! Screaming it at him won’t work, doll! Never! Gary also confirmed my theory that it all can't happen until Sheila believes and knows it herself. He told her that when she develops in her the strength and the clarity that lets her know that she is a soul on this earth with gifts to give, and that her painful experiences are self-created, she can begin to create differently. She needs to know what the “intention” was when she got into the relationship. As a great fan and follower of Iyanla Vanzant; in her book “acts of faith” there is a quote that says “If you wanna know the end, look at the beginning” – Sheila gal, get yourself a copy of Iyanla’s books!
At this point, My King K pokes my ribs and say’s “What are your five words? He clearly is in denial about his love for Oprah! He needs to come out and say “Yes, I like Oprah!” I know what words I want to see my marriage being, but I simply do not have words to describe it now. Words I have now just can’t come to mind – I want to be asked this question when I have been married five years. Now, we are just “Newlyweds”. I asked the question to him and he said “supportive, loving, spiritual, kind and … I can’t find the word!” I’ll ask again in three years on our fifth year anniversary.
Gary’s advise to the couple was to look for hope. How? I don’t know. He said they must draw on their negative energy to bring out the love. Something to that effect! They both admitted they would never consider divorce even though they thought about it. So I guess what Gary was saying instead of focusing on getting the divorce they must find ways to avoid the divorce. Do things that will make them look and see positiveness to avoid divorce.
Alistair and LisaLisa and Alistair have been married 12 years; they also used the same words Jim and Sheila used. Lisa defined her marriage as lifeless and resentful; Alistair described it as boring and unfulfilling. Sho! They say the community views them as the “it” couple but they just looked bored in their home. Do you ever wonder when you walk past happy looking couples how they really are in their homes? I know I do. I always wonder how Celebs like The Khumalo’s (Romeo and Basetsana), The Ferguson’s (Connie and hubby) and especially Melanie and Zwai when they were dating are like at home? I wonder how they are behind closed doors. Back to Oprah, They say they are college sweethearts. Alistair described his wife before they got married as “Supportive” and their dream being to take care of people and give to the community. But can’t he see that that is not working? Clearly all they are giving to the community is a wrong impression. Hasn’t he heard that Charity begins at home? I wanted to know whether he was implying that it is Lisa’s fault the marriage is “boring” to him. I was all awake at this stage… then Oprah went to an ad break, Chamomile took over!
Conclusion: I missed the rest of the show! Tonight I ain't drinking that damn tea! So what's your take on this five words description for your relationships?