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Jokes 4 the day

Written by mayandie from the blog Jokes for the day...... on 30 Jul 2008
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A Xhosa chick was one day raped and she went to the police to report the case…
A few weeks later she met with the guy who raped her at a Taxi and this is all she could say…

"Uyafunwa wena, utsho ngent'wemnandi nje… "





408 Comments

mayandie
30 Jul 2008 01:37

Toodecent
30 Jul 2008 01:58

Bwahahaahaa.... Am picturing her yazi LOL.
Peter the little boy was not happy at all, grandma visits and asks him Peter whats wrong? Ma here at home things arent fair......mama beats me ge nka rotela dikobo mara maabane bosigo ke mo utlwile a raya papa are "rota baby....rota tlhe rrago Peter" bale mo dikobong Peter said.

Cande
30 Jul 2008 02:03

LMAO

carino
30 Jul 2008 02:07

LOL

belz
30 Jul 2008 02:09

ROFL!!!!!

lelly
30 Jul 2008 02:19

I'm a Xhosa chick as well and i have to say that is the best joke anyone has ever made about us..

mayandie
30 Jul 2008 02:20

My bet........................................................................................................................................

ratogal
30 Jul 2008 02:23

I'm not xhosa can sum1 translate for me please.

andi01
30 Jul 2008 02:29

LOL @ Mayandie

Nonny
30 Jul 2008 02:30

www.tvsa.co.za/default.asp?blogname=SinfulDesires&articleID=6820

Thanks 4 the link Carino, I was about to post another joke, then I remembered that if we entertain this blog too much it will eventually cause it to be disabled like this similar one.

andi01
30 Jul 2008 02:31

2 girls and their grandmother were ubdacted, so the gangsters said we will rape you all and then let you go after. So the 2 girls feeling sorry for their grandmother being old and all, they said, please you can rape us as many times as you want but please spare ugrandmother. The grandmother looked at the girls in amazement and said "hay thyini, kuthiwe sonke"

Nonny
30 Jul 2008 02:35

LMAO @ Andi01, why vele izalukwazi zithanda ukudliwa????

Cnglemother
30 Jul 2008 02:40

why vele izalukwazi zithanda ukudliwa????

Nonny & Andi
that is just so wrong how can u say that about ugogo?tl-tlt-tl!

Renegade
30 Jul 2008 02:44

@Nonny, why was the other one disabled?

andi01
30 Jul 2008 02:45

This one girl from kwa Bhaca in the Eastern cape, spent 18 years of her life kwa Bhaca, after finishing matric she went to study at PE tech, so she met this hunk from PE. So they began dating. one day they were about to davaza, so the guy was warmin the woman up. So intombi yebhaca yadikwa and shouted, (in Brenda Ngxoli's voice)
"yhe man undimuna-muna for ntoni na wena , loonto ndiyawonyanya amathe womntu, yihlome ihlasele maan".

andi01
30 Jul 2008 02:46

@Rene-@Nonny, why was the other one disabled?, bczo some of teh jokes were dirty. Please people lest keep this one clean

Nonny
30 Jul 2008 02:48

"Nonny & Andi that is just so wrong how can u say that about ugogo?tl-tlt-tl!"
@ Cnglemom, I said that coz Andi01 reminded me of this other gogo, she was also with her two grandchildren and the rapist said, for every tooth a person has they will be raped. The magogo had no teeth at all, so she put toilet paper and said: "Nazoke mfana wami, I also have amazinyo, so awungenza"......LOL


"@Nonny, why was the other one disabled?"
@ Rene - I think it's coz of the hectic vernac jokes.

faraimagic
30 Jul 2008 02:49

LOL!
Ok one Tswana guy visited a Sangoma coz he had a small dick, he wanted the Sangoma to help him enlarge it,........so off he went to the Bushes to meet the Sangoma!
"so how big do you want it to grow?"asked the Sangoma since they were in the bushes an Elephant was passing so the Tswana guy pointed at the Poor Elephant..........
Days pass by the suddenly he woke up with a very big Hole between his Very Small dick and his Asshole!
The Tswana guy ran back to tghe bushes but as he got there they welcomed him with bad news.......The Old sangoma had Died!  he cried but no one helped him!

Now the funny part is.......Remember wen the Sangoma asked the guy how big he wanted his dick to grow?..........thing is he pointed   A FEMALE ELEPHANT!!!!!!!ha jha jha ha ha!

Toodecent
30 Jul 2008 02:52

Yeah right @ Farai........thats funny bofssssssss .I thought he was to have Long John Rashamba hi hi hi

Cnglemother
30 Jul 2008 02:52

showee! Andi01 LOL! but u not keeping it clean wena yoself so how can u ask other people to? it was closed for what u just did.

faraimagic
30 Jul 2008 02:56

LOng John Rashamba Bwaaaaaaaaaah!!!!

pariri
30 Jul 2008 03:01

two grandchildren and the rapist said, for every tooth a person has they will be raped. The magogo had no teeth at all, so she put toilet paper and said: "Nazoke mfana wami, I also have amazinyo, so awungenza"......LOL 
yhoooooooooo Nonny hahahahaahahahah ROTFLMBAO u finished me ngale
good one hey !!!!

andi01
30 Jul 2008 03:11

@cnglemother, they dont have to be clean as in (nice and soft and clean), but lets not be rude and use nje amagama amnandi to explaing teh whole thing LOL

What goes around comes around

The police forum at Hout Bay called in a meeting to discuss crime rate and solutions to crime in the community. So the community were to tell the forum their experiences with crime, but the theme was tell us "what you saw not what you heard"
Mavis: there is a young man that goes around breakin and stealing aphe'lokshini
Cop: Ma did he brake in to ur house
Mavis: No but, everyone apha has heard of th...
Cop: ma stop waisting our time, talking about what you heard, sifuna what you saw.

and uMavis was so disappointed, she talks too much and wants to be the only person to speak. So bcoz she had nothing to say she decided to leave, on he way to the door, she walked pass the policemen, and realised a fart. the cops were disgusted and teh same one said

Cop: ma, usuzelani kangaka (why did you fart)
Mavis: are u talking about what u saw or what u heard
Cop: ma i heard you.....
Mavis: stop wasting my time mcuphi, talking about what you heard, ndifuna what you saw.

faraimagic
30 Jul 2008 03:13

Dont you wana know who the Tswana guy is?

