You get a call. They’ve passed away, you pause, you listen again, you pause, you scream, no! It can’t be! I don’t believe this! Yhuuuu! And you make that noise. Maybe even faint; Pass out. Then you have to tell others. They also scream. Then the funeral arrangements start. Then you go through that week. (for some families there are fights about who gets to bury the body, who gains what money; sometimes it even goes as far as which cousin should have which sweater)
But my question today is: How does one get over this loss?
How do you move on?
How do you end up accepting that they are gone?
I’ve read a number of blogs and comments from bloggers who’ve lost people close to them. Whenever there’s such an article, bloggers always say:
*Qina, mzalwane*
*Strongs*
*Akwehlanga lungehlanga*
*I’m so sorry*
*Humble condolences*
*May their soul rest in peace*
*They are in a better place now*
*God has a purpose and a reason*
*It was the right time*
*Cry as much as you can*
*Cry, but do not lose hope*
*Drink a glass of hot milk*
*kuzolunga, go tla loka, it’s going to be fine*
*cherish the good memories*
*don’t try to forget*
What I want to know today is;
What happens after the funeral?
How do you get used to the fact that they are not there anymore?
I know a number of bloggers have gone through this, please share. How long does it take to get to terms with the reality that they are DEAD?
How do you face the future without them?
When do you stop crying whenever you remember a certain moment? – does it ever stop? Should it stop?
Motivational articles always advise that one shouldn’t try and block the thoughts about the deceased, you should rather keep thinking about them, and smiling about the great times you had with them. It is true that they have indeed gone to a better place and God wouldn’t have taken them away if He didn’t decide that it was the right time. Of course everyone has their own paths to walk and their own races to run and when it is finished, it is done.
But, my one question and the only one thing I want to understand around this death issue, is; how do you get over it –and how long does it take?
Blogger, how long did it take you? Do counselling sessions help?
Is it normal to keep seeing the deceased in your dreams over and over again? Is it normal to still shed a tear whenever you see someone that looks a bit like them, or smell their perfume, even if it’s been years already?
Does it make a difference whether the death was natural or tragic?
Some people lose their parents just after they’ve finished varsity and started working. You know how it’s so important to treat your parents and thank them for putting you through school and spending every last cent they had on you? How do you then come to the point of accepting that they passed on before you could truly appreciate them?
Some lose their spouse just months or a year or two after getting married. How do you come to terms with this?
Should We Get over Them? Do We Have to forget them?
Someone once asked me why exactly people cry when someone dies.
Do we cry because they are gone?
Or do we cry because they’ve left us?
Are we sad because they won’t be here anymore?
Or is it because we won’t see them again?
Basically, are you crying for them?
Or for yourself?
