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LOBOLA AND THE MODERN COUPLE

Written by Zazacious from the blog PRE MARITAL COUNCELLING on 10 Sep 2009
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This article was inspired by a friend of mine (I shall call her Friend) to avoid being sued.

Ya ke Friend is getting married next year,but before the glitz and glam of a white wedding they must pass the LOBOLA NEGOTIATIONS HURDLE. 

Lets face it, in this day and age, where every 2nd person is talking RECESSION this and that. The men are being held to ransom with inlaws asking for ridiculous amounts for their daughters. To me Lobola is not merely a custom anymore but a money making scheme, Friend said

Then I ask her how much shes expecting Guy to fork out, and she just said R2000
will be fine by her. I lol waiting for the NGIYADLALA (Im jokin) statement but when that ddnt happen I realised that Friend was pretty serious. 

Her reasonings are justified too, in that Guy isnt really rolling in it and She's still in varsity.So this means that the whole wedding experience is solely on his not so broad shoulders.

MY QUESTIONS TO YALL

HOW MUCH DO YOU EXPECT
OR
HOW MUCH ARE YOU WILLING TO PAY
OR
HOW MUCH WAS PAID FOR YOU
OR 
HOW MUCH DID YOU PAY



170 Comments

Zazacious
10 Sep 2009 08:41

Okay for me Lobola has lost its bringing 2 families 2geda meaning. Now it means HOW MUCH DOES MY MAN THINK IM WORTH??

I will reserve the price I have set out in my mind for l8r

lady gaga
10 Sep 2009 08:51

HOW MUCH DO YOU EXPECT - R 50 000.00 minimum, phela men are dogs so for the stress he'll cause me he has to pay for it , i dnt care even if he feels he's buying me, he must PAY!

GML
10 Sep 2009 08:58

No it hasnt. My hubby's family and my family are happy because mutual understanding was established in terms of making sure we're(couple) happy.

Our uncles got along so well it was unbelievable. It still hold it's true meaning only if the couple emphasise the importance of this whole thing.

I threatened my parents and told them that if things dont go right and they expect a lot of money then I will call everything off and they should wait for an invite to the wedding without the negotiations. They understood that we are doing this out of respect for them and that they should in turn respect us by focusing on us instead of themselves and greed.

I must say it only took 2 visits for things to get settled. The 1st visit was a total *bleep!* up and I threatened my parents again and they came straight.

To answer your questions


HOW MUCH DO YOU EXPECT
I was expecting my folks to ask for R10 000- this man is helping me finish my studies
HOW MUCH ARE YOU WILLING TO PAY
My man was willing to pay R10 000
HOW MUCH WAS PAID FOR YOU
My parents asked for R40 000
HOW MUCH DID YOU PAY
He ended up paying R20 000 after my threats

monchooza
10 Sep 2009 08:59

I hate Lobola....i think its also money making scheme...to me it makes sense if the money is paid directly to the bride not his parents...or worse relatives who did not even spend a cent raising the bride

maud
10 Sep 2009 08:59

i would like to commend on this but you wont believe how much was paid for my lobola, so lets just say abnormal price , i do agree that these malume,s are taking this too far, they will tell about how well eduated you are and forget that they were not even there when you educate yourself. thats the reason why we dont leave happily ever after.

Cande
10 Sep 2009 09:01

Shame on your friend, who is going to allow the man to take her for 2000. Clearly he cant afford her now so how will he able to afford her when they are married.

As much as you will say marriage is not about money but some marriages fail due to financial problems, so why get married at all if you dont have money to maintain a family??

Nna if i ever get married one day i want lobola, and not just 2K..My mother didnt spend 2K raising me.

GML
10 Sep 2009 09:02

@Maud: the whole My child is educated nonsense needs to stop.

My uncle starting all of that nonsense and hubby's uncles told them that their son(hubby) was more educated then I was so maybe i should pay them lobola for their son. It shut my uncles up immediately.

I was a case of we want our kids to be happy so lets agree fast before they call things off

Savanah Dry
10 Sep 2009 09:10

Lobola is all about bringing two families together ..I agree
But i would not expect my parents to overcharge but at the end of the day i do not want a man to pay peanuts for me as well. 

I think if lobola is stopped altogether Men will get married 5 or 6times in their life time , hence once he pays lobola i dont see him wanting  to pay for three other women.
HOW MUCH DO YOU EXPECT
Minimun R20, 000

Mathaz
10 Sep 2009 09:23

True that Cande as much as he is not "buying" you but his dowry should indicate to your parents that he can take care of you financially.  In our family my mother and us (sisters) we discuss the price first and then my mom would instruct my uncles about the price we are expecting, my uncles had no say in my matter. 

Serenity
10 Sep 2009 09:23

@Maud: the whole My child is educated nonsense needs to stop. 

LOL...the bigger nonsense for me is: When ur mother says phela i carried this child for 9 months...as if boys are not carried full term.

Although personally i dont think Lobola should stop but the price shood be kept to minimum not exaggerated. Otherwise ordinary man will be scared to get married unless u marry one of the Billionaires...of which are very difficult to find.

Best-Achiever
10 Sep 2009 09:24

I gotta agree with you Maud ... UNCLES UNCLES UNCLES...

i spent the whole of the weekend crying because of my uncle .... Yhoo hhayi that man, things he was saying to me ... as if that was not enough, when abakhongi came they had to go back because my uncle doubled what they have agreed upon with others ... then when he was asked he said he wanted to make sure that this boy will be able to take of 'his daughter' and by the way mu uncle doesnt know the size of my skirt, shoes or name of the high school or tertiary i went to ..Mnmx

TheLady
10 Sep 2009 09:28

HOW MUCH DO YOU EXPECT 
R25000

And no it's not because of my education. It's him showing appreciation for this woman (me :-) ), they can't talk about my education they are not selling me. R25000 is reasonable.

TheLady
10 Sep 2009 09:31

B-A..your family is too nice, why didn't you tell him that because he dreams up amounts he is not allowed to be in the negotiation room? Bayangicasula labantu who suddenly believe ukuthi 'uyingane yabo' uma sebebona abantu nemali.

Best-Achiever
10 Sep 2009 09:34

The Lady ... i hope your uncles wont mess it up for you ... my dad told me that when they were still negotiating, BF's uncle suggested a certain amount that they can be able to pay and my uncle asked ... how many cows will that money buy? and when BF'uncle said 11(since this is what was supposed to be paid) my uncle said ... He muct go(BF's uncle) and buy those 11 cows with that amount, then yena my uncle will sell them with the amount that is supposed to be, then they willl see if anyone can buy them, if not he, Bf's uncle will have to buy them, with his(mu uncle) selling amount ..LOL
but at the end they had to real real pay it wasnt funny when i had of the sum that they had to pay, and there still gonna be izibizo ... Nkm nkm nkm

Best-Achiever
10 Sep 2009 09:36

The Lady --- there isnt anything i didnt try there were times when i didnt even speak to my uncle!, my dad doesnt like arguments and i was even angry at my dad!

realist
10 Sep 2009 09:37

Nna if i ever get married one day i want lobola, and not just 2K..My mother didnt spend 2K raising me.
How much do you think you are worth? Your mother did not spend 2k raising you and I agree. What do you think the future husband’s parents spent raising him?

