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Lobola 101

Written by GQ from the blog GQ Enquiry on 29 Nov 2007
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People, do tell me. Is it me or is ukuLobolo closely related to economic policies set out by the Tito’s and the Trevors of this world. uKulobola has become a serious business transaction with great financial rewards depending on which side of the fence you’re sitting on. Phela lately some women have a price tag of over R50k. I know I’m over simplifying this a bit much but it seems like that’s what it boils down to these days-the money. Are our parents justified in expecting so much for their “return on investment”? Are our men being robbed blind or has the cost of compensation really gotten to a point that it warrants so money.

I really wonder how men actually go about saving for this:

1. Do you guys start saving from when you meet “the one”?
2. Do you end up taking out loans to cover these exorbitant prices (bride price)?
3. Have any of your women offered to meet you half way or
4. Have any of you actually taken out a loan together to pay for the lobola?
5. Have any of you told your bride-to-be’s family to take a hike because they were just asking too much. & then you never went back there again?

Here’s something else I wonder:

1. Do you ladies have any say in what is being charged/asked for?
2. Have any of you told your parents what minimum or maximum they should set?
3. Have any of you ever had a share in what’s been paid to your parents?
4. Do you and your man actually talk about the process and share ideas on how much he should expect to pay and how you two are going to work towards ensuring that he has enough to pay?
5. Have any of you experienced the down payment system where your lobola is paid in instalment?

Gees, I know that I’m asking a million questions but I was just hoping that you guys might shed some light on this for me. uKulobola is really a complicated thing and how do the metropolitan urbanised x and y generation fit into all of this-if at all.? Do you even know where you’d start & who you’d ask?

91 Comments

GQ
29 Nov 2007 03:30

TVSA family please share your thoughts. Somblief tog...:-)

Toodecent
29 Nov 2007 03:37

TDC thinks Lobola is actually not been done properley, getting married is about uniting wo families and actually building a new fresh and strong one so I think it could be better if the two families would come together and actually give the brides money and say" he you go...this is for you to start and build a new and fresh family" cause honestly after a man paying lobola and honeymoons.... he gets broke eheheh. Unless you a BEE mogul ! You gotta take care of the family man..
Thats what me thinks...am not against the tradition just a thought. ...!

mayo
29 Nov 2007 03:38

great article GQ i also asked these questions myself when they came to lobola my mom coz i think i was still in primary and i have seen lobola negotiations alot as i have aunts and cousins, but really how do the men come up with the money?

witty lady
29 Nov 2007 03:41

Shame I'm sure the poor guys borrow from loan sharks!

Mathaz
29 Nov 2007 03:50

In my family we discuss the price before my unles and immediate family become involved. Before my dad died, he together with my mother decided that they are not going to charge more R10,000.00 for any of their daughters, irrespective of the interest rate, career, educational background.

tshepiso
29 Nov 2007 04:00

I am not yet married but this is my wish

1. Do you ladies have any say in what is being charged/asked for?
yes
2. Have any of you told your parents what minimum or maximum they should set?
as it will be my day they should listern to me
3. Have any of you ever had a share in what’s been paid to your parents?
from my little knowledge the lobola money is for the function, dress and this and thats
4. Do you and your man actually talk about the process and share ideas on how much he should expect to pay and how you two are going to work towards ensuring that he has enough to pay?
no we don't talk as both of us don't want our families to be undermined
5. Have any of you experienced the down payment system where your lobola is paid in instalment?
noways I will probarbly help him

monchooza
29 Nov 2007 04:01

(my opinion) mina i am totally against this lobola or nhlawulo thing. i just dont and wont understand it. why do i have to pay her parents to marry her, why cant she pay my parents to marry me. uphule umtwana wethu idolo so you must hlawula, why cant she hlawula me cause naye she is going to make me a father...eish you know what...let me just stop here before i offend any one . i would rather elope and come back married, i will not lobola but i will get married

