This was a very busy year for our personalities - from politicians and soccer stars to kwaito upstarts and TV starlets - it was scandals, gossip and rumours galore.
TROUBLESOME 3SUM . . . Koyo, Amstel and Jeff should tone down on the parties and concentrate on their budding music career
STAR STYLE . . . Iko Mash has everything going for her except a love life
GHETTO BOY . . . Mandoza has lost the edge that made him kwaito royalty_dat1 has got a nerve, he doesnt want his kids to speak english in his yard
HOT BLOOD . . . Kaizeris sexy on and off the field
VETERAN BACHELOR . . . Shoes Moshoeu needs a woman to tie him down
ZIP IT UP . . . Benedict 'Tso' Vilakazi needs to revisit his marriage vows
YOUNG AMBITION . . . Lerato Moloi has a future as dark as her hair
ENTERPRISING LASS . . . Babalwa Mneno is always breaking up, ujola nabani manje?
Something else celebrities should do is declare their status and start using condoms. All these maintenance stories just prove how reckless they are about their own and other people's lives.
But most of all, I wish for Bafana Bafana to start doing what they are paid for - scoring goals and boosting the nation's sporting morale just like the cricket boys are doing bayeke ukudlala ngathi ngabafazi balobole ngebhola. But then again, with a team and management like ours, who needs enemies?
Below are some of the people I feel deserve special mention and wishes for next year.
• Benedict "Tso" Vilakazi: We hope the soccer ace will revisit his marriage vows and keep his dingaling in his pants. Failing that, he must make it a point that he does not get caught.
• Mandoza: Here's wishing that the former Chiskop member can go back to his ghetto roots and give us some REAL kwaito instead of the watered-down cross-over version that is so popular with the whities.
• Noleen Maholwana-Sangqu: the talk-show queen must gooi some Xhosa our way because we have never heard her speak any language other than English. Why should people only moan about Carol Bouwer being a coconut when Noleen is proving to be even more of an Oreo.
• Mzekezeke: Rest in peace, Mzakes! and in hell
• Iko Mash: After the take - off of her celeb-infested salon Star Glow, we now wish that she finds everlasting love. Any takers out there? Or kanjan DJ Cleopass?LOL
• Tbo-Touch: To succeed in bringing a crop of happening musicians to our shores and be a promoter of note. We are sick and tired of always having the has-beens and relying on a handful of out - of - touch promoters to decide what we want. Can we please have Kanye West for starters?
• Kaizer Junior: What can i say? ungiqedile
• Khanyisile Mbau: she should work hard maan and stop boasting about seven cars whereas ziyi3
• Babalwa Mneno: Here's wishing the government legitimises your line of business because come 2010 you'll be stinking rich. We like an enterprising girl and are rooting for you, baby!
• Lerato Moloi: What's your next project or u will remail stuck ko gospel gold?
• 3Sum: You guys are entertainers and talent does not count for much in this industry so keep rocking it and you will be rewarded. But try to take it easy with the drinking and driving and fighting at parties, please.
• SABC1 general manager Ray Nkwe, Boring Dj Slyso Please get married because you are the last of a dying breed. Being a batchelor at 40 is not so cool if you are not George Clooney. You are good catches and your healthy bank balance will guarantee lots of applicants for the job of being your wife.
• Pam Andrews: We wish and pray with all our hearts that someone will kidnap this irritant and take her back to the Cape Flats where we are sure she is sorely missed.
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