Like I said before No one loves someone for Love's sake, but for self interest, gaining something of value from the partner.

No human being is worth any money no matter how educated, well behaved, poor and rich you are. period.

GML
10 Sep 2009 09:41

Mina I sat my uncles down and told them I will not have them ruin things for me because I will be going to my in laws alone. They wont be there so they must not *bleep!* it up for me.

Every1 in my family knows how hot headed I can be and they listened

Cody
10 Sep 2009 09:46

LOL @ BA's clever uncle!

LM
10 Sep 2009 10:02

How much do you think you are worth? Your mother did not spend 2k raising you and I agree. What do you think the future husband’s parents spent raising him?

Like I said before No one loves someone for Love's sake, but for self interest, gaining something of value from the partner.

No human being is worth any money no matter how educated, well behaved, poor and rich you are. period. True that Realist!!!

People are demanding R100K from a normal working Joe and expect their child to live happily ever after. This dude will hassle and pay this amount but he'll resent you or your parents for it. he might not say it or show it but deep down imuhleli kakubi (sp)

Bapedi don't normally ask ridiculous amounts unless le bona se ba tsenwe ke this shameful behaviour!!!!

Strolicious
10 Sep 2009 10:02

Lol GML ukhanda shisa wena

HOW MUCH DO YOU EXPECT
R20 000 ,since sengi nengane...

TheLady
10 Sep 2009 10:02

All the best B-A, I know one uncle who is capable of such. He did that when my cousins BF came to pay for damages. Mind you his daughter has a kid and her BF said he doesn't have money!

I'd also do a GML or ngivele ngiyobhala nje ngivale umlomo.

Best-Achiever
10 Sep 2009 10:14

They have already paid The Lady the final amount on negotiations .... and i must say, it didnt sit well with me, as a result i told them that, i will not even but a pillow come wedding, they will need to pop out atleast half of that amount for me to get things that will be needed .. and i told BF that whan they are asking for umabo stuff ..he must go head and ask for blenkets for everyone he knows even the chickens, i'll help him but asking for a not lesa than R11 k bed and Presles bedding ...mnnmxm

GML
10 Sep 2009 10:16

It's what the "kids" couple wants that matters.

They need to know that there is another option which is to send them an invite via post to wedding or to have them involved by making sure the negotiations go well. I showed my mom a sample of invites I want and told her to look out for something like this in the post should should the negotiations not go well

Phela the negotiations are done out of respect for the elders because we could have gone to the court and signed without them knowing. We choose not to so they must play their part.

Now my dad ate the money. I told him I dont give a FCUK how he does it but he will replace the money he used before end of Oct because we will need it end of November. He is not talking to me now and my mom said he is stressing. Serves him right!!!!

That will teach him to use money that is not his

realist
10 Sep 2009 10:25

Bapedi don't normally ask ridiculous amounts unless le bona se ba tsenwe ke this shameful behaviour!!!!
In most cases that I know, you are quiet right.

Nowadays you pay for lobola and you are still expected to pay extra for the wedding. Crazy if you ask me.

This dude will hassle and pay this amount but he'll resent you or your parents for it. he might not say it or show it but deep down imuhleli kakubi (sp)

This is what I told my government that if they charge me an arm and the leg, I will pay them the arm and the leg and that is the last time they will ever get any help from you and me. Ja I agree with what you are saying LM.

cleve
10 Sep 2009 10:28

My hubby and I still fight about our lobola,........ SO mina I suggest R2000 and then if angiphaphela during the marraige I go withdraw that r2000 and give it back to him LOL>>>>>>>>

monchooza
10 Sep 2009 10:29

this Lobola thing is what makes a lot of ladies to be abused once they are married to the guy.

Man: "hey mfazi wahlala wathi dexe phansi, kanti ngikulobolele ukuthi uzohlala phansi la?.....kheman i am hungry and i want fried chicken in 10 minutes"

woman never hears the end of the lobola...everything the man says must include the millions he paid to lobola.

woman: "babakhe i saw these very nice pots on special e dion yazi and i love them, ngicela ungithenge wona uma u kgola"
man: "hamba uyoba tshela kini ukuthi bakunikeze imali yalawo mabhodo i am sure lama million engababhadala wona awakapheli"

extinct
10 Sep 2009 10:29

Lobola for me is a token of appreciation and gettin the families to know each other and the whole education and raisin my daughter thing is bull WHO's responsibility is it for the child to be educated and who's resposibility is to make sure the child is well mannered and well off we dont raise kids for men but to better themselves and make something out of themselves and to make us proud and they themselves proud

realist
10 Sep 2009 10:31

In those days when things when done the right way when a man pays lobola, that money will be used to pay expenses for the wedding and the man will have nothing more to add to the wife to be when it comes to expenses. That was back in the day and done the right way.

I may be wrong but that is what used to be when things when done culturally.

lady gaga
10 Sep 2009 10:32

tjo u guys know what u want ne................i just pray that when that time comes for me, i know what to say and what to do, basically things be done the way me and my partner agree on, educated of nie educated,already having a baby of nie,all in all what i want not what other people want

Tshilo
10 Sep 2009 10:36

im expecting R35k minimum and R40k max.

myname
10 Sep 2009 10:40

Hellow peeps, 

I think 20grand is fine but it will depend whom i getting married to otherwise if its one of those "mogul" i will tell my mum 2 call ikhanda le train wethu.

Ive met some guys abathi, "money is not a problem", so if its not why umamam angazidleli imali yentombi yakhe eyi 1.

Vele it is a business scheme these days.

ms.tebby
10 Sep 2009 10:46

where have i ben? :o

nam i would say 2000 coz in my culture almost half of that goes to the uncles aunts & relatives who hanevt contributes anything at all to my upbringing they are rather on the opposite trying to bewitch me & all that...at the end of the day my mother ends up with almost nothing from the lobola, hayi, qha!

ms.tebby
10 Sep 2009 10:53

the other unfortunate thing is that the lobola is just standard...the family doesnt just decide how much they want...unless if its monetory terms

baby e
10 Sep 2009 10:58

hey in my culture tswana its more like 8 cows which are equivalent to 20 000
But there those cultures which charge ridiculous amounts especially if the woman is educated and was very supportive to her family. 

i am expecting a lot 100K and i am very honest with this one i have been gathering my wealth all by myself and career wise through the support of my parents and there is no way i will agree to change my surname for peanuts. i am not being greed or anything but the dude havent assisted me with a single cent so no ways i am going for peanuts .

TKSM
10 Sep 2009 11:12

cleve Clearly you are back....however you did not answer the questions? Please do

HOW MUCH DO YOU EXPECT 
15 000
OR
HOW MUCH ARE YOU WILLING TO PAY 
nothing
OR
HOW MUCH WAS PAID FOR YOU 
35 000
OR
HOW MUCH DID YOU PAY
nothing!!!!!!!!tjo.......

myname
10 Sep 2009 11:14

Call me a cheap woman if you like but I don’t want any white dress in my hips. I need something traditional. I want to have two outfits; the suit im going to wear at church & my traditional dress which is umbhaco ngesiXhosa. I want to walk ebaleni lasekhaya with my cream white traditional dress. My invitations i will use notebook papers for God’s sake. I will make sure there is enough meat & food because I know how Xhosas love meat. I think about my future (my kids & husband) not one day event. Im not trying to impress my friends & family. I want to be VERY traditional. I will use horses to get me to church not some stupid lamborghini which i wouldn’t own in my life. You can drive ur cars if u want but i will be fine with my stallion.

