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Can men suffer abuse too? (23 August 2011)

Written by TVSA Team from the blog 3rd Degree on 21 Aug 2011
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Coming up on 3rd Degree this week:

Episode title: Can men suffer abuse too?

Broadcast date: Tuesday, 23 August 2011.

Teaser ...

He was drenched in boiling water while he slept, suffering life-threatening burns. The attacker was his own wife.

In a controversial documentary, South African men speak out about the horrifying abuse inflicted on them by loved ones. They speak of violent stabbings and beatings, systematic abuse that goes on for years.

Their ordeals have left them feeling unmanly, but they chose to break their shameful silence to end the torment and to shine a light on this largely hidden form of abuse.

Female abuse is rife in South Africa. But can men suffer abuse too? Are some women instigating domestic violence, certain that they will never be blamed?

3rd Degree is on e.tv on Tuesdays at 21h30.

Tags: Other Teasers

45 Comments

lupwana
22 Aug 2011 13:54

Hi , i do believe that men abuse is a reality in many family. it takes several form from the beathing to domestic slavery ( cooking, washing, ironning, ...) , this is the case of one man , leaving in my flat , he has become a slave of his wife , he always report what the wife has said " mama said that ....) and every single day , he must cook for the wife , prepare the bathroom for the wife , do the waching for her. Believe me this every day and since they are renting in my flat.
But I have also a great story that i would like to share with Debarah and see how she can help thoussand of people in suffering.

It is about the flat ( building where we are staying)
No maintenance ( pipe leacking, no stove ....) but the rent is unaffortable
a two bed R6000, and elctricity  R1500
Believe me people right to housing and other related human rights ( dissent environment ) are violated
Many have been disappointed by the Housing tribunal.
The ubuilding have now a commettee , but even the Lawyer who was consulted to help people, just took the money R 25000 and said he does not abuse his relation with the owner of the building.
we have a security gate , which has become source of money ( bussiness)
to enter R20 and out R10 ( a part from the Rent)
People just need Some to talk with the owner and ask why the place is every expensive , why there is no refund of the deposit ( people are afraid to move because they will not have the refund of the deposit)
We need some one to expose this criminal behaviour ( finger print for bussiness) ,electricy R1500 for two bed . ( they do not even want to put pre pay card electricity )
We need some one to consult with the city council or eskom to see how much are there charged building
People are loosing there flat ( if they want to chasse you , they increase the bill and put a lock if you did not finsh the rent , cut off the light and put your properties out and lock the flat.
Police and the housing tribunal are powerless before this agent ( trafalgar in Berea , Joel street n0 30 )
We all the documentation and our commettee is ready to speak and give all necessary information.
Please call at 076 066 34 72 ( JOHN )
Thanks

The General
22 Aug 2011 14:11

Lol shouldn't you be contacting 3rd degree or Debora Patta, cause I doubt Debora Patta is going to read this

pjvv
22 Aug 2011 14:35

I thought so too The General.

I have heard of man being burnt by their wives due to cheating. That is not abuse to me its revenge. In most cases man start the abuse and the women fight back and if it turns out that the woman i physical stronger then the story is turned - man abuse.

There are abuse stories all over the world but man are too scared or embarrased to speak out. If you go to a Police Station to report that your wife beats you for no reason or is abusive towards, i guess the police will have a field day about your story.

I would like to watch, what time is this 21:00

carino
22 Aug 2011 15:50

Tjo! R6000 to rent a flat in Berea????? Oh no! And the gate that works with money?v?? Oh no!!

Cnglemother
22 Aug 2011 17:08

cariri my roomate and i pay R4000 combined in Berea 3 streets away from this dude.our flats in the area are so poorly managed.we stayed without water and power sometime in june as the hijacker and the body corporate were squabbling ova money.dont ask me why im still in this bldng.

