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Polygamy

Written by maddie from the blog on 27 Mar 2009
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This blog was inspired by some articles I've read from different publications and I think it was even discussed here on TVSA, I can't remember but let's discuss it anyway. With the possibility of having a future president of this country who is open about his polygamous status, I'm so sure there'll be more and more of these cases in years to come since it's legal in our country.

Definition of Polygamy

Polygamy in the most basic sense refers to a marriage that involves multiple spouses, instead of two.
Polygamy has been practiced for centuries but has been eliminated in most modern societies.
There are a few different types of polygamy.
A union that involves one woman and two or more men is correctly termed polyandry, while a union involving one man and two or more women is called polygyny.

source http://www.wisegeek.com/what-is-polygamy.htm

Polyandry is illegal in South Africa by the way. Polygamy is only allowed if the first woman agrees to it. What happens when the woman disagrees, will the man stop or will he just go ahead and marry or maybe have an extramarital affair and give the wife's disapproval as an excuse to his philandering.

Why aren't we allowed to have more than one husbands?
This woman from True Love magazine said that this will not mean that we'll do it but that it would be nice to also have that option.

check one of the responses below from M&G blogger on the issue.

Interesting article. I was imagining a scenario of polygamous marriage where a bisexual husband/wife takes an extra spouse, of either(is it any or either?) sex, to accommodate any potential philandering. Hmmm, I wonder if the constitution accommodates that too.

Well more and more modern south african women are getting into polygamous marriages one example in particular Mandlakazi Mphahlwa the former SABC 3 Newsreader.

Some say it's the African culture and therefore we should embrace it, me personally I have a problem with culture that is not consistent, we seem to be taking bits and pieces of only things that suit us.

It's interesting to see that most men are in support of this, and they all say that women outnumber men, so they have to accomodate some of us, pluuueeease.

my take: what's good for the geese is also good for the gander.

Please share the following, it would be nice to read about your honest comments on this one:

African culture on Polygamy (my history knowledge is not up to scratch)

Those of you who grew up in polygamous families - how has it been like.

Those who are/considering to be in this type of relationship.

Churches that practice polygamy, what does the bible say about it.

Polygamy and the modern woman

There are so many things I've researched and wish to write on this blog about polygamy , but hey this blog is going to be too long and reading sometimes is not pleasurable to some of you.

sorry about the colors people, I was just trying to make it more readable

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maddie
27 Mar 2009 08:54

I guess when you post a blog you have to be the first to reply to it

nice
27 Mar 2009 09:09

sorry about the colors people, I was just trying to make it more readable

maddie the colours had the exact opposite effect to what you wanted. It is a pain to read through it.

I had never thought that it is illegal to have two husbands, talk about double standards, thanks for that information.

I would like to consider myself a modern woman, and I would rather die single that to share my husband with someone else. and besides as woman we are complicated enough for the men, so to have two of us at the same time would be disastrous.

maddie
27 Mar 2009 09:14

@nice

I've changed the colors dear.

are women really that desperate for umshado that they would really share their men.

is it possible that he can love them all equally?

just T
27 Mar 2009 09:52

i was raised in a polygamy marriage, life was not fun. My mom was the first wife, then came the second wife, when the 3rd wife came thats when the abuse started and eventually she could not take it anymore, she killed herself . i was only 8 years old, i still remember the day she took her life. Most painful thing ever for me. I will never advise anyone to agree to polygamy cause i have seen all the pain that my mom was going through and it also affected me as well.

maddie
27 Mar 2009 10:03

I'm sorry to hear that Just T

goldii
27 Mar 2009 10:14

Some say it's the African culture and therefore we should embrace it, me personally I have a problem with culture that is not consistent, we seem to be taking bits and pieces of only things that suit us.

Well said. Could'nt agree more.