I am serious guys.

Luksta
10 Sep 2009 11:14

Lobola is supposed to bring two families together, but prices are ridiculous these days, which makes it difficult for umakoti. 
This depends on the girl though, I mean if you are old enough to get married then it means you are old enough to call your uncles to order.(I know it's easier said than done).

In my culture, after paying Lobola, makoti's family will bring presents(Pots, Dishes, Hats etc)   for makoti & mkhwenyana's family, including deceased family members.  
For the white wedding, makoti's family will have to buy stuff for makoti's new home( e.g. Bed, Couches, Fridge etc). 

All this comes from the Lobola money,which means the money ends up "returning" to the groom.

HOW MUCH DO YOU EXPECT
I am expecting to pay R30K
HOW MUCH ARE YOU WILLING TO PAY
To be honest...R20K
HOW MUCH WAS PAID FOR YOU
I wish!
HOW MUCH DID YOU PAY 
So far R10K(and some few bottles of brandy) and I haven't been told the total amount, will be told when I go for Round 2

Askies for the essay

GML
10 Sep 2009 11:20

You will know ho impossible those amounts are once you decide to marry. It will be horrible nje the thought that your hubby wants to but he cant afford to pay it

Best-Achiever
10 Sep 2009 11:26

All this comes from the Lobola money,which means the money ends up "returning" to the groom.
This is Very true  Luksta

HOW MUCH DO YOU EXPECT
i was expecting my parents to ask for R25K max 
HOW MUCH ARE YOU WILLING TO PAY 
Not mwa 
HOW MUCH WAS PAID FOR YOU 
R41K excluding izibizo ..which will be something close to R7k I HOPE!
HOW MUCH DID YOU PAY
Zilch ...

myname
10 Sep 2009 11:27

GML i have that side of u. My uncles respects me a lot coz ndabona ukuba they can build a supermaket by my lobolo.

cleve
10 Sep 2009 11:28

HOW MUCH DID YOU EXPECT
R20000
OR
HOW MUCH ARE YOU WILLING TO PAY
nothing
OR
HOW MUCH WAS PAID FOR YOU
R27000
OR
HOW MUCH DID YOU PAY
nothing!!!!!!!!tjo.......

baby e
10 Sep 2009 11:30

oh i forgot 

The views expressed above are based on experiences  and lifestyle that the writter has observed in her life. 

Classic example 
GML - her hubby is assisting her on school fees and she has warned her uncles not to let them charge more because of the fact that hubby has been assisting her with school fees and other thingd in general. 

Cousin A - my cousin met this dude when she was doing her first year. she is from an average family and the guy assisted her with almost every thing that she needed even helping my uncle during the ploughing season and guess what Cousy A did after graduating and finding a good paying job. Dumps the guy.

Would you say the guy would have not paid lobola because of the financial assistance that he provided cousy family?

This is another reason why independent women find it very hard to marry i think. 

Please note that i stand to be corrected 

GML - my dear i am sorry if i have offended you in any way. 

TKSM
10 Sep 2009 11:32

Eish mgani uyaphapha wena man!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Cut copy and paste.....................!!!!!!!!!!!!

cleve
10 Sep 2009 11:39

Eish mgani uyaphapha wena man!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Cut copy and paste.....................!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ja it's the real deal, COPY AND PASTE

Vesa
10 Sep 2009 11:44

I am Tswana and we also come reasonably priced. Kante aren't these uncles getting instructions from the parents on how much to charge?

GML
10 Sep 2009 11:45

baby e: Non taken

When I say he is helping me finish my studies I did not mean he is paying for them. I have and still paying my own fees and he pays his fees. He is helping in terms of minimising the stress I would have had if I lived alone. I have more "left over" money that I'm using to pay my fees off faster. Baby e it's referred to as tuition fees ot school fees- this makes me feel like i'm in high school.

I am and have always been independent, he knows this and it's one of the things that attracted him to me, the fact that I didnt want anything that was his. WE made an agreement to help each other out where possible. hence my saying he assisted me with finishing my studies- I did not say he is paying for my fees. He may help me get a text book when I dnt have cash but by no means is he paying for me. He is also studying which costs more than me.

As a couple we have plans together and had I not forced my folks to tow the line our plans would have been delayed for about a year- I did not want that. I wanted to live my life without worrying that he needs to put cash aside for lobola. NO

Vesa
10 Sep 2009 11:52

Baby e, please ditch the independent woman idea. Otherwise you will grow old alone and lonely

TKSM
10 Sep 2009 11:56

@ Vesa  it should be that way...... I know my FATHER INSISTED that he wanted to be part of the negotiations...and insisted he wanted my hubby's father to be there too!!!!!!No uncle of mine was present...it was just my dad, dad's brother...and my Grandmother as a witness...not that i minded....I LOVED HER OH SO DEARLY...may her soul rest in peace!!!!!!!!!

Vesa
10 Sep 2009 11:57

Independent shouldn't mean I don't need a man

Smilo
10 Sep 2009 12:00

HOW MUCH DO YOU EXPECT
R25 000.00 cos i had a child from prev relationship
HOW MUCH ARE YOU WILLING TO PAY 
he was willing to pay max R50 000.00
HOW MUCH WAS PAID FOR YOU
R 40 000.00 plus 2 cows
HOW MUCH DID YOU PAY 
Niks....

Cande
10 Sep 2009 12:06

If my family especially my mother thinks i am worth 20 cows then the guy should pay 20 cows otherwise leave it.

baby e
10 Sep 2009 12:08

I believe all this lobola thing is dependent on an individual. if you respect your culture you will do all that it takes. And my understanding is that the groom should not be part of the negotiations
My former school mate who comes from a Zulu royal family didnt really look forward for life after tertiary graduation because she was worth a million and she boldy said that it was obvious only the rich fat guys and BEE guys were the ones who could afford her. 

in Kalanga apparently they exchange letters - ntsa ya rona e bone somthing that side sort of thing and they reply in writing. 
@ GML dont worry dear all this are based on the couple's arrangements BUT its also important that you get your uncle's and elders blessings.  

TKSM
10 Sep 2009 12:08

Eish mara mablogger abanye benu banamanga tjo!!!!

Cande
10 Sep 2009 12:11

In my culture the bride's side use the money for the wedding njena? If we dont throw a wedding the money goes to my parents. NOT uncles

cleve
10 Sep 2009 12:12

TKSM khuluma ndoda who do you think unamanga

ms.tebby
10 Sep 2009 12:12

LOL, i feel for the poor man Cande...but atleast you are tswana.....<<<Reply from: Vesa 9/10/2009 5:44:59 PM
I am Tswana and we also come reasonably priced >>>

ms.tebby
10 Sep 2009 12:15

kwa kwakwakwaaa @ writting : baby e...what did they do back then before the the missionaries taught them how  to write ehehehee! Kalangas are cool hey ? :o

Best-Achiever
10 Sep 2009 12:16

TKSM ... i have a friend, male friend who was going out with a girl From Nongoma kwi Royal Family KwaZulu eBukhosini,  and when they went to ask for her hand in marriage they were told it is gonna be 100 walking cows(i was like 'dude have you ever seen 100 walking cows at once in your whole life') and after numerous negotiation, they were told it is gonna be 80 walking cows and that is a Final one.

and then my friend impregnated the girl after that ..LOL, now they want  15 walking cows for inhlawulo ...Yep

goldii
10 Sep 2009 12:18

My experience is the person who cares the most about you should be the one to negotiate your lobola.

