What a rip it was having the race back! Within the first milli-second of it starting I was swept up by the enthusiasm of the panoramic shots and the Phileminator's hysterical attitude towards the bunch of goofy contestants.
It's
such a relief not having huge crowds of boring families and after the confusion of trying to remember who everyone was last season, this crowd seem so much more distinct and clear and filled with a passionate need to explore the world and win.
Do you think they were told to cheer and whoop at the beginning before they set off? If so, they did it with such a catchy spirit I was happily on all of their sides as set off from Colorado - which quickly changed once they hopped into their cars and started showing their true grisly colours.
It's incredible how some idiots manage to take no more than a flicker to show what utter Pigs they are - most notably Lake of Lake and Michelle. Urgh, he's the ultimate in Southern scum, complete with every prejudice possible.
When Michelle first said that she was his Southern slave I actually thought she was exagerrating for effect - clearly I was wrong. That stupid plaster he's got on the back on his neck makes him even more of a slimeball - anyone who wears a plaster on their face or their neck is. Brrr.
The other two who didn't blow my hair back and never will are the Kris and Jon lookalikes Joseph and Monique. All that toothy posing they did on waterski's in their intro's was the act of the century 'cos they'd barely started and were hating every moment.
Monique's face dropped into a scowl during their car drive to the airport and she didn't smile once through the entire episode. As they all pushed and shoved to get the best planes the two of them really did absolutely zilch. They just stood there as if were defeated already. I must say, none of this surprised me a big way - I always thought Kris and Jon were highly overrated.
I didn't have one clue what was going on at the airport which felt like arriving to the familiarity of home. It also didn't matter 'cos of the second plane being delayed and arriving in San Paolo after the third. While everyone made their way to the ship hotel to get their first clue and then onto that unpronouncable bridge I couldn't stop laughing at all the retorts and fun things everyone had to say.
The majority of teams are clearly fans of the show who know exactly what we're going to be saying about them. Team Hippie calling the two interchangeable Dani's Double D is so perfect for them there is no other possible possibility.
As for the big boned, peroxided sisters Joni and Lisa de-demonising themselves by calling themselves the Glamazons, ha, lucky for them - it's far from perfect but now it's stuck and I can't think of anything else!
On first impressions I'd have to say that the couple who kept getting "awwws" and "sweeeet" out of me were David and Lori The Nerds. Everything they did, particularly in relation to how they treat each other and how much they enjoy being together was so sincere I liked them immediately. I think it's the sense that they don't have one single judgemental bone in their flabby, pasty bodies.
To my surpise I also liked Jeremy and his lookalike - I don't 'do' metorosexuals at all but they're not your typical clones plus they were so honest about not wanting to work. In the rat race that's so obsessed with pushing everyone to buy-buy-buy as much as you can, you so seldom hear peeps saying that they're happy to earn whatever keeps them comfortable if it means they can spend more time just being.
Another team that impressed me a lot were The Olds - they delivered
the most classic moments of the episode when they spent hours whizzing past the clue on the bridge. I haven't guffawed so long and so hard in a long time. The best was how they weren't even
looking as they went searching, I mean their heads were to the ground constantly - then! when they ended up finding it they genuinely seemed to be comfortable with the idea that it had only just appeared.
Their brains are as rickety as their bones and if they last beyond the first round it'll only be as a result of how useless Scott and his campy sidekick are. They haven't even gotten to the bridge yet I don't think?
Despite their self-proclaimed devil-ishousness Double D proved that they've got no suss at all either. Their choice to do the Motor Head challenge has to go down as one of the race's all time most pathetic decisions ever. Everyone who chose it instead of the helicopter needs a slap and I hope it comes back to bite them all as punishment for the sacrilege.
From the looks of the promo for next week, it is - Double D don't know what the stuff's going on, Yolanda's Thunderstike thighs are gonna get perved by the Brazilian sex sluts and The Olds won't be able to find the place let alone start trying to find the pieces to put the bike together.
I'll say it again as I have so many times and I know you'll yell it out wildly with me - why oh why oh why will SABC3 not get with the programme and give us the full two hours premiere?? It sped by so quickly I wasn't even nearly close to being ready for it to finish.
It feels like being in mid-breath - like we've all breathed in and now we have to wait a full week to breathe out while turning blue.
Bring
on Part 2.
PS: I'm convinced Phil's been practising in the mirror.