Editors Note:
Welcome to the First Edition of "Wisteria Lane Scandal" the latest place to pick up the latest scandals happening in Wisteria Lane, home to the scandalous, Desperate Housewives (Thur 8:30pm M-Net). We hope you enjoy the first issue!!
- CD
Everybody loves a good feud whether it be Oprah vs. Dr. Phil, Alyssa Milano vs. Shannen Doherty, Tyra Banks vs. Naomi Cambell or Paris Hilton vs. Nicole Richie, a good feud is all the drama you need for entertainment.
This time the feud is coming to Wisteria Lane and hitting the suburbs and it's not over whose talk show's better or whose the better Supermodel. Wisteria Lane Scandal's got the scoop and it's over a recipie and the title for "Perfection".
Sources and when I say sources, I mean Gabby, Bree and Susan already have informed Wisteria Lane Scandal that Katherine's up to no good hiding some secret, but even worse- she steps on Wisteria Lane's version of Martha Stewart; Bree Hodge's toes!
See it all began when Katherine Mayfair suggested to Susan, Gabby and Bree that they host a lunch for Lynette (whose currently going through Chemo - see article below for more), which sparked Bree assigning the tasks and duties of the lunch (which Bree has been known to do). Bree assigned Katherine the "light salad", however Katherine apparently insisted otherwise- wanting to do the Dessert- somehting Bree had always traditionally done.
Citing the reason for wanting to do the Dessert as having lost her Salad bowl in the move, Susan Mayer (who recently married long time neighbour Mike Delfino who lived across the road in then now location where Katherine is living) for Katherine to make the dessert. According bystanders (Gabby), the conversation got tense as Katherine insisted on doing the dessert, despite Bree and her friends claiming how magnificient her traditional Lemon Mirange Pie was. Apparently after a while Katherine backed off and agreed to do the salad.
Katherine further added insult to injury when she pointed out she wanted to be "Perfect like Bree", only to, seconds later point out an imperfecting in Bree's pants and modify it herself- in the form of cutting it, according to Ida Greenburg who saw the incident while watching Rachel Ray from her living room.
How dare Katherine get off to the wrong foot with Bree like that. Sources from Wisteria Lane revealed that this wasn't the first time Katherine "challenged" Bree, after pointing out she (Katherine) wanted Bree's Pine tree cut down just last week.
It was reported by Lynette Scavo when she spoke to Wisteria Lane Scandal this past week that a terrible crime had been comitted right in her home. Apparently, her girlfriends plus Katherine had organised a lunch at her home bringing the various foods, and while as much as she could gather, everyone as usual was assigned tasks by Bree of what to bring.
On top of bringing a light salad - which was apparently a duck french expensive salad or something, Katherine also committed the crime of 'Hi-jacking' Bree's famous pie and dubbing it with her own. Unknownly, everyone commented how brilliant the pie was and it was Bree's best- only for Bree after tasting it- to point out it wasn't hers.
Boy are we please that CSI follows Desperate Housewives on Thursdays, for our CSI skills kicked in and the suspect named ; Katherine, confessed to having hijacked Bree's pie- a move to show her superiority to Bree? Whatever it was, this was the spark of a war between the two.
According to Gabby who spoke to Wisteria Lane Scandal afterwards about the incident, said, "Everyone just put thier forks down in disgust after what Katherine did, except for Susan who continued munching away." And while it's clear Susan has the munchies because she's eating for two - yes the 46year old Children's Author is expecting her second child with newlywedded husband- Mike Delfino. Susan apparently has been seen eating large amounts of sugar coated food, we don't blame her Pushing Daisies and muching on the Pie thief's pie!
While we're on the issue of the Pie Thief, the Mayfair family are putting the Mysteria back into Mysteria Lane, a title once used two years ago when the Applewhites resided in Wisteria Lane.