My cousins and I were raised by our grandmother and when the time came for one of my cousins to get lobolad her father  and some uncles came out of the woodwork and wanted to be involved in the whole process. They went as far as showing up on the day of negotiations. Grandma would have none of it, rightly told them to piss off from her house and her affairs.

She didn't ask for any money but rather asked that they shared the cost for the wedding and buy a house. Love that woman.

On the other hand my friends family asked for R50 000 and she has a child with another man

maud
10 Sep 2009 12:22

@baby e- its not a force to change your surname, i am still using mine, my new id have both surnames, 

it is wiser to get married after you have your own mmola and cars ,home, in that way, he knows that he is not doing you a favour, he marries you because he wants to and he knows that its a blessing to have you in his life.

just think if you dont have both parents like me, they just have to make their own decisions.

mina i have ask my bf/ then how much was he willing to pay, he said its not for him to decide let them decide , so thats why i did not have a say he was willing to pay anything,

One and Only
10 Sep 2009 12:31

I see that most ladies here are desperate to get married at all cost even if means being lobola'd by a bucket full of *bleep!*. Where is your pride women? You've got a chest full of breasts, an african backside, vagina, intelligent and a lot more to offer and you value and worth yourself R2000?

Do you think that a Lazarus who is as broke as a mouse in the church who couldn't afford to raise and save lobola money and had his girlfriend negotiated and got a discount for him would be able to maintain you?

As a proud black man I'm not even gonna discuss lobola with my woman and if my woman can suggest that she would negotiate for a lower price on my behalf I would leave her as this shows her values and how she was raised up. I don't need cheap second hands I'm not Cash Converters but Stuttafords.

Ladies don't worry if a guy can't afford you then he must try his luck somewhere else stop being a Roman Catholic Church or some NGO that care for the poor, in time a good and financially stable guy will come along.

Cody
10 Sep 2009 12:32

SHO BA! nna if i was that guy, i would have given them the "V" word! together with their daughter. That is so unreasonable.

myname
10 Sep 2009 12:32

Yhooooo Smilo oka Respect........does ur hubby have a brother like him? LOL i need to do a beautiful yard ekhaya. And plz promise me he is like ur hubby. We ladies with kids r not so lucky.

WOW guys 40g?????? Really

Tash 1
10 Sep 2009 12:38

@One n' Only: LOL, u sound lyk ma hubby, unfortunately they only charged him R25 000 whch i think was reasonable despite having a degree.

Toodecent
10 Sep 2009 12:39

i think 2 grands Lobola is a ctually a cool idea, kanti why do we have to pay entlik? I wish the lobola was actually used to prepare a home for the couple them i can fork out 500K but then poor me ko e tseya kae zaka e bie soo?

TKSM
10 Sep 2009 12:41

@BA........100 as in 1 and 2 zero's..............shoooooot......that's like 400 000 rands in cash..tjo........qha some people are rediculous man!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!royalty or not!!!!!!!!!!

GML
10 Sep 2009 12:42

One and Only: Point taken.

Sometimes you find a good  financially stable but he runs because the girls family are forcing him to live beyond his means. Maybe he is willing to pay the amount but it would mean that he cant do other things.

baby e
10 Sep 2009 12:43

@ Vesa - i believe marriage ended way back. and dont worry dear
What is marriage - my opinion the joint of 2 individuals to become one. my pastor used to say 1 + 1 in marriage is equals to 1. 
there are so many temptations in this world and rights which make it very difficult for marriages to survive. i wont allow my man to cheat on me. how many men will not do that? they say marriage is about compromising and cooperation and all that but really why are divorce rates so high ?

i believe in inner happiness and the best way to achieve that is to avoid all the stressful things in life. 

m out here. got to make some pounds

ms.tebby
10 Sep 2009 12:43

kwa kwa kwa kwaaaaa! One & Only? <<stop being a Roman Catholic Church or some NGO that care for the poor, in time a good and financially stable guy will come along.

Luksta
10 Sep 2009 12:44

As a man, you must speak to your parents first to decide who's going to handle the Lobola for you(since they are not supposed to go to your in-laws).
You don't want someone who will embarrass the family there.

Luksta
10 Sep 2009 12:44

As a man, you must speak to your parents first to decide who's going to handle the Lobola for you(since they are not supposed to go to your in-laws).
You don't want someone who will embarrass the family there.

Cande
10 Sep 2009 12:45

Great response ONE & ONLY?

Cody
10 Sep 2009 12:45

You've got a chest full of breasts, an african backside

LOL i gather you like the full neh? Hi 1&only!!!! *waving*

maud
10 Sep 2009 12:46

@TDC- and what would they do with 2 grand? sorry  its better he takes me free  ke, plus vat & sit is moeg and loss, they wont be no killing of each other there.

Cande
10 Sep 2009 12:49

what is Izibizo BA?

Toodecent
10 Sep 2009 12:50

Thats the idea just that the uncles get nothing....

TKSM
10 Sep 2009 12:50

One and Only is back...kwakwakwakwakwakwakwa!!!!!!!!!!!!huuu wiiii!!!!!!!!!

Best-Achiever
10 Sep 2009 12:54

yes TKSM 1 and two zeros .. i have never saw a kraal with that number of cows in my entire life .... and damages tsa 15 cows... akudlalwa ebukhosini, that's why often times folks from royal families marry one another... it is no childs play for ppl who aint from there.

Best-Achiever
10 Sep 2009 13:00

what is Izibizo BA?

Those things, that the bride's family ask of the groom's family
di suit for bride's family including shoes, hat and umrella (the father wear it on your wedding day)
huge 3 legged pot (you can fit in there and hide)
number of boma 2 piece,amaduku and  blankets(to cover their heads) for your mother and your aunts 
some ppl even ask for stove, friedges and boma plasma TV ..LOL


cant remember what else

cleve
10 Sep 2009 13:00

Mina I am fine with R2000, I am not worth R2000 it's just a payment to make my parents happy.

Savanah Dry
10 Sep 2009 13:01

kwakwakwa One and Only...

think 2 grands Lobola is a ctually a cool idea, kanti why do we have to pay entlik? I wish the lobola was actually used to prepare a home for the couple them i can fork out 500K 

@ TDC..  Where i come from the money my parents get for Lobola will be used to prepare for the wedding and all. 
And at our wedding my parents have to present the best Gift ..when my Sister got married they bought them all the furniture in the house so its not like yor money was puzzad ... 
But they charge more than R 30 000 in cash plus 4 Cows

Pooky
10 Sep 2009 13:03

i love your granny Goldii....i also believe that the person who raised you should be the one to negotiate with and not some rough bearded uncle who most probably last saw you when you were an infant, knows nothing about you but all of a sudden feels  justified in negotiating on his "daughters" future ngoba sekukhulunywa ngenyuku. Na in my case i'd want my  mom to negotiate for me since she's the one who struggled alone in raising me, ...and if the uncles and my dad  feel the need to get involved, they'd have to go with whatever price my mother has put on the plate and go and negotiate that price...but my mom would have the final say, no way will she be sidelined in this. 