Tashi
24 Aug 2011 09:43

I'm busy watching the repeat on eNews and it's heeectic. The current story on: a guy who killed his wife after she beat him up, abused him and locked him out of the house. One day he snapped (obviously). He was charged with murder.

Tashi
24 Aug 2011 09:49

Experts are saying that it's a highly under-reported phenomenon 'cos of what you say @pjvv - men feeling they'll be laughed at if they report it.

Cande
24 Aug 2011 10:54

I feel bad for laughing throughout the episode last night.

Sana Lwam
24 Aug 2011 11:06

I must say last night's episode was hilarious. As for le part where the woman let her boyfriend move in to the house while the husband stayed in the garage.

Mbaliza
24 Aug 2011 11:32

Why call women names Tazteeq? that is really unneccessary, hawu!!!!! its not her fault ukuthi the guy doesnt have backbone, buphi ubudoda if his girlfriend umdonsa ngekhala right left n center. am not saying that anyone should be abused in any form, but kuqala la abantu start call others names obviously someone will end up loosing it one.

I just broke up with my fiancee cos she called names, i dnt knw where he learnt it cos he has never called me that before. i broke up with him right there n i told him that noone will ever call me that and get away with it, i slapped him n left. He has been apologising ever since n he blames stress over it n that he heard one of his friend calling his g/f bi***, wh** you name it n he slapped n called me that but he ddnt mean it. i dnt take sh**t in my life, trash belongs in the bin n so he belongs there.

Violence n abuse starts with words, if people would learn to stop that everything would be sweet.....n treat each other with respect.

princess1
24 Aug 2011 11:47

I missed 3rd Degree last night.

My question is: How did the abuse start? is it revenge?

My cousin & her hubby always fight. Hubby goes on drinking spree on weekends & when he comes he swears at his wife telling her that she's dom & he's educated (she only has matric- unemployed, the guy has a Diploma- taxi driver). This past weekend they moerd each other & hubby ended up in hospital.

Chase
24 Aug 2011 12:10

i slapped him n left @ Mbaliza right there it's abuse. Umfazi ongabhejwa kahle uyayishaya indoda.

naksie
24 Aug 2011 13:19

people this is the real world with real issues, there is a difference between revenge and abuse and here we are talking abuse. It is true and it is happening men are also human they need to be loved and taken care of. The reason that most of the men are not coming out with their abusive stories is that they are afraid of being belittled and regarded as not men enough.

We are naturally born with different personalities and characters and the manner in which we were brought up also has an impact in our lives, much as there are men that are women abusers there are also women that are men abusers.

bezu
24 Aug 2011 13:46

guys when is the repeat ? sengathi umuntu waphuthelwa la!!!!

kid1
24 Aug 2011 14:15

no one deserves that (abuse) be it man or woman. you both lose ur self estem and end up looking like fools. you dont belong anyway you feel everyone is watching you. i was touched so sad

maddie
24 Aug 2011 14:36

@lepona

e ya ko Speak Out they might help you nabo

reap
24 Aug 2011 15:31

It takes a real man to show restraint and not strike a woman and so too it takes a woman to show restraint and not do the same. I was in a similar situation for years. I could have done exactly what the guy on 3rd degree did and snap,because it would have been easy to over power but never did.I was always threatened with police action if i retaliated.until i had enough and went to the police myself to complain,the police decided that they want to lock me up.I ended up being kicked out of my house with no place to go but made a plan and it was the best thing that ever happened to me.This woman now goes around claiming i abused her and everyone believes that.It never ends.Woman that abuse men are as retarded and pathetic as men that do the same,the difference is that woman have places to go men have no place and no recources on there side at all.The systematic emotional and physical abuse i suffered for years almost destroyed me mentally .Woman should realise that the more they support this behaviour of abusive woman ,the worse they make it for there children because there will come a time in the near future where men will have more recources and if your child is involved in an abusive situation then it becomes a lot harder to prove in the courts because by then the playing field will be level and not like the current situation whereby it is automatic that the woman is right.This is the very reason why rape victims find it so difficult to prove there cases today.Becauses of the monsterous abusive and vidictive woman that did the wrong ,lied and was found out so your daughter is not believed if it really happens to them

Green.arrow
24 Aug 2011 15:58

@reap....i know someone who went thru the same situation. Infacft short of being poured with boiling water he was in a similar situation that third degree man (first story), child is involved.

