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Polygamy

Written by maddie from the blog Polygamy on 27 Mar 2009
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This blog was inspired by some articles I've read from different publications and I think it was even discussed here on TVSA, I can't remember but let's discuss it anyway. With the possibility of having a future president of this country who is open about his polygamous status, I'm so sure there'll be more and more of these cases in years to come since it's legal in our country.

Definition of Polygamy

Polygamy in the most basic sense refers to a marriage that involves multiple spouses, instead of two. 
Polygamy has been practiced for centuries but has been eliminated in most modern societies. 
There are a few different types of polygamy. 
A union that involves one woman and two or more men is correctly termed polyandry, while a union involving one man and two or more women is called polygyny. 

source http://www.wisegeek.com/what-is-polygamy.htm

Polyandry is illegal in South Africa by the way. Polygamy is only allowed if the first woman agrees to it. What happens when the woman disagrees, will the man stop or will he just go ahead and marry or maybe have an extramarital affair and give the wife's disapproval as an excuse to his philandering.

Why aren't we allowed to have more than one husbands?
This woman from True Love magazine said that this will not mean that we'll do it but that it would be nice to also have that option.

check one of the responses below from M&G blogger on the issue.

Interesting article. I was imagining a scenario of polygamous marriage where a bisexual husband/wife takes an extra spouse, of either(is it any or either?) sex, to accommodate any potential philandering. Hmmm, I wonder if the constitution accommodates that too.


Well more and more modern south african women are getting into polygamous marriages one example in particular Mandlakazi Mphahlwa the former SABC 3 Newsreader.


Some say it's the African culture and therefore we should embrace it, me personally I have a problem with culture that is not consistent, we seem to be taking bits and pieces of only things that suit us.

It's interesting to see that most men are in support of this, and they all say that women outnumber men, so they have to accomodate some of us, pluuueeease.

my take: what's good for the geese is also good for the gander.

Please share the following, it would be nice to read about your honest comments on this one:

African culture on Polygamy (my history knowledge is not up to scratch)

Those of you who grew up in polygamous families - how has it been like.

Those who are/considering to be in this type of relationship.

Churches that practice polygamy, what does the bible say about it.

Polygamy and the modern woman

There are so many things I've researched and wish to write on this blog about polygamy , but hey this blog is going to be too long and reading sometimes is not pleasurable to some of you. 

sorry about the colors people, I was just trying to make it more readable



















178 Comments

maddie
27 Mar 2009 08:54

I guess when you post a blog you have to be the first to reply to it

nice
27 Mar 2009 09:09

sorry about the colors people, I was just trying to make it more readable 

maddie the colours had the exact opposite effect to what you wanted. It is a pain to read through it. 

I had never thought that it is illegal to have two husbands, talk about double standards, thanks for that information.

I would like to consider myself a modern woman, and I would rather die single that to share my husband with someone else. and besides as woman we are complicated enough for the men, so to have two of us at the same time would be disastrous.

maddie
27 Mar 2009 09:14

@nice

I've changed the colors dear.

are women really that desperate for umshado that they would really share their men.

is it possible that he can love them all equally?

just T
27 Mar 2009 09:52

i was raised in a polygamy marriage, life was not fun. My mom was the first wife, then came the second wife, when the 3rd wife came thats when the abuse started and eventually she could not take it anymore, she killed herself . i was only 8 years old, i still remember the day she took her life. Most painful thing ever for me. I will never advise anyone to agree to polygamy cause i have seen all the pain that my mom was going through and it also affected me as well.

maddie
27 Mar 2009 10:03

I'm sorry to hear that Just T

goldii
27 Mar 2009 10:14

Some say it's the African culture and therefore we should embrace it, me personally I have a problem with culture that is not consistent, we seem to be taking bits and pieces of only things that suit us. 

Well said. Could'nt agree more.


@ Just T. May you be forever blessed. Wish I could ask for more details, but it must be painful for you. Much respect and take care. Your post has made me cry.

just T
27 Mar 2009 10:15

thanks maddie, polygamy its a no no ,period... mara i keep on wondering how it will be like to have more than 1 husband??? jerrrrrrrrrr

just T
27 Mar 2009 10:22

goldi the pain will forever be there but i have learnt how to deal with it... you are welcome to ask anything, talking about my experiences has made me stronger.  God will never put you in a situation where he knows that you will not handle it.

Cande
27 Mar 2009 10:44

If both partners agree to it then why not? I for one dont support it and wont judge people who practise it because they have their own reasons just like i have my own reasons of not supporting it.

cleve
27 Mar 2009 10:48

maud
27 Mar 2009 10:49

@just T- Stay  as strong as you are -i salute you.

Best-Achiever
27 Mar 2009 11:41

i wud never, i mean never get myself if into polygamy, i'd rather divorce.

maddie
27 Mar 2009 11:59

you are welcome to ask anything, talking about my experiences has made me stronger. @Just T

Did u mom agree to it or was it a matter of take or leave it

If both partners agree to it then why not? @CANDE
True

what about the children, isn't there any favoritism?

ms.tebby
27 Mar 2009 12:08

i'd rather divorce than get into poly...period

just T
27 Mar 2009 12:12

Did u mom agree to it or was it a matter of take or leave it 

She never agreed thats why she was always fighting with my dad. She did not want to leave for the sake of me as she was not working. My dad was the only one with an income. The two wives where way younger than my mom...he negleted us as soon as he married the other 2 wives. Funny thing, the other two got along .... yahhhhhh nehhhhhhh.....but after my mom died, they started fighting

maud
27 Mar 2009 12:13

the word polygamy destroys me, i dont even want to think about.

maddie
27 Mar 2009 12:21

She never agreed thats why she was always fighting with my dad

the law says if the first wife agrees then the husband should not take another wife

i could say she could have done this and that but it's not going to help right now, may her soul rest in peace.

wonder what would happen if the law allows us to have more than one husband

TheLady
27 Mar 2009 12:22

I've seen women wearing same clothes,I thought they were twins-turned out they were married to the same guy. They even share a bed when he isn't around. My mom says that usually happens if the hubby found iyeza (muti) to make them accept the situation. Other than I don't see two/more women excited about sharing a man-even a mistress hopes to  be the madam at some point in life.

realist
27 Mar 2009 12:24

There is no such thing as polygamy. It is called legally cheating and does not mean that it is justified. Do you marry the second wife by deciding tomorrow that you are going to marry that woman like the so called Swazi king in Swaziland or you first have an affair and if it is good legalize it by signing on the dotted line?

maddie
27 Mar 2009 12:29

My mom says that usually happens if the hubby found iyeza (muti) to make them accept the situation

I've heard so many people admitting to using muti in these polygamous relationships, the length at which me would go to satisfy their sexual desires boggles my mind. 