TKSM
10 Sep 2009 13:04

exactly my thoughts BA....like really....have you ever seen that many number of cows all at once??????or rather have they ever????? haai nee man.....i just don't like it when people are beign so inconsiderate.  How can you ask for something that you know you can't possible afford? bukhosini or not man!!!!!!!!

TheLady
10 Sep 2009 13:07

"No uncle of mine was present...it was just my dad, dad's brother..." Isn't your dad's bro your uncle?

"You've got a chest full of breasts, an african backside, vagina, intelligent and a lot more to offer and you value and worth yourself R2000? " LOL, Isn't ilobolo iappreciation to the parents not MY worth??? The money is used to help ngomshado except inkomo kamama nekababa (unless THEY feel ukuthi bangakunika) that is why both those cows are expensive and they fall away if you have a baby. . Which brings me back to GML being pissed off with her dad having chowed some of the money, didn't he chow the cow okungeyakhe as your father?  Maybe we need to go back to the elders so that we can understand ukuthi liyini ilobolo.

Anyway if you ain't a virgin your mom's cow falls away..uyifuna lawashiya khona your virginity. We should be grateful nje ukuthi most guys are nice enough to pay the damn cow bazi kahle uthi they shouldn't have.

Cody
10 Sep 2009 13:09

i bet the lobola money doubles up when you are a virgin neh? Ya no BA you are expensive girl..are you a virgin?.......tl tl tl!

BigMama
10 Sep 2009 13:10


"No uncle of mine was present...it was just my dad, dad's brother..." Isn't your dad's bro your uncle?

"You've got a chest full of breasts, an african backside, vagina, intelligent and a lot more to offer and you value and worth yourself R2000? " LOL, Isn't ilobolo iappreciation to the parents not MY worth??? The money is used to help ngomshado except inkomo kamama nekababa (unless THEY feel ukuthi bangakunika) that is why both those cows are expensive and they fall away if you have a baby. . Which brings me back to GML being pissed off with her dad having chowed some of the money, didn't he chow the cow okungeyakhe as your father? Maybe we need to go back to the elders so that we can understand ukuthi liyini ilobolo.

Anyway if you ain't a virgin your mom's cow falls away..uyifuna lawashiya khona your virginity. We should be grateful nje ukuthi most guys are nice enough to pay the damn cow bazi kahle uthi they shouldn't have.

Spoke like The Lady indeed, well done.

TheLady
10 Sep 2009 13:10

"have you ever seen that many number of cows all at once??????or rather have they ever?????" THEY have TKSM, it's royal family phela.

Best-Achiever
10 Sep 2009 13:13

TKSM ..ebukhosini you can see that number of cows but only there and nowhere else except ama plazini abelungu ...LOL

true that TheLady ..and cunturaly ..we are not even supposed to know how much have been asked and paid

Pooky
10 Sep 2009 13:15

those royals are ridiculous BA....its such demands that  leed to some  couples even  breaking up , the guy ending up  resenting  you and your greedy family

One and Only.. LOL

Best-Achiever
10 Sep 2009 13:16

LOL Cody ..  it not like it doubles ... they pay for 11 cows and if you are not, then they dont have to pay the 11th cow ... but like TheLady said ..nowadays boys just pay the 11th cown to save their partners embarrasment

Smilo
10 Sep 2009 13:17

Sorry myname, the brothers are all married. uyi last born.
If you want something no matter how much it costs, you will save for it.
but ke the money was used to buy umabo- blankets, amacansi, amajazi etc...

Best-Achiever
10 Sep 2009 13:18

It is ridiculous Pooky, if it is not royal blood running inthe veins of that couple but if it is, it is nothing

cleve
10 Sep 2009 13:23

That's why these royalty girls end up marrying old men because where am I going to get a 27 year old guy able to pay 100 cows. hhayi it is just not on.........

Cody
10 Sep 2009 13:30

So tell me guys..is it acceptable for the guy's family to come to your house and negotiate lobola for the first time, without bringing fokkol? asking for a quotation so to speak.

TKSM
10 Sep 2009 13:30

Okay okay...maybe they deal with these figures on a daily basis...maar jeerses it's a lot man!!!!!!!!!!


@Bigmama No uncle of mine was present...it was just my dad, dad's brother..." Isn't your dad's bro your uncle?  I still say that dear! My uncle was definately not there!!!!my grandfather was.

My father's older brother is not my Uncle but rather my grandfather....his younger brother is my rangwane.......(smallfather)in MY sotho culture that is (Re mogolo...ntatemoholo)

My mother's brother is my UNCLE (MALOME) and my uncle's wife is also my UNCLE (MALOME)  Yep!!!!!!!!

My dad's sister is Rakgadi (Aunt)
My moms younger sister is Mangwane (Aunt)
My mom's older sister is my Grandmother (Mamoholo)

Cody
10 Sep 2009 13:36

LOL @ TKSM's family tree relation! you just felt that you had to explain the whole concept neh? LOL

Zazacious
10 Sep 2009 13:39

I told Friend that 2 grand is not appropriate and if she keeps on thinkin about the fact that Guy dsnt have a posh job then maybe she should wait until he does and until naye she is working herslf.

the truth of the matter is: as much as we would like to sugar coat it and deny it LOVE DOESNT PUT FOOD ON THE TABLE AND CERTAINLY NO CLOTHES ON OUR BACKS. 

MINA IM EXPECTING 60 GRAND PLUS.Tjo angzanga ukuzodlala la. LIKE ONE AND ONLY SAID As a proud black man I'm not even gonna discuss lobola with my woman and if my woman can suggest that she would negotiate for a lower price on my behalf I would leave her as this shows her values and how she was raised up. I don't need cheap second hands I'm not Cash Converters but Stuttafords.iM GLAD THERES MEN WHO THINK LIKE THIS CAUSE I WANT ME SOME OF THEM


Worst part is that FRIEND HASNT SEEN OR SPOKEN TO HER UNCLE IN YEARS AND NOW ALL OF A SUDDEN THIS YEAR HE CALLS AND SAYS HE WANTS TO BUY HER A LAPTOP. USILE JONG, NOW THAT HES HEARD ABOUT POSSIBLE LOBOLA VUMBU. 

i THINK I SHOULD START A TV SHOW: LOBOLA LIVE

realist
10 Sep 2009 13:42

So what one and only says is that marriage is just another form of prostitution. One thing for sure with prostitution is that you know you are going to get laid but with marriage women tend to use sex as a bargaining tool. What I am saying is that if you think your vagina is worth that much then you might as well go for the trade.

TKSM
10 Sep 2009 13:48

@ Cody....Glad i could help LOL!!!! with a great laugh that is!!!!!LOL!!!!

