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Those Who Can't

Genres: Comedy
Broadcast on: SABC3

Rate:

6.0

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Episodes

1 | SEASON 2

Episode 1: The Bequest
Written by: Thomas Hall

A letter from the estate of a retired Biology teacher promises a bequest and asks in return that the memorial service be held and her ashes be scattered in the grounds. The only problem is that none of the staff can remember who she was.

Episode 2: The New Girl
Written by: Zoë Arthur

Sylvia is feeling ignored by the other staff, so when a new Maths Teacher arrives, it's the perfect opportunity for her to make a new friend. Only she couldn't have picked a worse BFF than the a-social Agatha Borg.

Episode 3: The Bad Egg
Written by: Gilli Apter

Desiree's job is in jeopardy when she angers the wrong learner, Lebo, the vicious two-faced daughter of the, Sibongile Qubeka, the uber-wealthy, uber-connected head of the School Governing Body, doting mother and single most powerful parent in the school.

Episode 4: The Levers of Power
Written by: Louw Venter

Marlene is bemoaning the fact that her job of running the school is doubly difficult because no one acknowledges she's in charge. When Zeke dismisses her application for a promotion she decides to make the school ungovernable.

Episode 5: The Illiterati
Written by: Darrel Bristow-Bovey

When Sylvia discovers that Darrel Kaiser's note-book is filled with meaningless squiggles, the staff has to confront the disturbing possibility that the MEC for Education is functionally illiterate. But when he tries to close down Maths & Sciences this shocking discovery becomes the ace in their hand.

Episode 6: The Theatre of Cruelty
Written by: Ryan Metcalfe

When Victor realises that Sylvia has feelings for another Drama teacher, inveterate liar and braggart Naziem Isaacs, he is beset by jealousy and sets about to destroy his rival.

Episode 7: The Beauty Pageant
Written by: Thomas Hall

Pinky is in charge of this year's beauty pageant, but is none too pleased when political correctness starts watering down what she believes should be a celebration of feminine physical beauty. When Desiree utilizes loophole in the rules to enter herself, the gloves come off.

Episode 8: The High School Teachers
Written by: Gilli Apter

When the staff gathers to discuss the crowing scourge of drugs in the school, Marlene has run out of biscuits, and serves up some cookies she finds in Woody's locker. By the time the staff figure out what's happened it's too late, the cookies are kicking in and the MEC arrives expecting answers.

Episode 9: Like a Virgil
Written by: Gilli Apter

For many years Victor has allowed his brother to think that he was principal of CHSCHS, believing Vernon would never return to Johannesburg from the austere safety of the Reform School he runs out in Springbok. So when he arrives out of the blue, Victor must hastily convince the staff to back him up in his big lie.

Episode 10: The Staff Dinner
Written by: Thomas Hall

When an anonymous letter of complaint about his touchy feely management style pops Zeke's bubble as a great Head Master, he decides to throw a Staff Dinner to roust out the complainant.

Episode 11: The Five Stages
Written by: Gilli Apter

Sylvia and Victor slept together after The Staff Dinner and in the days that follow is an awkward readjustment of their relationship as the staff move through the five famous stages of denial, anger, bargaining, depression and finally acceptance.

Episode 12: Things fall Apart
Written by: Ryan Metcalfe

Sylvia and Victor are madly in love to the annoyance of their colleagues. In fact it's a little disgusting. When Marlene notices Sylvia is finding Victor's amorousness a little smothering, she advises him to turn up the lovey-dovey. He buys into it and it destroys their relationship, leaving him a puppy dog lapping after her.

Episode 13: From Here to Maternity
Written by: Louw Venter

Marlene fakes a pregnancy in order to secure leave to attend an Austrian Schnitzel & Strudel Fest. Suddenly surrounded by love and attention she has second thoughts about leaving and arouses the suspicions of Maths teacher Agatha Borg.

Episode 14: The Temp
Written by: Thomas Hall

Marlene is away on her fake Maternity leave when the Temp arrives. Only it's not the temp, it's Woody's mum, who gladly accepts the position. When the real temp shows up Woody has to keep her hidden away without arousing suspicions.

