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Im asking again, What do men want??

Written by Trublu from the blog on 24 Feb 2009
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Hi Guys.

I know this might be a lil boring, esp becoz i know theres a whole lot of other blogs asking the same question, but please just read my story(ILL MAKE IT AS SHORT AS POSSIBLE), and then give the answer.

Here s ma story:

I met a guy, fell in love even ended up moving in together (which i admit was a big mistake on ma side). every thing was fine even thou there were a few things that i didnt like about him (which were adressed).

I believe i respected him as a man, his word was final (in most cases) and i always made sure that even when there s an event @ work I go with him, to avoid him asking himself questions about my whereabout becoz he was a lil jealous.

But still, he was brave enough to bring another woman during working hours when im @ work. He d skip work for a few hrs, go to the house, do his thing, leave dirty tissues and CD's sumtimes for the new housekeeper to clean and he'd go back to work.

I now met some1 new. But i m still lost.

Where did I go wrong?? I cooked 90% of the times, cleaned for him, picked up her mother from hospital 90% of the times, did more or less everything he wanted me too. Was I too soft for him?? Too ugly, beautiful, maybe too stupid?? What should I do to avoid seeing history reapeating itself

I you have any advice, Please say sumthin

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Dimago
24 Feb 2009 11:37

Leave him trublu
What he did is not about you, so don't even blame yourself. Maybe take time out of relationships before dating this new man.

belz
24 Feb 2009 11:41

You shouldnt have done all those things above, you were not married!!!!! he took you for granted and used you, coz you allowed him to, maybe indirectly but wabona ukuthi umthanda kakhulu. to avoid this happening, dont do it again.

Sana Lwam
24 Feb 2009 11:43

The title screams at you to come to the blog...now lemme start reading

TheLady
24 Feb 2009 11:49

A case of "bad things happening to good people".

Where did I go wrong??
You became a wife, a carer, a mother, a cook even, for a man who just wanted a girlfriend.

What should I do to avoid seeing history reapeating itself ?
That's the beauty of relationships-it's a gamble,you take a chance-but dear you know moving in was a mistake,don't repeat it and when you are in love don't act like you have blinkers on. People take advantage of someone who cannot stand up for themselves!

I'm glad that you have met someone, I hope it works out for you-remember not all brothers are like him.

Toxic
24 Feb 2009 11:52

Bare become someone's GIRLFRIEND until he marries you. don't be his mother.

andi01
24 Feb 2009 11:55

, did more or less everything he wanted me too- Thats excatly where you went wrong. You dont do things to please other people, you do things that are good for you, finish en klaar

Tynt!
24 Feb 2009 11:56

A few lines extracted from a circulating mail:

If a man wants you, nothing can keep him away.
If he doesn't want you, nothing can make him stay.
Stop making excuses for a man and his behaviour.
Allow your intuition (or spirit) to save you from heartache.
Stop trying to change yourself for a relationship that's not meant to be

ms.tebby
24 Feb 2009 11:57

to tell the truth u neva know what they want coz even men themselves dont know!

I know someone who once said to me he wants to check if I can be a real wife! What the heck, are you marrying me to be your house keeper or your better half?

Toxic
24 Feb 2009 12:00

I know someone who once said to me he wants to check if I can be a real wife! What the heck, are you marrying me to be your house keeper or your better half?

LOLOLOL Ms.T

myname
24 Feb 2009 12:09

Stop doing all this s*** girl, wake up & smell the rain. And stop abusing yourself!

1. There are restuarants for food
2. Aunts' for cleaning & laundry

I am joking girl do what u wanna do & i cant help u with your q coz rite now im manless

Sana Lwam
24 Feb 2009 12:12

Good thing that TVSA allows alias and not real names to log on.

<<<What should I do to avoid seeing history reapeating itself>>>

The answer is in this statement:
<<<I cooked 90% of the times, cleaned for him, picked up her mother from hospital 90% of the times,>>>

So don't cook 90% of the time, don't clean for the new man, don't pick the might-be-mother-in-law 90% of the time.

Miracle Child
24 Feb 2009 12:14

Men Dnt knw what they want period.

Here is a TIP, Neva do anything for any1 who is capable of doing it for themselves. I mean i am the kinda gal who wil leave my b/f's house in a state i found it in, if ke e thola e le vuil why tlamehile nna ke e clean. But then again u were stayin with the guy and i guess u felt like a wife and u felt the need to do all these things for him. Gud luck with ur new thing and try not to do too much!