I was so sad watching that episode maabane, its hard to comprehend what about that episode was at all humorous.

And to those who ask the men are not real maen because they did not fight back..i quote @reap when he says...:
It takes a real man to show restraint and not strike a woman , no truth bigger.

reap
24 Aug 2011 16:32

It is not humourous when woman are the victims so why should it be any different the other way around.My abusive situation never really ended because i had a child with this woman and 4 years down the line i still have to beg to see my daughter,i have been everywhere for help and to the police several times but they seem to be a bunch of people that are chosen only if there iq is lower than a 2 year old.I have since dedicated a large part of my time trying to help fathers try to see there kids and offer therapy for guys in this situation and no i do not charge people for this.I have since gotten to know many of the tricks that people get up to in order to be vindictive toward there partners and continue the abusiveness because they have children with these woman criminals.Recent stats show that a woman is abused every 20 seconds in the country and a man every 30 seconds according to reports.Imagine what the real statistics may be if men actually were encouraged to report there abuse like woman are.It may be men get abused every 1 second.

Green.arrow
24 Aug 2011 17:37

Hectic @reap
Do youb have an NGO or know of any that you can post on this forum so we can help our brothers out there.

In the one scenario: The guys left after hightened abuse, verbal and physical and because of the cild they have, the verbal abuse continues. Every chance she gets she uses the chance to get a go at him. One minute she doesnt want the child, the next she demands the child like a mad baboon. She doesnt restrict his visits though although they are always maared with her drama. Weirdest thing as much hate as she spews at him, she kida wants to be with him??.....healla confusing.

In the other scenario: the relationship wasnt abusive. but the woman and his family use the child to spite him. Restricting his visitation rights. And this one also wants the guy back???.,...hheeeella confusing.

Now in bothe cases ive adviced the brothers to seek legal recourse. Get into some custody agreement with thye mothers to minimise the gimmicks and games. When he has the child, she wont be allowed to meddle. And when she has the child its her responsibility. but it appears its all easires said by me than done.

Green.arrow
24 Aug 2011 17:40

The one sad common denominator about these abusive women is that they are tremendously troubled, bitter from things that happened in their lives and the men that fall in love with them bear the brundt of many years of accumilating vernom.

I say a prayer for this broken souls, the women. Pity those entertwined with them have to endure theit bile as long as they havent found healing.

reap
24 Aug 2011 18:44

Your message about how the abuse continues because we have kids with these woman is almost exactly like how my situation has been as well,hot and cold and anything to create drama and have a stab at making sure you feel terrible.THE "If you were a real man" line has gotten stale because you already had a child with her is 1. I did get alot of help from fathers for justice http://www.f4j.co.za .A word of caution though regarding agreements. Never sign anything ,if it comes from the other parties side.I have all documentation and proposals that one may need and able to get it as an order of the court if anyone may need.I have too often seen the courts ending up harrassing men to the point of them being suicidal after you are in the system with a signed agreement with the mother.Also PAS parent alienation syndrome is a form of emotional abuse to children by there custodian parent ,usually mothers that dont allow access to children to the other party. These days the courts prefer to get a joint custody system enforced so that both can access the kids and if the mother does not comply ,she can be jailed which the police usually dont do but should get you access. I can get your email addy ,i would be able to help much further in most of these cases.I am still struggling to get the contact details that were shown on the show yesterday if someone has it i would appreciate as i would like to get involved.