Thobeka Jeli
30 Jul 2008 03:13

a male patient is lying in a bed in the hospital wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose a young student nurse appears to give him a partial sponge bath "nurse"he mumbles,from behind the mask "are my testicles black ?" embarrassed ,the nurse replies,i don"t know ,sir i"m only here to wash your apper body and  feet " he struggles to ask again ,nurse are my  testicles black ? concerned  that he may  elevate his blood pressure and heart rate from worry  about his testicles, she  overcomes her embarrassment and pulls back the covers  she  raises his gown holds his man hood in one hand and his testicles in the other then , she takes a close look and says , "theres  nothing  wrong with  them sir "the man pulls off his oxygen mask ,smiles @her and says very  slowly thank you very much that was wornderful ,but  listen very, very  closely ARE-MY -TEST -RESULTS BACK ?                                                   

andi01
30 Jul 2008 03:15

Nazoke mfana wami, I also have amazinyo, so awungenza"......LOL ,  thatha Nonny, ROTFLMAOL

boogy-babe
30 Jul 2008 03:23

y must it be a xhosa chick.

andi01
30 Jul 2008 03:31

Hung Ku eCofimvaba

hung ku
, Japanese chap from hong kong, started a clothing store in Cofimvaba, he met a girl named Andi and fell inlove, Andi wasnt inlove with Hung Ku but wanted his money, after a while Andi got tired of Hung Ku and moved to greener pastures, and decided to dump Hung Ku

Andi: look here kung fu, whatever you name is, i dont like you, i never did, i only wanted your money so its over.
Hung Ku; I dont mind Andi, oksalayo I have Aids and i have infected you.
Andi: LOL yhoo shame, you dont scare me japanese guy, you see kaloku wena you from Hong Kong, izinto zenu are all fong kongs, and this Aids you infected me with will wear out soon coz its Fong Kong, it wont last long.

Cande
30 Jul 2008 03:32

its a joke boogy-babe, what happened to your sense of humour

Hlehle
30 Jul 2008 03:32

ROTFLMAOL to all ur jokes but i cant laugh out loud coz my boss will ask what am i laughing at. As u all know that i'm banned using internet. LOL tl tlt tl tl hahhhahhahhhahh. Morning!

Toodecent
30 Jul 2008 03:35

y must it be a xhosa chick.>>>> *Huh??*

Cande
30 Jul 2008 03:38

y must it be a xhosa chick.>>>> *Huh??*

She/he was asking about the joke above(ya ga Mayandie), 
one will  wonder if the sense of humour was rented out or something

boogy-babe
30 Jul 2008 03:39

ok

pariri
30 Jul 2008 03:41

morning Hlehle !!!! 
LOL Andi ur jokes are killing me

Nonny
30 Jul 2008 03:43

"y must it be a xhosa chick."
Boogy babe don't be like that, there are jokes about every race. Here's a different one:

Naidoo was driving down the street in a sweat because he had an important meeting and couldn't find a parking place. Looking up toward heaven, he said "Lord, take pity on me. If you find me a parking place I will go to every Temple service for the rest of my life and give up alcohol."

Miraculously, a parking place appeared. Naidoo looked up again and said

"OK never mind. I found one "

andi01
30 Jul 2008 03:45

Death sentence

2
  guys were convicted of murder and sentence to death penalty. So they were asked to choose if they wanna be hanged immediately or be infected with HIV. Guy 1 says I would rather die immediately and Guy 2 says I choose to be infected with the virus.  So guy1 ws hanged and died immediately. Guy2 says b4 you inject m can i first go to the Loo, he came back and he was injected on his left bum, he smiled and said, inject me gape on my right bum. As he was going home, his brother asked "buti why did u ask to be injected twice:, and he smiled and said. "eish watseba keng, elapolisa ke-setlayela hobaning nna ke apere condom". (that police is an idiot bcoz I have put on a condom, so I am protected).

Nonny
30 Jul 2008 03:47

SIPHO GOES INTO THE BANK, TAKES OUT HIS GUN, POINTS IT TO THE TELLER

AND SAYS: "GIVE ME THE MONEY OR YOU ARE GEOGRAPHY!"

THE TELLER, STILL IN SHOCK, REPLIES: "SIR, YOU MEAN I'M HISTORY."

SIPHO ANGRILY REPLIES: "HEH WENA!!! DON'T CHANGE THE SUBJECT SF#BE !"

andi01
30 Jul 2008 03:48

LOL @ Nonny

mstick
30 Jul 2008 03:51

Two gay men decide to have a baby.

They mix their sperm together and have a surrogate mother artificially inseminated with it.

When the baby is born, they rush to the hospital.

A dozen babies are in the ward, eleven of whom are crying and screaming.


Over in the corner, one baby is smiling serenely.

A nurse comes by, and to the delight of the gay fathers, she points out the happy child as theirs.

"Isn't it wonderful?" one gay says to the other.

"All these unhappy babies .... and yet our baby is so happy. This just proves the superiority of gay love!"

The nurse says, "Oh sure, he's happy now, but just watch what happens when I pull the thermometer out of his ass !"




awelani
30 Jul 2008 03:53

LOL LOL!!

