I got a chance to catch part of the Dr Phil show about women dating younger men (18/08/2008) titled “Cougar Craze”. I believe in ‘Live and Let Live” so my opinions on life tend to border on getting peeps worked up.
Anyways, by the time I switched on Dr Phil was chatting to Nancy (53), Kat (51) and Ryon (24). Kat and Ryon had been dating and living together for just over a year and broke up because the pressure from family, friends and society were just too much. Nancy wrote to Dr Phil because she disapproves of the relationship and feels her friend should date people within their age group.
Ryon and Kat
Nancy is worried about what kind of role model Kat is to her children. Nancy has a 10 year old son who seems to be admiring Kat’s relationship and this bother’s Nancy. She also feels that ithe relationship will build her son to a man of “no substance” and will make him view women in a different way. I was confused at this statement. Kat feels that she has 2 failed marriages with men in her age group and she is more fulfilled with Ryon than in those relationships.
Nancy KatKat seemed happy to me. AND even though the relationship with Ryon ended, they were holding hands and looked quite happy to be around each other during the interview. Nancy felt the relationship is a motherly relationship and Kat pays for Ryon’s expenses. Kat admitted to being a liberated woman who sees nothing wrong with paying for a meal on a date (me too) and ryon paid for his own expenses because he had a good job.
Why is it unacceptable for woman to pay fro men but highly acceptable for a man to pay for women? Why do we assume the people in those relationships have “no substance”?
Ryon didn’t have a problem with the age gap. He never saw Kat like his mother nor an older woman. She was just a fun woman who fulfilled his needs. AND most of the men that were interviewed had the same opinion. Why don’t they see the woman as their “ “mother’s” or “older women”? They see the women as just women… they don’t see this “older” that society labels the women.
The next set of guests were Nathan and Bobbi. Bobbi (52) dated a 17 years younger man for 10 years. When she turned 50, he saw her as old and broke it off. Nathan is her son and is completely against the idea that his mother dates younger men. Nathan says Bobbi started dating the “dude” when he was going to college to replace him. He feels his mother chose the guy over her children. He hates the change in behaviour from his mother when he was with “dude”
Nathan and Bobbi Nathan feels he had to compete with “dude” for his mother’s attention because when the relationship started Nathan was 17 and “dude” was 23. He believes his mother changed her behaviour to make herself more appealing and younger to “dude”. Nathan wants his mother happy but is against her dating a younger man.
He feels that he is counseling his mother on things that she should be counseling him, therefore there is a role reversal. Bobbi has 2 tattoos, piercings and owned a motorbike. Things he feel should have been done by him.
Why does the family always feel the need to inject their prejudices, judgments and opinions onto the relationship? They doom the relationship and cause the breakups. This only puts more unnecessary pressure on the relationship!
What I got from the show is the women go for it for the companionship and the sex. They feel younger and fulfilled than with their peers. Children who see their mother’s with these men see it as competition. BUT why is it NOT a problem that Mandla Mthembu would date/marry Khanyi Mbau, Nelson Mandela would jus marry Graca Machel but if the roles and ages were reversed, it would be an outcry? Isn't the happiness of the people more important?
Dr Phil didn’t seem to have a problem with the relationships but found it (mock) offensive that the women said people his age are inflexible and unenergetic. He even admitted to thinking he is as flexible as a rubber hose and willing to try new things. “I don’t think that chronological age is necessarily a deal-breaker at all between two people, depending on their mindset, depending on why you’re doing it, what you want and where you think it’s going,” Dr. Phil said.
Dr Phil said “Chronological age between two people, if they really meet each other's needs in every possible way, certainly companionship, and intellectually, emotionally, physically — all of that — it doesn’t matter, depending on why you’re doing it,"
Pics courtesy of
www.DrPhil.com