reap
24 Aug 2011 19:01

oh and for anyone out there that does not know this.I understand that the courts of sa are out for justice and equality,however if you are a man involved with the family courts,You are automatically the enemy from the moment you walk in there to the moment you leave.From the receptionists to the magistrates.If your ex wants to be more abusive toward you she has the full might of the courts and the law to do it once agreements are signed and you are in the system.You can be summoned almost every month to court and if you miss once they will issue warrants of arrest out for you,so when securing access rights make sure what you are doing before hand..once you in the system,you then have the power of one man and your abusive ex has the power of all the police and courts in the land.From my experience many attorneys are out to milk every cent out of you without doing anything so as a man you need to know that there is a shark out to bite you at every turn once you are in it.

Green.arrow
24 Aug 2011 21:56

Wow. I've taken down the website, ill pass it forward. What I've picked up from what you share is that its not as easy for guys to seek legal intervention, for prejudicial issues. Sad. But ill advice the guys to do their homework b4 they pursue legal recourse. Yikes! Sad that kids are in the middle of the tossle. And here for a change u have men who want to give their kids the best but are being hindered.

reap
25 Aug 2011 09:33

I can give you much more info but do not want to add my email addy here as there may be people that will start sending me hate mail and such.So let me know if there is anything more i can do to help.I have all documentations for the guy that does not have the money to hire attornies and want to setup an agreement with there ex for access and such without the use of attorneys although legal advise is recomended

SHANE MATLALA
25 Aug 2011 09:39

Honestly if i was a Police Man and receive a complain about a women abusing her husband i will think is a joke.

Green.arrow
25 Aug 2011 11:10

Sure @reap, ill drop u mail if the guys need more info. Its such a sensitive subject, I've so far passed on the j4m email and actually shared ur comments as they are. I will drop a message if the guys need help. And the male species that they are, I feel like backing away for a second and giving them time to process my lil advice. But if they need more council, ill drop u mail on the tvsa acc, ull get notified on the email u used to sign in. But sho, ur comments have helped me help them a lil. And I hope that right now you are able to have a relationship with your child and that the verbal abuse has been reigned in, however, thru the law, or better yet by sanity on the womans' part.

Lex
25 Aug 2011 12:03

Tjo...

kid1
25 Aug 2011 12:17

VusiK
25 Aug 2011 13:12

The abuse of men is real ... Society simply laughs it off as a Joke! True Fact!!!

Green.arrow
25 Aug 2011 13:29

Sad fact @ Vusi

reap
25 Aug 2011 17:02

I am gonna be honest with the manner in which i helped myself regarding this.It is a bit different from the aproach used via the courts but worked for me.Yes i see my daughter whenever i choose,however the manner in which i did this was not thru attorneys or the court as i already knew that lawyers fight with each other and the parties involved are the losers as you end up in the system and the fact that u went to attorneyy further irritates the woman to exact more revenge so she then uses the courts to do thiis.Out of every 10 people in the court ,there may just be 1 willing to help u as a guy and 9 will to do anything that the woman asks them to do.I chose to gain access thru an attorney which was 2 hours a week under supervision at the exs residence.Although she attacked me several times when i went to see my daughter for the 2 hours i still went when it was my time to go.It ended up that my daughter then got used to me and used to cry when i left.I then played on the consionce of my ex by letting me take her out for a bit ,when a time came that she wanted to run around with her buddies, i took my daughter.and the woman we r talking about always want attention and to be in the limelite with friends.It ended up such that my daughter never wanted to go back and to her mother.Every time i was with my daughter i took pics and noted times in the pic .It has come to such a point now that even if she wanted to go to the courts,they may just let me keep my daughter and she is afraid of doing this,yet always threatens me but she knows that i took her power away.Not in a way that needed lawyers but in a way that even if she were not around my daughter wont seem to mind and i have the footage of all the times she was with me.In fact i could now sue her for maintenance.It was very difficult to do this but the power is in your child.If you keep constant contact,in any way possible,your ex will lose the power.Most woman try to not allow you to see your child because they want maintenance.If you can get one thing right ,it should be access rights withoout going to court and work from that point.She cannot deny you the child and she cannot really sue you because you are a part of the childs life and maintaining visits.The further they keep you from the child the easier it is for them to make a case against you for hight maintenance

