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Polyamory

Written by 1nOnly from the blog The One The Only on 14 Apr 2008
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What?

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Main_Page defines polyamory as:
Polyamory (from Greek πολυ [poly, meaning many or several] and Latin amor [literally “love”]) is the desire, practice, or acceptance of having more than one loving, intimate relationship at a time with the full knowledge and consent of everyone involved. Polyamorous perspectives differ from monogamous perspectives, in that they reflect one or more partner's wish(es) to have further meaningful relationships and to accommodate these alongside their existing relationships.

How I Came To Know About It

I heard the term for the first time sometime in February on 3Tal k. Please note that this is not a recap as the show happened quite a while back and the article is about the subject of polyamory and not the show even though I will be basing my article on what happened on the show.

Noeleen had a total of four guests in the studio, Melanie, Kris as well as two clinical psychologists.

Melanie’s Story

Melanie is married and she has a child with her husband. Her husband also has a girlfriend Bee and Melanie consents. Infact Bee even visits them at their home and they can even get physical with hubby with Melanie’s knowledge as long as Melanie’s consulted first. Melanie mentioned that she’d dated more than her husband but decided not to pursue a relationship with anyone.

Kris’ Story

Kris is in a relationship with a woman. Kris is a woman herself but she can be easily mistaken for a man (at least I did when I first saw her). Kris’ partner is also in a relationship with five other people two women and three men. Again Kris fully consents. She doesn’t have time to date anyone else because her premature twin babies are keeping her busy.

The Experts

The psychologists didn’t seem to agree on this one. One felt that very few of these polyamorous relationships work out and those that don’t always result in a lot of pain and felling of betrayal. The other psychologist stressed that polyamory should not be mistaken for cheating or infidelity as some callers did. She also felt that it can bring harmony and happiness into relationships.

Have Your Say

What do you think of polyamory? Could it be a solution to cheating and infidelity or is it glorified infidelity? Do you know anybody in such a relationship? Is it something you would give a try? What would you do/say if your partner suggested it to you? What potential benefits / problems do you foresee from it?

46 Comments

1nOnly
14 Apr 2008 03:49

Here it is guys and girls. Let's here your thoughts

1nOnly
14 Apr 2008 04:11

Oops! I meant lets hear your thoughts.

Honeypot
14 Apr 2008 04:43

Here goes, I personally wouldn't do it, however I think it just a way people want have their cake and it, though there is nothing wrong when you are 2 consenting adults,but I would send my partner packing if he ever suggested such thing. I don't understand why would you get married if you still wanna run around and taste all the variety.

Mzozy
14 Apr 2008 06:37

I agree with you honeypot, I can't share my man with anyone, nonono! If he suggests such a thing then I'll see that he doesn't like me 100%, kushuthi uyobe esengenwe uSathane so we must go our seperate ways.

Segololo
14 Apr 2008 07:36

quite a bit too much to chew in these days!!

Best-Achiever
15 Apr 2008 01:07

i would share a man with anyone if im in the know!!!

Fluffy Head
15 Apr 2008 01:26

Yhooo....guys this is crazy neh. I saw this TV programme when I was in Europe, it was a documentary following these 2 sets of lovers...A girl with 3 boyfriends and all living inthe same house and a man with 5...It was the first time I saw something like it. You know crazzy things are happening out there. The most ridiculous thing was that all these people were fine with the arrangement.
MMmmmmmhhh

Dabs
15 Apr 2008 01:31

I would never allow anyone to disrespect me like that, I would never disrespect someone like that. People should get married for areason and not because they have to.  Like Honeypot said why do you get married if you still want to be with other epople. Imagine what the twins will learn when they grow up.

STROH
15 Apr 2008 01:47

guyz have u ever loved 2 people @ the same tym,i wish as woman we also had dat ryt,coz im caught in between ,i really dont know what to do i love both des guyz,@fluffy which country ,where it is okay for a girl to have more than 1boyfriends.

Dabs
15 Apr 2008 01:53

STROH you have to choose one and forget about the other one. It's  life we can't have it all. and never ever think about the one you never chose, you must never.

Fluffy Head
15 Apr 2008 01:56

Stroh, it was London-Liverpool and the other group (can;t say couple) was from Scotland in some village there...Why, do you wanna move there??? LOL

STROH
15 Apr 2008 02:00

da thing is the other guy was my 1st bf ,we never broke up we lost contact,and i 've never stopped thinking about him,and there is a father of my baby i love him too with all of my heart,i really dont know what to do,bt da gud thing thou there are in different provinces da other guy know ukuthi i love my baby;s father . 