According to Mrs. McClusky she spoke to Dylan (daughter of Katherine Mayfair and Unknown Father) about her childhood when the family resided in Wisteria Lane 12years ago. However, Katherine's daughter had no memories of the event or apparently of her father being around.
With more questions than Carte Blanche, Dylan proceeded to ask her mother, "What has she been hiding." That's a good question we think!
As usual, so early in the plot mystery we didn't expect answers, however Katherine herself couldn't even give an appropriate lie. So we wanna as whose this man following this daughter and mother, could he be Dylan's father or Katherine's body-guard, and what the hell is thier big secret this family's hiding.
In other news, Wisteria Lane Scandal's Style Department paid a visit to the Mayfair household (once the Delfino house) and remarked how unimpressed they were with the remodelling, especially since Katherine desires to be as perfect as Bree, our Specialist gave the quote, "How could someone desiring perfection hit such a miss with thier home remodelling!"
Wisteria Lane's been plagued with a Crime Wave, and the Residents are in fear. It's not your average crimes of being beaten to death by a blender like Mrs. Huber. Instead this week alone, Wisteria Lane's had Pie-Jacking's, dirty laundry and garden damage.
Our reporters are delightful to announce that investigations have lead to it all being an accidental 'fatal attraction.'- Here's what happened.
As reported last week, Carlos Solis is engaging in an affair with his ex-wife Gabrielle Lang, however when Edie nearly catches him at Gabby's house, Carlos is forced to get home before Edie does while Gabby distracts Edie, for thier affair not to be blown.
This however prompts Carlos (photographed by Ida Greenburg who was taking pictures of her new garden equipment to send to her sister in Ports Smouth) to quickly get home, however running through people's backyards- damaging and destroying everything on his way.
Once returning to Edie's home, Carlos was locked out, so according to him, he broke in to get into the house. This was all done in the name of keeping the affair a secret, while the residents feared a crime wave.
Carlos also revealed that for Edie's birthday, Edie treated herself to a new car- on Carlos' expense, when he demanded she return it because it was 'too expensive'- Edie got Carlos another gift- a card with the word "YES" for when she proposed to him. Indirectly blackmailing him about his offshore accounts, Edie pressured Carlos into accepting the engagement.
Carlos, who previously served time, contacted an aquaintence of his to "finish Edie" off, spotted by a Wisteria Lane Resident in a local bar. Could Carlos go through with getting Edie axed off?
The reality show which has had everyone's mouth watering which recently returned to our screen on Friday on M-Net Series, "Top Chef" has come to Wisteria Lane, without the camera's however.
It's the battle between Bree and Katherine, after Katherine's little stunt of upstaging Bree at Lynette's Lunch prompted Bree to going home that afternoon- and not at all worrying about her fake pregnancy (we broke the story last year).
Instead Bree spent all afternoon, unsuccessfully copying Katherine's method without the recipie however failing. So as suggested by Orson, Bree went over to exchange recipie's with Katherine who didn't want to share hers, apparently.
This prompted further stress on Bree's behalf, and we're afraid if she really was pregnant, all this stress would have cause a mis-carriage.
The heat is most definetly on between these two women!
While Bree continued trying to crack Katherine's recipie, Gabrielle was nominated by Lynette as her new Chemo buddy after kicking Tom out, much to Gabrielle's desire.
And might we say this week's Circle of Shame is on how sickly Gabrielle is getting- looks like Married life isn't agreeing to this model turned housewife turned First Lady of Fairview. We realise the celebrity status could be causing a thinning effect on her, but Gabrielle's arms are unbeliveably thin!
According to an intern Merydith Gray who works at the hospital and spoke to Wisteria Lane Scandal, Gabrielle was seen crying to Lynette, because apparently her father died of Cancer as well, and she was afraid of loosing Lynette.
Merydith Gray, who apparently shares no relation to her TV sister, Meredith Grey from Grey's Anatomy, apparently said it was the best performance she's ever seen from "First Lady of Fairview"!
