No airport drama this week as the teams had to travel to Italy via ferry. Well, first they had to split for Split and then they got to ferry their way to Ancona, Italy.
The main team that was focused on was undoubtedly the Goths. We got to hear a few thoughts from the other teams about the “Pink and Black Attack”. Basically, people thought they were performing all the time. “They’re like Kabuki theatre,” said Ronald. I wouldn’t mind watching the show being performed entirely as Kabuki theatre. That or a puppet show.
On the train to Split, the Goths explained that make-up was Serious Business to them. I remember when lip-gloss was Serious Business to Shana and Jen. That worked out well for them, didn’t it? Still, if make-up does turn out to be the secret to the Goths’ success, I see a lucrative ad contract in their future. Move over, Kate Moss.
Maybe she's born with it, maybe it's MaybellineFrom Ancona, the teams had to drive themselves to Empoli. They were also given Blackberries which they were not to use for anything other than receiving a message later on. So no surfing for porn or online poker, got that?
There were a bunch of different routes they could take. Most teams decided to take a route via Bologna but Nate/Jen and the Hippies learned of a super secret short cut from the locals.
Unbeknownst to them, TK and Rachel left their clue behind at the café where they asked for directions. A while later, while well on the road to Empoli, Rachel realised she couldn’t find the clue. Cue the Hippie freakout: TK saying “This is really disappointing” in his monotone. Get a hold of yourself, man! Snap out of it!
This is why you should only toke up at the Pit Stops!They drove back to the café and were relieved to find their clue in the hands of a tight-hugging Italian woman. Grazie, tight-hugging Italian woman! Thanks for being a coffee freak and not wandering off to do anything useful before TK and Rachel could get there.
Nicolas/Donald, Ronald/Christina and the Goths encountered a road closure on the highway to Bologna. Nicolas and Don decided to wait it out until the highway was opened while the other two teams took a detour (the non-race variety) through a confusing mountain route.
Along the way, each team got a message on their Blackberry from a family member. They basically went like this:
Nate/Jen (from Nate’s parents): “Come back with the money or don’t come back at all, ya loser.”
Ronald/Christina (from Steph, whoever that is): “Hope your relationship grows deeper and you don’t kill each other. Toodles!”
Rachel/TK (from TK’s mother): “If and when things get rough, dig down deep and grab that baggie full of weed.”
Nicolas/Donald (from Don’s son/Nic’s dad): “Don’t embarrass me, old man,”
We didn’t get to hear the message from Vyxsin’s parents possibly because it involved much flowery poetry and copious usage of words like “effulgent”. Also, TK’s full name is Thomas Kyle. Now you know why he calls himself TK.
Nate and Jen were the only team not to encounter any problems on the road to the next Route Marker but had to sleep in the car because of the hours-of-operation. Much to their delight, TK and Rachel were second there despite the clue snafu. TK jumped around excitedly and showed more emotion than he’s shown all race. Hey, who slipped the coke into TK’s stash, man?
He's so excited, he just made a facial expressionA Roadblock loomed, in which the chosen teammember had to fly in an ultralight and look for the name of their next destination down below. There was also a Fast Forward - the only one on the race. Just as I was about to whine about there only being one of them, Phil revealed that, in order to complete the Fast Forward, the racers would have to get a permanent tattoo of the letters “FF”.
Muhahahaha! That’s even better than the headshaving FF of a few seasons back! I hope whoever came up with that evil FF got a fat raise. Nate and Jen considered taking the FF but sadly decided to do the Roadblock instead. Damn. Can you imagine Jen fretting over whether to get a tattoo or not? Chernobyl-level meltdown, I bet.
Nate had found the name of the next destination (which was Vinci) easily but TK appeared to have a wee bit of trouble. The ultralight could only stay up for thirty minutes before refueling and soon TK was back on the ground, Vinci-less.
I'm disappointed that, on the DaVinci leg, they didn't make the racers fly this insteadAs TK flew around in circles, the other teams started arriving, much to Rachel’s horror. Donald and Nicolas decided to go for the FF (hee hee hee) while Ronald fought with Christina over whether they should go for it or not. Ronald snapped at Christina for asking stupid questions which led to an awesome reaction shot from Rachel.
