Where did it all go so wrong?
Larry is dead. He failed in his plot to kill Victor and now he’s dead. Poor, evil Larry.
Sniff.
As usual he couldn’t shoot for crap and failed to kill Victor when Nicole set him up to get shot at the Blue Note. No problem – I didn’t want him to kill Victory anyway. I wanted him to miss and kill Brady.
But as usual freakin’ Brady intervened and ended up driving like a maniac after him in a crazed car chase. As crazed as a car chase can be when it’s obviously bluescreen. Larry crashed and I let out an agonised scream.
“Not Larry! Damn you, Brady! Damn you to Heeeellllll!”
Despite Nicole’s best efforts to sneakily prevent Brady from getting to Larry before he could die, Larry was taken away to hospital in time for one last antagonistic deathbed scene with Hope. He died doing what he loved most – torturing Hope.
Hope went all dark for a few seconds, telling Larry as he was dying about how he was going to burn in hell while she was going to hang with her family, and it was pretty awesome. Then she went to Alice’s house (Alice naturally had a thousand doughnuts in front of her because it’s impossible to have an Alice scene without any mention of doughnuts) and lamented that she felt like Larry would always keep on tormenting her, even from beyond the grave.
Wait, you mean that? Come on, with a comment like that, he’s got to survive, right? There was even a lingering shot on his still hand with foreboding music just before he was wheeled away to the morgue. That’s got to mean something, right?
RIGHT???
Please let his death be a DiMera-faked situation! I beg of you!!!!
Sigh, it’s not, is it? I’ll miss you, Larry. You big, incompetent, evil galoot. RIP, Larry Welch.
Now the police are investigating the attempt on Victor’s life and Nicole is looking and acting as guilty as she ever has If the police were in any way able, they’d realise she was responsible. So she has nothing to fear from the police then.
On the other hand, she has everything to fear from Victor. Dude is totally onto her and giving her suspicious looks. Knowing his mighty wrath, I’m not entirely sure if it might not be better for Nicole to give herself up to the cops right away rather than facing the consequences if Victor gets hold of her first
The cops however have so far only questioned Tony. Ridiculous. Tony has been too busy nearly exploding and going on dates with Sami to order hits on anyone’s life.
It’s been fun watching Sami’s date Tony. He’s been his usual shmoozing self and given her lots of lovely diamonds which I’m sure is going a long way to make up for that whole ‘smashing her through a glass door’ thing. He has also compared her to a diamond in the rough, which only another diamond (like him) can cut. Or something. I swear it made some sense when he said it.
But are we sure that Tony and Rex aren’t absolutely father and son? Because they both seem to have a fondness for comparing pretty girls they’re dating to diamonds.
Lucas is jealous of Tony because he gets to go out with Sami while he is only left with his fantasies and his right hand. He has tried to warn Sami of Tony’s nefarious nature but she gives him withering glares in response because he’s not giving her any diamonds and telling her how hot she is.
Lucas tried to talk some sense into her. “Do you really want to become mistress of all you survey?” he asked, “Do you really want to be Countess DiMera?”
I want her to be Countess DiMera, Lucas so hush your mouth. I want to see a strictly political marriage between Sami and Tony where she has a ton of power and uses it to crush her enemies. Because that would be so totally awesome, I would go mute just from watching it.
Later on Lucas was taking out the trash, when he heard Sami’s crying in her apartment. So he sauntered in there and proceeded to give her moral support and try to get her to talk. In his underwear. Now I don’t care if there’s a weekly gratuitous shirtlessness quota to fulfill, if you must barge into someone’s room in the middle of the nigh, put some pants on.
Sami will have more than enough time to see you without your pants when you two finally give in to your primal urges and have the hot sex you so often dream about.
Cassie has been really cool and likable lately, especially when she’s been hanging out with Philip. You read that correctly. There are scenes with Philip I don’t hate. He is mildly endearing when he’s with Cassie.
The reason for this is because they’re hanging out as friends so Cassie’s not doing her usual sledgehammer flirting because of the whole sibling thing. So she’s showing a side of herself that’s not completely needy and hypersexual.
It all started when Philip semi-lectured her about working at Echelon and how she deserved better than drooling idiots slobbering over her. I’m not usually one for nosy sermonising but I agreed with Philip so I ignored how presumptive it is to tell someone you barely know what they can or cannot do.
Philip then talked about his own screwy childhood, and how the Marines had sorted out his life. So…does this mean Cassie should join the Marines? Would she have to change the geometric shape of her head in any way and lose almost all ability to emote?
I suggest that Cassie does go the Philip route and becomes a spy. Oh what, like it’s so hard to imagine. They hired Philip and Billie off the streets after all, so Cassie would fit in fine.
I haven’t ranted and raved about Belle in quite a while mostly because I’ve been ignoring her existence as much as possible. But one episode had her in the same scene as people I actually really enjoy watching, like Rex, Cassie and Mimi, so I was forced to watch her and her stupid dancing in an interminable sequence of the teens dancing.