Zazacious
10 Sep 2009 13:48

YESES WEDDINGS ARE A NIGHTMARE MAR AYAZI AFTER THE WHOLE LOBOLA FRENZY THE WOMAN MUST NOW MBHESA HER INLAWS(AMAZULU) EVEN THE ONES WHO HAVE PASSED ON. AND THEN THEY MUST START LOOKIN FOR A HOUSE, FURNITURE AND ALL. OMG I THINK I WILL GO CRAZY WHEN MY TIME COMES(AND IT IS COMING BY FIRE BY FORCE)LOL 

Cande
10 Sep 2009 13:48

if u dont have a kid you are considered a virgin when they discuss lobola issues

cleve
10 Sep 2009 13:52

What I am saying is that if you think your vagina is worth that much then you might as well go for the trade.

hence I say R2000 is good enough for me, because men think they own you when they pay huge amounts then you end up being a slave.................

One and Only
10 Sep 2009 13:53

I really don't understand where women feature in the lobola negotiations as it is a men's duty, a wife to be don't even have to know the price that was paid for her. If a guy break up and walks away from you because they charged him 100 cows let him be coz he would have walked away even if they had charge him mucus.

Some families like mine will not negotiate lobola with a woman irrespective of whether she brought it up alone, the eldest male member of the family must be there but this doesn't mean that the money will go to him.

I personally would never marry a cheap worthless woman worth R2000 I believe in working hard and sweat to save lobola money and am not prepared to offer less than R50 000 minimum depending on the status of the family in the community.

iPhone usually receives better care and treatment than Nokia 3310 same applies to a Levis jean/Lacoste sneaker compared to Mr Price jean/SA Star sneakers, the treatment and importance is reliant to the value. If they paid R2000 for you then expect a kak treatment + blue eye on top of that the guy will tell you he paid lobola using budget facility on his credit card and you lobola'd yourself.

Best-Achiever
10 Sep 2009 13:59

So tell me guys..is it acceptable for the guy's family to come to your house and negotiate lobola for the first time, without bringing fokkol? asking for a quotation so to speak.

Cody - This is what happens(at least with mos people i know including my big sis and myself)

Your BF tells you when he is ready to go see your folks and ask for your hand, then you go tell your folks or your aunt so she can relay the message to your folks (on your behalf), then your folks will ask you of the date that they want to come and the things that they need to come with, it is usual
R1k and some petty cash like to get your deadto speak to them(it is called mvulamlomo)
and a case of Drink, case of beers, bread(dunno how many of them), tea bags, cofee, sugar
 Those are the things that are gonna be used to make them tea ...LOL

and this dosnt count towards lobola ... is it just for an appointment ..LOL, it is only during this time that they'll be giiven a letter, take home with them, that letter details everything that they need for lobola

and then the game begin ..tl tl tl tl t l tl tl tl

cleve
10 Sep 2009 14:08

One and Only the problem lies when a human is worth financial value. I am not a Mr Price Jean and wena ngoba you are R50 000 more makes you a true religion jean.

The diffrence is with humans is that I can be a better quality wife with that R2000 that you paid for me

TKSM
10 Sep 2009 14:10

we cleve...awuphume ku TVSA...U phendule ama email wami....U he uyazi nge little adventure yakho?????

BigMama
10 Sep 2009 14:15

Reply from: cleve 9/10/2009 8:08:13 PM

One and Only the problem lies when a human is worth financial value. I am not a Mr Price Jean and wena ngoba you are R50 000 more makes you a true religion jean.

The diffrence is with humans is that I can be a better quality wife with that R2000 that you paid for me, l think one and only is just giving an example there, and you are now twisting his words or l am not getting what you are trying to say.

realist
10 Sep 2009 14:18

The diffrence is with humans is that I can be a better quality wife with that R2000 that you paid for me
Even if they did not pay anything you can still be quality woman than quantity woman.

cleve
10 Sep 2009 14:19

l think one and only is just giving an example there, and you are now twisting his words or l am not getting what you are trying to say.

compare apples with apples..................... not bananas then that's what i am trying.

cleve
10 Sep 2009 14:20

Even if they did not pay anything you can still be quality woman than quantity woman.

EXACTLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Luksta
10 Sep 2009 14:25

So tell me guys..is it acceptable for the guy's family to come to your house and negotiate lobola for the first time, without bringing fokkol? asking for a quotation so to speak.

NO, Cody...where I  come from you must gooi 'imvulamlomo' first which is a bottle, even before you say what you came for. 
Negotiations happen based on what you have(money) brought.

cleve
10 Sep 2009 14:27

Eish mngani there is something wrong with my e-mails yazi i'm off line

monchooza
10 Sep 2009 14:29

<<<iPhone usually receives better care and treatment than Nokia 3310 same applies to a Levis jean/Lacoste sneaker compared to Mr Price jean/SA Star sneakers, the treatment and importance is reliant to the value. If they paid R2000 for you then expect a kak treatment + blue eye on top of that the guy will tell you he paid lobola using budget facility on his credit card and you lobola'd yourself.>>>

i Disagree with your statement 1&only

i think price has anything to do with how you treat a person, you could have your Pep jeans and your imported jeans...and love your pep jeans more than your imported jeans....just because you were lobolad by R50 and your friend was lobolad by R100K it does not mean that the R100k woman will get a better treatment than the one lobolad by R50...again another mistake we make is generalising...individuals differ

maud
10 Sep 2009 14:36

hey guys i just received a disturbing letter , written by Zola 7 ex girlfriend, (so the e-mail says), those i  have their private e-mail addresses i have send it to them.

sorry to be off topic

Tshilo
10 Sep 2009 14:39

one and only ur the best of the best.

cleve
10 Sep 2009 14:40

maud thina abanye ke

GML
10 Sep 2009 14:41

maud send it to me pls.

g.msimang@gmail.com

mathata
10 Sep 2009 14:42

Marriage SUCKS!

why ppl must pay?is culture but it just sucks too.

felfel
10 Sep 2009 14:50

I saw that email, its doing the rounds, crazy gals out there i tell u.

TKSM
10 Sep 2009 14:51

YO maud ...don't leave me out dear...send it to me too.....er 
or just post it man.......post it as a reply now here on this blog!!!!!!!!!!PLEASE

suzzy82
10 Sep 2009 14:53

HOW MUCH DO YOU EXPECT
OR 
R100,000
because the part of that money will buy furniture for me and the hubby

Cande
10 Sep 2009 14:58

maud please send to candetem@gmail.com

Toxic
10 Sep 2009 15:01

maud nthomele hle!

toxic@tvsa.co.za

ta

Lela
10 Sep 2009 15:02

I expect atleast 25.000. I will tell my parents to ask for 30.000 and I will tell my man that they must say they can only afford twenty then the uncles can say no they can only reduce it to 25.000.

One and Only
10 Sep 2009 15:03

Marriage is not another form of prostitution and remember that it is not only about sex there's so much involved. We talking about a friend here, wife might bear kids for you, it's everything in 1 package. 

It's about supply & demand, if you are not willing to pay whatever amount they want then it's fine you can just leave their daughter alone and I'm sure you will find another woman that you gonna love the same way you loved her, a woman who possess the same qualities as her, right?

I know we cannot attach a value to a human being but R2000? Come on be realistic unless you are a so-called Born Again Christian because with them anything is possible, you only need a two rings worth R199 from Game, a pastor a you're married.

I for one as a black cultured man would have a 3 day wedding starting from Friday ending on Sunday. In life there are no shortcuts and easy come easy go.