Even the stoner thinks you're out of line, RonaldRachel was so shocked because apparently she’d never heard Ronald speak to Christine this way (How the hell not? He only does it every fifteen minutes), and said she had no respect for his treatment of her. How bad do you have to be to incur the ire of Mellow McSmokesalot.
Even the Goths, who had gotten hopelessly lost on the mountain roads, managed to get to the Roadblock and finish it before TK found the destination name. Man, talk about looking for a Vinci in a haystack. TK got increasingly agitated every time he had to land for refueling. How hard is it to find great big bleeding letters in a field? The anti-drug people were right: pot really does kill braincells.
"This is like a bad trip, man!"Donald and Nicolas arrived at the FF destination only to be told what they had to do to win the FF. The two of them gaped in dismay. It could be worse, guys. You could have had to get a giant portrait of Phil on your back. Donald was reluctant at first. Do it, Don! Ask for it on your ass! He did eventually decide to suck it up and get it done, albeit on his arm.
"Oh *bleep!*, I'm gonna need some of TK and Rachel's weed."Because they were brave/crazy enough to get the tattoos, Donald and Nicolas easily arrived first at the Pit Stop. Phil had some good news for them; they had won a five-night trip to Cancun. You couldn’t have thrown in some complimentary tattoo removal?
Nate and Jen had meanwhile arrived at Vinci, home of that famous inventor dude, Leonardo DaVinci. They had to choose between the Detour options “Invention” or “Tradition”. They chose the latter, which saw them learning a fancy flag dance. I hoped the flag dance would go about as well as their dance in the village of Bingo.
"No clue for you!"It didn’t start off well but eventually even Nate managed to wield those flags well enough not to impale himself, thanks to him actually listening to Jen. Yes, Nate listened to Jen! Between this and the great Hippie/Goth freakout, I feel like I’m watching a bizarro episode.
Finally, TK managed to complete his RB. They were quite a bit behind the Goths and it looked like the show would end in a Hippie barbecue. However, the Goths were experiencing a meltdown of their own. Some car troubles soon degenerated into them shouting at each other to shut the hell up. Where have my happy Goths gone? I know they’re always performing but does today’s performance really have to be an impersonation of Nate and Jen?
Kynt and Vyxsin were forced to leave their car behind and run to the Detour while the non-working car was replaced. This gave TK and Rachel enough time to complete their Detour option and pass them. The Hippies chose to do the “Invention” option, in which they had to assemble a DaVinci™ crane.
OMG, don't cry! You'll smear the fourteen kgs of makeup on your face!You’d think that the man who spent aimless hours on an easy observation-based RB would have trouble putting together some complicated DaVinci invention, but he and Rachel actually managed to figure it out quite quickly. As he strained to work the crane, TK remarked, “Leonardo must’ve been buff, man.” Of course he was. He wasn’t the leader of the Turtles for no reason.
The Hippies completed their Detour just as the Goths started on the flag dance. It looked like TK and Rachel were home free but on the way to the Pit Stop, they got a flat tyre. Still, this did not stop them from arriving at the Pit Stop second-last. More shocking Hippie emotion was shown. Even Phil was surprised at their non-mellowness.
A forlorn Kynt and Vyxsin arrived at the Pit Stop. Luckily for them, Phil was feeling generous, possibly because TK and Rachel shared some of their stash with him in gratitude. He announced it was a Non-Elimination but there was a new twist known as a Speedbump. I wonder if they’ll ever run out of road-based names for challenges and twists. Will there be a Zebra Crossing in the future? A No-Parking Zone? A Buses Only Lane?
Anyway, somewhere on the next leg, the Goths will face a challenge only they need to complete. I quite like that. It’s even better than the thirty minute penalty if you don’t come first. Hope the Goths can overcome it, as well as rediscover their Goth Care Bear personas.
Maybe a singalong will cheer them up:
I can't waste time so give it a momentI just realised our car is brokenIt's time to worry about everything we've doneLive every leg like it was our last oneWe shouldn't have gone in that new directionWhy did we turn at that last intersectionEven if we're last or we lose the clueAt least we didn't have to get a tattooJust like a tattooEven if we are screwedWe don't have a tattoo