@ Just T. May you be forever blessed. Wish I could ask for more details, but it must be painful for you. Much respect and take care. Your post has made me cry.

just T
27 Mar 2009 10:15

thanks maddie, polygamy its a no no ,period... mara i keep on wondering how it will be like to have more than 1 husband??? jerrrrrrrrrr

just T
27 Mar 2009 10:22

goldi the pain will forever be there but i have learnt how to deal with it... you are welcome to ask anything, talking about my experiences has made me stronger. God will never put you in a situation where he knows that you will not handle it.

Cande
27 Mar 2009 10:44

If both partners agree to it then why not? I for one dont support it and wont judge people who practise it because they have their own reasons just like i have my own reasons of not supporting it.

cleve
27 Mar 2009 10:48

maud
27 Mar 2009 10:49

@just T- Stay as strong as you are -i salute you.

Best-Achiever
27 Mar 2009 11:41

i wud never, i mean never get myself if into polygamy, i'd rather divorce.

maddie
27 Mar 2009 11:59

you are welcome to ask anything, talking about my experiences has made me stronger. @Just T

Did u mom agree to it or was it a matter of take or leave it

If both partners agree to it then why not? @CANDE
True

what about the children, isn't there any favoritism?

ms.tebby
27 Mar 2009 12:08

i'd rather divorce than get into poly...period

just T
27 Mar 2009 12:12

Did u mom agree to it or was it a matter of take or leave it

She never agreed thats why she was always fighting with my dad. She did not want to leave for the sake of me as she was not working. My dad was the only one with an income. The two wives where way younger than my mom...he negleted us as soon as he married the other 2 wives. Funny thing, the other two got along .... yahhhhhh nehhhhhhh.....but after my mom died, they started fighting

maud
27 Mar 2009 12:13

the word polygamy destroys me, i dont even want to think about.

maddie
27 Mar 2009 12:21

She never agreed thats why she was always fighting with my dad

the law says if the first wife agrees then the husband should not take another wife

i could say she could have done this and that but it's not going to help right now, may her soul rest in peace.

wonder what would happen if the law allows us to have more than one husband

TheLady
27 Mar 2009 12:22

I've seen women wearing same clothes,I thought they were twins-turned out they were married to the same guy. They even share a bed when he isn't around. My mom says that usually happens if the hubby found iyeza (muti) to make them accept the situation. Other than I don't see two/more women excited about sharing a man-even a mistress hopes to be the madam at some point in life.

realist
27 Mar 2009 12:24

There is no such thing as polygamy. It is called legally cheating and does not mean that it is justified. Do you marry the second wife by deciding tomorrow that you are going to marry that woman like the so called Swazi king in Swaziland or you first have an affair and if it is good legalize it by signing on the dotted line?

maddie
27 Mar 2009 12:29

My mom says that usually happens if the hubby found iyeza (muti) to make them accept the situation

I've heard so many people admitting to using muti in these polygamous relationships, the length at which me would go to satisfy their sexual desires boggles my mind.

I don't see any sane woman agreeing fully to this, unless she's been hypnotised or muti -ized.

Pritt
27 Mar 2009 12:30

What happens when the woman disagrees - some man will dirvoce and some will go for extramarital affairs.
It works for me... First wife agreed to it and we stay in different towns.

maddie
27 Mar 2009 12:31

the length at which me would go to satisfy their sexual desires boggles my mind.

meant to say men

Pritt
27 Mar 2009 12:32

I don't see any sane woman agreeing fully to this, unless she's been hypnotised or muti -ized. - maybe that's the case with me and her...

zozoe
27 Mar 2009 12:32

haai qha this poligamy thing makes me sick i wudnt consider it in my life

TheLady
27 Mar 2009 12:34

Pritt -how many wives does he have? If it's just the two of you-what would you do if he chooses a third wife?

Pritt
27 Mar 2009 12:36

TL its just the two of us...
what would you do if he chooses a third wife? - it will depend on his reasons for bringing in a 3rd wife.

cleve
27 Mar 2009 12:39

maddie
27 Mar 2009 12:39

maybe that's the case with me and her...@ pritt

do u two get along so well?