Dimago
24 Feb 2009 12:14

lol myname!

Dee
24 Feb 2009 12:21

1 mistake most women make: Moving in with a man while not married to him & doing all the things that wives are supposed to be doing.

Im happy u found someone else, be a girlfriend gal.....nothing more, nothing less.

cleve
24 Feb 2009 12:28

Don't worry girl he'll find people like me who will make him eat take-aways 7 days a week. He will miss your cooking and cleaning after him because not every woman is like you and he will realise that you were a special woman.

tshepiso
24 Feb 2009 12:29

Iyho! you are playing with your precious life my dear.

How can you just met a man and move in with him? where is your pride.
he thought he met a girlfiend BUT instead a nanny.

please go and find your ownspace m'aam
stop acting like his mom, he left his mom at home 4 u
Why do you clean after him? sies! noggemal used condoms gggggggggg phuuuuuuuuu! collect yourself my girl I think you are still very young
ORATILE LENYALO TOOOOOO MUCH.

Cande
24 Feb 2009 12:29

Where did I go wrong?? I cooked 90% of the times, cleaned for him, picked up her mother from hospital 90% of the times, did more or less everything he wanted me too. Was I too soft for him??

i dont understand, are you dating a man or a woman? who'se mother did you pick up at the hospital?

monchooza
24 Feb 2009 12:32

<<<<I mean i am the kinda gal who wil leave my b/f's house in a state i found it in, if ke e thola e le vuil why tlamehile nna ke e clean>>>

Miracle child...this is the very reason i dumped my ex.....uyavilapha....she would come to visit me for the whole weekend and when she leaves on sunday ...damnit my house would be in a state......i dont mind cleaning but not after a girl....its not right for a girl to be such a vila voco

Sana Lwam
24 Feb 2009 12:34

Obviously a man Cande, that was just a mistake

KeleFabulous
24 Feb 2009 12:35

The problem with alot of women, we always do things to please the other person, even thou it's stuff you may not necessarily like or enjoy doing. in effect you end up compromising alot of who you are as a person. i found myself in the same situation recently and luckily managed to stop myself before going deeper.

just give yourself time and soon you'll realise you can do without. i now ask myself what exactly did fabulous me see in him now and i realise just how different we are. as much as it sometimes makes life harder you're better off being yourself (i mean men don't change who they are for us now do they?) and eventually you will (i believe i will) meet someone who will appreciate you for the fabulous person you are. good luck!

Ngqesta
24 Feb 2009 12:38

Girl there's nothing wrong with you or the way you did things....moving in felt right at the time....actually I have no problem with the co-habiting concept at all.......I do not view it as a mistake at all.....different strokes for different folks I suppose...I did it...I enjoyed it....had ups and downs like most relationships do....and now we are happily married....worked for me...might not work for the next person...but who am I to judge?

...and TRUBLU girl....do not be bothered....it's his loss not yours!

tha - bang
24 Feb 2009 12:39

im sorry T it happens sometimes and you will find its more about the other person than you.hopefully your next relationship will be better.sweet

Lessie
24 Feb 2009 12:41

......maybe too stupid?? Just maybe

sisan
24 Feb 2009 12:44

Hey girl it not your fault when a dog is neva enought no matter how much you can do, if it its was born like that to be selfish and stupid, not see the good in all you do and appriciate you, there is nothing you can do, a person has to save they own skin, not to be rescued all the time, he's an adult everything that he does he is aware of it, so he has no excuse.

Here is some advice, it might sound bad but it true, next time you meet a guy stop triying all you best to make it work, he must/should meet you halfway since he will be the one who aproached you in the first place, so please stop playing wife for every guy you meet eg. fetching his mom from hospital ITS TOO MUCH you are being used.

monchooza
24 Feb 2009 12:47

and the question should not be "What do men want??" because men are also individuals..the question should be 'what does my man want"...because individuals want different things in different ways.....as long as you generalising you wont find the answer

Cande
24 Feb 2009 12:48

Its articles like these that make me consider re-structuring my relationship.