andi01
29 Nov 2007 04:04

1. Do you ladies have any say in what is being charged/asked for?
over my dead body, thats for parents to decide hay the bride.
2. Have any of you told your parents what minimum or maximum they should set?
no, parents decide according to how much they think you worth (virgin, educated, hardworker, pretty, butt size, boob size)
3. Have any of you ever had a share in what’s been paid to your parents?
nice one- my sister inlaw took soem of the lobola money from her mada to buy tiles @ my brada's house, what if he divorcees her tomorrow.
4. Do you and your man actually talk about the process and share ideas on how much he should expect to pay and how you two are going to work towards ensuring that he has enough to pay?
lobola payment is a man's duty, he should pay it from his and only his pocket.
5. Have any of you experienced the down payment system where your lobola is paid in instalment?
the idea is great (R10 rands a day, =R3650 a year=R36500 in 10 years, that time u'll already have 4 kids, so if she decides to leave, whose loss is it.

GQ
29 Nov 2007 04:06

So ke are there any sisters out that have lobolad themselves or brothers that have been victims of loan sharks coz the bride price was just tooo much?

TDC I hear u baba

pullie
29 Nov 2007 04:08

@ monchooza... in sesotho u''ll actually shobelisa the gal

MamaOmpha
29 Nov 2007 04:11

This is my cousins story: She dated her boyfriend for about 2yrs and he then proposed. I've never seen two people so in love. He had about R15 000.00 to pay for i lobola. But my uncles requested R30 000.00. So her boyfriend suggested they wait maybe for a year so he can raise the outstanding money. But because my cousin was in a hurry to get married she sumhow found the remaining R15 000.00 and the lobola was paid. The agreement was the boyfriend will pay her back bit by bit until he finishes. They eventually got married but the 15 000.00 became a problem in their marrige because everytime they fight he would tell her to go back home because he never fully lobolad her anyway. So my point is when our parents set the price for lobola they should be reasonable because these prices can be so outrageous that they break the most solid of relationships

witty lady
29 Nov 2007 04:12

Tjo tjo Pullie!!! does shobelising still exist!!
haha! that's a good one!

blaqueboi
29 Nov 2007 04:16

Can one get his money back if the woman commits adultery and the marrige is dissolved?

witty lady
29 Nov 2007 04:18

@blaque!!
I've never heard of that one before, so is it okay for the man to commit adultery because he paid lobola?

tshepiso
29 Nov 2007 04:20

@ Pullie, shobelisa is kipnapping nowadays

Toodecent
29 Nov 2007 04:21

Damn motho o nyala leng mara.. Wonder if I will have 1 Million of lobola in 5 years..! Mathata fela...!

witty lady
29 Nov 2007 04:23

TDC 1 million? who will you be marrying? an angel shuu!! that's way too steep!

awelani
29 Nov 2007 04:23

what is "shobelising?"

blaqueboi
29 Nov 2007 04:23

@Witty L, No that is not my point; I just wanna know if it's possible to get reimbursed if the marriage ends given any reason especially if it's not my fault.

monchooza
29 Nov 2007 04:24

shobelising .........pls elaborate more phela mina my parents afforded 1st class education so angisifundanga isisuthu in my model C school.LOL

J-Girl
29 Nov 2007 04:27

he this is quite a serious topic...ndizashaya isphendu now now!

witty lady
29 Nov 2007 04:30

@blaque, I've never heard of anyone getting their lobola back.
By the time the marriage ends the money will be long gone? unless maybe if the people involved signed a contract stating such.

@Tshepiso, yah girl ke kidnapping e serious esp if you don't like the person that's shobelising you......

MamaOmpha
29 Nov 2007 04:30

they discuss uku shobelisa on Latitude one time. From what I understood its when a man "kidnaps" a woman and she is forced to become his wife or something. But the episode was shot in Lesotho. So Im not sure if its practiced here in sa

spice
29 Nov 2007 04:32

Tjo Mma O are you for real ,typical
Mina petrose only had R2000.00 so thats what he paid for me ,no wonder he treats me like sh** I was cheap (sulking)

mayo
29 Nov 2007 04:33

lol @ monchooza u just saying that ngoku coz u have not met the one i promise u then u will pay bhuti ngoba umfuna!!

tizoz
29 Nov 2007 04:34

Ilobolo isiko lami
and ayikh int engingayenza

poor wendy went to her grave begging for the man to pay up but it didnt happen so to all the ladies who are waiting for abomalume bazolobola eish this day and age it mite be a long wait. I think the lobola price should be calculated according to one's salary and the percantage must be inflation related.

blaqueboi
29 Nov 2007 04:38

A Huge Laugh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sorry my friend, couldnt resist! C'mon laugh with me!