TheLady
27 Mar 2009 12:39

What were his reasons for making you is wife Pritt?

Tynt!
27 Mar 2009 12:40

pritt> what led u to this marriage? R u the first wife?
This is so interesting......
I always wanted to know what could lead women into this, and the age group of coz, reason being i don’t even see a 22 yrs old in dat kind of a marriage.
Who stay with the husbie full time?

Cody
27 Mar 2009 12:40

Ya Polygamy neh? a man will never be able to handle it if we were to do it. (err let me be safe and say some) besides, men are so demanding, imagine if you had to have two men, to wash,cook,clean, look after kids, after that the so called "night shift" after a demanding day at work sherr. it's difficult to keep up with one man, imagine two husbands. Sherr that will be an indirect suicide attempt!

Pinkpoodle
27 Mar 2009 12:49

I have always thought, women who agree to be second wives are selfish.Mostly the men are rich and he offers you a house car and everything, you only agree to be second wife because you dont want to say no to what he is offering.

What was your reason for agreeing Pritt and did you know he was married when you hooked up.

Pritt
27 Mar 2009 12:58

Let me explain the reasons why he decided to take a 2nd wife and why the 1st wife agreed to it.
Will call the husband – S
First wife – T and me P
S was married to T for three years and they had up and downs as usual.
T’s family was more into their marriage in a sense that T has to consult and get approval from her family for everything from furniture, clothing, grocery etc. T’s salary will go to her family as claim that her husband must provide for her. T’s family was always at their house for breakfast, lunch and dinner especially the mother.
T works with her mother at the same school so after school they would go to T’s house have super there and leave late around 10pm and my question was who cooks for T’s father if the mother spends so much time at her daughter’s house. S confronted T several times regards to this and requested that they keep their marriage to themselves and not to allow her parents to decide for them.
T got angry and told her mother then the mother told S that he never wanted him as a husband to her daughter and he is not good enough for her daughter, words were exchange after that there was no peace in both families and they hated each other but T loved the husband and chose him over her family but she still sees them as often as she wants without S’s presence/company. S and T’s family are enemies, oil and water.
Yes S was cheating on T and when T found out, S asked for dirvoce and she refused saying she rather take me as second wife because she will never go back to her parent’s house esaba ukuthi bazothi ulayekile and bla blah blah... That’ show I became a second wife.
T and S do not have a child together because T’s family refused their daughter to have a child with S. I am expecting our first child. T stays in MP and I stay in GP with S, who only goes to MP once a week or as often as he has to so as to check on his businesses and we also have a house in MP that I use when we there.
That’s how I got to be a second wife...

Kakapana
27 Mar 2009 13:03

tjoe !! now i've heard it all...

ms.tebby
27 Mar 2009 13:07

***sigh**

Pritt
27 Mar 2009 13:08

@maddie- do u two get along so well? - we hardly communicate and if we do its something that involves our husband or something that really needs her attentin other than that no.. we don't do shopping, movies etc together, we not friends.
@pinkpoodle - I have always thought, women who agree to be second wives are selfish.Mostly the men are rich and he offers you a house car and everything, you only agree to be second wife because you dont want to say no to what he is offering. - I am working had my own house, car and a small business apart from my full time job. the only house he got for us is the one in MP as we still staying in my house in JHB. He had one business in MP and the other two we started them together whilst dating.

What was your reason for agreeing Pritt and did you know he was married when you hooked up. - when we started dating they were separeted the wife went back to her parents house and went back to her house after knowing about our relationship.

realist
27 Mar 2009 13:13

Yes S was cheating on T and when T found out, S asked for dirvoce and she refused saying she rather take me as second wife because she will never go back to her parent’s house esaba ukuthi bazothi ulayekile and bla blah blah... That’ show I became a second wife.
By cheating. That is what you are saying isn’t it?

ms.tebby
27 Mar 2009 13:16

how long have you been married Pritt now?(again if u mentioned it)

Pritt
27 Mar 2009 13:17

realist - they were separeted and not legally dirvorced yes that is cheating...

realist
27 Mar 2009 13:19

realist - they were separeted and not legally dirvorced yes that is cheating...
Thank you for being honest and not defensive. Much respect.

cleve
27 Mar 2009 13:19

Pritt
27 Mar 2009 13:19

how long have you been married Pritt now?
(Today will be 6 months (Sept 27, 2007)...

