In a shocking twist, David and Mary’s strategy of fending for themselves failed horribly. I just cannot believe it would turn out that way for such rugged individualists like David and Mary.
Their elimination must have been a big disappointment considering how far they made it the last time they were on the show. I guess there was just something missing this time round. That something was the Cho brothers. David and Mary could not help but feel the loss of their human GPS system friends. Woe! Cho! Cho woe!
On the bright side, they did manage to last a whole three episodes following their lone wolf strategy. as soon as they first said they were planning on doing their own thing, I expected them to wander off into Argentina..
Ticket to hell
Airports bring out the worst in Charla and Mirna. Well, technically air brings out the worst in Charla and Mirna. Added ports just bring out an even worser worst.
You know those tannies who write to the You and Huisgenoot, all scandalised about everything from Friday night porn movies to low-rise pants? They aint got nothing on Charla and Mirna, who have turned playing the victim into an art form. They are the Sistine Chapel of playing the victim.
When the BQs were buying a plane ticket, Charla poked one of them and asked – well, asked in the sense that a policeman asks you to step out of your car before beating you with a nightstick – them to buy her a ticket. They looked at her all “Eh, Pokey?” Charla took this as a grave offense and complained that they should help her because she couldn’t reach the counter. No! If only she had a taller teammate to do it for her!
I’d ask her to get a ladder to get over herself but that would be overkill. A stepstool will do.
Mirna didn’t let Charla have all the fun. While Teri and Ian were busy at a counter, Mirna tried to talk to their desk employee. Teri got all huffy which led to Mirna putting on triple the huff. Ian threatened to call security (have you ever wondered what a dwarf getting tasered might look like?) and called them rude. Mirna countered by saying how she’d learned from the ‘King of Rude’. Mirna? Unless Ian was the midwife at the maternity ward in hell from where you emerged, Ian didn’t teach you jack. You are ruder than a book of fart jokes sitting on a whoopee cushion appearing in a Leon Schuster movie.
Something fishy
If anyone was still curious about that blonde with the big boobs who hangs around Nipple Ring Boy, this episode sought to shed light on the mystery wrapped inside an enigma wrapped inside a sleeping tablet that is Dani(elle).
We learned many things about this alleged former racer. She is scared of Guidos and thinks Bill looks like a serial killer. A serial killer of what? Little fruity drinks with umbrellas in? Bill looks exactly like what he is – a gay uncle. And unless your uncle is Ted Bundy, that’s not scary.
During the Roadblock Dani(elle) also showed herself to be petrified of fish. She shrieked and shivered and generally acted as if they were going to jump up and eat her face. Geez, it’s not like they were piranhas. They were fish as flat as her personality and just as threatening.
To be fair, others were fearful of the freaky fish. David revealed he had a fish phobia (he wets himself a little whenever he passes a Something Fishy) and Mirna acted as if the fish were out to get her, just like everyone else in the world. I had no idea so many people were afraid of fish. Maybe I should start carrying around a halibut for protection against muggers.
Eric provided enough moral support to get Dani(elle) through it – by shouting about her boobs a lot. Even Rob couldn’t help but raise an eyebrow over Eric’s mammary motivation. And if Mr Sensitivity Rob thinks you’re being an immature fool, you’re pretty low down there. I’m only surprised it took three whole episodes for Eric to start with the boob jokes.
In a related story, apparently some dodgy sex pics of Eric have turned up online. Knowing how self-involved he is, he probably put them up as his main Facebook photo.
The only thing to fear is fear itself…and fish
One person who’s not cowed by fish or any other marine life (I assume. I do not know her opinions on kalamari) is Amber. When she learned that one of the Detour options was extreme white water rafting, she revealed with a grin that she and Rob had already done some…and she’d almost died as a result. Some laugh in the face of death. Others start crying in the face of guppies.
The good news is Amber didn’t die this time around. The bad news is that Teri almost did when she fell overboard. Ian was in a state. Why, there might have been vicious trout in those waters! Happily, Teri had grabbed onto the line trailing behind the raft and was saved. Teri found almost dying exhilarating – her forehead may have even moved a millimetre.
Everyone else also did the rafting, including Team Kentucky. Mary was reluctant because of her fear of waterd. Scared of water? Does she need a nightlight on when she passes the shower?
The BQs were unafraid of water, because once you have faced psychopathic pageant girls conspiring against you, nothing frightens you all that much. They did channel the spirit of Kentucky and somehow ended up missing a clue completely. When Phil revealed their mistake, Kandice’s face was a picture – one that invokes laughter and possibly the word ‘fail’. The BQs had to go back and find the clue they’d missed, which made them drop from a lofty 4th place to a terribly low 4th place. Some people have all the luck, even when they don’t.
I didn’t know there were hobbits in Chile
According to Joe, Rob is not Jesus. This will be news to the producers of Rob’s upcoming TV venture “The Passion of the Robfather”. Joe may or may not be right – Rob has as yet not turned water into wine but he did manage to notch up another first place.
Rob and Amber were thrilled to learn they were first again. Amber about died of happiness when she heard their prize was a home gym. I had no idea she was so into exercise machines. Got to look good for the next reality show, I guess.
Phil had a little person greeter waiting at the Pit Stop. Danny jokes that they had found a love interest for Charla. That’s a really obvious joke, Danny. Doesn’t mean I’m not going to make it myself. What, are they casting a midget version of The Bachelor now?
Charla and Mirna came awfully close to being eliminated by the Dwarf Bachelor. They kidnapped a local (seriously, they grabbed him and pushed him into their car despite his protests) but that didn’t help them all that much, especially when they revealed to an oblivious and probably doomed Joe and Bill that they were missing part of their clue.
“You’d better not screw us,” Charla told them after they promised to make their way together to the same place. Rest assured, Charla, it’s highly unlikely Bill and Joe would ever screw you. The Guidos did end up driving off after the Detour without Charla and Mirna, which led to much cursing of names and anger. Why do so many people not get the concept of a race? Do they think it’s called ‘The Amazing Race’ because ‘The Amazing Let’s Stop and Wait for Our Friends so we can Frolic through the Fields to the Pit Stop and Laugh Gaily with Phil’ was too long to fit on TV schedules?
Next Week: Rob and Amber meet their match in Charla and Mirna. Gnats are matches now? There’s also a huge, amazing, stunning, unbelievable ending you don’t want to miss. Phil probably sprains an eyebrow and needs to go to the emergency room.
23 Comments
Only TVSA members can reply to this thread. Click here to login or register.