I don't see any sane woman agreeing fully to this, unless she's been hypnotised or muti -ized. 

Pritt
27 Mar 2009 12:30

What happens when the woman disagrees -  some man will dirvoce and some will go for extramarital affairs.
It works for me... First wife agreed to it and we stay in different towns.

maddie
27 Mar 2009 12:31

the length at which me would go to satisfy their sexual desires boggles my mind. 

meant to say men

Pritt
27 Mar 2009 12:32

I don't see any sane woman agreeing fully to this, unless she's been hypnotised or muti -ized. - maybe that's the case with me and her...

zozoe
27 Mar 2009 12:32

haai qha this poligamy thing makes me sick i wudnt consider it in my life

TheLady
27 Mar 2009 12:34

Pritt -how many wives does he have? If it's just the two of you-what would you do if he chooses a third wife?

Pritt
27 Mar 2009 12:36

TL its just the two of us... 
what would you do if he chooses a third wife? - it will depend on his reasons for bringing in a 3rd wife.

cleve
27 Mar 2009 12:39

maddie
27 Mar 2009 12:39

maybe that's the case with me and her...@ pritt

do u two get along so well?

TheLady
27 Mar 2009 12:39

What were his reasons for making you is wife Pritt?

Tynt!
27 Mar 2009 12:40

pritt> what led u to this marriage? R u the first wife?
This is so interesting......
I always wanted to know what could lead women into this, and the age group of coz, reason being i don’t even see a 22 yrs old in dat kind of a marriage.
Who stay with the husbie full time?

Cody
27 Mar 2009 12:40

Ya Polygamy neh? a man will never be able to handle it if we were to do it. (err let me be safe and say some) besides, men are so demanding, imagine if you had to have two men, to wash,cook,clean, look after kids, after that the so called "night shift"  after a demanding day at work sherr. it's difficult to keep up with one man, imagine two husbands. Sherr that will be an indirect suicide attempt!

Pinkpoodle
27 Mar 2009 12:49

I have always thought, women who agree to be second wives are selfish.Mostly the men are rich and he offers you a house car and everything, you only agree to be second wife because you dont want to say no to what he is offering.

What was your reason for agreeing Pritt and did you know he was married when you hooked up.

Pritt
27 Mar 2009 12:58

Let me explain the reasons why he decided to take a 2nd wife and why the 1st wife agreed to it.
Will call the husband – S
First wife – T and me P
S was married to T for three years and they had up and downs as usual.
T’s family was more into their marriage in a sense that T has to consult and get approval from her family for everything from furniture, clothing, grocery etc. T’s salary will go to her family as claim that her husband must provide for her. T’s family was always at their house for breakfast, lunch and dinner especially the mother.
T works with her mother at the same school so after school they would go to T’s house have super there and leave late around 10pm and my question was who cooks for T’s father if the mother spends so much time at her daughter’s house. S confronted T several times regards to this and requested that they keep their marriage to themselves and not to allow her parents to decide for them.
T got angry and told her mother then the mother told S that he never wanted him as a husband to her daughter and he is not good enough for her daughter, words were exchange after that there was no peace in both families and they hated each other but T loved the husband and chose him over her family but she still sees them as often as she wants without S’s presence/company. S and T’s family are enemies, oil and water.
Yes S was cheating on T and when T found out, S asked for dirvoce and she refused saying she rather take me as second wife because she will never go back to her parent’s house esaba ukuthi bazothi ulayekile and bla blah blah... That’ show I became a second wife.
T and S do not have a child together because T’s family refused their daughter to have a child with S. I am expecting our first child. T stays in MP and I stay in GP with S, who only goes to MP once a week or as often as he has to so as to check on his businesses and we also have a house in MP that I use when we there.
That’s how I got to be a second wife...

Kakapana
27 Mar 2009 13:03

tjoe !! now i've heard it all...

ms.tebby
27 Mar 2009 13:07

***sigh**

Pritt
27 Mar 2009 13:08

@maddie- do u two get along so well? - we hardly communicate and if we do its something that involves our husband or something that really needs her attentin other than that no.. we don't do shopping, movies etc together, we not friends.
@pinkpoodle - I have always thought, women who agree to be second wives are selfish.Mostly the men are rich and he offers you a house car and everything, you only agree to be second wife because you dont want to say no to what he is offering. 
- I am working had my own house, car and a small business apart from my full time job. the only house he got for us is the one in MP as we still staying in my house in JHB. He had one business in MP and the other two we started them together whilst dating.

What was your reason for agreeing Pritt and did you know he was married when you hooked up. - when we started dating they were separeted the wife went back to her parents house and went back to her house after knowing about our relationship.

realist
27 Mar 2009 13:13

Yes S was cheating on T and when T found out, S asked for dirvoce and she refused saying she rather take me as second wife because she will never go back to her parent’s house esaba ukuthi bazothi ulayekile and bla blah blah... That’ show I became a second wife.
By cheating. That is what you are saying isn’t it?

ms.tebby
27 Mar 2009 13:16

how long have you been married Pritt now?(again if u mentioned it)

Pritt
27 Mar 2009 13:17

realist - they were separeted and not legally dirvorced yes that is cheating...

realist
27 Mar 2009 13:19

realist - they were separeted and not legally dirvorced yes that is cheating...
Thank you for being honest and not defensive. Much respect.

cleve
27 Mar 2009 13:19

Pritt
27 Mar 2009 13:19

how long have you been married Pritt now?
(
Today will be 6 months (Sept 27, 2007)...

Sbam
27 Mar 2009 13:26

Some say it's the African culture and therefore we should embrace it

This is what somebody said,in his own words, when he defined culture "it is a man's program/structure, design by men to opress women".  to some extend i agree with him, Y is it always women who have to submit to these "cultures".

Nna i don't even wanna be politically correct or democratic when it comes to things like this:  i'd rather divorce/single/alone  than get into poly...period....

ms.tebby
27 Mar 2009 13:26

Today will be 6 months (Sept 27, 2007)...huh??