STROH
15 Apr 2008 02:02

if both these guyz agree on my terms why not..............lol

1nOnly
15 Apr 2008 02:04

STROH You don't have to move anywhere because there are people like that in SA as I saw on the show. Goodluck convincing both your guys to "share" you...

Nonny
15 Apr 2008 02:20

Mina Stroh, I would say xhopha labantu bakho bobabili, coz obviously they won't agree, u know how guys don't like sharing unless it's on their part. So either ubadla bobabili on the downlow like a smart b!tch or u make that hard but neccessary decision yokuthi ufaka ba ukiphe ba!!!!

STROH
15 Apr 2008 02:25

thankx  nonny dat what im doing ryt now,coz they dont know each other and chances of them meeting are zilch.

Best-Achiever
15 Apr 2008 02:38

hehehe Nonny why uhlohla enye ingane?

@Stroh  Dont even think about that ... the world is so small my dear. do you know ur boyfriend have been or is doing on the other side of the world. if you say he knows that luv ur babydaddy do you think he is in for real ... i doubt guys doesnt wanna share .... he just wanna explore and leave u heart-broken

STROH
15 Apr 2008 03:08

da thing is naye unomuntu wakhe,maybe after sumtym uzongibora then i will leave him coz i easly gt bored,maybe ukumhalela not ukuthi ngiyamthanda bt everytym i think about him*smilling*,hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.my trip to KzN WAS WORTH IT.im going back again month end.

Nonny
15 Apr 2008 03:23

Which reminds me Stroh, u didn't give us feedback ukuthi how ur trip went to KZN, awungithi hlafa kancane phela wemkhozi?????...........LOL
@ BA, ilife ingenze ngabona ukuthi if u can't beat them, join them, yikho ke ngizihlohlela uStroh!!!!

Dabs
15 Apr 2008 03:35

HHAAA STroh, mina ngiyala. No, no, the world is a small place. You just never know who your man knows out there. But when they find you don't come crying to us ngoba mina ngizokuhleka. hahahahaha!!!!!!

KeleFabulous
15 Apr 2008 03:37

the world has definately changed...

STROH
15 Apr 2008 03:38

uyanuka wenonny usushoda ngephunga,ayi ke swity mina nguglamour omdala 10 years manje ngikule industry.....................all i can tell u guyz 'good things comes to those who wait".............................lol................i've waited 10 years.and im going back for i long weekend ya month end,ngenxa yobumnandi i even came back izolo ekuseni,ubuthongo bebudla langami izolo,thankx to u guyz u managed to keep me awake with ur comments.ngigcelwe ngani....................lol............ha ha ha....tsotsi taal

Best-Achiever
15 Apr 2008 03:43

heheheh .. Nonny ....  waze wangikhumbuza omamgobhozi besebethi bazithi fahla (kanti yindaba ende kushona ilannga besayithi fahla) ..... usho ukuthi usuzithanda ngaleyondlela ukuthi usungaze uthi wemkhozi ....LOL

eish Stroh ... i guess you are much braver than i am ... mina mesekuziwa enhlizyweni im very much protective ...

STROH
15 Apr 2008 03:47

But it feels right,u know that feeling...@ Dabs u make me scared knw ,there is dis guy who use to work with my man ,he resigned went back to KzN (PMB).him and thi guys banesibongo esiyi sodwa what if they are cuzins.nooooooooo i will cross dat brigde when i cme to it.

Nonny
15 Apr 2008 03:56

"usho ukuthi usuzithanda ngaleyondlela ukuthi usungaze uthi wemkhozi ....LOL"
LMAO @ BA, yini ngawe, u are making me seem like iSolezwe eliwela umfula ugcwele......LOL

Dabs
15 Apr 2008 04:00

Guys the whole zulu thing I understand zulu but mine is not Isizulu A so I don't understand some of the things you are saying. Imagine the ones who don't know zulu at all. kancane nje, not so much.

STROH
15 Apr 2008 04:04

@Dabs sorry me love i will minimize my zulu iwill write esala ejoburg.

Best-Achiever
15 Apr 2008 04:07

@Nonny ... it is just that you caught my attention ..... LOL
@Dabs .... im sorry, i forgot that some guys cant understand zulu .... sorry

poshspice
15 Apr 2008 04:19

@Stroh...is everything okay in your relationship with babydaddy.? or even women don't need a reason to cheat like men. nowadays..

