It’s been a long while since I scribbled about Isidingo, but frankly it's irritating and boring me. Just when you think something different is finally going to happen, they do the predictable, and it becomes the same old, same old stuff. I guess this is soapie world after all and although I see a number of different writer’s names in the credits, they seem to share one thing in common; equal levels of low inspiration and a tendency to lose the plot, somewhat.
The whole Irish aspect looked promising but fizzled out like a pricked balloon. Liam Maloney pitched up on the doorstep of the Bullers to find Lolly. He had two reasons for venturing into the wild untamed plains of Africa and the dingy depths of the Deep. Firstly he wanted to to tell her that her inheritance wasn’t really an inheritance because the big sprawling estate her philandering Irish Grandfather had left her was actually on lease for 99 years or something and the lease had expired. Of course, a swift Irish lawyer, working with trusts and estates couldn’t have known that when she was in Ireland. The second reason he came over was ostensibly to tell her he loved her and wanted to marry her.
Lolly, imbued by her sudden wealth and good fortune had lost her submissive stance with big bad Frank Xavier earlier and had already told him to shove his job in the place where the sun doesn’t shine. So when she discovered that she was no longer going to live a fairytale life she rushed over to beg Frank for her job back. He got all nasty, told her she had burned her bridges and that there was no job there ever for her. But as she walked desolately out, he suddenly decided to give her an assignment to go to an Elephant Park for a couple of days.
See what I mean about the scriptwriters, the lack of inspiration and the plot?
The elephant park angle seemed to have no substance except perhaps to show us elephants and to make Liam look idiotic. From being utterly charming in Ireland, he became a worry-wart pain in the ass and just to add to that his complexion really didn’t look good under the African sun either. He looked all pale and blotchy with red patches. When Lolly refused to go back to Ireland, he went off for a beer with Len and Tim to drown his sorrows and we haven’t seen him since. I don’t think he’s dead in a ditch anywhere, but presumably he’s fizzled out and gone back to Ireland.
Zeb continues to whine, moan and generally be a liability for the Matebane household. Now if only they could find him dead in his wheelchair from mysterious causes, I’d get very interested. But alas I don’t think the scriptwriters would get that creative. It’s a pity though because imagine the suspect list. It might include Nandipa, who he treated rather shabbily when she confessed that her HIV had become full Blown AIDS. It might be Ma Agnes, simply because losing Zeb would mean getting a life, or it might even be his Ancestors who he was convinced for weeks and bloody weeks were punishing him.
Anyway, Letti and Vusi are getting married, and once again Zeb stuffed up. As is custom, there had to be lebola negotiations. Forgive me for struggling to understand “culture” here but it seems that previously Vusi paid R10 000 as lebola for Letti. Those were the bad old days when Letti was secretly sleeping with Dumasani and was pregnant with child – Dumasani’s child. Obviously the wedding between Vusi and Letti never happened, but Vusi never got his lebola back.
Apparently, according to what we’ve now heard, “he was too proud.” Too proud of what? Getting a refund? Or of losing a woman to another man? Being cheated on? Paying big bucks for something you didn’t get? I don’t know, but I got lost at that point. One would think he should have got his cash back with interest. Seemingly the Matebane’s must have thought Christmas had come because Dumasani’s family probably also had to fork out for the pleasure of marrying Letti.
But now, with the Matebane’s in very different circumstances, I won’t say genteel poverty yet, but you know what I mean, Zeb started seeing dollar signs. He elicited the help of an old uncle, who goes by the name of “Badman, ” who seemed more of a drunk man to “deal” with Vusi’s family for Letti’s hand in marriage. The asking price was around R30 000 all in all for Letti and her child. This was at the secret instigation of Zeb who had instructed Badman on the finer details of the financials.
Eish, it was bad!
Negotiations fell apart. The Molatsane family, who aren’t exactly wild about Letti felt the price for a second hand woman with child and shoplifting allegations wasn’t worth more than a couple of cows, even if she was a television celebrity. No one went home happy that day, except Badman, who probably discovered that copious amounts of brandy can initially give you a happy buzz.
Ho hum, so then the proper uncles came out, the women got dressed in traditional African style and they went through the whole palaver again. But this time they settled at a much more reasonable amount - A bargain basement sum of a thousand bucks for Letti - since there was still the old ten grand credit, and five thousand for Neo. You’d think they’d pay Vusi for taking on the responsibility of a kid. Do they know what schooling, branded clothes and iPods cost these days? It seems that the cattle didn’t feature this time although Ma Agnes is probably wishing they had since Letti has subsequently been making her feel guilty with daydreams about a big wedding with an outside tent, two praise singers, a professional video and all the trimmings. No pressure mom, but can’t a girl dream?