The guest list for Lynette's Chemo Party which Celeb First Lady Gabrielle Lang threw for her friend consisted of girlfriends Bree Hodge and Susan Mayer plus new neighbour Katherine Mayfair, aka The Pie-Jacker!
Our camera's spotted a Circle of Enquiry when Susan's breasts appeared to be larger than normal, and while Susan is reported to being only weeks into her pregnancy can't blame the kid for that. We suspect at the Wisteria Lane Scandal towers that Child Writer must have had a Dr. 90210 done on her.
Infact it was reported by an Insider that upon picking her daughter up for a party she was afraid was going to wild, because she let her go instead of listening to her husband- Susan was mistaken as a Stripper. Unfortunately the party was a private teenage party, so our Paparazzi couldn't get in and snap what Mrs. Delfino was wearing.
However an insider quote that she looked like Busty: The Porno Slayer and gave the quote of what happened at the party:
(Matt opens the door to find Susan scantily dressed.)
Matt: Hi. It's my birthday.
Susan: Oh, that must mean you're Matt. I'm Susan Mayer and I...Alrighty!
(Matt grabs Susan's hand and pulls her in. He drags her to the back room where a bunch of young boys are.)
Matt: Boomer, you magnificent bastard, you actually did it!
Boomer: It wasn't me, but happy birthday, man!
Matt: It was somebody, who cares? Gather around, man!
(The guys set up the chairs facing Susan.)
Matt: You like this music?
Susan: Uh, yeah, it's fine. Would somebody just tell me where I can find...
Boomer: Enough talking. Take it off!! We're feeling generous tonight.
(Boomer tries to put a dollar in Susan's bra.)
Susan: Oh, my God! I'm not a stripper!
Matt: You're not?
Boomer: Is this gonna happen or what?
Matt: Boomer, she's not a stripper!
Boomer: Well, what's with the implants?
Susan: I'm pregnant!
Guy #3: That's hot!
(Matt is leading Susan out of the room.)
Matt: Sorry, I should've known you were Julie's mom. You're way too gorgeous to be a stripper.
Susan: If that's your lame attempt to keep me from calling your parents... It worked. Well played.
(Susan sees Julie across the room. She starts going across the room and trips.)
Julie: Mom! What are you doing here?
Susan: I'm taking you home. This party is out of control!
Julie: No, it's not!
Susan: Well, of course you don't think it is, because you are knocking back a big cup of...
(Susan drinks from Julie's cup)
Susan: Orange soda.
Julie: I don't believe this.
Susan: Well, believe it! We're going. You too, Dylan. Come on.
Julie: And what are you wearing? It's embarrassing!
Susan: Yeah, well, Boomer likes it.
Quite an embarassment for the reportedly middle aged 40something year old pregnant women!
And while Susan Busted her cleavage, Bree busted her ass to get hold of Katherine Mayfair's recipie. Ida Greenburg reported to Wisteria Lane Scandal she saw Bree entering the Mayfair home with Bree's set of the Backdoor key to thier home (since Bree had the entire neighbourhood's keys).
However Katherine kept her recipie's under lock and key, and what a might big lock it had to be if Bree was seen borrowing a wrench from Mike Delfino's house to break into it.
Concerned Mike expressed his concerns to us because Bree had come wanting to borrow something since she was cooking. He assumed it was Eggs or flour, he had no idea tools were now used with baking. It just goesto show the lengths Bree is willing to go for perfection.
However when confronted with the opportunity, according to her husband, Orson Hodge, Bree was unable to do some with the Mayfairs returning home from the shop. This promted Bree to hide in the kitchen while she overheard some family drama concerning thier mystery about whose Dylan's father, where is he and what the hell happened to him.
We think Bree's now got way more dirt on her 'Frenemy" than she ever hoped for with stealing the recipie, she's got reason to alert the neighbourhood, seems like they've got another case of the Applewhites- a new family, with a huge secret!
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