Sbam
27 Mar 2009 13:26

Some say it's the African culture and therefore we should embrace it

This is what somebody said,in his own words, when he defined culture "it is a man's program/structure, design by men to opress women". to some extend i agree with him, Y is it always women who have to submit to these "cultures".

Nna i don't even wanna be politically correct or democratic when it comes to things like this: i'd rather divorce/single/alone than get into poly...period....

ms.tebby
27 Mar 2009 13:26

Today will be 6 months (Sept 27, 2007)...huh??

Toxic
27 Mar 2009 13:28

We Pritt,
does he ever discuss their sex life with you?
do you ever feel like you must NIKA him better than the other one?
do u have hopes of being the only one i.e the other wife divorces him or finds someone else?
if your baby is a girl, would you tell her that polygamy is a good thing or that she should stay away from it?
if the reasons for your husband wanting a 3rd wife was that he now wants to legalise an affair he's been having, what wud be your reaction?
do you ever have feelings of insecurity when your man is away?do u look at other women as potential 3rd wives?

Pritt
27 Mar 2009 13:28

(Sept 27, 2007)...huh?? sorry 2008...

Toxic
27 Mar 2009 13:29

Today will be 6 months (Sept 27, 2007)...huh??

LMAO! Maybe the affair started in '07 and they married in Oct last year. Hayi khawu explaine Pritt.

Toxic
27 Mar 2009 13:30

oh, ignore previous post.........

just T
27 Mar 2009 13:35

If women can stop being selfish, put themselves in another women's shoe, POLYGAMY won't exist. So we women are wrong by letting men control us. 1 thing that i am sure of is what goes around, will always come around. When u allow to be second wife, at that point you feel like a queen and that you are on top of the world. WAIT until you start aging, he will cheat on you too and when it happens it is going to hurt 10 times more than what it was supposed to be. Anyway we all have choices, mina i still say there is no way i will ever allow POLYGAMY...

Cande
27 Mar 2009 13:35

I think she means 2009? SHUU Pritt and how dodyou communicate when he is with the first wife?

Cody
27 Mar 2009 13:36

rather take me as second wife because she will never go back to her parent’s house esaba ukuthi bazothi ulayekile and bla blah blah... That’ show I became a second wife.

when we started dating they were separeted the wife went back to her parents house and went back to her house after knowing about our relationship.

Hai Pritt my loving not to be rude, kahle kahle this woman (wife or T) bekefunani kahle kahle,the reason for her to come back is not valid in reference to the above comments from you. She stayed there mos when they separated, so what difference was it going to make if she divorced him?

you must tell your husband to stop going there to MP if he doesnt love her. have you considered that your husband might still have feelings for her as well?

Pritt
27 Mar 2009 13:37

Toxic
does he ever discuss their sex life with you? - no he doesn't and I am not interested
do you ever feel like you must NIKA him better than the other one? - ngiyazazi kanti futhi ngiyazethemba when it comes to bedroom matters... LOL
do u have hopes of being the only one i.e the other wife divorces him or finds someone else? - i don't think she will divorce him... the way izinto zingakhona if she wanted divorce she would have done so long time ago...
if your baby is a girl, would you tell her that polygamy is a good thing or that she should stay away from it? - that's her decision to make, but will support and give my blessings.
if the reasons for your husband wanting a 3rd wife was that he now wants to legalise an affair he's been having, what wud be your reaction? - firstly I would want to know why he wants a 3rd wife, and if the is something lacking or not satisfied with in our marriage, will have to talk about it and improve on it and if all fails and she still insist on having #3 for ukwandisa umuzi nje!!! Honestly I will leave him...
do you ever have feelings of insecurity when your man is away? kancane nje!!! LOL
- do u look at other women as potential 3rd wives?- Not at all

Cande
27 Mar 2009 13:38

Was she @ you guys's wedding?? Does T's family know that he took wive number 2? How rich is S?