Segololo
15 Apr 2008 04:26

Dabs: <<Guys the whole zulu thing I understand zulu but mine is not Isizulu A so I don't understand some of the things you are saying. Imagine the ones who don't know zulu at all. kancane nje, not so much.>>You are my hero! Thank you! I would be happier if we all just kept to English, so all the white people can have a say... I sometimes don't reply on some article simply because of the zulu already there and I feel that a lot of white folk would like to participate in ALL the blogs but just can't because of this Zulu thing... Eish! 

You can all bite my head off but I am relly tired  of it! Just damn gatvol!

Nonny
15 Apr 2008 04:27

@ Dabs, thanks for the reminder gal, I will also remember to minimize on the vernac, vele my Ingrish (I mean English) needs improvement (lots of it......LOL)!!!!!

Dabs
15 Apr 2008 04:29

Thanks Guys.

1nOnly
15 Apr 2008 04:31

@ Sego Just damn gatvol! You are really pissed off girl...LOL
Hey nina spik Ingrish OK? LOL

Lex
15 Apr 2008 04:44

Back to the topic - No sharing for me thank you very much.But my boyfriend's friend and his girlfriend have an open relationship type-of-thing going ok.and they are both ok with it.The girl will be telling him who she went out with,what style the other guy likes (and by style I mean style sa ko beteng),if the guy was any good or if she wont go back to him again.And they sometimes chat about these things in our presence,and I'm like WTF.I told my bf to never even think about that because "EK VAT ALLES MAAR NIE KAK NIE"

STROH
15 Apr 2008 04:47

@ Poshspice.............everythiing is okay,he is the best,i guess it just a phrase yefebism.my sista uthi once a bi**h,always a bi**h,

Dabs
15 Apr 2008 04:53

Lex I would like those people to be my friends too, can I meet them nje. I just want to stare at them.

Lex
15 Apr 2008 05:06

Bathong Dabs,nna ba ntshosa (they scare me).

Preshiii
15 Apr 2008 05:06

da thing is naye unomuntu wakhe,maybe after sumtym uzongibora then i will leave him coz i easly gt bored,maybe ukumhalela not ukuthi ngiyamthanda bt everytym i think about him*smilling*,hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.my trip to KzN WAS WORTH IT.im going back again month end. 

@ Nonny & Stroh...has it ever crossed your mind that the person you're giving advise to concerning whom to shag or cheat on, might actually turn out to be seeking advise bout shagging your own partner??? (Unknowingly of course....just a thought....its a small world)  

Nonny you're in KZN & so is Stroh's shagmate/boyfriend/cheated one...undxolele Stroh, just not sure what this person is to you

Nonny
15 Apr 2008 05:12

Dabs I must say u are the most curious married woman I've ever met, I like that yazi, keep it up.

@ Lex - I think that ur friends are smart in having an open relationship. This habit indirectly makes each partner up their game coz they know that if they are lacking, someone else is doing a better job for them. It kinda keeps both paries on their toes. Nami I also onced experienced an open relationship, and believe me if all the cards are always on the table, the relationship grows from strength to strength coz u both have a desire to ecplore but the love that u have for each other is more important!!!!

Nonny
15 Apr 2008 05:15

I meant - it kinda keeps both parties on their toes!

Lex
15 Apr 2008 05:19

Haai Nonny nna I wouldn't b able to live with that.My take is - if u wanna cheat,then go ahead but make sure I dont find out coz if I do...

Nonny
15 Apr 2008 05:19

@ Preshiii, thanks for the valid point that u have raised. Sometimes inlife u go through so much in relationships that u end up not realising that two wrongs won't ever make a right. But having said that, Stroh's boo is in PMB and mina my "missions" reside in Durban.

Nonny
15 Apr 2008 05:26

"if u wanna cheat,then go ahead but make sure I dont find out coz if I do..."
@ Lex, u see that's the whole point if u have secret desires rather let ur partner know so that u can simply satisfy ur desires, instead of being unfaithful and doing things behind ur partners back. Eish I know this polyamory sounds very Gomora and Sodoma like but it's a sad reality!!!!

Lex
15 Apr 2008 05:33

@ Nonny - if u have secret desires rather let ur partner know so that u can simply satisfy ur desires.Those desires should be communicated to me so that we can explore them TOGETHER.If u wanna explore them with someone else,then go to that someone and dont come back to me.Simple,no complications.

1nOnly
15 Apr 2008 07:55

@Lex what if your partner wants to try out something you don't want to even try?

zowee
09 May 2008 04:09

but I would send my partner packing if he ever suggested such thing. 

High five

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