Nonny
30 Jul 2008 03:53

Once there was a prostitute who had three different rates based on the
following conditions:
1} R 10.00 to do it on the grass
2} R 20.00 to do it on a couch
3} R 30.00 to do it in the bed
It's in the morning when a Pedi boy walks in and slaps a R 10.00 bill on
the table. So they go out on the Grass.
Around noon, a Venda boy walks in and slaps a R20.00 bill on the table.
So they go for the couch.
About the end of the day, a Zulu guy walks in and slaps R30.00 on the
table.
Happy from seeing the money the prostitute says:"Yo! Lo buti lo, u
pheth'i style"! (This man has style)
The Zulu responds: "I style samasimba......UYAHLANYA! NGIKUFUNA KATHATHU OTSHANINI!!" (I want it three times on the grass)

mstick
30 Jul 2008 03:53

LMAO.......at Nonny dnt change the subject

Toodecent
30 Jul 2008 03:55

The nurse says, "Oh sure, he's happy now, but just watch what happens when I pull the thermometer out of his ass !" >>>> Holy Sh!t.......hi hi hi hi hi tl tl tl tl tl. Yah neh?

awelani
30 Jul 2008 03:56

tl tl tl tl tl!!

awelani
30 Jul 2008 03:58

The Zulu responds: "I style samasimba......UYAHLANYA! NGIKUFUNA KATHATHU OTSHANINI!!" (I want it three times on the grass) yhooooo!!!! tl tl tl tl tl tl tl tl.

andi01
30 Jul 2008 04:02

@ Nonny -The Zulu responds: "I style samasimba......UYAHLANYA! NGIKUFUNA KATHATHU OTSHANINI!!" ,  ROTFLMAOL classic

belz
30 Jul 2008 04:05

UYAHLANYA! NGIKUFUNA KATHATHU OTSHANINI!!" (I want it three times on the grass)> LOL!!!! eish this guy is clever man!!!

Pooky
30 Jul 2008 04:06

A Xhosa brother was making love to his late brother's wife.

After a 'round' he said "Yo, umnandi, ndide ndasuza xa ndichama"

Of which his brother's wife replied "Ooooh yinto yakowenu ke mos le............Kodwa ungcono-ke wena,

UMFI wayede ANDINYELE"

Nonny
30 Jul 2008 04:09

There are four blokes in a prison cell together: a zoophile, a sadist, necrophilia and a gay guy. The zoophile sighs and says, "You know, if there was a cat here I'd f#ck it ‘til I pass out." The sadist nods, and sighs, "And once you were done with it, i'd torture it until it died." The necrophilia leans in and agrees, "Oh yeah, and once it was dead I'd f#ck it ‘til I passed out too."

The gay guy, sitting in the corner, very softly says "Mmiaow."

Pooky
30 Jul 2008 04:13

There was this Asian lady married to an American man

and they lived in Honolulu.



The poor lady was not very proficient in english language, but managed

to communicate with her husband.

The real problem arose whenever she had to shop for groceries.



One day, she went to the butcher and wanted to buy a leg of mutton She

didn't know how to put forward her request, and in desperation, lifted

up her skirt to show her thighs.

The butcher got the message and the lady went home with mutton legs.



The next day, she needed to get chicken breasts. Again, she didn't

know

how to say, and so she unbuttoned her blouse to show the butcher her

breast. The lady got what she wanted.



The 3rd day, the poor lady needed to buy sausages.

Unable to find a way to communicate this, she brought her husband to

the

store...

(Please scroll down.)











What were you thinking?

Helloooooooooo, her husband speaks English!! 






awelani
30 Jul 2008 04:14

stop it Nonny, yhuuuweee!!! tlt tlt lt l tl.

Pooky
30 Jul 2008 04:15

LOL @Mmiaow." .....hehehehe good one Nonnz

Toodecent
30 Jul 2008 04:16

The gay guy, sitting in the corner, very softly says "Mmiaow." >>>> CTFU tl tl tl tl tl tl..........  mmiaowwwwwww LOL

andi01
30 Jul 2008 04:17

Peeps can we please stop cut & pasting from Google, that plagiarism you know

Pooky
30 Jul 2008 04:18


GIRL: forgive me I have sinned
PRIEST: What have you done my child?
GIRL: I called a man a son of a b!@#$ .
PRIEST: Why did you call him a son of a b@#$%?
GIRL: Because he touched my hand.
PRIEST: Like this? (as he touched her hand)
GIRL: Yes father.
PRIEST: That's no reason to call a man a son of a b@#$%.
GIRL: Then he touched my breast.
PRIEST: Like this? (as he touched her breast)
GIRL: Yes father.
PRIEST: That's no reason to call him a son of b@#$%$.
GIRL: Then he took off my clothes.
PRIEST: Like this? (he takes her clothes off)
GIRL: Yes father.
PRIEST: That's no reason to call him son of b@#$%.
GIRL: Then he stuck his "YOU KNOW WHAT" into my "you know where.
PRIEST: Like this?" (as he stuck his ----! into her ----!)
GIRL: YES FATHER,YEES FATHER,YEES FAAAATHER!!
PRIEST: (After a few minutes) That's no reason to call him a son of a b@#$%.
GIRL: But father he had aids!
PRIEST: OH HOLY S#!T THAT SON OF A B@#$

Renegade
30 Jul 2008 04:20

The gay guy, sitting in the corner, very softly says "Mmiaow
Oh my gosh Nonny, thats one of the funniest thing's ever!!!!!

pullie
30 Jul 2008 04:21

HAHAHAA...U PPL...HAIKHONA & WENA nONNY...GAL UR CRACKIN ME!

Renegade
30 Jul 2008 04:22

A man and a friend are playing golf one day at their local golf course. One of the guys is about to chip onto the green when he sees a long funeral procession on the road next to the course. He stops in mid-swing, takes off his golf cap, closes his eyes, and bows down in prayer.

His friend says: “Wow, that is the most thoughtful and touching thing I have ever seen. You truly are a kind man.”

The man then replies: “Yeah, well we were married 35 years.” 

Hau Andi, if we don't cut and paste from google, where will we get the jokes?

Pooky
30 Jul 2008 04:24

Peeps can we please stop cut & pasting from Google, that plagiarism you know 

hayi kodwa ma-Andi zijokes zam ezi njena....hihihihi
okay will stop vha

Cnglemother
30 Jul 2008 04:24

Showee! oh guys you are funny fosho! 

The gay guy, sitting in the corner, very softly says "Mmiaow." - LMAO!

mstick
30 Jul 2008 04:34

Gay Guy "Mmiaow" tlala e bolaya o ratang thata Gay Guy i salute u......tltltltltlltltl

myname
30 Jul 2008 04:38

ROTFLMAOL .................tl tl tl tl yhooo guys ni-wrongo

Pooky
30 Jul 2008 04:48

A serial killer broke into a house and confronted a frightened couple.
"What are ur names? I like to know my victims' names before I kill
them" he demanded.

The woman said "My name is Elizabeth ."

