Mateo and Hayley have their stupid plotline. The Vaughn Spawn is naturally not suffering from anything as mundane as nappy rash or night terrors, but has jaundice. Yes, the baby is suffering from liver problems of some sort and needs a transplant.
Hayley is blaming herself because…I don’t know, she thinks all her drinking magically affected the baby’s liver or something, even though she stopped drinking way before she got pregnant with the kid.
Or maybe she thinks the same thing I do, which is that the Vaughn Spawn has been sneaking constant sips from a hip flask of rum hidden in a teddy bear to deal with the knowledge that he has Mateo and Hayley for parents. Alcoholism is genetic so Hayley’s kid is starting early to deal with the pain of his parents.
The search is on to find a donor to provide the Spawn with a new liver. Careful with that donor thing, guys. The last time there was an organ transplant on this show, it was Laura’s heart transplant. And you know how that turned out.
Perhaps the Vaughn Spawn getting a liver transplant will lead to a similar crazy situation. Although I don’t know how much damage a one year-old baby could do. Still, I suspect he could figure out enough ways to drive his parents nuts and that’s good enough for me.
The people on this soap tend to use transplants and illnesses as excuses anyway. “Oh clearly I have lost my ever-loving mind and locked my rival in a closet because of that whole heart transplant thing”. “I stole millions from your company, hubby dearest, but only because of the brain tumour I had”.
This is complete *bleep!*. Take the second example I gave, that of Liza and her conveniently money-grubbing brain tumour. Turns out that the greedy little tumour was falsely accused and is not responsible for Liza stealing all that money from Chandler Enterprises.
Liza started embezzling funds way back in 1999, years before the tumour was even a glimmer in a cancerous cell’s eye. This is what Adam learned when he did some investigating and found out his wife was a criminal and hypocritical wench.
Yes, it seems that Liza, Little Miss Honesty who’s all about telling the truth to your spouse and not keeping anything from them, was stealing money from her husband’s company way before she even had reason to be angry at him for keeping things from her.
And then she has the nerve to whine to Tad about no-one trusting her back at Chandler Enterprises. That’s one of the side effects of being an embezzler. Funny thing about that.
But now that Adam has learned of his wife’s lies and how she’s keeping the money hidden so she or Mia can hightail it off with Colby at the most convenient opportunity, I am gleefully anticipating his revenge upon them. I just know he already has something up his sleeve, what with his sudden extreme niceness to a clueless Mia.
Speaking of Mia, why is she at the Chandler mansion 24/7? Is she resident babysitter? She claims she still has a job and that no-one’s called her from the hospital in weeks but I have other suspicions. She’s been given the pink slip but has no idea what it means so that’s why she thinks she still has a job. Twit.
(Incidentally I saw the actress who plays Mia in some or other bad movie the other night where she was dating a guy who was turning into a spider or something – I didn’t see much of the movie, you understand. Point is she stubbornly failed to get killed and eaten by Spider-Guy, which is something I was really hoping to see. Why is her drippy self everywhere anyway? And why doesn’t she ever get eaten by Spider-Guys?)
I noticed a very strange thing – there were two instances of gratuitous shirtlessness avoidance in one of the episodes. Actually the avoidance was not even of gratuitous shirtlessness since in both instances said shirtlessness would have been understandable and expected.
One of the instances of shirtlessness avoidance was welcome because it involved Edmund wearing a vest after getting it on with Brooke in some motel room. Edmund’s forest of fur could still be seen sprawling out from under the blessed vest over his shoulders and neck, but the vest kept most of it under wraps.
The other instance was more shocking as it involved Ryan waking up, also wearing a vest. Active avoidance of Ryan shirtlessness? Now I’ve seen everything. Or rather I haven’t seen everything because they decided to cover it up.
Non-Shirtless Ryan awoke to find Kendall missing from his bed, having gone off to do something illicit with Trey. Not that illicit – I mean she went to take the polygraph test in order to prove she was innocent of setting fire to the Kane mansion.
Trey sneakily poured some kind of drug into Kendall’s water so she would stuff up the test and come across as a lying, raving lunatic. Even more so than usual. Dammit, Kendall, don’t drink the water! Just say no to water.
But drink she did, so point to Trey. Trey’s job was made even easier by Kendall’s crackpot theory that it was in fact Bianca who set fire to her own room. Yes, I can imagine that twisted bitch Bianca laughing maniacally as she cheerily set everything aflame and imagined the anguished cries of her prison-bound sister.
Said sick freak was at that moment sitting in the ashes formerly known as Erica’s house, and flashing back to her childhood. Awww, little Bianca was so cute. In the flashback, she was playing with her dolls who she’d named Jack and Erica. Just before setting fire to them. And staring soullessly at her burning room before running away.
Did I say "awww"? I meant “Back devil child!”. So all those references Kendall always makes to Bianca as a brat child were under-exaggeration rather than over-exaggeration. Wow, who knew?
Hey, but at least little Bianca knew enough not to stare dumbly into the flames and haul ass outta there. Unlike her adult, non-evil incarnation. Maybe the bad seed version of Bianca could commit arson but the current version would probably burn herself if she tried any pyromania.
Not to be outdone by her sister, Bianca’s own beliefs about the (most recent) fire at Erica’s house have quite a few holes in them. She, like practically everyone else, is firmly convinced that Kendall is the culprit because the cops found her lighter at the crime scene.
Bianca: You see? Irrefutable proof that Kendall is responsible! The cops found a lighter! Because neither I nor my mother smoke! And Kendall does! And no-one else does in the whole of Pine Valley! And lighters are unique like fingerprints!
Who can argue against such overwhelming evidence? Lock Kendall up and throw away the key, I say.
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