There were all sorts of reports that they were gonna announce who'd be replacing Simon Cowell during the AI 9 finale. Obviously,
not.
My theories as to why it hasn't happened yet:
1) They didn't want to murder the show before being able to plug Season 10.
2) They didn't have time.
3) They don't have a clue who to choose.
Reality TV sletty Bret Michaels (who's just won Celebrity Apprentice in the US) has spent the weekend trying to shove his has-been butt into the action, muttering things like: "
I don’t know if it’s true, but I could possibly be a judge on American Idol.”
Puhlease, it's never gonna happen. His performance during the Finale tasted like a half-smoked cigarette and also, you'd never know if his feedback was legit or because he wants to bang the contestant.
It. Would. Be. Wrong.
So who else could be up for it? "What and who do we want from them?" My list of possibilities:
1) Danny Trejo
Best known: for playing a bad ass in Quentin Tarantino films.
He's got the perfect Simon fear factor, except even more so. Ideal if you're wanting a judge who'll make it his life's work to terrify, freak (and possibly even smash) the kahuna's off the wannabe's.
Also very convenient in cases where revenge is needed in dark corners after the show - I'm thinking specifically to take care of types like Tim Urban and Casey James, bwahahahahaha.
2) Tiger Woods
Ideal if you want a judge who'll insincerely grovel and apologize to contestants after he's gushed and fallen in lust with their competition.
3) Gwyneth Paltrow
If you want a thin-lipped, disapproving and ultra judgemental judge who refuses to go near McDonalds - she's your gal. She doesn't, you know - I once heard her badmouthing McDonalds on E! and got so irritated you have no idea.
It wasn't that she won't eat McDonalds that annoyed me, but how she said it. Like her obsession with apples instead of it makes her better than everyone else, grrrrrr.
4) Mara Louw
a.k.a. Sasko Louw. Perfect if you need a judge who's obsessed with bread. Her and Kara DioGuardi would also be bosom buddies, dedicated to perving cougar-magnet man-nipple.
5) Anne Heche
For Ellen. The pair of them obviously have loooooads of unresolved issues. You don't end up walking round a neighbourhood naked, declare you're God and steal a stranger's shower unless you've got mega craziness to work out.
If you missed the story when it happened, blast to 2000 to relive it:
Anne Heche on her romance with Ellen.Judging together would give them the opportunity to really work through it all for us.
6) Harold van Buuren
Would deliver critical one-liners that could go viral if you put them together in a YouTube track, mixed with flashes of chin-moustache. Could even be the next answer to Susan Boyle and Die Antwoord.
7) Tim Roth
He's got the Brit thang going, could be valuable to have as a panel
lie detector, but more importantly, would always speak the truth as Simon does.
8) Ricky Gervais
If you want someone to steal the show from the contestants with knock 'em dead lines - he's your man. Bigtime.