Toxic
27 Mar 2009 13:28

We Pritt, 
does he ever discuss their sex life with you?
do you ever feel like you must NIKA him better than the other one?
do u have hopes of being the only one i.e the other wife divorces him or finds someone else?
if your baby is a girl, would you tell her that polygamy is a good thing or that she should stay away from it?
if the reasons for your husband wanting a 3rd wife was that he now wants to legalise an affair he's been having, what wud be your reaction?
do you ever have feelings of insecurity when your man is away?do u look at other women as potential 3rd wives?

Pritt
27 Mar 2009 13:28

(Sept 27, 2007)...huh??  sorry 2008...

Toxic
27 Mar 2009 13:29

Today will be 6 months (Sept 27, 2007)...huh??

LMAO! Maybe the affair started in '07 and they married in Oct last year. Hayi khawu explaine Pritt.

Toxic
27 Mar 2009 13:30

oh, ignore previous post.........

just T
27 Mar 2009 13:35

If women can stop being selfish, put themselves in another women's shoe, POLYGAMY won't exist. So we women are wrong by letting men control us. 1 thing that i am sure of is what goes around, will always come around. When u  allow to be second wife, at that point you feel like a queen and that you are on top of the world. WAIT until you start aging, he will cheat on you too and when it happens it is going to hurt 10 times more than what it was supposed to be. Anyway we all have choices, mina i still say there is no way i will ever allow POLYGAMY...

Cande
27 Mar 2009 13:35

I think she means 2009? SHUU Pritt and how dodyou communicate when he is with the first wife?

Cody
27 Mar 2009 13:36

rather take me as second wife because she will never go back to her parent’s house esaba ukuthi bazothi ulayekile and bla blah blah... That’ show I became a second wife. 

when we started dating they were separeted the wife went back to her parents house and went back to her house after knowing about our relationship.

Hai Pritt my loving not to be rude, kahle kahle this woman (wife or T) bekefunani kahle kahle,the reason for her to come back is not valid in reference to the above comments from you. She stayed there mos when they separated, so what difference was it going to make if she divorced him?

you must tell your husband to stop going there to MP if he doesnt love her. have you considered that your husband might still have feelings for her as well?




Pritt
27 Mar 2009 13:37

Toxic
does he ever discuss their sex life with you? - no he doesn't and I am not interested
do you ever feel like you must NIKA him better than the other one? - ngiyazazi kanti futhi ngiyazethemba when it comes to bedroom matters... LOL
do u have hopes of being the only one i.e the other wife divorces him or finds someone else? -  i don't think she will divorce him... the way izinto zingakhona if she wanted divorce she would have done so long time ago...
if your baby is a girl, would you tell her that polygamy is a good thing or that she should stay away from it? - that's her decision to make, but will support and give my blessings.
if the reasons for your husband wanting a 3rd wife was that he now wants to legalise an affair he's been having, what wud be your reaction? - firstly I would want to know why he wants a 3rd wife, and if the is something lacking or not satisfied with in our marriage, will have to talk about it and improve on it and if all fails and she still insist on having #3 for ukwandisa umuzi nje!!! Honestly I will leave him...
do you ever have feelings of insecurity when your man is away? kancane nje!!! LOL
- do u look at other women as potential 3rd wives?- Not at all

Cande
27 Mar 2009 13:38

Was she @ you guys's wedding?? Does T's family know that he took wive number 2? How rich is S?

Cody
27 Mar 2009 13:39

do you ever feel like you must NIKA him better than the other one?

ROTFLMAO at Toxic!!

just T
27 Mar 2009 13:43

This has to do with money .... period... all men with more than 1 wife are rich. Show me the broke one with 2 wives? hhhhhhhhmmmmmm? conclusion ....> women who allow to be second wives are only interested in the bank balance. If the balance was not there, why would you agree?

KeleFabulous
27 Mar 2009 13:44

sho Pritt i'm in awe of your total honesty. must say big ups for not wishy washing your situation.

are you happy thou?

ms.tebby
27 Mar 2009 13:45

LOL Cande, hi hi hi

Cande
27 Mar 2009 13:45

yes Just T, hence i ask how rich is S?

just T
27 Mar 2009 13:47

Polygamy ke bofebe feela (legal of cause)

Pritt
27 Mar 2009 13:47

@Cody - you must tell your husband to stop going there to MP if he doesnt love her.  its not that he goes to MP to see her, but we have a wholesale or something like that, we distribute beverages to small and medium businesses around MP. yah maybe they see aeach other i do not know, he is never there for more than two days unless we vising his parents...
have you considered that your husband might still have feelings for her as well?  -to be honest with you I don't think so... maybe une 10%. the awy izinto zenzakala ngakhona it was bad very bad... I won't go into details...
so what difference was it going to make if she divorced him? - the parents will win so she better stay emshadweni noma kunzima kanjani...
how dodyou communicate when he is with the first wife?-  kahle nje... i phone, he phones we chat otherwise he is with me 90% of the time even before we got married...

KeleFabulous
27 Mar 2009 13:48

how did your family (esp parents) feel about you becoming someon'es second wife, Pritt?

KeleFabulous
27 Mar 2009 13:49

@ Cody i think most african men would never be the ones to initiate divorce. they'd rather do crappy things until you've had enuff and take up the proceedings yourself. i don't know why they would rather push a woman to do it rather than them doing it on their own...

just T
27 Mar 2009 13:51

Pritt wake up and smell the coffee. If your husband did not want that women, he would have divorced her no matter what. So truth is, he still loves her... one day you will wake up an realise that you were being played, the 3rd wife is on the way... give him 6 more months.

Kakapana
27 Mar 2009 13:54

kwa kwa kwa kwa kwa kwa kwa

Pritt
27 Mar 2009 13:56

Was she @ you guys's wedding??  - no she was not... otherwise it was family and close friends only...
Does T's family know that he took wive number 2? yes they do know,
How rich is S? - he affords, and its not that he is rich... we are affording as i said some we share 50/50 in two shops that we opened whilst dating... its both our money and not his alone... 
This has to do with money .... period... all men with more than 1 wife are rich. Show me the broke one with 2 wives? hhhhhhhhmmmmmm? conclusion ....> women who allow to be second wives are only interested in the bank balance. If the balance was not there, why would you agree?  - maybe/ maybe not... which is why #1 doesn't want i divorce because of money neh... LOL
are you happy thou? - yes i am HAPPY

Heartsbreaker
27 Mar 2009 13:57

@ Pritt does the first wife come to JHB? if yes,do you allow her in your house and at night who does the hubby sleep with? Tjo! Polygamy does exist bathong,now i believe.

