Remember Jean-Robert’s “strategy” to “act” like a lazy bum? Well, it turns out that JR is also getting known around camp as something of a perve. Poor Leslie was one of the recipients of a teddybear love cuddle. Lay off there, Grabby. Jesus don’t play that.
Leslie had enough sense to get up and go sleep in a ditch somewhere so JR turned his attention to Amanda and Courtney to “keep warm”. Courtney was skeptical: “I weigh seven pounds, I can’t even keep myself warm”. No kidding. I’d be scared of puncturing something on a stray bone cuddling next to her. JR However was unbothered by Courtney’s lack of body fat. Lord, these poor girls. Jeff should put up a can of Mace as the next reward.
Courtney may be skinny but she apparently knows something about food. When James caught a crab, she suggested boiling it and using it as crab stock to flavour the rice. Rice with crab stock to flavour is Courtney’s favourite meal back at home, I hear. It ranks right above celery sticks on rye as a filling dinner dish for her.
Aaron did not like the stock idea. He wanted crab, dammit, and he wanted it now. I’m sure he love the single leg he’d get from that tiny little crab. James stepped and said he too wanted crab stock, and since he had caught it, Aaron relented.
Leslie explained that this is what happens when men don’t get enough to eat: Claws come out and they get really crabby. Maybe she can ask a favour from the big man upstairs and get a delivery of manna. He did already get her a clue to the hidden immunity idol after all.
The good news is that over on John Woo, Dave had apparently stopped working his team to the bones. He must have realised that although they might drop dead from exhaustion, they’d probably vote him off before they went. Instead he decided to take on all the responsibility of work himself, like Davey Crockett or Bob the Builder. Well, Bob the Builder with a martyr complex.
PG reminded him that he couldn’t overexert himself or else he would crash and burn in more challenges. You can imagine how well this piece of advice went with Dave. He was condescending as hell towards her and launched into a little spiel about how one needed to work efficiently to conserve energy. Yeah, I’m pretty sure working every waking second until your feet fall off doesn’t count as working efficiently. In fact, I’m pretty sure it’s the opposite.
Rated for strong violence and nudity
The Reward Challenge was yet another featuring chokeholds, half-nelsons, and other things Ashley would be comfortable with. I don’t usually like violence but something about this show brings out the violent streak in me because I love watching Survivor contestants beat the crap out of each other.
Notably, Dave removed his shorts for the challenge, perhaps hoping that the other teams’ members would be scared to be seen doing something gay. Or maybe he was just hoping that cute Aaron would give him a squeeze and his number. James was not afraid of Dave’s balls, assuming he has any, and owned every single person in the challenge, naked or not.
The other notable moment was when the camera got a good view of Denise’s downstairs area. Thank god for pixels so so much. Although, I do wonder if she’s got a downstairs mullet going on too.
John Woo won for the first time, thanks to the relative weakness of Failing’s woman. They decided to kidnap Leslie who was happy to be away from the heathens a while. She soon found out three of the John Woo tribemembers were Christians. Her face lit up like a Christmas tree as soon as she realised she was among other God-groupies. She was thrilled she could finally tell others about her love for God. I sometimes think Leslie misread the application and thought she was going on a missionary trip to China.
Snake in the grass
Leslie should perhaps have remembered that the devil often appears in friendly guise, because when the girls asked her about life back at Failing, she was more than happy to spill all she knew about tribal dynamics and morale under the guise of friendly chit-chat.
Once she had given up everything she knew about her tribe, she decided to give the clue to the idol to Jamie as payback for the previous episode. I’m sure the fact that Jamie was also a Christian had a little something to do with it as well. Try as she might, Jamie could not figure out where the idol was, even with the new clue telling her to look to the skies. So…God has it?
Over at Failing, bathing beauties JR and James were talking about who they wanted out. They mentioned Courtney’s name, conveniently when she and Todd were only a few metres away eating bugs off plants, or whatever it is Courtneys do for fun. JR then tried to get James to admit that he wanted to bang Courtney’s bony ass. Courtney vowed never to sleep near JR ever again and Todd vowed then to “take out the garbage” some time in the future. I hope he doesn’t mean that in a Tony Soprano kind of way.
Courtney just wasn’t having a good day at all. During the Immunity Challenge, she struggled badly to chop a couple of ropes. I’m surprised she could even lift the machete with those twig arms of hers, frankly. The rest of her tribe was adept enough at rope-chopping to catch up to John Woo but it was not to be. Failing lost their second challenge.
Skinny or ninny?
JR, Leslie, and Courtney’s names were thrown about as potential cuts, the former for being a lazy jackass and the latter two for being the weakest woman. I’m sure Leslie’s account of her time at John Woo (“I told them everything about you guys. The only thing I know about them is that they’re friendly”) didn’t endear her much either.
At TC, Courtney railed at JR for constantly treating her like she was a useless appendage who needed to be put where she could do the least damage. She didn’t do much damage to those ropes, for sure. She (along with Leslie) voted for JR and compared his snoring to the sound of a choking walrus. That’s not very nice. What did the walrus do to deserve that?
Everyone else voted for Leslie, who was way too happy for someone who had just been kicked off the show. I guess she was happy to be going back to her bible. That’s if the Chinese authorities didn’t confiscate it as ‘illicit and subversive material’ by now.
This week’s special Sun Tzu quote:
Jesus loves me! This I know,
He got me on a reality show.
My tribemates thought I didn’t belong;
I was weak, they wanted strong.
Jesus loves me even though,
I got kicked off this freakin’ show,
Maybe this proves that old JC
Aint down with reality TV