reap
25 Aug 2011 17:16

The need for your child to see you becomes your ultimate defense and power against the courts and the ex to actually exact any type of continuous revenge against you and you save a mountain of cash as well as .The teraputic approach works better than the lawyer fighting the system approach.Never be afraid to go to the police and charge your ex for kidnapping if she refuses to tell you were your child is and if you do gain access the way ive said and if she starts acting up ,She will obviously come with the police to your place at some point.To get the child back as in my case when i was a bit late to get my daughter back to her.You need to tell the police that you would like to see the order of the court that granted her full custody and if your ex cannot produce that then the child stays with you and she must then go and apply for custody thru attorneys at the courts wich will take months or years at which time she will have to try and get access.This is the reason you never sign anything over to the ex when things first happen although you will be pressed to.It will save you lots of problems for the 18 years that your child is a minor.If you threaten your ex with this she will leave you alone and allow you your rights and stop harrassing you emotionally and physically.

Cnglemother
25 Aug 2011 17:18

ag shame reap!The universe is a strange place 4sho!there's men outthere who fight fiercely to be part of their kids life while those that are not even denied access to their kids dont budge and 4eva begged to make contact with them even if its once a month.reap just do whatever to be part of that little gal's life.truth be told SA JUSTICE system just dont work if you dont have bankability.i just dont have faith in SA laws.

reap
25 Aug 2011 17:38

oh ,yes my child practically stays with me,and ive never signed a single document and never been to any court and you can live a fairly ok life except with the occasional uprising of your ex.That you need to laugh of but never ever get her to a point of wanting to do something against u cos it always hurts you at the end.Uknow she is a nutcase so allow her to call you a loser and not a real man and all of those things because she is miserable inside.You are better than that.Any human being that has anger,and misery within them looks for targets to bully and you as a man know who you are.Never fall prey to insults because it means you believe them and is what your ex wants.When you get angry,they get happy.fighting thru the pathetic family courts makes one more suicidal than actually being with an abusive woman because they actually continue on the cycle of abuse on behalf of your wife whilst she sits back and laughs

reap
25 Aug 2011 17:55

Although it has been a difficult road and process of denial of access,emotional and physical abuse and i still get denied access because my ex wants to control the situation i have to accept and make her believe that she is in control.it is better than never getting access through the courts.I have to manage my circumstances and make the best of it.Nothing is more frustrating than allowing the family courts to make desicions on your behalf which usually is never in favour of the man and there are men that phone me everyday that are in the system and they are in a very dark place.I know a freind thats been fighting in these courts for six years which was longer than his abusive relationship and has seen the judge and lawyer ten times more than he has ever seen his child.There was a program on tele about were are all the father gone in this country.They are actually gone were the courts made them go.Completley out of there kids lives because they have given up the fight after being bankrupt by the courts and the lawyers in this system

Cnglemother
25 Aug 2011 18:44

reap have u had any form of counselling by the way?this has affected u seriously!

reap
25 Aug 2011 19:30

HEHE ,It is just a travesty of justice when people abuse the respect and love of others.Most woman out there are very decent loving people and so to are most men,however if you as a mother cannot access your child because of a vindictive father and when you go to the police for help,you are laughed at and when you go to the courts you are scorned at and the very person that you know is in the wrong has the entire system on there side,would it affect you.Of course men are human beings.What i have said in this forum has not affected me to the point that i feel helpless,all i have done is show men other ways to be relevant in there childrens lives and to see that there is hope and some light.and that they are not forgotten .In spite of what you ask, the truth is that the only time a mans helplessness regarding these circumstancesare on the television and newspapers is when he sees no options and then goes of with a gun and kills his entire family and himself because of the helplessness of his situation.So my question to you is,How does offering men out there a light in the darkness they face in a world thats against them regarding this issue warrant the question that i need couselling,rather i should ask you if you are living a reality or are you in the comfort of your existance that suites you until the same happens to your son,your nephew,your uncle and is the only time you will see some reality to an important issue.And yes i did seek couselling when this happened to me,hence the reason i have explained in this forum that A real man shows restraint under pressure and insults in domestic affairs are ways to make you angry in order to make the perpetrator happy,so whatever happens know who you are and never give people the anger that they want in order to satisfy themselves.