Cody
27 Mar 2009 14:01

@ Cody i think most african men would never be the ones to initiate divorce. they'd rather do crappy things until you've had enuff and take up the proceedings yourself. 

You are right kele i have seen what you are saying happening in my family.

YA Pritt that woman just wants to frastrate you period, why didnt they laugh at her when she went back home the first time. ufuna msagaze ngempama e warm nje! lol!!

im just joking guys he he he he

koktail
27 Mar 2009 14:03

Interesting discussion and i am just interestes in Pritt's resoponce now...lol

Cande
27 Mar 2009 14:03

thanx for the honesty Pritt, and am happy that you leaving your life the way you want to and not how the society wants you to.

Cody
27 Mar 2009 14:05

which is why #1 doesn't want i divorce because of money neh... LOL 

Do you mean ukuthi the husband still provides for her financially??? nc nc nc nc

Pritt
27 Mar 2009 14:05

Just T - If your husband did not want that women, he would have divorced her no matter what. So truth is, he still loves her... i won't defend him in anyway as i said he wanted divorce but she refused and allowed him to have someone if he wants too but yena akayi ndawo... 
Cody i think most african men would never be the ones to initiate divorce. they'd rather do crappy things until you've had enuff and take up the proceedings yourself. i don't know why they would rather push a woman to do it rather than them doing it on their own... - isko lesi Swati mfati awumlahli but uya mteka. which is polygamy... babe uyaphuma ekhaya ashiye mfati nebantfwana endlini ayokwakha lomunye muti ngaphandle...i guess that is what is happening.
the 3rd wife is on the way - as i said mina angeke ngivume i will just leave him.
how did your family (esp parents) feel about you becoming someon'es second wife, Pritt?  - my parents said if I am happy he has no problem and gave their blessings

realist
27 Mar 2009 14:08

firstly I would want to know why he wants a 3rd wife, and if the is something lacking or not satisfied with in our marriage, will have to talk about it and improve on it and if all fails and she still insist on having #3 for ukwandisa umuzi nje!!! Honestly I will leave him...
I am impressed. At least you knew the concept of being a mistress and it paid up by getting the contract.

nekzo
27 Mar 2009 14:11

Pritt wake up and smell the coffee. If your husband did not want that women, he would have divorced her no matter what. So truth is, he still loves her... one day you will wake up an realise that you were being played, the 3rd wife is on the way... give him 6 more months.@ Just T.........hawu bandla..LOL

One and Only
27 Mar 2009 14:13

just tea please do not approach other blogs with the same mentality that you apply when approaching Generations Blog, think before you reply. 

Your replies are degrading the black's culture, we do not need that. If you do not practice your culture then do some research/ ask elders about polygamy before you make such comments as it is bofebe.

Please do not compare the break-up you had with your boyfriend of 2 weeks through sms with the divorce, with divorce there are so many factors to considers before doing it, it's not like going to the loo and piss.

Pritt
27 Mar 2009 14:13

does the first wife come to JHB?  no she doesn't akayazi ne address yami... will not allow her in my house as i do not go to her house as well.
Do you mean ukuthi the husband still provides for her financially??? nc nc nc nc - they do not have kids together and he only give so much money when needed otherwise the lady is working as well... so I'm not complaining...

realist
27 Mar 2009 14:17

I am impressed. At least you knew the concept of being a mistress and it paid up by getting the contract.
Forgot to mention one more thing, by marrying you don’t you think your man is an idiot? No offence. Here is why:
will have to talk about it and improve on it and if all fails and she still insist on having #3 for ukwandisa umuzi nje!!! Honestly I will leave him...

Cande
27 Mar 2009 14:17

Thanx for sharing Pritt

Cande
27 Mar 2009 14:19

so in other words you dont support the concept of polygamy Pritt? or do you? Why is it that you allowed yourself to be takes as 2nd wife and you will not allow S to take wife 3?

just T
27 Mar 2009 14:20

the 3rd wife is on the way - as i said mina angeke ngivume i will just leave him.
So it was ok when you were cheating with him and ended up being second wife but you won't allow others to have their chance? i guess you won't be wife 2 for too long, start reading divorce sections and check how much you are going to get out of the settlement. Once a cheat always a cheat..

Pritt
27 Mar 2009 14:25

I do not understand your q realist
by marrying you don’t you think your man is an idiot? No offence.

just T
27 Mar 2009 14:27

One and Only? i am answering based on my experiences. I was raised in polygamy environment and the way it ended it was hectic, so i know what i am talking about... lol MONEY is the only reason why people allow to be in the situation. do your research properly and when u find a poor husband with 2+ wives come back to me

Cody
27 Mar 2009 14:29

they do not have kids together and he only give so much money when needed otherwise the lady is working as well... so I'm not complaining...

Hai noo man, it will kill me to have to talk to my husbands other wife regarding "our" husband, or my husband to support another woman financially. huu hai, call me selfish but nee maan, even if she is the first wife, i wouldnt allow that, unless they have kids. 

Sho Pritt, o strong myskat!

Pritt
27 Mar 2009 14:34

so in other words you dont support the concept of polygamy Pritt?  angina problem with polygamy, u babumkhulu wam ebe ne si thembu(4), u brother ka mkhulu wami unesithembu (4), ubaba ka mama unesithembu (3). Honestly i have never seen their wives fighting or whatever. Ama family a right nje like any other families or even better.
 Why is it that you allowed yourself to be takes as 2nd wife and you will not allow S to take wife 3? - 3 is too much Cande, ku right njengoba siyi two... even if I was wife #1, i would have allowed him wife #2 but not #3.
 

One and Only
27 Mar 2009 14:36

In polygamy you always have a choice as a woman, the man doesn't just take another wife without consulting the current wife/wives. If you don't have a problem with it you'll allow your husband to marry another wife just as T did.

If you have a problem with it, you will then leave as P would do if this man can take a 3rd wife. Coming to the point that men are less than women makes it impossible to find a guy not in a relationship but just waiting for you.

Just because you found your partner while he was in a relationship with someone doesn't mean that he's gonna cheat on you too.