Haaai guys I am working on a script, fo sho. You guys are great. Watchout Mark Cherry I am bringing Desperate Bloggers. I'm working on the xters.

Love you Spice

lepogo
29 Nov 2007 04:39

My experience:My womans father is a reasonable man.A lecturer ko UNIWEST,he said he cant think of selling her daughter,so he wont charge a price.But if I love her I will consider how much Ilove her and tell him how much was I willing to show appreciation,given that she is the only daughter.

We spoke about it,and she intervened.To cut it short,we gave him R10K,and he arranged the nuptials and everything else to make it a great day.

I respect the man,especially since he told me in detail what he will do to me if I ever hurt her.

Its the stuff of Saw.Ouuuch.

tshepiso
29 Nov 2007 04:39

@MamaO u right but ba mo releasa a setse a le pregies.

belz
29 Nov 2007 04:41

Nice article GQ, i haven't read any of the replies so if i say something that has been said, pardon me. I do not agree with lobola because i think its unfair, why should the man pay for the woman? in the past people used to say, it s because the man is now going to take care of the woman, nowadays women work for themselves, its a 50/50 thing, so the point of lobola is??? if we love each other why dont we jsut get married, sihlanganise imali sishade nje without all this, we can introduce families kungenamali involved really. i dont understand lobola.

GQ
29 Nov 2007 04:42

Oh and can men that have lobolad ask for their money back for whatever reason? Or is it badalile badalile hayi khona get your money back?

Shoo ladies so we can't help our men out with paying lobola in case in comes back to haunt us. Mara can you imagine being told to go back home coz u were still placed on laybye and you forced to leave the store before you'd been fully paid for...tjotjotjo!

blaqueboi
29 Nov 2007 04:44

guys do you know that in some villages in India the woman's family pays the Dowry (lobola) to the man's.

tshepiso
29 Nov 2007 04:51

if it happens gore the wife dies, and she have a little sister THE 2FAMILIES just agree on "SEYANTLO" even when the hubby dies young.

isn't it SAFE MORE?

MamaOmpha
29 Nov 2007 04:54

@blaqueboi - ja they pay the man because I think in India if a woman reaches a certain age it becomes ihlazo if she is not married. so the woman's family has to pay the man's family for him to marry her.

mabhebheza
29 Nov 2007 04:54

Lobola shuu...2sensisitive 4me...!!
but wudnt mind 1 million 4me anyday ,,!!

My friend's boyfriend sold his skorisko 2lobala my friend now his a broke nigger staying at the girls house and driving the girls car..2most ppl it looks like my friend uzishadile becoz manje the brotha is umthwalo wakhe ..haai desparado hell no!!!!

andi01
29 Nov 2007 04:54

Back in the days lolobo used to be aform of appreciation to the bride's family (abakwasbiya) from the groom's family(abakwamoloi).For allowing the moloi's to have miss sbiya. For the sibiya's to have raised the daughter. When unyala u becom the moloi so it is only fair for the moloi's to compensate the sbiya's. But later money has been tagged to the whole lobolo thing. People treat is as a business venture, which is not right. U do not sell ur kids, never, but u get something back for being the good parent.Even the lobola cows didnt stay long bcoz half was to be used for wedding arrangements (iduli), and the other half to take care of the kids should they be raised in the sibiya family. If u remember, in my culture when a woman is about to give birth to her first child, he goes and stays @ kwasbiya. her parents take care of her and the baby until the bay is about 5 months old, then they can go back to teh moloi's, so the lobola that was paid by the moloi's also aids in that way.

mayo
29 Nov 2007 04:58

hi hi hi spice shame u not the only one out there i know of these guys that pay ilobola when they get iBONUS!! and say they will pay the rest later in the year and u can imagine how much that is!!!

faraimagic
29 Nov 2007 04:59

do you guysstart saving money from when you meet "the one"..........
is there such thing called the one?
well if there is such thing i will start saving the money wen i meet her!for now i wud rather inverst the money on beer and other stuff!