Toxic
10 Sep 2009 15:03

LOL TKSM!!!!!

suzzy82
10 Sep 2009 15:06

me too maud susanthuso@ymail.com

MaWiNiZa
10 Sep 2009 15:10

1&only stop ubuphukuphuku...whats Christianity have to do with it?????why ngathi you are vovim vavavum

TheLady
10 Sep 2009 15:10

cande please forward to me too..mangingasali...singing

Best-Achiever
10 Sep 2009 15:13

there will be no one on Sunday .. people will be tired by the ...tl tltltltltltlt

nzuzo
10 Sep 2009 15:15

maud nami toe nelisilem@yahoo.com

TheLady
10 Sep 2009 15:16

Eish Cody they can't come mahala vele...phela your lil bro will open the gate for them, then to gooi him noma iR50 nje...and then daddy dearest has to open umlomo ngemali, and your grandmother and her buddies will ask for ugwayi even though they don't smoke, some places you have to wake up umama wakhona...you can easily spend R2000 bengakaqali lutho...but it's negotiations-you need someone who can talk and argue and easily start talking usakhokhe R500 or less. Like give lil bro iR20, grandmoms R50, mom R100 and dad R200..oh bazocela ihambidlani...give them some cheap brandy onentambi think Melanie Son and her bottle LOL

GML
10 Sep 2009 15:20

thnx Maud

LeeCobaskey
10 Sep 2009 15:20

10 000 to 20 000

TKSM
10 Sep 2009 15:22

Hey Toxic...phela hake batle bo mabloggerna ba raider my email account......di stockism...di xala so?? LOL!!!!!!!!

One and Only
10 Sep 2009 15:32

Mawiniza it's not a secret that Born Agains do not pay and believe in lobola, some practice both christianity and cultures. If that makes me Vovim then yes I am him.

But on second thought some parents would charge R2000 because they wanna get rid of you or maybe they can't believe that there's a guy out there who is so stupid that he's willing to pay this much for something that even Collect-a Can wouldn't pay R500.

But then who am I to make decisions for you? You know yourself and what you're worth! Maybe the speedometer is finished & has 700 000km on it or maybe your right leg is longer than the left one you tell me.

It's a goat that is currently priced at R2000 and I didn't know that a goat can blog till today!

Cody
10 Sep 2009 15:33

lol Mawiniza!

TheLady and BA,They once did that to my cousin, we cooked up a storm, and then these people came and asked for a quotation and never returned. umalume wakhona even asked for seconds nxa!

Nokia 5110
10 Sep 2009 15:34

thsere@webmail.co.za pliz maud ungangikhohlwa nami

magg
10 Sep 2009 15:35

20 000 bathong!!!!!!!!!!!

Best-Achiever
10 Sep 2009 15:35

TheLady and BA,They once did that to my cousin, we cooked up a storm, and then these people came and asked for a quotation and never returned. umalume wakhona even asked for seconds nxa!

that's why Cody, amaZulu only give you what you came with ...tl tltltltlt, hence boma tea bags neinkwa namadrink ...LOL

Best-Achiever
10 Sep 2009 15:37

LOL at the bloggig goat

Mafresh
10 Sep 2009 15:37

AMEN to One & Only...
Thats exactly what my Aunt told me when I was lobolad, and now after a few years in marriage I understand clearly. Okare hubby ba ka mo charge more again.

Ladies, let negotiations be among elders, they sure know what to do, in less than 4years you will thank them, believe me I know what I'm talkin about

miss dikobe
10 Sep 2009 15:37

maud, lenna tlhe bjorn.droeman@hotmail.com

cleve
10 Sep 2009 15:37

LOL @ Cody........ shame poor cousin

maud
10 Sep 2009 15:38

I AM ONE OF ZOLA'S X-GIRLFRIENDs


I am an X-girlfriend of ZOLA'S and have decided that ENOUGH is ENOUGH, I was in love with him for years, I believed the lies, I believed him when he told me he loved me and ONLY ME. I believed him when he told me that the press were lying about him, I believed him when he said he was going to his moms place every second night - this I later found out was the decoy or another way of saying that he was going off to lie in another womans bed for the night , I believed him when he told me he had no other "real girlfriends" and that I was the only one, I believed
him when he told me that he wanted to protect me from the media because they wrote lies about him and I would get caught up in the lying media. I would collect all these "so called stories" and interviews and question him on this and he would cry and say the press were persecuting him. I cant believe I was that stupid, naive, in love, consumed, and lastly loyal. When I go through the press
clippings now and the video interviews, I recorded I have to ask the following questions?........


Is ZOLA for real or as Fred Khumalo from THE SUNDAY TIMES wrote is he just a man built of clay. We all know that Zola loves to get into character when going through situations in his life over the last 8 years since he has been in the public eye. Firstly ZOLA played the gangster in Yizo Yizo/Ghetto Fabulous and then carried his character into real life drama by beating up wanna be tsotsis with a spade who were trying to steal his money, acting hardcore, getting drunk publicly, and beating up one of his girlfriends, the white one who was too scared to take it further
because ZOLA 7 is "GOD". I too worshiped him, i adored, i lost perspective on who I was and who he is and I'm sure all his other relationships were caught in the same trap.


ZOLA or should I call him Bonginkosi then went into another character where I have found out he dated multiple girls up to 40 as my research shows, who all believed they were going to be his future wife, me included, lets see some of those conquests, a white jewish girl (her name slips my mind), Siphokazi January, Thandiswa Mzwai's little sister, Ntsiki who is a poet come artist, Indianshoe sales person from the shop in the Zone, Actress DJ Thami Ngubeni, Thandi from the ZONE, 7DE LAAN - actress Vuyelwa Booi, the late Purity aka Naledi Thali, his underground Indian girlfriend schoolteacher who drove his car for years (most probably the most used person), Makgotso the girl from YFM, head of Igagasi Pam, Bwabalwa Showsa journalist, Cassandra Gudlhuza socialite journalist, Relo squatter kamp female band member, mother of child 1 Nozipho, mother of children 2 and 3, Garnet Maseko and mother of child 4 Sibongile Nkosi...., the female director of one of his ZOLA 7 TV Show, Nolly Gomati (JOZI FM news editor), Thabile Maphumulo x-manager/stripper, the Afrikaans girl (character/dreamer) who was on ZOLA 7 programme looking for her identity and he took her to the music awards, (yes another girlfriend) and so many many many many more he is definitely a MALE WHORE.



When you talk hypocratical *bleep!* on your ZOLA 7 programme, trying to preach, maybe one programme should be the TRUTH ON YOURSELF.


ZOLA tells a Sunday World Journalist "I'm a Polygamist deal with it" he later realises that that was not the right thing to say, sees the problems it causes and then says "no the journalist is lying". Wow he is good and what happens, nothing happens the public say "SHAME THE MEDIA IS LYING AGAIN,"

I slept with my hero, my dream, my superstar, my own ZOLA yes I was delusional. I believed EVERY word he said to me he was the master crafter of stories, of lies and yes I believed him, and why should'nt I? He is being endorsed by SABC 1, he is<

maud
10 Sep 2009 15:40

@TKSM you see wena , i have hijacked i article yabantu ngendaba yakho

maud
10 Sep 2009 15:41

@miss dikobe you can read it here love

Cutie Pie
10 Sep 2009 15:48

Hi Guys .....Another thing with lobola is that if you happen to marry a guy whose home (back in the rural/wherever they come from) needs some improvements, its usually a wife that does the renovations. Its a wife that will see a need to buy a fridge, couches etc. Sometimes the wife does not even need to ask for hubby's help when this is done.