I have to say this kind of pisses me off. I mean, it’s not exactly like Letti is the blushing virgin bride embarking on her big day. She’s been there, done that, got the divorce papers and the kid. Plus she is gainfully employed. Why doesn’t she put her own money down and take some of the strain off the struggling folks? I suppose this is where I get all practical and Ma Aggie who is usually so practical goes all extravagant. Almost on the bones of their asses with little sign of future relief, she is now going for bust. Big wedding, band and all. Watch this space!
The bank manager turned down her request for a loan so she bullied old Zeb to get off his behind and make a plan. Of course, Zeb is not keen on this level of expense, and I agree with him for once, but any slurs on his manhood and he gets galvanized into action fast. He met a rather shady dude over at Pappa G’s place who was a loan shark. I know those guys usually break your legs if you don’t pay back the loan with exorbitant interest and forgive my sick sense of humour, but I couldn’t help but wonder what they’d do to Zeb in the same situation, since his legs are already useless. As it is now, he hasn’t accepted the offer since the interest is high and he seems to have had the same thoughts as I did. Pappa G has warned him off getting involved with types like that and it looks promising that old Georgie will come up with the required twenty five grand for the festivities.
I think what has probably bored me the most in the past weeks has been the special investigations into Barker Haines and his involvement in the San Fernando coup. Man it’s been so painful to watch Alec and Saul who can’t talk properly, try and play good cop bad cop. I won’t bore you with all the details because I didn’t watch them too closely, but in a nutshell it’s been long and drawn out and did I mention painstakingly long and boring? They’ve been to deepest darkest Africa where they found Tommy "Mad Dog" Mc Cullum, who is a whole different actor, by the way. He was arrested but managed to get a cell phone in chookie and promptly contacted Barker.
Why he would willingly contact and work with Barker I don’t know. If you recall Barker left him to rot in prison last time, but maybe with his new face, he’s also developed amnesia and doesn’t remember that little bit of information.
Anyway he swore not to reveal anything but I think he got just as sick and tired and bored with the goons’ efforts at interrogation, like I have, and eventually decided to sing to them. Actually, the pressure was supposed to have come from all the bluffing and special tactics used by scarface Alec and mumbler- mouth- with- the- big teeth Saul. It’s not enough though because the evidence doesn’t actually directly show Barker’s involvement, so they need more. God help us. I can’t take any more special investigation meetings and ridiculous interrogations. Why don’t they get Niemand on the case? At least it would be amusing.
Pressure has been brought to bear on Cherel as well who is still not playing their game and spilling the beans. Lee eventually found out that Alec was a special agent. She was mortified, devastated, hurt and outraged. She threw him out. And then had him come back again. He must be hell on wheels in the bedroom.
Orlando came clean and admitted that he was responsible for sending the letter that started the whole damn investigation. He’s a bright guy most times but his rationale was quite stupid actually. He did it because he thought “Barker was hurting Miss Lee and Miss Anthea.” Anyway, Barker has made it quite plain that he might hurt him if he continues to tell tales and it seems the penny has finally dropped for Orlando. If Lee and Barker go down, the empire crumbles and he is without his cushy job in the mansion with all the lovely benefits.
Alec is still trying vainly to keep Lee from getting implicated but time will tell how it will swing. Lee threw all her toys out of the cot with Rajesh, accused him of betraying her by not telling her who Alec really was. Blah blah, tears and trauma. Then he came back to reassure her he never betrayed her and they apologized to each other with long lingering sad eyes.
Harriet and Barker’s set up continues to remain weird. She works for him, spies for Alec and still looks as uptight as ever. Barker has finally twigged that good old Harry might be leaking information, yet he keeps her close. His latest strategy is to drop some not- so- subtle hints that people who betray him usually live to regret it. From the look on Harriet’s face, I think she was getting the picture in technicolour.
And on the sex front, Frank and Natasha are finally getting it on. Yes, you’re right, the last time we saw them, it was acrimonious because Frank was telling Natasha her show was being canned and she was feeling “used” that he was trying to get close to her while knowing her world was about to cave in. But times and scripts change as we’ve seen lately. Paul is away somewhere and so Frank called Natasha in with a temporary job offer. She’s now Cherel’s gofer. You know, “go for this”, “go for that.” It’s only for two weeks and so far, Frank has been making hay while the sun shines.
Right now they are having some issues with Natasha’s daughter Nicky, who was originally all for it and now has a case of the sulks and a liberal dose of teen issues over her mother being involved. Ah the path of true love or true lust never runs smoothly does it?
If my article has seemed a bit cynical, it’s because I am cynical about the show. I’ve looked in from time to time, so this is not a fully detailed blow by blow of events over the past month. If I’ve missed something, please feel free to add on. And if you think the show is moving or grooving in the right direction, tell us why. Of course if you want to add to my cynicism, please go right ahead. I’d love to get your take on it all.
*** Catch Isidingo on SABC 3 at 18h30 on weekdays.