Toodecent
29 Nov 2007 05:00

Belz why copy my mind..? hi hi hi Good minds think alike..!

GQ
29 Nov 2007 05:00

Yhoo this is bringing up other ish altogether...

Now what happens with that old practice of once your husband dies then u are automatically his brother's wife- i think this is what tshepiso is referring to.

& yeah i think i might have heard the same thing about dowry hey...hectic stuff. Makes me happy to be a South African woman & not to have to worry about all this installment, laybye, higher purchase, stop order stuff...

Toodecent
29 Nov 2007 05:03

well if there is such thing i will start saving the money wen i meet her!for now i wud rather inverst the money on beer and other stuff!>>>> O kgope laiti yaka period....tshepiso will help in explaining to you what it means but O kgope Mnx Stru..!

GQ
29 Nov 2007 05:18

I ask again has any heard of someone lobolaring themselves. Not paying half but actually paying every single cent just for the sake of being Mrs So & So...

The title ka Mrs So & So is so coveted yet the Mr So & So's ala farais of this world aren't willing to pay the money to turn hopeful Ms-es into Mrs-es. Kunzima gals what are we to do mara. Better still women are doing it for themselves and could care less about being abo Mrs. Asazi

faraimagic
29 Nov 2007 05:28

they say love comes free but why shud i pay for the woman i love?not to mention love itself?
im not anything like that but i wana make a fact here!

belz
29 Nov 2007 05:29

<Kunzima gals what are we to do mara> @ GQ, nothing my friend nothing really, jsut work for yourself and just live your life nje, I really am not in desperate need of being a Mrs in the near future and i've made it clear to my parents not to expect anything from me, these lobola marriage things are too complicated for me, hayi, i wouldn't want to be anyone's purchase.

tshepiso
29 Nov 2007 05:30

if a women in her 40's is not married we call her "LEFETWA"
And a man in 40-50 "Kgope"

faraimagic
29 Nov 2007 05:32

i strongly beliv this lobola thingie is just business after that wen we devorce she wants half of my everything!who is the loser here?

blaqueboi
29 Nov 2007 05:33

Tshepiso, Thanks for the education.

faraimagic
29 Nov 2007 05:34

KGOPE lol ha ha ha TDC im only 24 man!

libra
29 Nov 2007 05:35

my mother says she wants a R10 000,00 and if i have a baby before it will escalate.

if i give birth to a girl i only request a R4000.00 from the boyfriend's family.

witty lady
29 Nov 2007 05:36

@Tshepiso!! LOL!
Hae maan tshepi, the man ke LEFETA coz ke bari onnetse go feta basadi fela!

Segololo
29 Nov 2007 05:39

you have no say, Parents will even go as far as saying "These things are not discussed with children!!" and you are the darn one getting married... You ain't no child when you bind yourself to your partner and marriage!

faraimagic
29 Nov 2007 05:40

eish its realy bad to be poor neh!I THINK I WILL STICK TO " VAT EN SET" period hi hi hi!

LM
29 Nov 2007 05:40

Eish..I think this thing of meeting the brada halfway when it comes to malobolo is not on. Initially it might seem like you are helping him (and thebrada will appreciate it at that moment) but eventually e tlile go moja inside; banna ba na le ego, just the thought ya gore he couldn't afford you will make him feel like a 'half man'. That's why in such cases men will tell the sista (when they are fighting) that o inyetse (married herself).