TheLady
27 Mar 2009 14:36

Wow Pritt...just love the fact that you can stand your ground...

TheLady
27 Mar 2009 14:37

Pritt-how old are you dear?

Cande
27 Mar 2009 14:38

are you in your 20's ? or 30's? 40's?

Toxic
27 Mar 2009 14:38

i also dont understand realist's question....

goldii
27 Mar 2009 14:39

Eish ya neh.

We learn everyday. Thak you Tvsa. Must say latest blogs are mind opening.


Off topic 

Realist I need to send you a PM, how do I do this?

realist
27 Mar 2009 14:41

I do not understand your q realist
You were his mistress and he married you. He should have continued with the affair and not given you the contract. Unless your contract is not in COP

just T
27 Mar 2009 14:42

In polygamy you always have a choice as a woman, the man doesn't just take another wife without consulting the current wife/wives.  - Who would say yes to that? Only in the movies... In my mom's case, she said NO and wife NO.2  was there, as soon as he got tired of her, wife NO3. was there.  Do not forget, in our culture, the man is the head of the house and whatever he says it goes...

goldii
27 Mar 2009 14:42

Thak you Tvsa

Meant: Thank you TVSA

Pritt
27 Mar 2009 14:42

Pritt-how old are you dear?- turning 29 in May and him 35 -1 April

realist
27 Mar 2009 14:47

Realist I need to send you a PM, how do I do this?
Haven’t got the faintest idea. Anybody help please. Thank you

just T
27 Mar 2009 14:48

Bloggers when is April's fool by the way???

cleve
27 Mar 2009 14:49

Best-Achiever
27 Mar 2009 14:50

Pritt ... what sort of wedding did you have? because i'd like to believe that the white wedding doesnt allow a man to marry the second one before divorcing the 1st one.... or did i miss something?

Pritt
27 Mar 2009 14:50

@ realist we are married out of cop-accrual system.
Just T now I understand where your anger comes from... My story is not the same as your story. 
If may aks why did your mother stay seeing that she wa not happy... was it the case of money as you said it yourself... Do not mean to be rude.

Heartsbreaker
27 Mar 2009 14:50

angina problem with polygamy, u babumkhulu wam ebe ne si thembu(4), u brother ka mkhulu wami unesithembu (4), ubaba ka mama unesithembu (3). Honestly i have never seen their wives fighting or whatever. Ama family a right nje like any other families or even better. >>>> then why would you leave yo husband if he takes the 3rd wife? i think you are contradicting yoself sisi.

realist
27 Mar 2009 14:53

@ realist we are married out of cop-accrual system.
Now I understand why he agreed to marry you. Thank you.

just T
27 Mar 2009 14:53

If it was money, she would still be alive lol...

Pritt
27 Mar 2009 14:55

BA it was a white wedding, wife #1, was married in a traditional way and they were already staying together before getting married  and latsly their marriage was not registered e court. Traditionally they are married. Mina ngingumfazi wephepha LOL... (reminds me of i story soba Madlanduna)

TheLady
27 Mar 2009 14:58

Just T your situation is different, your dad was the only bread winner, you need to let go of this anger-you cannot control people and cannot force them to see things your way.

Yes I feel bad that an 8 year old was left motherless-but that's not the only thing I feel kule situation yakho. No please don't judge the woman.

TheLady
27 Mar 2009 14:59

Yho uBeauty wena Pritt LOL...

Pritt
27 Mar 2009 14:59

angina problem with polygamy, u babumkhulu wam ebe ne si thembu(4), u brother ka mkhulu wami unesithembu (4), ubaba ka mama unesithembu (3). Honestly i have never seen their wives fighting or whatever. Ama family a right nje like any other families or even better. >>>> then why would you leave yo husband if he takes the 3rd wife? i think you are contradicting yoself sisi.
 - I don't think so... what I'm saying is mina ngi right sibabili angifuni owesithathu ngoba I will then have to consult abantu abaningi so it is easy to finalise izinto zomndeni njengoba sibabili... Angizi noma uya understander

jazzyree
27 Mar 2009 15:01

My two cents worth.Have been silent lately but this subject is sensitive.

African men given the platform some of them ( if not most) would be polygamist,
I think women we allow men to do this to us the minute we accept becoming second wives.
How many men cheat and betray their girlfriends , wives whatever?? so many they only end the affairs because they get caught out, imagine a situation where all chains are let loose and its okay to get more than one wife, just a few would have one wife.
At the end of the day its us women who have to stand up and say no, this is a new era and we are not subjecting ourselves to misery and infections any more.

I am speaking as an almost second wife who woke up one day and took control of her life.

felfel
27 Mar 2009 15:04

Best-Achiever
27 Mar 2009 15:05

ok Pritt .... i wud never be able to do such though

realist
27 Mar 2009 15:06

BA it was a white wedding, wife #1, was married in a traditional way and they were already staying together before getting married and latsly their marriage was not registered e court. Traditionally they are married. Mina ngingumfazi wephepha LOL... (reminds me of i story soba Madlanduna)
What you are saying is that the guy did not sign on the dotted line? Is it what you are saying? Then girl you are not wife No2 but 1. If he did not sign on the dotted line he is not married to wife No1 period. I am not interested in hearing culture this and that, the guy did not sign the contract with the dept. of home affairs. Period.

just T
27 Mar 2009 15:07

I am not judging anyone, all i am saying is I will never agree to POLYGAMY period. that's my opinion and whoever who believes in it its their business too. 
Mfazi we phepha, good luck with your hubby...

mstick
27 Mar 2009 15:08

ku shushu.......

nekzo
27 Mar 2009 15:11

@ realist I agree with you u pritt is wife number 1 noma kanjani.......LOL
Hola Pritt hola.....LOL

Pritt
27 Mar 2009 15:11

What you are saying is that the guy did not sign on the dotted line? Is it what you are saying?  yes they did not sign, wa lobola then kwaba umembeso/umhlambiso
Then girl you are not wife No2 but 1.  ngokwephepha yes, but ngesiko im #2
If he did not sign on the dotted line he is not married to wife No1 period. I am not interested in hearing culture this and that, 
 

maddie
27 Mar 2009 15:12

Just because you found your partner while he was in a relationship with someone doesn't mean that he's gonna cheat on you too. @ one and only

that is partly true.