I won't kill you because my mother's name is Elizabeth " he answered.

He turned to the terrified man and said, "Wena what's ur name?"

"I'm Peter but my friends call me Elizabeth" he replied.

mayandie
30 Jul 2008 04:49

Here's another Xhosa one.....
(I will try & translate but imnandi ngesiXhosa)

Gatyana lithile, lasuka eMpuma Koloni lawubhekisa eGoli ngeenjongo
zokufuna umsebenzi. 
(Some guy from Eastern Cape came to Jozi looking for work) 
Ekufikeni eGoli, lomfana uye wasokola ukude afumane isithuba. 
(On his arrival it was hard for him to ge a job) 
Ngelokuncamela, uye waya kumzi wolondolozo lwendalo (Zoo) wayokubeka
imeko yakhe khona. 
(On his last attemp he went to the Zoo)
Nyhani ke uye wadibana nomphathi walapha wambikela imeko
(wayekwangu mXhosa lomphathi walapha). 
(He met the manager & he told him his situation & the manager was also Xhosa)
Uye wabanovelwano waze wamxelela ukuba bekusando kufa iGorilla apho eZoo, kwaye imali yokuthenga iGorilla entsha banayongo, 
(He felt pity for him & he told him that a Gorilla just died & he doesn't have money to buy another one)
ngoko ke lomfana bazokumnxibisa njenge gorilla (azenze
igorilla). 
(So this guy was to be given a Gorilla suit & He shud act like one)
Yenzekile ke lonto, ziye zaqengqeleka iintsuku lomfana
esonwabisa abatyeleli eyi "gorilla". 
(This happened & torrists enjoyed watchng the Gorilla)

Kuthe minazana ithile, le "gorilla" isonwabisa abakhenkethi; suka
Yakhwela emthini, 
(One day the Gorilla decided ti climb into the tree )
ithe isephezulu njalo lophuka isebe lomthi yaze yayokuwela phantsi
kwicala lengonyama. 
(Whilst up there the tree broke it fell on the side of the LIONS)
Iye yakhala isintu ikhwaza unina ngoku le "gorilla" kwaye icela no ncedo, 
(He cried asking for his mother & people to help him)
abatyeleli ibanike umdla lento. 
(This was very interesting to the torists)
Iye yaphakama ingonyama yaya kule gorilla yayisemhlabeni wayo. 
(The lion stood up & went to him)
Ekufikeni kwayo iye yehlebeza endlebeni yale gorilla isithi: 
(When the lion was very close to him he whispered in his ear)
"Kwedini khathule maan...uzosibhaqisa ngababantu usiphelelise
ngemisebenzi, khawu'phindele endaweni yakho nx' " 
"I really can't translate this part  haaaaaa...tl tl tl plz bahlali ndincedeni"
Talk about crooked Xhosaz!!!!! 
NguMamtshonyane,uSawa,uDikiza,uNkomo uMth'uz'mele ke lowo.............

Boikanyo
30 Jul 2008 04:55

An old man approaches the window of a cinema with a chicken on his shoulder, and asks for 2 tickets. The girl at the counter wants to know who is going in with him. He replies, "Well, my pet chicken, of course!" "I'm sorry," The girl tells him. "We can't allow animals in the cinema." The man goes around the corner and stuffs the chicken into his trousers. He returns to the window, buys his ticket and goes in. Inside the cinema, the chicken starts to get hot and begins to squirm, so the man unzips his trousers so the chicken can stick it's head out and watch the film. Seated next to him is a woman. She looks over at his lap and is horrified. She elbows her friend Agnes and whispers, "Agnes, this man over here has just unzipped his trousers!" Agnes whispers back, "Oh, don't worry about it...you've seen one, you've seen them all." Madge says, "I KNOW...but this one's eating my POPCORN

Renegade
30 Jul 2008 04:57

Buahahahahah Mayandie, my xhosa's terrible, so i only read the punchline in Xhosa....buahahahahaha!

mstick
30 Jul 2008 04:57


Eight-year old little JOHNNY asked his mother the age-old question:
"How did I get here?"
His mother told him, "God sent you."
"And my cousin Matt ?"
"He sent him also" said the mother .

"Did God send you, too?" asked little Johnny.
"Yes, dear," the mother replied.
"Did God send dad, too?" asked little Johnny.
"Yes, dear," the mother replied.

"What about Grandma and Grandpa?" Johnny persisted.
"He sent them also" the mother said.
"Did He send their parents, too?" little Johnny asked.
"Yes, dear, He did," said the mother patiently.



"So you're telling me that there has been NO s e x in this family for 200 years? No wonder everyone's so grumpy around here."

Boikanyo
30 Jul 2008 04:59

Boikanyo
30 Jul 2008 05:03

INDIAN JOKE

Hey Chetty
Don't Pillay with me,
I'm not in the Moodley for you

Hlehle
30 Jul 2008 05:03

Guys niyandiqeda ngejokes zenu. Keep them coming.

Boikanyo
30 Jul 2008 05:05


1) The Hindi kids Letter:
Dear Santha Dada: please organise me a seiko quartz watch for
christmas, i will be parking for the present, we did not by christmas tree beacause Kaki & Kaka are coming for christmas, therefore we had to save the money for food stamps.

2) The 9yr old Muslim kids Letter:
Dear Sante Claws, please send me a 16valve GTI, so i can drive to the
Esplande, in Durban and park by the Milky Lane, so all the other
babies can check it out, PS do not forget the subs for the system

andi01
30 Jul 2008 05:06

Kwedini khathule maan...uzosibhaqisa ngababantu usiphelelise
ngemisebenzi, khawu'phindele endaweni yakho nx' " 
  ROTFLMAOL  translation(turns out that the lion too was a man dress in lion costumes), so he is telling the "gorilla", to keep quiet and return to his spot coz if the people realise that they are humans dressed in costumes, they will loose their jobs.

mayandie
30 Jul 2008 05:08

Akaho umntu onale kaLittle Jonny ethuka uFather Christmas??????????????????
That is my favourate guys pleaseif you have can you post it for me please....

mstick
30 Jul 2008 05:08

Three tortoises, Mick, Andy and Roy, decide to go on a picnic. Mick packs the picnic basket with beer and sandwiches. The trouble is that the picnic site is ten miles away so; it takes them ten days to get there. When they get there Mick unpacks the food and beer. "Ok Roy give me the bottle opener" "I didn't bring it" says Roy "I thought you packed it" Mick gets worried,

He turns to Andy, "Did you bring the bottle opener?"