Overall it gives a man lots of pride and dignity to know that they have worked hard for something; they tend to treasure that something..unless they jerks nje.

witty lady
29 Nov 2007 05:42

true Farai, if you are unemployed you can't pay lobola.

faraimagic
29 Nov 2007 05:47

there is this guy i know wen he complains to his wife he always bring that futi yo parents over charged me sentence every time they fight....i wonder how much they charged him?
he recently got married...and he realy gets agry! its not a happy home anymore!becoz of that

LM
29 Nov 2007 05:54

There's this lady (ex colleague) bathong...apparently she got 13th cheque ka di 15 and she was lobolwad on the 16th Dec couple of years back...so rumour has it that she has lobollad herself.

Talking about marriage and stuff...there's this woman from soweaato who is dominating the sowetan front page this week...apparently she 'got married' to her hubby without the brada's consent...things we women do...eish

tshepiso
29 Nov 2007 05:55

there is still another type of marriage I don't know what is it being called. but someone with anylight can help me.
it is when there is a family that don't have boys at all but only girls in their marriage, when they got married all of them the family can still marry a makoti. i know I am definaterly sure of that. the thing is I can't remeber what they call such wedding. it is being practice in NP.

tshepiso
29 Nov 2007 05:59

I won't wait for 35yrs I will marry myself.mnx stru

faraimagic
29 Nov 2007 06:07

@tshepiso lol

Gugs
29 Nov 2007 06:13

Lobola is a token of apreciation payed to the family of a bride and then in turn the Bride's family takes care of the cost of the wedding like buying furniture for their daughter....... Long long time the lobola was in form of cows and goats and your family was not gonna encourage you to marry some1 who did not have lots of cattles cos he was considered poor.

So now my people ur wealth is measured in cash. I say if you love the woman by all means let the parents know how much u apreciate the job they have done of bringing up that fine woman by paying up,

and in Zulu culture we say UMFAZI AKAQEDWA which means even if they say pay R20 000 that must be ur guideline.... Well that's my opinion and am sticking to it!!!!

faraimagic
29 Nov 2007 06:17

another very cheap method to get married is say a guy has an eye for a certaian girl,then he sees her goin to fetch water or something........then a guy grabs her on his sholders and runs with her to his house! they used to do that long time ago and i know the name in shona...its called musengabere(sori for that i know u cant read that word)...i cant find a zulu/sotho word for that but wen i do i will send it......these days if you do that u might wake up in prison..ITS CALLED KIDNAPING! eish the law!

LM
29 Nov 2007 06:18

monchooza
29 Nov 2007 06:21

a neighbour of mine was being lobolla'd two weeks back and this week, the mother of the girl. is extending her house and building a new fence.

tshepiso
29 Nov 2007 06:27

thank u LM!

Raraz
29 Nov 2007 07:06

LOL @ Monchy...

mna I'm totally against this lobolatransaction. that's why thina xhosa ladies singatshatwa coz our parents ask too much for ilobola.. some may say thina sinelishwa or sashwatyulelwa whereas sithakathwa kwangabazali aba bethu..
come on now guys, there's no other explanationfor this Lobola thing, ukuloya phela lokhu, period! mna uma bengafuna some lobola from my boyfriend, I will tell them right away ukuthi "NIYALOYA, NINGABATHAKATHI!!! HAHAHAHAAA NDIYADLALA MAAN!

but ke some families for instance they say 'it''s 10 cows (not cows as in four-legged cows, but as in moola) and yet each cow is costs about R3 000...

mna bantu ndifuna ukutshata and ke ndifuna ngoku ngoku next year.. and by the look of things my boyfriend doesn't have this kind of money. we''ve tried just about anything, starting from YEBO MILLIONNAIRES, LOTTO, WINÍKHAYA you name them, but no luck on our side...

belz
29 Nov 2007 07:11

LOL Raraz!!!!! yebo milllionaires, hahahahahahaha!! unjani kodwa Rara.

monchooza
29 Nov 2007 07:18

cows costs three thousand where?????? phela mina recently my uncles ai went on a venture looking for a cow for my sistas wedding and the cheapest cow we found was R5000 and that was the wondile one and sdudla nd fresh one is R7500+, so imagine if ngilobolo bese bangitshele ukuthi i must pay 10 cows that sums up to R75000, yesses mina angeke ngiyibhadale leyo mali and if i do pay it then my makoti must know ukuthi she will pay for it aza afe.....ngizomhlupha strong and she will never divorce me...........when she is hungry and there is no food andlini she will have to go kubo ayocela imali yesinkwa kulemali yama lobolo

tshepiso
29 Nov 2007 07:26

hai Monchooza sies man! kwa kwa kwa kwa iyoooooooo wa tla wa mpolaya man!!!!!