Your replies are degrading the black's culture, we do not need that 
one blogger said that culture are/is men made rules to oppress women.

examples: when a man dies a woman has to wear black for a year at least I don't know if men do the same.
- when a woman is on her period, she's not suppose to sleep on the same room/bed with her man - i mean really menstruation is a natural process like freaking having sex. some churches like ZCC u don't go to church ba re o tshilafetse (u r dirty)
- there are types of meat that are not meant to be eaten by women, I can go on and on

our culture is not consistent, the sooner we realize that the better

Just T and Pritt - thanks for sharing your story

Best-Achiever
27 Mar 2009 15:12

 But Pritt if they are not legal married ...why do they need divorce? .... how come your man refused divorce to someone he is not even married to?

maud
27 Mar 2009 15:13

hayi mna bosana xa efuna umfazi wesibili nam ndizafuna indoda yesibili, it takes two to play the game. its me or the other woman. i wont be able to play the second field, you can call me jeolous if you like, we can share everything but not my husband, its better if i dont know , what you dont know wont kill you.

just T
27 Mar 2009 15:16

just T
27 Mar 2009 15:20

i fully agree with you Best-Achiever,,,, i can smell a dead rat here. Somethings don't add up... let me zip my lips

just T
27 Mar 2009 15:21

nekzo
27 Mar 2009 15:25

Hayi Best achiever you have a point there my dear.......

Pritt
27 Mar 2009 15:25

when a woman is on her period, she's not suppose to sleep on the same room/bed with her  - in my case when on period I do not cook for him.. culture.
But Pritt if they are not legal married ...why do they need divorce? .... how come your man refused divorce to someone he is not even married to? - BA let me explain this to you, ngokwesiko lethu... even if you did not sign on the dotted line but if wa lobola kwenziwa nomsebenzi wokwamukela abakhwenyana,sekuwumshado lowo. If u want dirvorce i family yakubo ndoda kmele iye kubo mfazi kukhulunywe and kuba nama reasons ukuthi why bengasafunani, then the man has an option of taking another wife from the very same family loyo mfazi ubizwa ngenhlanzi...because kuthiwa izinkomo zisesibayeni sabo.... (if you watching Muvhango more of i case ka Sotobe).. and if indoda ayimfuni loyo mfazi then he is free to take from the outside. but after ama families sekahlangene akhuluma and kwavumelana.
Point 2. ifumfazi  uyashona, then uyakwazi ukuthatha the sister or cousin yomfazi wakho, and still ama families kumele ahlangane kukhulunywe.

goldii
27 Mar 2009 15:26

@ BA

But Pritt if they are not legal married ...why do they need divorce? .... how come your man refused divorce to someone he is not even married to?

I have been scratching my head about this one too.

I feel like I am in the twilight zone.

Pritt
27 Mar 2009 15:28

As i  said before indoda iphuma endlini ishiye umfazi nabantwana iyokwakha ngaphandle... but still has to maintain la asuka khona...

maud
27 Mar 2009 15:32

you must remember guys signing on the doted line is not an issue calturaly. its not like us esi signer even before the white wedding.

Pritt
27 Mar 2009 15:33

But Pritt if they are not legal married ...why do they need divorce? .... how come your man refused divorce to someone he is not even married to? - it is not the man who refused i divorce but the  wife#1

Best-Achiever
27 Mar 2009 15:35

Ok Pritt ... i get you point but im still confused, why isnt your man doing that if he doesnt love the first wife especial because there is nothing binding them legal and they have no children together which in most cases bind parents?/

nekzo
27 Mar 2009 15:36

thank you for sharing your story Pritt...hayi mina I'm speechless

maddie
27 Mar 2009 15:38

guys u must remember that our constitution recognises traditional marriages even though they did not sign

Cody
27 Mar 2009 15:39

Ya BA, nna i started wondering about a lot of things when i saw these comments from uPritt but at least she tried to explain it, atleast i get it kancane nakhona, eish i cant help it. I am attentive to detail yazi..

rather take me as second wife because she will never go back to her parent’s house esaba ukuthi bazothi ulayekile and bla blah blah... That’ show I became a second wife.

when we started dating they were separeted the wife went back to her parents house and went back to her house after knowing about our relationship. 

The thing is she already went back home akere when she heard about the affair then the guy asked for a divorce, so didnt they say ulayekile blah blah when she went home? hence i asked what difference was it going to make because the family already knew about the divorce etc. 

anyway let me not try to understand. nonetheless Pritt, o na le sebete sa ho tlotsa tau ka zambuck my dear. isithembu siyabulala

Triple LOL justT you are just angry wena.

Pritt
27 Mar 2009 15:43

i get you point but im still confused, why isnt your man doing that if he doesnt love the first wife especial because there is nothing binding them legal and they have no children together which in most cases bind parents?/ - uboshelwe isiko as i said he provides for her only when needed and not monthly as it would have been if bekunabantwana.
If the wife agreed ukuhlukana naye, families would have met and ended umshado wabo ngendlela so she opted to stay kulo mshado.
Even if he has to die we both have to mourn for him.
So everything was explained to us including wife #1 by the elders, before ngishada, which is what was agreed on and all parties were happy. 

just T
27 Mar 2009 15:45

my lips are sealed.... when is April's fool by the way?

Best-Achiever
27 Mar 2009 15:46

eish i cant help it. I am attentive to detail yazi.. 

me and you Cody ... together attentive to detail .... i blame it on the analysis i have to do at work ...lol

Best-Achiever
27 Mar 2009 15:48

tjo ....you are bigger than  most of us Pritt .... nna when it comes to man im so Jelous like God with worship(worship no other God but me).....lol

Sbam
27 Mar 2009 15:51

Pritt of course u don't have problems, i mean u have a man & enjoys all the benefits of being a wife #2. @ da moment ur the Queen.
I hope for ur sake things stays the same!!!! 

It would have been nice though to hear the 1st wife's side .... i bet it would be very much different from the one we just heared

Heartsbreaker
27 Mar 2009 15:53

o na le sebete sa ho tlotsa tau ka zambuck my dear. >>>>Kwa Kwa Kwa Kwa Kwa Kwa, couldn't agree more

Cody
27 Mar 2009 15:56

me and you Cody ... together attentive to detail .... i blame it on the analysis i have to do at work ...lol

Me too BA. analysis made me this way, my friends and the interns get so pissed because of this.