I then noted that she looked even twelver than usual, with her pink clothes, tin lunchbox in hand, and Saved By The Bell T-shirt. Why did she have a Saved By The Bell shirt, I wondered. She must have been embryonic when it aired. Was it some attempt at retro? I decided it was because she’d seen the T-shirt in the shop and immediately thought “Ooh, that shirt is so me, because I’m Belle and I save people!” so she bought it.
But what made me scream at Belle was not her T-shirt. Nor was it the multiple references to how wonderful and perfect she was I’d had to endure from multiple characters a few days previously. What made me scream and rant for minutes on end was the self-righteous way she spoke about Cassie.
Philip was hanging out with Cassie and Belle expressed her fear that Cassie would sink her claws into him. Like Cassie’s claws would be able to penetrate that solid head of his. When Shawn suggested that Philip might be good for Cassie as he was good for Chloe, Belle went into full on moralising snot mode and made with the demonisation of Cassie.
“Cassie will never be able to turn her life around,” she asserted, “She’s not a decent and caring human being. She’s nothing but cold and calculating”. This was the kind of thing Belle said, which like shut the *bleep!* up, heifer.
Cassie is screwed up, mostly as a result of growing up like a rat in the lab and not enjoying a pampered existence being treated like precious
Melange by Marlena like some people, bitch. It’s easy up there on your giant, pink pony of privilege to throw around absolutes like she will never be able to turn her life around.
Also, she’s not evil. She’s not even particularly bad in soapie terms. All the screwed up *bleep!* she’s done has mostly hurt herself and not anyone else. The one thing she’s done that’s cold and calculating, rather than hedonistic and ill-advised, is go after Shawn which she gave up ages ago when she realised you had his balls in a jar.
Just admit you hate her because she went after your man. Don’t claim it’s because she’s a no-hope, wicked witch who’s got coal for a heart. Because then I wouldn’t have to waste my braincells thinking up new ways of calling you a moralistic prig. I mean, Mimi doesn’t like her much, but she’s so much cooler about it than you are.
Shockingly Belle wasn’t even the worst person to talk *bleep!* about Cassie that wasn’t true. Hey, why are you looking at me? I haven’t called her a slut in weeks and that was all in irony anyway. I am actually talking about Kate Roberts.
When she saw her son hanging out with Cassie, she immediately went on the warpath. Let’s look at some of the choice words she used to describe Cassie and see how many of them can be applied to Kate herself: ‘manipulative’, ‘hardhearted’, ‘sneaky’, ‘tramp’ and ‘nymphomaniac’. Indeed, depending on your opinion of Cassie, almost none to none of these can even be applied to Cassie, who’s actually rather emotional and still a virgin, for all the boys she’s kissed.
Anyway, let’s move on to examining Kate’s sterling record. She screws around with her kids’ love-lives like crazy – ‘manipulative’, she almost let Sami get the lethal injection for a crime she was covering up – ‘hardhearted’ and ‘sneaky’, and as for ‘tramp’, ‘slut’ and ‘nymphomaniac’, she was once a literal whore.
Kate rhymes with hate for a reason.
Philip continued to make me look fondly at his giant square head by basically shooting his mother down for being a buttinsky bitch. That’s it, Philip! Sever the umbilical cord!
Of course, Philip seems intent on throwing away whatever goodwill he’s garnered by planning on breaking into the DiMera mansion just because he doesn’t like Rex. Nice to see he’s using his secret agent skills so responsibly.
As he was planning on how to enter the DiMera mansion, something happened that proved how much smarter Mimi is than Belle. Mimi bumped into Philip who dropped one of his spy doohickies, and she called right away that he a spy. Three seconds she spends with him (cos the rest of the time she was too busy having Rex Sex) and she figures out his true identity. Belle followed him around for weeks asking about his ‘big secret’ and still had to be told explicitly.
Even more impressive was that at the time Mimi was all fuzzy-headed from crying over Rex turning into a jerk from his headaches and desire not to be an icky Brady. Yes, Rex’s acting like a jackass, but there are extenuating. Can anyone really blame him for preferring to remain a DiMera and rather than become a blue-collar do-gooder? Can anyone blame him for preferring to stick with Tony as a parent over Roman and Kate?
I also can’t blame him for his short temper and slight Mimi ignorance because he provided me with the funniest line of the week. About Cassie, he asked “Why can’t she just find some nice guy who’s not a criminal out on bail or her brother?” That’s a question every single woman asks of herself.
Naturally Roman has just as much instinctual hate for Rex as Kate has for Cassie. He’s not one tenth as infuriating as Kate is though. Plus you can’t accuse Roman of possessing the same negative traits as the person he dislikes, unlike Kate.
What I want to know is what gene is responsible for the immediate hatred of your secret progeny? A bunch of soapie characters have demonstrated this tendency. Maybe Rex should use his giant brain to study that.