Strolicious
24 Feb 2009 12:51

what i know for sure ,they really dont know what they want ,they use their di*ck to think,not all of amadoda majority...i never knew how nice it is to be single,im enjoying every minute of it...

maud
24 Feb 2009 12:52

hi
Trublu- you did nothing wrong ,you loved ,when you love someone , you will do anything to make him happy,and you forget about what makes you happy, i have been there babes, for you to grow and be a stronger person you have to go through these things ,its called life.

never in your life blame yourself for somebody,s dirty doings, i can feel that your a decent person,lift your head up and live your life to the fullest,he was never yours,his charpter in your life is closed .please move on. now concetrate to the one you have.

felfel
24 Feb 2009 12:55

Gal you gave that dog a bone now its playing fetch with someone else.....

JadaPinkett
24 Feb 2009 12:59

Where did I go wrong??
You became a wife, a carer, a mother, a cook even, for a man who just wanted a girlfriend. ........................Cha uyayibeka indaba The Lady...............................kona my dear wona nje ngokuthi umane uyokipita kwakumele ungahlali naye,
Firstly , living with a man u not mairred with is called" ukungabi nasimilo"
Hope u've learned from ur mistake now that u don't live with a man without getting married to him.

maddie
24 Feb 2009 13:07

i guess men are different, some would really like you to do all these chores, and some some will think that you're (s)mothering them.

there's no 100% surity that if u do things a certain way u're guaranteed that they'll stay with u.

guys have u ever thought about compatibility between lovers?

realist
24 Feb 2009 13:10

The big mistake you made was moving in with him. Based on what you are saying you became a nanny, mother, wife and not a girlfriend. He saw your weaknesses and your mistakes and he started to ask himself questions and probably came to the conclusion that you are not worth it.

Just a question, how long have you been going out with this guy? To me it looks like you did not know this guy well enough.

myname
24 Feb 2009 13:18

i never knew how nice it is to be single,im enjoying every minute of it...Yes Stro i agree but cha ntombazana kuyabanda eGoli i even dreamt about umdavazo last nite

JuneRose
24 Feb 2009 13:18

Trublu- don't blame urself, ke loss yahae. Please gal don't reduce your love 4 this new relationship, cook for him if u feel lyk it (maybe he will appreciate it, remember he's different from that bastard), coz u will be doing dat out of luv. To move in with a guy i don't its a good idea.

About taking care of his family, mmm mmm Hhayi angiyiboni kuyicebo elihle lelo stay away from his family, just visit when he ask u to.

Positivity1
24 Feb 2009 13:46

How can you just met a man and move in with him? where is your pride.
Let's not be so hard on the sistah, she's already confessed her mistake.

I don't agree with many of you who believe that a man is cheating on a woman becos that woman has moved in with him. Some men are just plain dogs. And at the same time I don't believe that staying him is a good idea. All I'm saying is that if a man cheats, he will do it even when you are not leaving with him. And most men cheat not because it's a reflection of their girlfriends or wives behaviour or attitude. It's just them. They think it's manly to do it.

Anyways dear, the issue here is not with you but with him. And this is not your history but his history. You keep being the woman that you want to be! Don't let man change you, othawise you will spend the rest of your life bitter and angry.

Positivity1
24 Feb 2009 13:47

Trublu
24 Feb 2009 13:53

Thank you guys. I really appreciate it.

One and Only
24 Feb 2009 13:56

You didn't do anything wrong you can do 90% or 10% of the things you mentioned above for him but if he is not into you, he's not so he won't marry you. You can decide to not to move in with him, be just a girlfriend but he is still going to leave you.

I think all men know what they want but they will not say no to anything that comes their way while they are striving to get what they really want.

Companies usually have minimum requirement for positions they advertise so are men, so are you! You know what type of work you love to do/ studied for but will take any job that comes your way until you lend your dream job.

When a man has found a woman he's been looking for he will leave a girlfriend of 5 yrs and marry the one he met 2 weeks back. There are 2 reasons that would make a man not marry you, 1)He doesn't have money or 2)You are not the right person. Where does your man fall? And why are you still hanging aroung?

ms.tebby
24 Feb 2009 14:03

Jesus Christ!

Tshd21
24 Feb 2009 14:06

Everybody keeps saying you became a wife instead of a girlfriend...
If you stay together, the woman is most probably the person who will clean, cook, do laundry etc....isn't it?

Somebody please elaborate further. What is it exactly that a girlfriend is supposed to do or not do?????

