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MEN IN MY LYF

Written by BOUTIQUE from the blog MY CORNER COUCH on 15 Oct 2008
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MEN IN MY LIFE

I miserable and i need help.

i am a 18 year old girl originally from the vaal (south of johannesburg) but currently reside in aucklandpark. the reason i am writing this is bcoz i need help and i thot maybe you mabloggers can help me out.

MEN IN MY LIFE. i think i have a problem when it comes to men, dis is definitely not by choice but by my experiences and things that have bin happening to me and around me.

first and foremost, my grandpa left my grandma (maternal) to raise 6 children by her self. he was a good dad and hubby, a well-known business man of the 70-80's in the vaal. in the late 1980's he left my grandma to live with a younger woman at a motel he onced owned. my ma and her siblings struggled to get education but by the grace of GOD they did. 2 are doctors, my ma a lawyer, 1 an acountant, 1 a pilot and the other passed away. HOW DO I LOVE MY GRANDPA AFTA DIS?

way before my mother bcame a lawyer she fell pregnant with me at the age of 20, the day she broke her virginity. 3 years l8er she had my baby brother and l8er went away to study at north west university, and during that time i lived with my grandma and uncle..in 1996 my parents parted ways and since then, my dad has visited like 2-3 times. he left us, he didn't care less if we ate or not.HOW DO I LOVE HIM AFTER ALL THIS?

ias i have previously said, i grew up near my uncle who was 16 years old than me, he was my best friend, my mentor, the fada i've neva had, the brada i've neva had. he used to take me to gold reef city, take walks with me on the park, go shopping e.t.c. in 2000 20th of august i went to check on him as i usually did but i found his body hanging ova. i was and still amtraumatized, i cry almost everyday.. how cud he? how cud he leave me? sumtimes i wanw go join him bcoz i i feel as if i failed him as a niece... i miss so much yet i hate him...HOW DO I LOVE HIM AFTA DIS?

IN 2006 at the age of 16 i had my first true boyfriend by the name tshepo. i thot he loved me as much as i loved him but clearly not. he wanted nada but sex and i was not ready to break my virginity at that age let alone to him. one day he came ova to my crib and i was with my cuzin. my friend's mada who had been sick died that minute so i had to go comfort my friend leaving tshepo and my cuzin WRONG MOVE. when i got back they were bumping and grinding on ma bed and she l8er discovered she's pregnant and hiv +... i think tshepo wanted to infect me. HOW DO I LOVE HIM AFTA DIS?

it has been +- 2 years and i have never been in a relationship again... I AM A VERY BEAUTIFUL GIRL AND I GET PROPOSED ALMOST EVERYWHERE I GO. BUT I AM IN MY CORNER COUCH AND AFRAID TO MOVE ON...

HELP HELP HELP

34 Comments

BOUTIQUE
15 Oct 2008 03:58

COME ON BLOGGERS HELP

mabhebheza
15 Oct 2008 04:00

Dear sis dolly ....-------->

Toodecent
15 Oct 2008 04:02

Eism am lost of words.....

Cande
15 Oct 2008 04:04

-:(.

You wont love if you dont want to..Not every man is like your grand pa, father & tshepo..
I dont think men should be an important aspect of your life, study get a career adopt a baby and dont make relationships your priority if you scared the men will leave you

Toodecent
15 Oct 2008 04:04

Now with a few words back, write to Zola 7 to get professional help.....or those advisors on magazines. There is not much that can be done lana instead they will add more stories to yours and all irrelevant to be precise.

Cande
15 Oct 2008 04:09

Dear Boutique,

I dont know if you have noticed but we decided as bloggers that we wont be saying the negatives about men no more, its getting boring. Its not TVSA terms & conditions, its just something that we agreed upon.
We as ladies in TVSA do not want our focus to be on men, since our lives dont revolve around them. We really hoped that blogging could be fun and not have to deal with such serious issue.
You really need help, and unfortunately we dont offer such help here on the site.

Hope you find it in you to forgive all the men who did you wrong, and move on

Thanx

Dimago
15 Oct 2008 04:13

I agree with TDC, you need to get professional help. Where do you stay? I can hook you up with a psychologist. You are too young to be dealing with this on your own.