Cnglemother
25 Aug 2011 21:09

reap forgive me for sympathising with your situation.that question came out of a good place no mockery intended at all.i will leave it at that.

Green.arrow
26 Aug 2011 08:17

@reap, ill print this comments up. Ur approach to the dilema makes sense. 1. I'm thankfull for those guys that you are giving council from ur experience and what u continue to learn. Because I'm sure u come across different scenarios that purpot a twig in the pervious person's solution. 2. The guys in my circle affected, I can only pass on this comments and any other usefull info I get and hope that they will be proactive. And realy shud they wish to contact u, ill drop mail. I have a question tho: I agree that the best thing to do is NOT to give this angry/bitter individuals the satisfaction by reacting with anger to their antics. But from observation, responding in a civil manner with kindness doesn't stop them. They try again and again and again. It seems like reacting either way is not calming the fire. So my question and an issue I worry about regarding on of the scenarios; Are you not worried about your safety? Do you not see this angry person going to dangerous grounds to try to get to you?.

reap
26 Aug 2011 10:48

When i went thru this nightmare,i could also not see the light in not being angry and lashing back,however my characteristics were such,it was who i was not to attack back although i wanted to However in hindsite reacting with anger toward the aggressor if you are a man,immediatley lands you in more hot water,because a woman ,in a domestic dispute is making you angry specifically to invoke a reaction so that she can back it up via claiming that you are attacking her.This way you are guaranteed not to get access to kids because you are seen as an unstable aggressive person that is an abuser because she will call the police and lay charges against you if you react and it will be the "I TOLD YOU SO" scenario.Remember that if you are in this type of situation and your ex has taken out a restraining order against you which almost all woman do to get the law on there side.You cannot say anything back.1 scenario is.If you dont like the tea she made for you and you tell her this,she can phone the police and say that you have emotionally abused her and the police will be at your house to arrest you.A restraining order gives the police the power to arrest you for anything at anytime.I had a restraining order taken out against me so that i cannot go near my ex residancethe purpose for this was so that i cannot to see my child in the guise of ,she is frightened of me.,and although it was taken out ,i never signed it and it was never presented to me.The police phone and harrass you to come to the station to collect this.Never ever do this.It will be the start of many a night mare.Although they continuosly called and threatened me .I told them that they must find me and present it to me.They asked for my address and i told them that i was not about to do there investigative work for them and it is there duty to present it to me and not for me to go anywhere to collect it.I never signed it to this day so my ex could not call them when in a bad mood to lock me up whenever she felt like getting me back.Never just give your address to your ex unless it is for purposes to see your child.The police are to lazy to find you so they will harass you for about a month threatening you with violence an stuff and then give up.If you do however have this,then you are gonna have a very bad time because the police take over your abusive ex's rein of terror on her command.I have court documentation that can get men to reverse a false restraining order however you have to prove that she was lying. Becoming angry is the last thing you must do ,it will only help your abuser for the few minutes of anger that you have felt by lashing out.Remember an abuser is always the victim in the public eye because it is there act and they will do it well and make sure they getyou angry to prove it. Remember that anger is an internal feeling not external.If you start to love yourself and work thru your emotions no person externally from you can make you angry.It is within you dont give others the power to destroy you via controlloing your buttons.Your emotion is yours to control dont allow others to control what is rightfully yours and in so doing you will end up controlling there emotion because it will frustrate the other that they can no longer control your emotion.Also remember that an angry ex is only angry because they cannot have you and control you anymore.If they have moved on as so many claim,then they wont be angry with you ,they will not want to bother but work on there next victim.When they are angry with you,it should make you happy that they are still hungup over you but they cannot control you anymore.Take your power back.

