I've been wanting to write a blog but I can't get the pictures right and since my blog is very graphical I'll keep on trying until I get it right. The below is not really my work but my boyfriend's. I've asked for his permission to publish his work and he agreed on condition that I do not put his real name. This is a piece he wrote some time back probably because he was frustrated by me and decided to pen his thoughts on paper. It has never been published before it's been sitting on his computer and the only reason I got it was because I sent him an article similar to this one written by one of the bloggers and he reciprocated by this one.
I know I've shared a lot about my relationship with this man but please let's rather debate the content instead.
ISSUES I HAVE WITH WOMEN
Women have specific issues that they look for to determine whether their men love them or
not. The problem is, they usually do not communicate this score board. For example, they
expect their men to call every day. When two days go past without a call, they rush to conclude
“he does not love me anymore”. Yet, this has never been communicated to the man that “I
expect you to call me everyday”.
The argument that women have advanced here is that “when we started, he always called me
everyday”. That is, the man has changed his pattern of behaviour. Perhaps the guy also used to
buy flowers, chocolates, and arranged outing for dinner “for two”. The argument therefore
from women is that – “there has been a pattern of behaviour by the man that has changed”.
And in a woman’s conclusion, it means “love is gone – or at least diminished”. At worse they
conclude: “he does not love me anymore”.
The worse part in this situation is that some women start to act in accordance with his
suspicion of “love gone” as if indeed this was a fact. Once again, this is not communicated to
the poor guy.
Two problems emerge now: first the woman has a set of indicators in her head that determine
whether the man still loves or not. But the poor man does not know this score card that he is
being measured against. Essentially, men get measured on their love for their women on
something that has neither been negotiated with them, nor informed as such. Unfortunately,
women’s suspicion against their men is frequently considered a “fact” by the women.
This is followed by a nasty attitude against the man.
This is where the notion of women being more emotional and men being more rational is partly
proven true. Ideally, in every evolution of life, processes do slow down. As we grow, our ability
to move fast slows down. Our rate of metabolism slows down. Even women themselves, their
ovulation stops and they reach menopause.
In fact, women are more conscious of aging than
men. This is partly because as they grow older, there are certain things that they cannot do
anymore. This is just how nature evolves.
Therefore, it is kinder baffling that women will expect their men, to behave exactly as they did
when they first met, fell in love, and started dating.
In fact, it indicates lack of understanding of
key stages of falling in love and being in a relation. Briefly stated: first there is attraction
between the two; then there is communication and “falling in love” with each other; then a
relationship begins; ultimately the commitment follows.
Most of the affection and heightened calls, dining out, buying of flowers and candies, happens
mainly at the stages of attraction, and falling in love. At these stages, feelings of love and
affection are intense. It is not different from a child growing up – she is more active with high
energy levels.
As the child becomes an adult, the levels of energy declines. But then, the child remains a human being, a person and an individual.
Similarly, the decline in the frequency of calls, dinners, and maybe visits by the man, is not an
indication that ‘love is gone”. It does not mean that the guy does not love his woman anymore,
or that he is eyeing elsewhere.
Whilst this maybe the case in certain minor instances, in the main, all it means is that the relationship is stabilizing. This is very common in the evolution of many aspects of life. Living things by nature have a life cycle. All life evolutions slow down at some point.
In any event, relationships require creativity, and not routine, otherwise it just looks like a duty.
Calling every day, going out every weekend, and delivering flowers every day overtime will just
be too repetitive and a mere routine exercise.
A man in the relationship should not be expected
by the woman to do things on the basis that “he has always done it”. Creativity is an essential
element of sustainable relationships.
Companies frequently do what is called “Organizational Re engineering”. These are strategies and projects that companies put in place to ensure that at all times there is high performance.
That is, they avoid complacency that all is well, and therefore relax.
Thus, the same should apply in love relationships. Partners need to be conscious of the basic
fact that in the natural evolution of relationships, at some point complacency will creep in.
Rather than the woman assuming that “love is gone”, both parties should determine how to
rekindle the fires. It definitely does not help for women to have love score cards in their heads
and never consult the man and agree on such love indicators.
Finally, women are not the only “experts” on love relationships. Thus, it is wrong when they
assume the full rights to determine when love is gone or not. Even worse, act on that without
engaging the poor fellow.