Merge time! Looks like PG’s hunch was correct and the tribes did indeed merge at ten. I’ll give her one point for that. One very small point. This may turn out to be a predictable second half where the ex-Failings systematically vote out the ex-John Woos but the singing, dancing drama llama that is Failing promises that we might get to see a few twists and turns instead.
At the very least, the feud between Courtney and JR is sure to bring some uncertainty into any plans Todd, Amanda, and co might have for the future. Courtney, ray of sunshine that she is, is only with Todd and Amanda because she hates them relatively less than everyone else on the tribe. That may sound harsh, but this is Courtney we’re talking about – mildly disliking someone for her is the normal person equivalent of being bffs forever.
Amanda and Todd tried to play peacemaker, urging Courtney and JR to get over their tension. According to every TV show I’ve ever seen, this kind of burning tension is always of the sek-shuel variety and can be resolved by a passionate and much hyped kiss. I look forward to JR and Courtney becoming the Ross and Rachel of Survivor: China.
One thing that James has that Todd doesn’t (besides several inches of height and about twenty kilos of muscle) is patience. Instead of clambering all over the shelter entrance in front of the entire tribe to pull off John Woo’s hidden immunity idol, he waited until Jaime, Erik, and PG had gone for a dip in the lake. He managed to retrieve the idol but pulled off the wrong side’s piece at first, and didn’t have time to properly recover it before the others returned from their swim/plotting session.
Erik found the wooden piece and showed it to Jaime, who wondered if this was the famed immunity idol she’d read about. Since the other side’s was missing, she decided to weasel around in James’s stuff to see if he had it. While pawing through James’s pants (he wasn’t in them at the time just so you don’t get any wrong ideas) she felt two objects of familiar size and shape and realised he had a couple of immunity idols.
When James realised the wooden block he’d dropped was missing, he had a good laugh at the potential outcome of Jaime believing it was an idol and playing it. But surely, that dream scenario could not take place? Surely, any sensible person would be able to do the maths and work out that James having both immunity idols means that there are no more immunity idols to be had? I mean, even Jaime can count to three, right? RIGHT?!
Let’s get back to the charming Courtney, who was still pissed off at Todd and Amanda for keeping in JR over Sherea. Todd tried to explain to her that keeping JR around for now was vital to his plans but she was having none of it. Todd was concerned that Courtney might continue to vote for JR against the rest of the alliance’s wishes. His response was: “Deal with it…bitch.”
How dare Todd call that lovable scamp a bitch? Can she help it if she likes to do her own thing? She’s a rebel, a renegade, a rogue! She’s the Survivor version of North Korea, always delighting the world with her unpredictable antics.
Instead of a Reward Challenge, Jeff announced the castaways were all merging into a black-buffed tribe. To celebrate, he said they were going to a feast with Chinese cultural performances, but warned them: “keep in mind this game NEVER STOPS” in the verbal equivalent of bold, 36 font, sparkly text.
Naturally, the survivors ignored the sparkly text to focus on the food (no 1000-year-old eggs in sight, thankfully) and booze. As they drank themselves silly, they watched some Chinese gymnasts – all over 16 as per the Chinese Olympic Gymnastics Board’s strict guidelines – and some dancers perform.
Jeff’s words came back to haunt them the next day when he paid a visit to camp for a Q&A Immunity Challenge about exactly what had happened during the feast. Frosti won, in the process revealing that he had excellent memory recall and possibly a foot fetish.
The former Failings decided they would vote out Jaime because she was obviously the silent leader of John Woo. Silent but deadly. Like a ninja. Or a fart. JR had another skinny blonde in mind and tried to get Todd to vote out Courtney instead because everyone already knew that Jaime was a devious little thing while Courtney was a loose-cannon. JR then added some threats for good measure, promising Todd that if he double-crossed him, he would be Todd’s most fervent opponent on the jury. I’m sure the rest of the jury would take such a respected man’s opinion very seriously.
Besides gunning for Courtney, JR’s strategy remained much the same. He interviewed that his plan wasn’t going to change and that he really didn’t see his name appearing on the ballot in the next Tribal Council. I’d file that under “famous last words” but they weren’t quite his last, sadly enough.
Jaime and PG decided they were going to vote for JR because of Courtney’s potential vote against him but wondered if Frosti was going to be on their side, especially since, according to PG, he had been cuddling with Courtney. Geez, another romance? Did someone slip some aphrodisiac made of powdered rhino horn into the rice? To quote James, “this aint Love Connection”.
In order to reaffirm their trust, Jaime confided to Frosti that she was in possession of the hidden immunity idol. Oh lord, she really can’t count to three. Jaime then went up to Todd and gain some influence over him by promising to tell him who had the hidden immunity idols if she stayed on until the next day. Todd acted all interested all the while inwardly laughing at how far behind Jaime was. He was all “She’s on the small bike in the back. She needs to catch up”. Yeah, except she also thinks her bike’s a Harley Davidson and she’s making her own “vroom vroom” noises as she’s trying to catch up.
Jaime was very pleased with her plan to play the random wooden block at TC. “I’ve come to realise I’m very good at playing stupid,” she proclaimed. Girl, you’re either a really dedicated method actor or you stopped playing a long time ago. “I’m not as dumb as I look,” she added, smiling like the poster child for the word ‘clueless’.
TC was a barrel of laughs. It featured JR trying to convince everyone Courtney was the biggest threat of all by virtue of her being so skinny and useless. Cue a patented Courtney eyeroll plus a bonus rant from James over JR’s dumbassery. James was truly in fine form this episode, making fun of just about everyone who deserved it. Between his and Courtney’s reactions, there’s never a dull TC.
For once, James and Courtney’s reactions came second to Jaime’s attempt to play the random wooden block as an immunity idol. The entire scene was amazing. JR looked as if he had just been diagnosed with gonorrhea when she said she had the idol. Jeff brilliantly took the time to read out the rules of the hidden immunity idol as if it was perfectly legit before telling her “…but this is not the hidden immunity idol” and throwing the thing into the fire. Then Jaime looked like the one with gonorrhea while James, JR, and Todd cracked up behind her.
Jaime’s failure was complete as not even Courtney and Frosti ended up voting for JR. In her final interview, she confessed that perhaps she was too nice for the game of Survivor. Too delusional, more like. She was devious enough but about as competent as Wile E Coyote.
When buying goods made in China,
Please check the label with great care
Bolex is not Rolex, Cucci is not Gucci
What is Melvin Klein underwear?
The same applies to wooden blocks
You might find lying round the place
Make sure they are not no-name brands
Or much embarrassment you will face