Pritt
27 Mar 2009 15:59

The thing is she already went back home akere when she heard about the affair then the guy asked for a divorce, so didnt they say ulayekile blah blah when she went home? hence i asked what difference was it going to make because the family already knew about the divorce  - i guess she was surprised ukuthi indoda yakhe didn't beg her to come back home instead he replaced her... instead of ukumcenga... (beyonce - IRREPLACEABLE)
o na le sebete sa ho tlotsa tau ka zambuck my dear. isithembu siyabulala  - my dear even if you have your man, one and only husband, bazokubulala bathathe indoda yakho sewu six feet bayidlisa futhi ibe ikhohlwe ngawe, so mina atleast ngiyithathe asaphila and am sure she is wondering ukuthi ngithembeni...LOL.

JuneRose
27 Mar 2009 16:01

Pritt i dont know what to say to you but what i can say is thanx for answering all these question i just came in now, i would've answered the same. 

My story is the same as Pritt, i means same. why i'm seeing this now? 
Pritt are you a Swati, T  uyena mswati. (true about the swati thing (no divorce)


just T, i'm sorry for happend to you.

Cande
27 Mar 2009 16:02

April fool is on the 1st Just T and uyastisturba thina we are interested

just T
27 Mar 2009 16:03

AMEN! re tla bonana le jeng weekend ya lona ga monate.

goldii
27 Mar 2009 16:04

Mhh.....mhh.......nc nc

Ngiyakuhlonipha Pritt.

Reading your responses gives me the chills

Pritt
27 Mar 2009 16:05

It would have been nice though to hear the 1st wife's side .... i bet it would be very much different from the one we just heared  -   if engumuntu oneqiniso and honest to herself she will tell you as it is angathengi skelm and angafuni mhawu womunye umuntu...  i bet you uzozwa the very same story osizwa kimi...

Cody
27 Mar 2009 16:05

i guess she was surprised ukuthi indoda yakhe didn't beg her to come back home instead he replaced her... instead of ukumcenga

one and only husband

LOL Pritttyyy!!! u one and only ngeke sana, never!!! i am just joking my love lol!!!!

Well i still maintain o na le sebete sa ho tlotsa tau ka lip-ice......no man, i meant zambuck LOL

just T
27 Mar 2009 16:06

Cande thanks for answering my question, ne ke lebetse tu... Pritt's hubby was born on  April's fool (1 April)? Hmmmm my lips are sealed... have a nice weekend good people, Pritt -> much love.

Cody
27 Mar 2009 16:08

Reply from: just T 3/27/2009 9:45:18 PM
my lips are sealed.... when is April's fool by the way? 

When i read between the lines Cande i think just T is trying to imply that the story is not true and Pritt is just pulling an April's fool on us!!

justT you dont know her so dont assume such things, just chill and drink idranpa!

TheLady
27 Mar 2009 16:09

Nawe JuneRose you are wife no2?How many wives does your man have?

felfel
27 Mar 2009 16:09

I get you Pritt and i have no negative words towards ur decision, hope you happy and all.
But i can't understand why ur man can't just summon the two families and let them know that the marriage has broken down and that he wants a cultural divorce, cos u say he don't love her, he lives with u and has no kids with her and u expecting his first born. So why drag the whole thing??? She supports herself and is unlikely to get anything from him in a settlement cos they didn't sign anything. Why is he holding on, why don't he give u the full contract and let the wife that he doesn't love go?? Thats just baffles me..

Pritt
27 Mar 2009 16:10

JuneRose. yes singamaswati sobathathu...

JuneRose
27 Mar 2009 16:11

Just T, i think your father was rich, my husband is not, i'm with him because i luv him as a matter of fact he in deep sh!t  f debts.

One and only i respect your comments big ups.

TheLady
27 Mar 2009 16:12

Pritt's polygamy situation is different-I'd like to hear from someone who says 'our hubby alternates weeks between us'

Cody
27 Mar 2009 16:14

Lol TheLady, you are always looking for drama yazi ROTFLMAO!!

i should have been long gone, iTVSA is not right period!! i need to abstain!

just T
27 Mar 2009 16:16

you dont know her so dont assume such things, just chill and drink idranpa!  lol Cody, how can you even think something like that??? it was going to be better if you asked, le wena do not assume... "Pritt's hubby was born on April's fool, i was thinking maybe Pritt will invite us to celebrate 35th birthday with hubby. But then again maybe thats not such a good idea, he might pick up 3rd wife

Pritt
27 Mar 2009 16:22

But i can't understand why ur man can't just summon the two families and let them know that the marriage has broken down and that he wants a cultural divorce, cos u say he don't love her, he lives with u and has no kids with her and u expecting his first born. So why drag the whole thing???
Felfel if the wife refuses i divorce and give a man an option of taking another wife whether ngaphandle or kwi family yakhe sisters/cousins yena asale at their matrimonial house... then they will take that. the wife akafuni ukuphuma endlini/emshadweni, which is why we ended up agreeing kule contract... yonke i decision or isiphetho senkulumo all parties must be happy so wife#1 is happy ukuhlala endlini yakhe yomshado even if indoda izombona ngalesosikhathi... 
for wife #1 not having kids with hubby was her choice ne family yakhe...

JuneRose
27 Mar 2009 16:22

Nawe JuneRose you are wife no2?How many wives does your man have? Only two, i'm the second one.

I dont believe that once a cheater always a cheater. you would be suprised ukubona ukuthi he's more jealous than you are. 

@Pritt my husband ungumswati nofirst wife too. 

just T
27 Mar 2009 16:22

JuneRose i own Mandela Square, do you believe me? lol

maud
27 Mar 2009 16:24

@just T- hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhaaaa,

JuneRose
27 Mar 2009 16:27

@ just T, ROTFLMAO

just T
27 Mar 2009 16:29

Basadi ba ba babedi ba na le sebete. Gabotse botse sebete sa bona se ka gare ga mafura (halsam) a go fisha, se ya chachama ngwana mme. Nna ke sa gana ke re, sethepu sona, nka se tsoge ke se dumetse. Ka mme a ntswetse.  Ke a tseba joale ge bare mosadi o tswara thipa ka bogaleng ba rwa eng? Ba kgotse baka le hlokomele e seke ya le sega thipa yeo le etswereng

Pritt
27 Mar 2009 16:33

 JuneRose i own Mandela Square, do you believe me?  its your Mandela square whether we belive it or not,  you have nothing to gain for lying to us...