Segololo
29 Nov 2007 07:47

Moonchoza!!! No!

J-Girl
29 Nov 2007 07:50

ALL THIS TALK OF MARRIAGE AND NAMALOBOLA IT DEPRESSING INFACT SO THAT'S WHY I CANT REALLY BRING MYSELF TO MAKING A TANGIBLE COMMENT ON IT. ONE DAY IT LOOKED LIKE AND IT WOULD HAPPEN THEN THE NEXT, POOOOFH THAT VISION DISAPPEARED IN FRONT OF MA OWN EYES.

3 YRS AGO A FRIEND OF MINE GOT MARRIED AND ABT TWO MONTHS AGO SHE WAS HAVING A LIL TIFF WITH THE HUSBY, WHO LET US IN ONNA LITTLE SECRET "VELE YOUR FAMILY PAID FOR YOUR OWN LOBOLA SO...UFUNANI KIMI? NGANGE NGAFUNA KUSHADA MINA!"

HA I WAS FLABBEGASTED!!! so batshana these things happen,

belz
30 Nov 2007 00:43

Hayi J Girl!!! why did they do that, kodwa abazali nabo into abazenzayo, for ini vele??

J-Girl
30 Nov 2007 00:50

i dont know really coz i mean she was very young at the time, flippen 21, i dont know why they felt the pressure coz i mean none of her friends were married, gosh sasisadla ubusha bethu thina zichomi zakhe. and the guy is not even loaded apho unothi they were after the guy's money or something. andazi really! and ke thina from outside of the whole thing we saw people who were inlove and getting married at such a young age, how very romantic, kanti lomzulu (thats what we call her) uzilobole. eish...

zozozo
30 Nov 2007 01:29

Morning bloggers interesting replies

Mna as an african child i sat down wif my parents and asked them about the meaning of this concept "LOBOLA"(even though i'm still young 2 get married). B.coz as i grow-up i see that it's beacoming an issue, so i wanted to know and understand it. My parents told me that Lobola is a token of appreciation to the brides family from the groom's. It is another way of teaching the groom that nothing is for free inlife.

If the Lobola is a livestock some of it is sold to buy new furniture,cutlery etc. everything that the bride will need to start-up a newlife with her husband. Then left livestock is used during the wedding and for necessary custom and traditions of the bride.If again the Lobola is cash it's used to buy livestock for all the necessities mentioned above.

My dad said if u're not Lobolwad it's easy for the groom to take u for granted b.coz he neva paid a cent 4 u. On onather case if u have been Lobolwad and ur family didn't buy u the furniture and all other house staff uzoba sisithuko emzini wakho bazomane besith "sakulobola kodwa akucaci nalonto". So my parents made it clear to me that the lobola money is not theirs but for wedding preparations and the new marriage life.

Honeypot
30 Nov 2007 01:53

Yoh. u guys are hilarious and this is a serious matter kodwa. You know a friend of mine,her aunt was being lobolad and she is in her 40s,with 3 kids and the eldest has a different father. But you wont believe how much they wanted for her R75000.
I am my early 20's and I would n't even want that much with no child. Well they ended up settling for R30 000. Hayi abafazi ba expensive these days.

GQ
30 Nov 2007 02:17

Eish guys this lobola thing is costly yessess. It’s funny ukuthi even though cultures, traditions evolve with time and some practices are no longer adhered to. But those aspects of tradition and culture which involve money stay on and become even more expensive. In fact even though such practices need not be expensive, they somehow always end up a lot more costly that they’d initially started out.