Naturally Andy didn't bring it.

So they're stuck ten miles from home without a bottle opener. Mick and Andy beg Roy to go back for it. But he refuses as he says they will eat all the sandwiches. After two hours, and after they have sworn on their tortoise lives that they will not eat the sandwiches, he finally agrees.

So Roy sets off down the road at a steady pace. 20 days pass and he still isn't back and Mick and Andy are starving, but a promise is a promise. Another 5 days and he still isn't back, but a promise is a promise. Finally they can't take it any longer so they take out a sandwich each, and just as they are about to eat it, Roy pops up from behind a rock and shouts

"I KNEW IT'......I'M NOT GOING!"

Boikanyo
30 Jul 2008 05:10

INDIAN MEN



A ship sank in high seas and the following people got stranded on a
beautiful deserted island in the middle of nowhere:

A. 2 Italian men and 1 Italian woman

B. 2 French men and 1 French woman

C. 2 German men and 1 German woman

D. 2 Greek men and 1 Greek woman

E. 2 Polish men and 1 Polish woman

F. 2 Mexican men and 1 Mexican woman

G. 2 Indian men and 1 Indian woman

What a Crazy coincidence! One month later, on various parts of the island,
the following was observed:

A. One Italian man killed the other Italian man for the Italian woman.

B. The two French men and the French woman are living happily together.

C. The two German men have a strict weekly schedule of when they spend time
with the German woman.

D. The two Greek men are happy together, and the Greek woman is cooking &
cleaning for them.

E. The two Polish men took a long look at the endless ocean and a long look
at the Polish woman, and they started swimming.

F. The two Mexican men are talking to all the other men on the island trying
to sell them the Mexican woman.

G. What happened to the Indians????

Scroll down......

.

.

.

.

The 2 Indian men are still waiting for someone to introduce them to the
Indian woman!

(put a word for them


Nonny
30 Jul 2008 05:12

Akaho umntu onale kaLittle Jonny ethuka uFather Christmas??????????????????
Let me check my emails for u Mayandie.....

Boikanyo
30 Jul 2008 05:14

AS A DURBANITE 


As a Durbanite you will appreciate this!

Inba asked Bala one day in Verulam, "Bala in your olden days you Never had
cell phones, e-mail, internet, fax and all, how did your'll communicate?"
Bala replies: :Ja Inba, in uver days we did not have internet, fax,
telephone, e-mail, she-mail and all. We used pigeons.
Me and Peru should communicate with pigeons". Confused Inba asks, "how did
you use pigeons Bala ?" "You see Inba", responds Bala, "I should tie a
message to the pigeon's leg and then I fly the pigeon to Peru's house.
But one day I did not tie a message and when the pigeon came to Peru's house
he see no message. Peru come here very angry and ask me what I think I'm
doing. I say Peru, I give you miss call".

mayandie
30 Jul 2008 05:16

Thankx Nonny i'll really appreciate that........................................

mstick
30 Jul 2008 05:17

Guys i just luv LITTLE JOHNNY

In the class one day little Johnny, really loves his teacher, He wrote a

letter of proposal to his teacher. It goes like this:



Hi Ma'am ke go kwalelela lekwalo le ke go itsise gore nna Johnny ke

paletswe ke go itshoka ga ke go bona ka metlha yotlhe. Lerato lame mo go

wena le a oketsega, ke a go rata, then Johnny handed the letter to front

desk mate and the mate took it to next desk mate till the letter reached

the teacher.



The teacher read the letter and smiled, johnny thinks everything is ok

between him and the teacher, there comes the teacher's reply to Johnny.

Hi johnny I really understand what you are saying but you are still

young, gake batle bana.



Johnny misunderstood the teacher when she says ga a batle bana, Johnny's

reply to the teacher "O TLA PRIVENTA"

Nonny
30 Jul 2008 05:18

Guys, can we keep the copying and pasting short?

Boikanyo
30 Jul 2008 05:20

Number 5.


A man bumps into a Woman in a hotel lobby and as he does,

his elbow goes into her breast. They are both quite startled. The man turns to her and says "Ma'am, if your heart is as soft as your breast, I know you'll forgive me."


She replies, "If your dick is as hard as your elbow, I'm in room 221."


*******************************************************

Number 4.


A businessman boards a flight and is seated next to a

gorgeous woman. He notices she is reading a manual about sexual statistics.


He asks her about it and she replies, "This is a very interesting book. It says that American Indians have the longest penises and Greek men are the best in bed. By the way, my name is Jill. What's yours?"


"Tonto Papadopoulos, nice to meet you."


*******************************************************


Number 3.


One night, as a couple lays down for bed, the husband starts rubbing his wife's arm.


The wife turns over and says "I'm sorry honey, I've got a gynaecologist appointment tomorrow and I want to stay fresh."


The husband, rejected, turns over. A few minutes later, he rolls back over and taps his wife again.


"Do you have a dentist appointment tomorrow too?"


*******************************************************


Number 2.


Bill worked in a pickle factory. He had been employed there for a number of years when he came home one day to confess to his wife that he had terrible compulsion. He had an urge to stick his penis into the pickle slicer.


His wife suggested that he should see a sex therapist to talk about it, but Bill said he would be too embarrassed. He vowed to overcome the compulsion on his own.


One day a few weeks later, Bill came home.

His wife could see at once that something was seriously

wrong. "What's wrong, Bill?" she asked.


"Do you remember that I told you how I had this tremendous urge to put my penis into the pickle slicer?"


"Oh, Bill, you didn't."


"Yes, I did."


"My God, Bill, what happened?"


"I got fired."


"No, Bill. I mean, what happened with the pickle slicer?"


"Oh...she got fired too."


*******************************************************


Number 1.


A couple had been married for 50 years.

They were sitting at the breakfast table one morning when

the wife says, "Just think, fifty years ago we were sitting here at this breakfast table together."