BOUTIQUE
15 Oct 2008 04:13

thanx toodecent i will try to get professional help

BOUTIQUE
15 Oct 2008 04:15

@ dimago , like i said i am from the vaal but currently reside in auckland park bcoz i study at uj

BOUTIQUE
15 Oct 2008 04:18

@ cande i didn't know ya'l decided not to talk bout men no mo...

sexyd
15 Oct 2008 04:21

mmmmmmmmmmmmmm ke mathata fela!!!

Sobza
15 Oct 2008 04:22

If you are angry, don’t sin by nursing your grudge. Don’t let the sun go down with you still angry- get over it quickly; for when you are angry you give a mighty foothold to the devil. It's clear in your situation that it's been year of bitterness.

You are the one who's gonna suffer most when you don't forgive.

When you do forgive, the Lord sets your hearts free from the anger, bitterness, resentment and hurt that previously imprisoned you. It is a slow process though.

Pray for yourself and pray for the person who has done you wrong.However, as you do this "forgiving," you discover the command is in place for your own good, and you receive the reward of your forgiveness - freedom.

Dimago
15 Oct 2008 04:22

Send me a PM if you want the digits to the psychologist.

@ cande i didn't know ya'l decided not to talk bout men no mo...
but this situation is different

Have you told your mom how you feel?

Best-Achiever
15 Oct 2008 04:22

@Boutique .... First things first My dear, you didnt bring all those experiencies to yourself, they came to you. You didnt have any choice, so stop making yourself miserable for something youdidnt do.

Just be greatful that despite your grandpa leaving your grandma ... your grandma was able to take of their children and they became better people, let your grandpa worry about what he did to your grandma and their children NOT YOU.

Your dad ... be greatful that you know him, some people doesnt even know how their fathers(and family from their father's side) look like and since your mother is taking good care of you and your brother.

Your uncle obviously had other issues that he couldnt share with anyone else(so he can get some light) and you honeslty dont wanna devastate your mother by taking your life. talk to your mother about your feelings, you real dont want her to feel the way your are feeling, right?

And your boyfriend .... he saved your life, it could be you who is HIV+ and pregnant ....

lastly forgive yourself, dont beat yourself about something you didn't do and forgive all those people who have hurt you. and seek professional help

Cande
15 Oct 2008 04:22

We havent really said we wont talk about them, but refrain from saying negative things about them.
You need proffessional help, and please learn to forgive.

Orie
15 Oct 2008 04:30

Yhooooooooooooooo, Go see a proffessional dearrr,

BOUTIQUE
15 Oct 2008 04:32

@dimago my mom thinks i am fine bcoz i act that way... i act as if i don't care... we do talk about this issues but i am never honest

BOUTIQUE
15 Oct 2008 04:35

thanx guys... ima book an appointment with on of the psychologists here at school.... THANK YOU

Sobza
15 Oct 2008 04:36

thanx toodecent i will try to get professional help

You don't sound convincing at all dear.

mayandie
15 Oct 2008 04:37

Best Archiever you have said it all....
You need to be strong girl & never forget that nothing is impossible with God & in all situations he was there...That is why he protected you...

Dimago
15 Oct 2008 04:38

All the bes Bo...whatever you do, DO NOT COMMIT SUICIDE!!!!!!!!

Afrodiva
15 Oct 2008 04:39

well said Best Achiever, Boutique; what doesn't kill you makes you stronger, don't forget to pray.. and thanks to all the bloggers who are always pillar of strength when one needs support despite the fact that y'al never met. I aplaud y'all!!

Nonny
15 Oct 2008 04:44

lastly forgive yourself, dont beat yourself about something you didn't do and forgive all those people who have hurt you. and seek professional help
OMG Botique, u have left me speechless, so I decided to just steal BA's words.

BOUTIQUE
15 Oct 2008 04:50

@DIMAGO I WILL NOT DO IT... NOT AFTA ALL THE ADVICE YA'L HAVE GIVEN... I WAS LOST AND NOW I HAVE HOPE THAT THINGS WILL BE ALRYT AND I WILL LIVE MY LIFE AS I DESERVE....

@AFRODIVA I APPLAUD THEM ALL AS WELL.... IT SOUND AS IF I AM PUSHING IT AND WHAT NOT VBUT I ALREADY STRONG AND I KNOW I CAN DO TO THRU GOD OFCOZ.

Cody
15 Oct 2008 04:52

Boutique, bloggers are right, you need professional help as you are making all these breakups between your family your responsibility.I believe that there are always two sides to a coin & i always choose to see the bright side.