Who ever is calling the shots on this needs to regroup, re-access and reconsider the practicality and affordability of all these practices. I’m not saying culture should be done away with but I’m curious as to whether or not it can’t be done differently-not involve so much money? Siphelile man & some people’s lives are on hold coz the cost of getting married is just too much.

So, instead more and more people are opting to cohabit and secretly go to the magistrate’s office for a quickie wedding. Some are even entertaining the thought of eloping. The consequences of the incremental lobolaring process has in effect made far more people stray from tradition and opt to go for the simpler and easier western route. I’m starting to wonder if our own cultures and traditions are not just alienating us further and contributing to their own demise?

zozozo
30 Nov 2007 02:25

U know GQ there is no inexpensive way to Lobola, coz when my cousin got married to her husband her dad said he don't want the cash but rather a livestock with a horse on top of it. The brother hasn't finished yet to pay lobola.I don't know how much a horse costs but i think it's better to pay in cash, just imagine how mush it will cost if parents ask for 5 cows,5 sheeps, 3goats and a horse rather than asking for 30k.

belz
30 Nov 2007 02:38

I can imagine sitting down eABSA ufuna i loan, and that question " May i ask what this loan is for?, then you say Lobola, hayi bantu, hayi. zozozo you say your parents said lobola money is used to buy furniture and all for your new life? Kodwa these days abafazi we start buying these things when we move out, so by the time we get married i've got everything and naye he's got, so kwenziwani ngemali?

GQ
30 Nov 2007 02:48

Yeah gal I feel you but everything should be done within reason. I guess what i might consider reasonable someone else might not agree. Mina ngithi goodluck to all the brothers out there that still have go through this process. Maybe like someone's already said they must just consider WiniKhaya the Lotto & everything else.

GQ
30 Nov 2007 02:56

Good Question Belz yeyani lemali engaka???????

zozozo
30 Nov 2007 03:31

Good Question Belz yeyani lemali engaka???????
Which reminds me Belz i should ask them ur question...thankx 4 the input.

KeleFabulous
30 Nov 2007 04:46

haai GQ this is a tough one man! To me lobola is one of the most sacred of our culture practices but unfortunately it has been turned into the nasty by some greedy people!

all i can say is when i do get married it is something that will have to be done and hopefully it won't turn into a circus!

GQ
30 Nov 2007 04:49

Kfab my dear we live in hope hey. We can only hope this thing doesn't turn into a circus. Our parents playing ringmaster and our uncles being the dutiful clowns. LOL

awelani
30 Nov 2007 05:08

My partner was prepared to pay @least 15/20k, but my dad requested 6k only, i was angry that he wanted so little money for his beloved dota, so i sat down with partner and decided that he will pay double. this was in 2005 and he is not even half way done paying the 12k.

belz
30 Nov 2007 05:31

LOL! awelani, kanjani ngoba wayeprepared to pay 20k, and how did you decide this, did he have to pay it seperately? or was he supposed to just tell your dad ukuthi he'll pay more.

ZiyashaLa
30 Nov 2007 05:37

awelani
30 Nov 2007 05:43

the other 6k was supposed to have been paid seperately.

tshepiso
30 Nov 2007 05:52

why should he pay the other 6k separately? or was it for damage?

belz
30 Nov 2007 05:58

or was it supposed to go to your account awelani?

Cnglemother
30 Nov 2007 06:03

kunini kujongwe eyam ekhaya for isisu but the brother has been promising since lstyear, we have given up. I have decided to ukumenzela imbeleko at my parent's house coz the brother can only do amasiko for the child once emhlawulile.

belz
30 Nov 2007 06:07

shem cnglemother, kodwa kuzothiwani ngalamabrothers aclever ebhedini kodwa when it comes to into ezibalulekile, nya!!!

FARO
07 Dec 2009 12:29

I'm in a lobola negotiations process, I had to save @least 25k, and we decided if they insist on more, then we'll marry without their blessing. The this is that even the groom's family can sometimes rob their own. They do the negotiations, u pay up and they don't bring change, for numerious invalid reasons, they 4get that u still need to buy furniture etc.

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