"I know," the old man said, "We were probably sitting here naked as jaybirds fifty years ago."


"Well," Granny snickered, "Let's relive some old times." Whereupon the two stripped to the buff and sat down at the table. "You know, honey," the little old lady breathlessly replied, "My nipples are as hot for you today as they were fifty years ago."


"I wouldn't be surprised," replied Gramps. "One's in your coffee and the other is in your oatmeal























































<

andi01
30 Jul 2008 05:21

ROTFLMAOL reply to the teacher "O TLA PRIVENTA" , B classic.

awelani
30 Jul 2008 05:25

u guys r ceding me, yhooo!!!!

Pooky
30 Jul 2008 05:25

Nantsi Mayandie

Diye Fada Krismas.


Inokuba uthe nqa ukuba kutheni ndikubhalela namhlanje umhla we 26 December. Kukho nje izinto ezimbalwa ezithe zenzeka ekuqaleni kwalenyanga endifuna ukuzibeka elubala. Ngendlela endandikhubeke ngayo, ndaye ndakubhalela incwadi. Kuyo ndacela ibhayisekile, uloliwe ohamba ngombane, ama rola skeyts kunye ne kit yebhola. Ndamosha ngengqondo yam ndifunda incwadi zam unyaka wonke. Kulonyaka bendingu namba wan eklasini yam kwaye kungekho nenye intwana endogqithayo kuso sonke isikolo.



Andikuqhathi, bekungekho nomnye umntana ekuhlaleni obeziphethe kakuhle ukogqitha mna. Bendilunge kakhulu kubo bonke abantu, ndibenzela imisetyenzana ndide ndincede neenkothovu ziwele umgaqo. Akukho nanye into entle phantsi kwelanga ebendizibandeza ekuyenzeni.

Ngoku ke khawutsho, usithatha phi isibindi sokuqinisa umsintsila undishiyele umnqundu we yoyo, ububhanxa be mpempe ne kawusi ezimbi. Ubucinga ntoni mnqundu ndini otyebileyo? Undithathe okwesibhanxa wonke lo mnqundu wonyaka ukuze ushiye amasimba anje phantsi komthi wam.Ingathi ubundinyela ngamasbom, unike lanja ye layti yase next door itoyz ezininzi kangangokuba akukho nespeys sokuhamba kokwayo.



Ndingaphinde ndikubone uzama ukunyakathisa lomnqundu wakho mkhulu etshiminini yasekhaya kulonyaka uzayo. Ndakubetha unye. Laa minqundu yee bhokhwe zakho ndakuzigibisela ngamatye ndigqibe ndizileqe ndizoyikise ukuze uhambe ngenyawo ukuphindela e North pole njengoko ndisenza kuba ungandithengelanga laa mnqundu we bhayisekile.



HAMBOKUNYA FADA KRISMAS. Kulonyaka uzayo ndizakukubonisa indlela endiyintswela boya nendigeza ngayo. MOFI NDINI ETYEBILEYO.



Owakho wene.
Little Jonny. My Man!!!

zolx
30 Jul 2008 05:26

"So you're telling me that there has been NO s e x in this family for 200 years? No wonder everyone's so grumpy around here." ...HAAAAAHAAAA YHO for a minute the i imagined my son saying this....oohhh that woman must have thot 'vuleka mhlaba ndingene'

zolx
30 Jul 2008 05:28

oh hayi guys ..try to get rid of the spaces inbetween when you paste...its not nice scrolling all the way down to find nothing..

mayandie
30 Jul 2008 05:28

Ohhhhhh thank you.....thank you....You've just made my day..............................

awelani
30 Jul 2008 05:30

I wouldn't be surprised," replied Gramps. "One's in your coffee and the other is in your oatmeal LMBAOTIPAL 

Nonny
30 Jul 2008 05:31

"oh hayi guys ..try to get rid of the spaces inbetween when you paste...its not nice scrolling all the way down to find nothing.."
Thank u Zolx, I couldn't have said it better!!!!

Boikanyo
30 Jul 2008 05:32

ONE LINERS

1) I saw a fat woman wearing a sweatshirt with 'Guess' on it. I said 'Thyroid problem?'
2) When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bike. Then I realised that The Lord doesn't work that way, so I stole one and asked him to forgive me.
3) I've often wanted to drown my troubles, but I can't get my wife to go swimming.
4) I was doing some decorating, so I got out my step-ladder. I don't get on with my real ladder. 
5) I went to a restaurant that serves 'breakfast at any time'. So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance.
6) A cement mixer collided with a prison van on the Kingston Bypass. Motorists are asked to be on the lookout for 16 hardened criminals.
7) Well I was bullied at school, called all kinds of different names. But one day I turned to my bullies and said 'Sticks and stones may break my bones but names will never hurt me', and it worked! From there on it was sticks and stones all the way.
8)My Dad used to say 'always fight fire with fire', which is probably why he got thrown out of the fire brigade.
9) S*x is like playing bridge: If you don't have a good partner, you better have a good hand.
10) I saw six men kicking and punching the mother-in-law. My neighbour said 'Are you going to help?' I said 'No, six should be enough.'

Simmone
30 Jul 2008 05:33

Ndingaphinde ndikubone uzama ukunyakathisa lomnqundu wakho mkhulu etshiminini yasekhaya kulonyaka uzayo. Ndakubetha unye. Laa minqundu yee bhokhwe zakho ndakuzigibisela ngamatye ndigqibe ndizileqe ndizoyikise ukuze uhambe ngenyawo ukuphindela e North pole njengoko ndisenza kuba ungandithengelanga laa mnqundu we bhayisekile. 

ROFLMAO.Yho!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Boikanyo
30 Jul 2008 05:36


"oh hayi guys ..try to get rid of the spaces inbetween when you paste...its not nice scrolling all the way down to find nothing.."

@Nonny , I will to do that.

Nonny
30 Jul 2008 05:37

2) When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bike. Then I realised that The Lord doesn't work that way, so I stole one and asked him to forgive me. 
ROTFLMAO, this one is a classic.

mayandie
30 Jul 2008 05:37

Boikanyo are you David Kau's sister yho you have jokes shem gal.......
Khasinike iChance nathi tyhini........................................................
Xa ndisithi ngapha nguwe hayi maan suku thengisa intlanzi(Translate in English)apha........