Cody
27 Mar 2009 13:39

do you ever feel like you must NIKA him better than the other one?

ROTFLMAO at Toxic!!

just T
27 Mar 2009 13:43

This has to do with money .... period... all men with more than 1 wife are rich. Show me the broke one with 2 wives? hhhhhhhhmmmmmm? conclusion ....> women who allow to be second wives are only interested in the bank balance. If the balance was not there, why would you agree?

KeleFabulous
27 Mar 2009 13:44

sho Pritt i'm in awe of your total honesty. must say big ups for not wishy washing your situation.

are you happy thou?

ms.tebby
27 Mar 2009 13:45

LOL Cande, hi hi hi

Cande
27 Mar 2009 13:45

yes Just T, hence i ask how rich is S?

just T
27 Mar 2009 13:47

Polygamy ke bofebe feela (legal of cause)

Pritt
27 Mar 2009 13:47

@Cody - you must tell your husband to stop going there to MP if he doesnt love her. its not that he goes to MP to see her, but we have a wholesale or something like that, we distribute beverages to small and medium businesses around MP. yah maybe they see aeach other i do not know, he is never there for more than two days unless we vising his parents...
have you considered that your husband might still have feelings for her as well? -to be honest with you I don't think so... maybe une 10%. the awy izinto zenzakala ngakhona it was bad very bad... I won't go into details...
so what difference was it going to make if she divorced him? - the parents will win so she better stay emshadweni noma kunzima kanjani...
how dodyou communicate when he is with the first wife?- kahle nje... i phone, he phones we chat otherwise he is with me 90% of the time even before we got married...

KeleFabulous
27 Mar 2009 13:48

how did your family (esp parents) feel about you becoming someon'es second wife, Pritt?

KeleFabulous
27 Mar 2009 13:49

@ Cody i think most african men would never be the ones to initiate divorce. they'd rather do crappy things until you've had enuff and take up the proceedings yourself. i don't know why they would rather push a woman to do it rather than them doing it on their own...

just T
27 Mar 2009 13:51

Pritt wake up and smell the coffee. If your husband did not want that women, he would have divorced her no matter what. So truth is, he still loves her... one day you will wake up an realise that you were being played, the 3rd wife is on the way... give him 6 more months.

Kakapana
27 Mar 2009 13:54

kwa kwa kwa kwa kwa kwa kwa

Pritt
27 Mar 2009 13:56

Was she @ you guys's wedding?? - no she was not... otherwise it was family and close friends only...
Does T's family know that he took wive number 2? yes they do know,
How rich is S? - he affords, and its not that he is rich... we are affording as i said some we share 50/50 in two shops that we opened whilst dating... its both our money and not his alone...
This has to do with money .... period... all men with more than 1 wife are rich. Show me the broke one with 2 wives? hhhhhhhhmmmmmm? conclusion ....> women who allow to be second wives are only interested in the bank balance. If the balance was not there, why would you agree? - maybe/ maybe not... which is why #1 doesn't want i divorce because of money neh... LOL
are you happy thou? - yes i am HAPPY

Heartsbreaker
27 Mar 2009 13:57

@ Pritt does the first wife come to JHB? if yes,do you allow her in your house and at night who does the hubby sleep with? Tjo! Polygamy does exist bathong,now i believe.

Cody
27 Mar 2009 14:01

@ Cody i think most african men would never be the ones to initiate divorce. they'd rather do crappy things until you've had enuff and take up the proceedings yourself.

You are right kele i have seen what you are saying happening in my family.

YA Pritt that woman just wants to frastrate you period, why didnt they laugh at her when she went back home the first time. ufuna msagaze ngempama e warm nje! lol!!

im just joking guys he he he he