Sobza
27 Mar 2009 16:34

Kuyasherwa zihlobo, amadoda ambalwa abafazi baninzi. Angeke kulengculazi egqugqisa nakangaka.

Are woman that desperate nje ukuthi umntu ayokwendela endodeni esele inomfazi? I feel sorry for the first wife........ubukele nje bemana bengena belandelelana belukrozo abafazi emveni kwakhe. No wonder besifa nakangaka abafazi abahleli ezilalini.....amadoda ayahamba ayokuphangela ezi mine, ahambe elala nazo zonke iintombi kwanabafana abahlangana nabo........athi xa ebuya, abuye nesifo.

Pritt
27 Mar 2009 16:35

 @JuneRose - masihlangani and plan on how to get rid of the 1st wives over coffee... LOL Ngyadlala... Just to chill

JuneRose
27 Mar 2009 16:45

Just T i'm sorry u had to experience polygamy that way, our experiences are not the same. i've seen sethepu ngwaneso hape seyaba sebeletsa batho ba ka hare ho sona. 

Ba kgotse baka le hlokomele e seke ya le sega thipa yeo le etswereng - ha ho nang retlabe retiile dipelong. but i can assure you i'll be in this marriage till modimo o gopola, now its been 1yr 8months and its lyk i just got married a month ago. 

Venusseed
27 Mar 2009 16:54

Bloggers when is April's fool by the way???  Lol!!! So being born on the 1st of April makes you a.......?

Interesting blog. I had to print it to read it at home.

Good luck Pritt. I see you are still in the honeymoon faze. 6 months? How long have you known this guy before you got married?

I have had bad luck (if I can call it that) of being asked out by married men in the past 2 years. I even got to think banna ba fedile. The single ones are either too young or not what I want. Maar Sthepu sona.... No thanks. 

Twice I have been asked to become wife no 2. Hell no! I don't wanna confuse the kids we might have. Just T, sorry for your experience and your loss. God's grace and mercy upon you.

maddie
27 Mar 2009 16:57

one question to both JuneRose and Pritt expecting an honest answer, u obviously sleep with ur man without a condom since u r married right and he also sleeps with the other woman without it, aren't u afraid that if one of u catches a disease in dis case HIV, u'll be all infected.

how do u protect urselves from that possibility, because there are higher stats of married women who are getting infected by the day.

mathata
27 Mar 2009 17:04

sethepu i will  cut air with the knife,my dear i will make sure gore oje monate o kwenye boima.

nothing is for free in life,ppl they want this because they want to fetch without working hard.

thats why men play women like YOYOS,if they have money they can do whatever they want.

polygamy after is HIV,later we blame God.

ooooh black ppl.

maddie
27 Mar 2009 17:05

if my memory serves me well, same sex marriages are also constitutional, we've got so many after niners already o kare ka bona men taking men as second wives, the woman  being the first of course.

loop holes tsa constitution haii

FLYINGBIRD
27 Mar 2009 17:32

 I would neva support polygamy, wether it is culture or not polygamy is a dirty practice. Where there is polygamy there is envy, which leads to jealousy, jealousy then leads to hatred. hatred then leads to witchcraft. After witchcraft is doom & disaster to all those involved. The children suffer the most. What causes all these is favouritism from men.  Do u remember  Kwakhala nyonini.  That drama symbolizes  a hell of life in a polygamous familly, all the witchcraft & confusion.  

From the Bible, Jacob had two wives LEAH & Rachel. His favourite was Rachel who was Joseph's mother,his favourite son. What happened is tht JOSEPH was hated by his brothers who plotted to kill him bcz he was his father's favourite. But GOD saved him frm dead thus he was sold to the Egyptians. What am trying to highlight is that polygamy is a no no.

FLYINGBIRD
27 Mar 2009 17:45

Thinking of Kwakhala Nyonini am thinking of Umfazi wephepha, mara I used to like Khethiwe, the younger & vibrant wife.LOL

FLYINGBIRD
27 Mar 2009 18:15

TJO Pritt. yo story is so fascinating but i still say no to polygamy.

JuneRose
27 Mar 2009 22:27

@Maddie, we agreed to test every six months and if ever i get hiv i will never blame anyone because i brought myself in to this, as for de other wife i dont care who she blames what i know is i'm faithful not only 2 our marriage but 2 myself. @mathatha polygamy ha se yona etlisang hiv. Most of the people got hiv bcoz of their unfaithful partner. The way batho batshabang hiv ka teng tjo. And i don't why? I've got asthma and breast cancer eleng tsona tse tlamehang to warriya.

JuneRose
27 Mar 2009 22:28

Mean to say tlamehang hong warriya

cleve
27 Mar 2009 22:29

Eish I couldn't post to this article at work. Pritt you are one brave woman. But your situation seems like the guy is not really interested in the first wife.  You and your man are both still young and him being 35 means he can easily find a third wife and I hope you are ready to fight the batlle because it WILL happen. He still has a lot to explore just like he explored with you and he knows that it's an acceptable practice and what will really stop him???

I wish you the best of luck and hope you stay strong in your marraige. Thank you for opening our eyes to this.

JuneRose
27 Mar 2009 22:33

@Maddie, we agreed to test every six months and if ever i get hiv i will never blame anyone because i brought myself in to this, as for de other wife i dont care who she blames what i know is i'm faithful not only 2 our marriage but 2 myself. @mathatha polygamy ha se yona etlisang hiv. Most of the people got hiv bcoz of their unfaithful partner. The way batho batshabang hiv ka teng tjo. And i don't why? I've got asthma and breast cancer eleng tsona tse tlamehang to warriya.

JuneRose
27 Mar 2009 22:34

Meant to say tlamehang hong warriya

mathata
28 Mar 2009 19:17

hiv,hiv,hiv.....hallo.

VusiK
15 Aug 2011 09:45

Polyandry is illegal in South Africa

This is actually not anywhere near true.I'll skip my usually long responses in technical details and put it as follows:

We have a constitution that is gender neutral.

It is society that frowns at polyandry, not the law,

The beaurocracy may not accommodate it in the system ... but Polyandry is not illegal.

maddie
15 Aug 2011 10:44

Vusik I think u r right i cannot quote the constitution verbatim but when it talks abt this issue it says spouse which can either be male or female

VusiK
15 Aug 2011 12:02

@Maddie ... Agreed

the problem lies with society's perception, the problem is not with the law.


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