Charity is still trapped in the closet burning in hell and having to listen to R Kelly music but some plot progression has been made in the form of everyone finally learning her new fiery location.
Kay for some reason still trusted that Hecuba might give her her soul back despite Hecuba being stone-cold Eeeevil, and remained stubbornly silent on Charity’s whereabouts. Even when Miguel heard a tinny, monotone Charity voice shouting at him through his computer (Midi Charity?) Kay played dumb and pretended she knew nothing.
Even a visit from God’s little party pooper (tm Tabitha) could not change Kay’s mind. Oh, Kay. You see what evil gets you? Visits from Little Angel Girl. Evil doesn’t pay after all.
It took Miguel, Reese, Jessica and Simone facing yet another riff on a famous movie to snap Kay out of her inaction and get her to do something. Hecuba lured Miguel and co to the basement and then made the walls close in on them.
I thought this show had already ripped off Indiana Jones when everyone was trapped in the mineshaft. It’s cheap to rip off a popular movie but it’s even cheaper to rip off your own rip-off of a popular movie.
(I swear, I should become an online shopping site affiliate and add in an amazon link to whatever movie is being ripped off every week. Just in the past four weeks, we’ve had Psycho, Poltergeist, The Exorcist and Indiana Jones.)
Kay was spurned to action when she realised her friends, sister and boy-love were about to be crushed and helped Father Lonigan defeat the silhouettes of evil he was fighting. Not that he needed much help – for a blind guy, he’s pretty good at the demon ass-kicking.
Kay and Fr Lonigan managed to save the others from squishiness and Kay was forced to reveal to them the slightly embarrassing fact that she’d sold her soul and condemned her cousin to hell. Bummer.
Two interesting things I noticed about the happenings at the Bennett house. The first was that Jessica found refuge in Reese’s arms a suspicious number of times. It’s a long-shot to suggest this because the basis of it is Invisible Jessica actually getting a plot, but maybe her and Reese could be hooking up sometime in the future.
Second interesting thing: Simone Russell is on the current season of American Idol. She’s made her voice all squeaky and is going by the name Paris Bennett (note the familiar surname). Clearly Simone got fed up with being the forgotten child compared to tennis ace Whitney and decided to try and make it as a singer.
Oh come on! Tell me these two aren't separated at birth. They even have the same tendency to dress badly and sport ridiculous hairstyles.
This makes even greater sense when you remember that Whitney has also shown a talent for singing. Ok, ‘talent’ for singing since Whitney isn’t very good at it. I wonder if OJ has even noticed that his youngest daughter is traipsing around with Ryan Seacrest and singing dirt, dirty whore songs like Fever.
Ethan’s identity crisis is getting on my nerves. It’s not like it’s not understandable – it’s just that he’s being so extreme about it. He’s all “This lacrosse trophy I won doesn’t matter because I was a
Crane when I won it. My skills at rowing are negated because I am a
Crane. Learning to use the potty when I was three is meaningless because I was a
Crane when I did it. None of my achievements ever really happened because I thought I was a
Crane and I’m not really a
Crane.”
Then there’s Theresa who is so scared to tell Ethan that she knew about his paternity because she thinks he will hate her forever. Chad is the voice of reason in all of this and in encouraging her to tell him the truth because the secret will tear them apart if she doesn’t, and if they break up over Theresa telling the truth, then their relationship didn’t deserve to last.
What’s this? Sound romantic advice? Rational thinking? Who let this sensible guy in the soap? Even Chad’s romantic claptrap is grounded with a good dose of reality.
Theresa does not trust in the advice of the wise Chad but instead hesitates and looks guilty. Theresa, Theresa, Theresa, tell Ethan at once. If Kay can tell everyone she sold her soul then you can tell Ethan anything.
The reasons are manifold. If you tell Ethan you knew, then he will be angry for about five seconds (the approximate amount of time he was upset with Pilar for not telling him) and then be fine. You have a ready-made excuse – just as Pilar promised not to betray Ivy’s confidence, so you promised not to betray Pilar’s confidence.
The biggest reason of all is that if you do not tell him you knew, and those bitches, Gwen and Rebecca, blame you for the tabloid thing, no-one will believe you if you say you had the files on your computer but never sent them. Beware the bitches, Theresa. They are hungry for your blood.
Gwen, by the way, needs to get a hobby so she can stop impatiently obsessing 24/7 over bringing down Theresa this very second. Read a book or something, woman.
Watching Theresa in the long, straight hair and all-black look she’s been sporting lately, I have the overwhelming desire to want to see Theresa as a Goth. Not for very long or anything. I just think she’d make a very good-looking Goth. All she needs is some black lipstick and pale make-up anyway.
From Goths to hags. No, not Hecuba and Tabitha surprisingly enough, but Grace. Yes, Grace. I thought Grace was being a selfish hag when she decided she’d up and die on everyone because she had nothing left to live for once her baby died.
What ‘nothing left to live for’? As far as I can tell, she has two daughters, an as yet unseen son, an annoying niece, and a dim-witted yet sweet husband. But nooo, apparently her dead baby is way more important than the kids she’s already got.
Grace almost died of a broken heart but the magical power of Sam’s love saved her. Why does anyone ever bother to go to the hospital? Seems to me that the hospitals can never do a damn thing and it always ends up being the miraculous power of love that heals the patients.
It’s good in a way because who would need medical insurance then? You could just be carried home and laid to bed in the event of an accident. The big problem is what if you’re single? So far, it’s only been romantic love that has saved such near-dead individuals as Theresa, Grace and Sheridan. So the singletons among us are even more doomed than usual it seems.
Luis and Sheridan had a bit of fun with Luis’ nuts. The chestnuts he roasted over an open fire for Sheridan that is. They have not had sex yet and considering the million interruptions that take place whenever they try, they’re probably not going to.
I recommend cellphones switched off and two tickets to the Caribbean. Otherwise Luis’ nuts will continue to roast slowly and frustratingly.