Sigh, TV schedules really give me a headache. I tend to watch the repeat of Days on SABC2, right? But obviously the constant cricket means that’s not every day. Which isn’t in itself a problem. The problem is that since the cricket ended a day early a couple of times, the SABC2 repeats don’t reflect the day before episodes anymore.
So instead of a new Days episode being shown on a Tuesday and repeated on Wednesday, that episode only repeats on like Friday or something ridiculous like that. So if you’re a Days fan who’s reading this and wondering why I’m ridiculously outdated and still mentioning Bo and Hope’s bounty hunting when by now Bo and Hope have quit bounty hunting and have started their own circus act or whatever, it’s because I’m several thousand years behind compared to anyone who watches the show on SABC3.
Anyway, back to what I did watch. Like Tony’s fruit basket full of bomb. Tony was very lucky that John was stowed away on board his ship and was feeling peckish. John grabbed a banana and noticed that the ticking piece of machinery underneath was not a fruit he recognised. Realising the bomb was about to go off, he warned Tony and they managed to get a safe distance of several metres away before the yacht went boom.
The two of them were trapped in the wreckage of the boat. I’ll try and tell you what happened but honestly it was so dark, I’m not even sure it was Tony and John floating around in there. The queeny Australian accent tipped me off that it was Tony, but it could’ve been Guy Pearce in Priscilla Queen Of The Desert for all I know.
As they were trapped in the pool ocean, Tony and John had some brotherly moments. It was very strange. So strange the oxygen trapped in the boat immediately fled in consternation and John and Tony sank into the water, breathless. Luckily the coast guard rescued them before they could go all Titanic on us.
While lying in their hospital beds in their cute matching blue tracksuits, John called a truce and promised he’d stop butting into Tony’s shady affairs as long as he stayed away from his family. Every near drowning has a silver lining, I guess.
But Tony’s woes were not over. He returned home to find his supposed daughter had started down a new career path. Cassie has decided to become a hostess at Club Echelon.
Fabulous. The list of achievements just keep getting longer for Cassie. Now she can add working at a gentleman’s club to her arrest for drunk and disorderly behaviour, arrest for solicitation, and fooling around with her brother.
Tony was less than thrilled that his daughter was working at Echelon. C’mon, be reasonable, Tony. You were thrilled when Rex decided to join the family business and build diamond-making machines but you balk at Cassie joining the other family business?
She didn’t even need to use her family connections to get a job there either! She got there on her own merits, not any of this being-made-music-director-at-Titan-just-because-I’m-the-boss’s-grandson business that some people are guilty of. Personally if I were Tony, I’d promote her to manageress.
Rex meanwhile is having headaches and Mimi is afraid there might be something wrong with him. Since every show has one nowadays, a tumour maybe? Hopefully it’s nothing so serious and he just got a blinding migraine from watching Jack and Jen’s gawdawful TV show like the rest of us.
Jack and Jen’s gawdawful TV show somehow managed to hit a new low when their topic this time around was sex. But this being In Da Shithouse, the topic had to be handled in the most cringe-inducingly awful way possible with Jack being all embarrassed (an understandable reaction to any episode of the show) and Jen being all coy while wanting to talk about their sex life on camera. There were little Jack and Jen Barbies involved
Plus they ended up kicking the sexpert they invited off the show even a few minutes through because In Da Shithouse is the most unbelievable, unprofessional piece of crap ever, even for a fake show-within-a-show.
Off camera, welcome reality set into Jack’s head briefly as he lamented going from newspaper journalist to hosting the vilest television show in the history of ever. That damnable Jen distracted him with her feminine wiles and used her womanly wooing ways to hypnotise him into forgetting all about his lamentable existence as a gawdawful TV presenter.
The Brady family meanwhile all found the time to arrest the criminal elements of Salem. Bo and Hope managed to get their shiny, new car back and arrested the numbnutted criminal who had stolen it in the first place. Not bad. There might be hope (no pun intended) for them as bounty hunters yet.
Shawn seems to be following in his parents’ footsteps. Much in the same way that Hope has used her emaciated charms to capture crooks, so Shawn used his boyish good looks and pathetic yet strangely endearing ‘flirting’ skills to catch One-Track Maya. Shawn had her arrested in a rather anticlimactic scene devoid of drama or danger. Fitting really, since Maya was such an awful villain she deserves such an ignoble end.
Really, the woman knew she was going to be arrested for trying to blow up Tony. She knew this and was preparing to escape Salem before she could get caught. But she actually allowed herself to be distracted by Shawn of all people, a teenager who has barely shown a flicker of interest, and stayed long enough to be captured.
That’s a pathetic way for a villain to go. That’s deserving of a Dummy. Here’s your Dummy, Maya. Knowing your one-track mind, please don’t try to do anything obscene with it.
If only all annoying characters could go the way of Maya. Sadly Brady Black is not about to go anywhere soon.
Things looked promising when Nicole set things up for Larry to shoot Victor, and Brady ended up being the one in Larry’s sights instead. For a few ecstasy-filled seconds, it looked like Brady had been shot but my hopes were dashed when it turns out all that had happened was he’d heard the shot and fallen into the pool, knocking his balding head.
Why did Larry have to be such a lousy shot? Dammit!
For some reason the fact that Nicole has been acting oddly for weeks, clearly hiding something in the stables, and associating with thugs in dark alleys has not crossed Brady or Victors’ minds and they do not look at the most obvious culprit as the person behind this murder attempt.
This is somewhat understandable considering that people who spend any large amount of time with Brady probably want to kill him.
Now Nicole is feeling guilty over almost getting Brady killed but Larry is not to be deterred. Using the clever alias of Mr Ed, Nicole’s horsey associate is hiding out at a motel and phoning her to tell her how after he’s going to kill Victor, he’s going to run away to a desert island with her and she’ll have gone from a wrinkly old evil guy to a slightly less wrinkly eviller old guy.
The sad thing is that I’d almost rather see Nicole as Larry’s moll or whatever than see her with Brady. Because Nicole and Larry are fun together while Brady is just gross. She has way more chemistry with evil Larry than she does with Gaydy, which is particularly sad considering he’s her real-life husband.
Finally I have just got to compliment the acting in the Sami-muteness plotline. She’s got no lines and has to rely solely on her face and body movements to convey emotion. Yet I always know what she’s feeling because she has just got that expressive a face.
Fingers crossed that Lucas can get a haircut and get it on with Sami instead of them fantasising about the wicked things they want to do with each other like they’re currently doing.
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