reap
26 Aug 2011 10:59

Your last statement about whether i am frrightened or not.In these circumstances,try to record any interaction you have with your ex.It is the only way.I invested in a small pen spy cam and switched it on whenever i had an interaction with her.When i eventually told her that i had recorded all our interactions,she immediatley started to act differently around me which eased up on the name calling and abusive behaviour.It is your only evidence you can get.She started getting info on whether it is legal to record her.But at the end if anything happens ,you have evidence and will put them in the back foot.These spy cams are around R500.If you are in this type of situation ,it would be wise to invest in one,they come as watches,pens etc. And you have a ligitamate claim when charging her with aggression and furthermore it will prove to courts that she is unstable and you are not which will then threaten her custody if there are kids.and she will backoff quickly.But record make sure you have evidance ,then tell her.If anything it will make your life a little easier.

bezu
26 Aug 2011 11:04

Tjo reap- ! but I dont understand why ppl dont just break it off if its not working out..why the need to be bitter and try to make the other person's life a leaving hell.Why cant they just accept that its over and move on...!!

I knw a guy who was beaten by his girlfrend e mall, in front of a crowd, it was so embarrassing..appearently the guy was dumping her and she said hell no!!! its over when I say its over!!! poor guy and no-one tried to help him...!but I bet if it was the other way around someone would have jumped in to help...

indoda eshawayo -yehla isithunzi ngisho nakwi community..another thing if a women beats up her men - they always make it a point that everyone knws ukuthi le ndoda izwa yena or else!!!!! izoyisutha induku!!!

VusiK
26 Aug 2011 11:33

Men do get abused regularly ... The most insidious form of abuse men get subjected to daily is delivered by women in the form of consistent guilting. What most people are not aware of, is that is is in fact a serious form of abuse, and because it is tolerated, it takes a long time for its effects to be recognized, by which time, serious damage has taken place, and no remedy of any form can be applied. I doubt there is a single man who has not experienced it, and I seriously doubt there is any man who is not gatvol with it ... the question is ... what happens when it finally blows up? Some men become violent, others resentful, others leave for no aparent reason, and generally, this reaction is also blamed and guilted on the man. In all my domestic problems ... when my woman starts on this path ... I always point that there is a contribution she has made, or is making to the process that inspires her to guilt me .... ... AND THAT'S HOW THE FIGHT STARTED ... AGAIN !!!

J R
27 Aug 2011 23:17

Hi all, Reap knows a fair amount,this is extremely helpfull. As one would say been there still to get the T shirt. I have been dragged through the mud for more than 4yrs. The legal system are the only benefactors. We have a sad justice system in SA, if you are a male"may god be with you" The courts are gender bais.. Be very careful from the on-set to sign any documents that both attorneys present to you. The attorneys have a processed , programmed mind( no emotion and they really don't go after the truth) lawyers jobs are to extract evidence and minupilate the english medium to win cases, in fact most of the attorneys are still operating under the old law and have not taken the time to read or study the new childrens act.. Also note that ATTORNEYS/LAWYERS, collude with each other for mutual benefit.( they discuss the case behind closed doors and know exactly how to play your emotions out and where to lead the case. Guys i know if you are reading this you may feel that i am anti the attorneys, however there are great ones and some that just dont cut it, ie: ruthless)
This has been my case and i cannot express all my efforts via mail. F4j( fathers for justice is an excellent starting area, if only i had know prior.) do not sign documents under duress, check, recheck, get a second oponion etc. all cases are differnent with merits. Facts are important not emotion. till next time JR - councelling will help the pain, not medication.

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