Nonny
30 Jul 2008 05:40

@Nonny , I will to do that.
Darling, that will make my day!!!!

Pooky
30 Jul 2008 05:42

myname
thengisa intlanzi(Translate in English)

....dont sell a fish......LOL

Pooky
30 Jul 2008 05:42

myname
 suku thengisa intlanzi(Translate in English)

....dont sell a fish......LOL

zolx
30 Jul 2008 05:43

yhuuu uLittle Jonny womxhosa unditsho ndalila iinyembezi nangona ndingaqali kuyibona le joke....

Boikanyo
30 Jul 2008 05:47

Boikanyo are you David Kau's sister yho you have jokes shem gal.......
Khasinike iChance nathi tyhini........................................................
Xa ndisithi ngapha nguwe hayi maan suku thengisa intlanzi(Translate in English)apha........


@Mayandie,are you saying Im making this BLOG stink?

mstick
30 Jul 2008 05:49

Mpja le katse were having a conversation. Mpja yare 'I wonder why batho
ba nhloile, every person who is not good mo Sechabeng ba mmitsa mpja,
like wa utswa fela, o mpja, wa reipa, O mpja, if you love women, o mpja.
If you kill a person, your Friends call you mpja. Wa tima motho dijo o
mpja. if you can have too much money bare o top dog. Tell me wena katse
What wrong have I done?' Katse yare ' ai batlogele wena chomi, e no ba
dimpja dilo tsela'

Nonny
30 Jul 2008 05:49

Husband works at the government mortuary he is talking to his Wife about
his day at work. Husband: Yey namhlanje bengigeza Indoda enepipi
elinensumpa enkulu kanjani!! Wife: Hawu baba!!!
ungangitsheli
Ukuthi uShabalala akasekho!!

Pooky
30 Jul 2008 05:52

yhuuu uLittle Jonny womxhosa unditsho ndalila iinyembezi nangona ndingaqali kuyibona le joke....

zolx....
nam indihlekisa qho xa ndiyifunda.......thats a good joke

zowee
30 Jul 2008 05:53

Our former Home Affairs Minister Mangosuthu Buthelezi was talking to an
American and a Russian about the wonders of science.
 The Russian  started saying "We were the first to be on Space".
 The American then said "We were the first to land on the Moon" Then our Home Affairs  Minister said "We are going to be the first to land on the Sun". Then
the two foreigners looked at each other and said "You will burn up if
you land on the Sun!"

He responded by saying "Abasazi laba,

Basithatha kancane: We will go at night"

Simmone
30 Jul 2008 05:53

Xa ndisithi ngapha nguwe hayi maan suku thengisa intlanzi

LOL.

Boikanyo its you are selling fish meaning you are being selfish

Boikanyo
30 Jul 2008 05:54

Husband works at the government mortuary he is talking to his Wife about
his day at work. Husband: Yey namhlanje bengigeza Indoda enepipi
elinensumpa enkulu kanjani!! Wife: Hawu baba!!!
ungangitsheli
Ukuthi uShabalala akasekho!! 


@Nonny nice one I like the part where she says " uShabalala akasekho!!!

Nonny
30 Jul 2008 05:56

"@Mayandie,are you saying Im making this BLOG stink?"

suku thengisa intlanzi(Translate in English)apha
OK, literally it mneans don't sell fishes, but the actual meaning is be selfish, so it's not about SMELL Boikanyo.

Boikanyo
30 Jul 2008 05:56

Nonny
30 Jul 2008 05:57

I meant it means: DON'T be selfish.

Boikanyo
30 Jul 2008 06:00

Thanks for clearing that for me

@Mayandie,I ammmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm sorry

Cnglemother
30 Jul 2008 06:00

Stop it gals, everyone is looking at me lana eoffisini LOL! . 

I have this one to share sorry to non-nguni speaking people. 


ATM Mzansi fosho

Molweni ntozakuthi ndiyathemba ninosuku oluyokozela ngamathamsanqa!!!

A migrant labourer (Xhosa) goes to the Mzantsi Account ATM to withdraw some cash.

He puts in his savings card and the machine replies: ZULU okanye XHOSA?
The man presses the XHOSA button. The machine displays: Cofa amanani
afihlakeleyo eKhadi lakho. The man does as directed.

The machine displays: Cofa ukuba ngamashumi amangaphi la uwafunayo, umz:
50 okanye 100. The man presses 100, then as the machine is processing, there comes a display written "inkosazana yamaMpondo uStella Sigcau isandulele ngale ntseni, ngoko ke bekungekho nokuncane ongakufaka engxoweni ezakuqasha iiBhasi ezizakukhwelisa amaMpondo ukuya komkhulu emfihlweni nokuba yi 100? Cofa u EWE okanye HAYI ngasekhohlo. The man reluctantly presses HAYI then the machine ejects the card and the 100 he requested so hard that it fell to the floor.


As the man picks up his belongings he notices another display on the screen written: "Thatha lo 100 yakho gqolo ndini! Uyoyitya nonoondatshaza etywaleni ungafumani nto wakugqiba. Le nto etsho ngemifinya neenyawo ezinamasa!"

The man moving away replies: "utsho kunyoko".

mstick
30 Jul 2008 06:01

A Black Baby was given wings by God.

He asked God, "Does this mean I'm an Angel now?"

God laughed and said, "N!gga Please…………you're a bat!

mayandie
30 Jul 2008 06:05

Thanks for clearing that for me

@Mayandie,I ammmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm sorry

Gatcha.........Boikanyo......Gatcha

Isn't this suppose to be Jokers Blog??????????????????
Where is your sence of humor now..........................................

carino
30 Jul 2008 06:05

belz
30 Jul 2008 06:05

yhuuu uLittle Jonny womxhosa unditsho ndalila iinyembezi nangona ndingaqali kuyibona le joke....> ROFL, nam' futhi, yho uJohnny ubequmbe nyhani!!!!