Your Gramamzie: Your gramps did her a favour by living her, otherwise she wouldn't have been the strong women that she became. would it have been better if your grandpa gave your gramamzie stress, lead her to depression, or worse gave her a heart attack, what would have happened to your mother and her siblings?

Your Dad: the above applies to this situation as well

Tshepo: God has an amazing way of delivering us out of fatal situations, had your friends mother not died, you could be telling us that you are now HIV positive, the mafacka could have infected you and you would not be studying. Your fears about men could have been worse.........and no it was not a mistake leaving the two of them together, it was a blessing in disguise. and your cousin, sis on her! and shame at that same time!

+- 2 years and i have never been in a relationship again Good for you! again it is a blessing, imagine if you were in a relationship and you had to take these emotions out these emotions on a poor soul that had nothing to do with your past. You are still young, you will get over it soon, if you CHOOSE to see the bright side.

Shuga babe
15 Oct 2008 04:54

@BA Wow so imotional!!!!!!!

Boutique, The will of God will never ever take you where the Grace of God will never Protect you.
Be strong and be Blessed. God is there watching over you wherever you go, whatever you do please remember you here for a reason. I know its so hard for you but you must let it pass forget about what happened and move on with you life.

There are people out there who love you so much, and there is a man out there who's dying to date a beautiful woman like you what you need to do is to have Faith. and as they say True Love waits!!!!!! anyway who need Animals (the men who destroyed you) when you have us TVSA PEEPS we Love you gal!!!!!

Now can i see that beautiful smile of yours *I'm glad you smiling*

ratogal
15 Oct 2008 04:56

@Boutique,
I'm sorry about your dad and grand dad, but know this you are not the 1st or last 1 to expereience this,just thank God you have your mom and grandma atleast they are still there for you and don't focus on the bad things dad and grandpa did.As for Tsgepo,you are still young my dear , i think you should take time o i patle o i patlisise because you haven'y loved like you think you have.

Sana Lwam
15 Oct 2008 05:04

Boutique sana, what happened in the past is exactly that the past. You are too young to be concerned or try and reason for actions that were taken by other people.

As for the Tshepo issue and HIV, have you ever tried to think about the possibilities that your couz couz was +ve before he slept with him - (phela jumping into your own bed with your boyfriend says something about her - I think).

As for uDaddy wakho Khumbulekhaya might help if you still feel he might play a part in your life.

And please take dimago and TDC advises, you need to see a *shrink* to get over the suicide you witnessed.

faraimagic
15 Oct 2008 05:10

write to zola7.........he he he he he TDC if you know zola with the chicks in auckland park you wudn't advise her to write to Zola7!

Best-Achiever
15 Oct 2008 05:17

Ishaiah 65 vs 24 says "Even before they call out to me, I will answer them.
While they are still speaking, I will hear them"

Boutique .... i felt the need to share with you this verse, God will answer you when you call out to Him and as you are speaking to us He is hearing you. So please spend some quite time and talk to Him, say everything that you is in your heart to Him, you'll feel the pressure coming off your shoulders. He is one faithful friend who will heal your wounded heart and give you peace in your mind, open your heart to Him dear.

Choose to forgive no matter how hurting it is and Don't force healing, wounds of the heart heal slowly ...it is a process sthandwa sami that you need to dedicate yourself in achieving. be honest to God, your mother and the professional helper who'll be helping you through this .... Honesty will lead you to forgiveness and peace.

BOUTIQUE
15 Oct 2008 05:19

@shuga babe thnk you gal now i feel like i belong...
@ratogal ki tla i patla awsi(sp)
@sana lwam i don't think i need him hey, he has bin gone for 12 years. i am 18 now and in university. i won't force him to play a part he doesn't wana play.......
@cody thank you

ratogal
15 Oct 2008 05:20

@ faraimagic lol true that..............the little girl must not write to Zola7, we don't want the stats to increase.

PrettyPree
15 Oct 2008 06:04

Everything will be just fine gal, have faith......
@ Dimago, your words of encouragement are extremely good. Tx 4 calling Cande into order.....LOL

BOUTIQUE
15 Oct 2008 08:47

THANK YOU ALL 4 THE LOVE AND SUPPORT YOU HAVE GIVEN ME TODAY..... 2LEAST I WAS ABLE TO SMILE... MAY THE GOOD GOD BLESS YOU ALL

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