In my case, I'm building a house at home, hubby-to-be is not helping (and I don't expect him to). But when I went to his home, I already saw where we would need to do some improvements. I know for sure that I will have to sort out taps coz right now they share one with other people and I don't want to put a bucket on my head (its just a choice). In order to help myself, I have to make these improvements as the new mother there. (His mom passed away).

In a nutshell, what I will be doing there to improve our home (phela its also mine) will be more that what he would have paid for lobola. Plus the whole mambeso that is bought by my parents and sent there.

maud
10 Sep 2009 15:52

@cutie- did youmeet your hubby at the rural areas, if not why will you build a home at the rural reas, and that house why was it waiting for you for the improvement.

TheLady
10 Sep 2009 15:52

"TheLady and BA,They once did that to my cousin, we cooked up a storm, and then these people came and asked for a quotation and never returned. umalume wakhona even asked for seconds nxa!"

Oh shame, this reminds me of one of my friend's story he went with his dad and uncle to pay lobola, the family gave them food before negotiating, his girlfriend called him outside, they had a fight of their lives. He told his family that he doesn't wanna marry her anymore right there. They left, but his dad was soo pissed off shame, he was embarrassed LOL.

miss dikobe
10 Sep 2009 15:53

ke leboga maud.

TheLady
10 Sep 2009 15:55

Nxa iyabheda kanti lentombi kaZola..she's bitter we get it, but this does nothing to uZola. Mncim...

Cande
10 Sep 2009 15:57

lol@ Ms Dikobe

poshspice
10 Sep 2009 16:01

Zola's ex  must just get over it, it's life ,sometimes you get played and other times you play others.......Zola did not put a gun on her to force her to be with him...
 
we all have choices in life, she chose to stay...she must deal with the consequences of her decision 

Mafresh
10 Sep 2009 16:18

Viva 1 & only

Ao hela mmangwana thola tho, thola tho
mmangwana thola tho, thola tho
mmangwana thola thola re o jwetse ditaba tsa lenyalo

Chorus

Ka labohlano ho hlajwa Dikgomo
Dikgomo
KA moqebelo ke tsatsi la Thabo
La Thabo
Ka Sontaha ke dillo fela, lapeng la bo ngwanana

Thimomomo momomomo……………………… *humming*

One and Only
10 Sep 2009 16:20

I cannot point out any wrongdoing from Zola's side here, he didn't rape any woman but they opened their legs voluntarily because they are sperm dishes or cisterns.

Face it stupid bitter lady you got screwed, just move on with your life or did you expect him to marry you. Elders had reasons for saying no sex before marriage and you chose not to listen to them!

He left you because of your *bleep!* mentality and stalking behaviour and now you want to deprive other ladies of Zola's third leg? Big up to Zola, hit and run my brother.

maud
10 Sep 2009 16:25

one and Only, there must be something with this Zola guy, why every woman he leaves became so bitter, ngathi kuzofanele ngimvakashele nam

suzzy82
10 Sep 2009 16:36

lol ...lol...@Zola's ex  gutsie gurl

I believed him when he said he was going to his moms place every second night - this I later found out was the decoy or another way of saying that he was going off to lie in another womans bed for the night .......u didn't davaza him the right way so that u can keep him with you give us a break tuu 
i can see u were  looking for an angel on a wrong planet 

suzzy82
10 Sep 2009 16:40

ngathi kuzofanele ngimvakashele nam lol ...lol..@maud

GML
10 Sep 2009 16:52

@Cheesa: It's called a Histrionic Disorder. A disorder in which people seek attention and will go through extremes to get attention. They feel upset and angry when they dont get attention.

Here is a link if you dont believe me. My psychology classes werent a waste afterall. lol

http://www.mentalhealth.com/dis/p20-pe06.html

LM
10 Sep 2009 16:57

LMAO@ One & Only!!!!

Mafresh
10 Sep 2009 17:07

Bantu maud,

Blog within a Blog......O blind ka hijacking nheee!!!!

mathata
10 Sep 2009 17:41

sex n love are two different things.

if someone F** you  today ,next time you must ask isit f** game or what.

Sometimes to have a big dream with somebody's wallet is just a hell.we have Robert marawa in our country ...ZOLA ....that guy okare wa mamarela,i dont get it at all.

monwy
10 Sep 2009 19:05

I never paid anything and not planing to even in future!

realist
11 Sep 2009 06:43


Marriage is not another form of prostitution and remember that it is not only about sex there's so much involved. We talking about a friend here, wife might bear kids for you, it's everything in 1 package.
If not another form of prostitution you are saying it is worth attaching a monetary value to a human being? If that is the case then remember there is no such thing called love once you get married but a contract.

When you are still happily married the contract does not matter. Try and get out of that contract and you will see how binding it is. If you did not sign the contract you just bail without any sweat.


It's about supply & demand,
What do you mean supply & demand? As far as I know there is over supply of women and the demand for them is not that much hence the vat en sit all over the places.

if you are not willing to pay whatever amount they want then it's fine you can just leave their daughter alone and I'm sure you will find another woman that you gonna love the same way you loved her, a woman who possess the same qualities as her, right?
Yep

I know we cannot attach a value to a human being but R2000? Come on be realistic unless you are a so-called Born Again Christian because with them anything is possible, you only need a two rings worth R199 from Game, a pastor a you're married.

Me!!! A born again!!! Haikhona, over my dead body.

I for one as a black cultured man would have a 3 day wedding starting from Friday ending on Sunday. In life there are no shortcuts and easy come easy go.
If you can afford it, why not. It’s your money you are wasting after all. Lucky for me I am not that cultured man and so not prepared to pay price to the highest bidder, no way.

Zazacious
11 Sep 2009 08:01

Hhey Maud why are you playing hijacking stories la.LOL
Anyhu

Big up to One and only boy you on fire.
I guess a lesson to be learnt DONT FEED ABAKHONGI UNTIL YOU KNOW 4 SURE U HAVE BEEN LOBOLAD LOL

for one as a black cultured man would have a 3 day wedding starting from Friday ending on Sunday. In life there are no shortcuts and easy come easy go.
If you can afford it, why not. It’s your money you are wasting after all. Lucky for me I am not that cultured man and so not prepared to pay price to the highest bidder, no way.

TJO THE MEN ON TVSA are on fire. but i like. i like a lot

I feel u realist, I also believe that a wedding is a once in life time thing SO GO BIG OR GO HOME (I WUD NEVER EVER  EVER AGREE TO JUST GOING TO THE MAGISTRATE AND SIGNING)

lady gaga
11 Sep 2009 08:06

maud mngane i seems like i missed out a lot yesterday, but please send me too that letter  - m.allicia@yahoo.com....................... im waiting and yebo ngiyazithanda izindaba or whoever has the letter please send tu.........................lol

Cody
11 Sep 2009 08:15

LOL @ Zazi's moral of the story! you are right i guess they must bring their own maan! my cousin is still traumatized by these people nxa!

Zazacious
11 Sep 2009 08:21

lol lady gaga just read up its been illegally sneaked into this blogg lol

lady gaga
11 Sep 2009 08:46

Ooooh zaza so that's the letter, thanks gal!................lol

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