Episode 15: Liar Liar
Written by: Louw Venter

Marlene returns from the Schnitzel & Strudel fest in Austria and has to keep up the lie that she has had twins. Victor smells a rat, but can't prove anything conclusive, but Marlene finds maintaining the lie even more exhausting than being a mum. Now she has to find a way to get rid of her unwanted brats without coming across as uncaring.

Episode 16: Physicist Heal Thyself
Written by: Ryan Metcalfe
Story by: Tim Greene, Thomas Hall, Zoë Arthur


Victor is pining for Sylvia. Since she called off their affair he has thought of nothing else, and he's in a downward spiral. But, he resolves, love is just chemistry run amuck and chemistry is his thing. He sets to work in his laboratory to create an antidote to neutralize the oxytocin.

Episode 17: Fifteen Minutes
Written by: Ryan Metcalfe

Inspired by an early triumph when a lesson Victor posts online is remixed and goes viral, the staff at CHSCHS begin creating online content but rapidly fall into a ratings war from which there can emerge no winner.

Episode 18: The World of Woogoodly
Written by: Ryan Metcalfe

Zeke's 'State of the School' annual report is met with incredulity by the Governing Body and Sibongile asks to hear the students' perspective. The staff decides to dress Woody up as Head Boy in order to secure a glowing review, but Woody has some ideas of his own about how the school should be run.

Episode 19: The Sins of the Father
Written by: Thomas Hall

Victor decides to re-introduce an old school tradition: the CHSCHS time capsule. But when he digs up the time capsule his father buried back in the eighties, he discovers a skeleton and is convinced his father was a murderer.

Episode 20: The Strike
Written by: Louw Venter

When Zeke's ill-considered plan to discontinue the practice of paying 13th cheques sparks a teacher's strike, he tries to teach all the classes himself, but is forced to ask Marlene and her Secret Society of Secretaries for help to cover up his blunder.

Episode 21: The King is Dead
Written by: Louw Venter

Its 3/4 way through the year and the staff is at each other's throats. It's always like this. Summer's here, people are hot, exams are coming up. Zeke decides to defuse the situation by having drama teacher Naziem take the staff on a guided visualization, but to a more secure time in their lives. Naziem accidentally regresses them too far, back into their previous life and Marlene gets stuck - as Elvis.

Episode 22: The American
Written by: Gilli Apter

With Agatha on leave, Zeke has stumbled on a cheap source of substitute teachers. A philanthropic organization called Teachers without Border is only too keen to help staff African schools. Enter preppy young Taylor, a miss perfect from the US of A, ready to help, but perplexed by the lack of animals and starving children.

Episode 23: Home Economic Crisis
Written by: Tim Greene & Zandile Tisani

Desiree is in need of cash for a facelift and when Marlene gets an offer of easy money for some old sewing machines, they team up to destroy Home Economics and sell off the assets, but Home Ec teacher Pinky Ledwaba hits back hard.

Episode 24: The Head Hunter
Written by: Ryan Metcalfe
Story by: Tim Greene, Thomas Hall, Zoë Arthur


Agatha Borg is head hunted by MEC Darrel to fill a vacant Principal post at another school. Victor is beside himself with jealousy... the post should be his. He is surprised to find his colleagues only too willing to help sabotage Agatha's bid and send Victor away.

Episode 25: Par For the Course
Written by:  Zoë Arthur
Story by: Tim Greene, Thomas Hall, Zoë Arthur


When Desiree finds out that Drama teacher Naziem Isaacs is running what amounts to therapy session in his drama class she warns him to back off from her turf. To resolve the dispute about whose methods are more effective they agree to see who can bring Zeke out of his funk.

Episode 26: The Finale
Written by: Zoë Arthur

A spoof of a popular reality series, Those Who Can't Survive, is set at the end of the year when the MEC announces that one position on the staff must be cut, and someone won't be coming back next year. The staff decides to vote on it and Darrel co-ordinates a series of challenges to determine who should go. Those on Jury are safe, but the gloves are off as Victor, Desiree and Woody go head to head to secure their place in next year's staffroom.


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