Sana Lwam
24 Feb 2009 14:09

Hola One and Only? thats why I was asking you where NtandoN is at - you and him are one of a kind.
Nqondo zinye zicing' ukufana

Toodecent
24 Feb 2009 14:10

Im asking again, What do men want?? >>> Well nna and my sidekick we fall under MEN as we both male wants you to stop complaining/ asking what men want... tjeer every god damn day we discussed on this site.

realist
24 Feb 2009 14:14

What is it exactly that a girlfriend is supposed to do or not do?????
Ask Tshepiso. She will be able to put the point across.

realist
24 Feb 2009 14:17

think all men know what they want but they will not say no to anything that comes their way while they are striving to get what they really want.

Companies usually have minimum requirement for positions they advertise so are men, so are you! You know what type of work you love to do/ studied for but will take any job that comes your way until you lend your dream job.

So what you are saying is that she did not have potential to get the contract?

Cody
24 Feb 2009 14:22

too true realist!!!

Ngqesta
24 Feb 2009 14:30

@Tshd21....Somebody please elaborate further. What is it exactly that a girlfriend is supposed to do or not do?????

My take.......a girlfriend is supposed to do whatever she feels most comfortable with at that point in time. In my books....there is no blueprint. If I feel like co-habiting with my partner and taking care of him in whatever way I want to at that point in time...that's my decision...then that's what am supposed to do. If i feel like making him get take-aways each time he is hungry...that's just fine....feels right to me at that point in time....I just wish we could all stop judging others by what our ideas of what being a good woman means....those are just that..YOUR IDEALS not the next person's.

BigMama
24 Feb 2009 14:32

Can a day ever pass without anyone talking about men on this site?

My question is, What Do women want/ what do you want? If you get the answers to that question l am sure you will be able to understand the other sex. Man are just the same as we women with the difference that everyone knows, but we are all equally in almost everything.

So sista, my advise to you is to find out, what you really want, then you get your answers and believe it or not it is easy to spot a player and a real man (for me). And it won´t take years to realise that this person is not the one for me.

Man do show us that we don´t really mean much to them, and we will say no it will pass maybe he is testing my patience. Finding used condoms, and tissues was sign enough to show you that you are not welcome in his heart.

Sista, first find yourself before going out with this other guy, because you will find it difficulty to find yourself again. Take sometime to know him before rushing to anything.

mathata
24 Feb 2009 14:41

too much of a thing is f* boring.

you give n give n give dont you get tired?men want competition thats all.if you give like that he take you like a looser,like you are stranded.

make him guess,always ????? in his mind,so this guy knows everything about you which is not good,

he hate to see your underwear at the bathroom,dont you get it.

men want-bitch in bed
                     women who respect her body=if he f** everyday he get bored
                      strong women who can say NO to shit
                      smooth talker(you need to lie to him sometimes)not yes sir yes sir.

at this moment i dont think you should try to solve this HE DOESNT LOVE YOU PERIOD!!!

get a life,you deserve more than this.

who buys food in the house?girl you are finnitto

i think you should talk to TOODECENT,your dude need to be TDC thats all.

Firstdvd
24 Feb 2009 22:07

Hope this was the last article about US...hhay' kabi!

Cnglemother
24 Feb 2009 22:44

Thanx FD 4 digging them up 4 me 4 nite blogging,this site wont be the same without men issues.at the moment i am not putting any meaningful efforts into building a stable loving relationship that has a future.i am just exploiting all the physical benefits that a man can offer in a relationship and doing just fine.tired of cracking my skull with endless thoughts of mr right,besides im impossible to be in a relationship with.not all women with live happily ever with loving husbands.sum of us will have(osibusiso) vibrators even at the old age homes.sorry to bloggers that are named sibusiso.

mathata
25 Feb 2009 01:28

firstdvd,lets hope so aslong you doing right.

Trublu
25 Feb 2009 07:44

hehehehehehe cnglemuther, oosibusiso????

Cande
25 Feb 2009 07:47

Trublu??? why are you not participating in your article?

bongeka sengane
25 Feb 2009 07:55

Sis start to love urself thoroughly and then others c u later

mathata
09 Jul 2009 15:22

i think this is better.what a F* day.

LM
09 Jul 2009 16:17

LMAO@ Mathata's 24th/02 response....you r killing me lady...