Nonny
30 Jul 2008 06:05

A Zulu man was asked to call an ambulance because his wife was in
labour and eventually she gave birth (twins) while at home.
A message was recorded while calling for an ambulance "Come sbhedlela (hospital) come, a woman is borning a baby, and a spare".

carino
30 Jul 2008 06:07

Mugabe dies and goes to heaven. When he gets there, St. Peter tells him
that he is not on the list and he does not belong in heaven. 
Mugabe must go to hell. 
So Mugabe goes to hell where Satan gives him a hearty
welcome and tells him to make himself at home. Then Mugabe notices that
he left his luggage in heaven and tells Satan, who says 'No problem,
I'll send a couple of little devils to get your stuff.'

When the little devils get to heaven they find the gates are locked
St.Peter is having lunch - and they start debating what to do. Finally
one comes up with the idea that they should go over the wall and get the
luggage.

As they are climbing the wall, two little angels see them, and one angel 
says to the other, 'My Lord, look at that! Mugabe has been in hell no
more than ten minutes and we're already getting refugees!'

carino
30 Jul 2008 06:08

um not encouraging Xeno-Xeno...

mstick
30 Jul 2008 06:09


BALOI BA MATSATSI A? BA BRAVE
A husband came home and found a naked man in his house.
"Heyi wena, o etsang mo Ntlong yaaka o sa apara? And the naked man replied "Ke a loya"
The husband furiously answered back "Msunu ka Nyoko, o loya o kentse Condom"

Pooky
30 Jul 2008 06:09

UZanele oyingoduso eyayizolotsholwa wangena ekamelweni wakhumula iphenti

wathatha isibuko wasibeka ngaphansi wabuka inkomo, wathi:


"Wadla nhlikinhliki ekade babeyihlikiza. Wadla nto yami yezimanga.

Namhlanje kuhlangenwe ngawe, wo-hhe! basala oThembi noBajabulile noNomusa,*

amakholwa amakhulu phela*, nezinto zabo ezingena

experience. Hamba nkomo yami, ubashayile nge-experience wabadida silwane

sikamhlola. Wena wakhalisa oJabulani,* oLucky*, oBongani,oSiya oPhumlani no

bab' uElliot, kwakhala abanumzane nabafokazane,

kwakhala osomatekisi, odriver bama truck, omashanela, othisha,izimfolomani,

izinduna, abefundisi, nezicashalala la kuwe.

Usuwinile ke wena* nhlikinhliki yami*, noma singezwakali kahle lesis'lima

esihlanyiswa wuwe, sengiyobekezelela wona umendo lo oyimvela kancane.Kodwa

ungahlupheki silwane sami,* uma usufuna ukuthola more*,ngizovele ngikuphonse

kuyise waso lesis'lima, ngimbonile indlela

abelokhu engibuka ngayo ukuthi naye* uyarhalela ukukuhlikiza.*


Cnglemother
30 Jul 2008 06:11

guys some of us are gonna get fired becoz of this blog coz andikwazi nokuzimbamba i just burst out laughing! Pooky ngeke le kaJOhnny ethuka ufader Xmas ngeke sithandwa sam ing'qedile.  

Boikanyo
30 Jul 2008 06:13

Gatcha.........Boikanyo......Gatcha
Isn't this suppose to be Jokers Blog??????????????????
Where is your sence of humor now..........................................


@Mayandie.you got me(laughing at myself)

mstick
30 Jul 2008 06:13

tl tl tl tl tl tl..........@Nonny come Sbhedlela

Pooky
30 Jul 2008 06:15

Come sbhedlela (hospital) come, a woman is borning a baby, and a spare".

ROTFLMAO.....
shu Nonny man

Nonny
30 Jul 2008 06:22

"'My Lord, look at that! Mugabe has been in hell no
more than ten minutes and we're already getting refugees!'

ahhahahha that's a killer Carino...........LMFAO!!!!

Nonny
30 Jul 2008 06:24

A Zulu guy went to filling station and asked for petrol. A petrol attendant told him that his tank is full. The Zulu guy called the attendant closer to the car and showed him the petrol gage. It was on F. The Zulu guy said to the attendant, " U ya bona ma ime la ku F, kusho ukuthi FINISH and ma i la ku E, kusho ukuthi ENOUGH, So thela!

Pooky
30 Jul 2008 06:24

Pooky ngeke le kaJOhnny ethuka ufader Xmas ngeke sithandwa sam ing'qedile
that joke was originally posted by uGucci( i wonder wayaphi we miss u) on that other blog...so credits to her coz nam ndandiphuma inyembezi kuhleka

Nonny
30 Jul 2008 06:25

A coloured guy, sitting outside his home about to be evicted from his
house, was contemplating how the future would be after he had divorced
his wife, lost his children, lost his job.

He notices a crate of beer bottles and walks up to it. He takes out
an empty bottle, smashing it into the concrete wall swearing, "You
are the reason I don't have a wife", second bottle, "You are the
reason I don't have my children", third bottle, "You are the reason I
lost my job". He notices the fourth bottle is sealed and still full
of beer.

He takes the bottle, puts it aside and says, "Staan jy een
kant my broe, I know you were not involved

felfel
30 Jul 2008 06:28

Teacher: *Why are you late?*
Student: There was a man who lost a hundred rand note.
Teacher: *That's nice. Were you helping him look for it? *
Student: No. I was standing on it.


felfel
30 Jul 2008 06:28

Teacher: *Why are you late?*
Student: There was a man who lost a hundred rand note.
Teacher: *That's nice. Were you helping him look for it? *
Student: No. I was standing on it.


felfel
30 Jul 2008 06:31

Husband says to wife: "Your bum looks like a braai stand".

Wife gets offended and goes to sleep.

At night the husband politely asks: "Sweetie, don't you feel Like
making love?

Wife says: "Do you expect me to light the braai stand just for a small
piece of sausage?"

mstick
30 Jul 2008 06:32

3 monkeys asked GOD if

he could change them into

human beings, GOD

took out a picture of Robert Mugabe

& said "like this" the

monkeys replied "Yekela mawungafuni..."

felfel
30 Jul 2008 06:33

The magistrate was scolding the accused: 'This is the seventh time in
Three years that you are appearing in front of me! I don't want to see
You in this court anymore, the next time I see you here I give you life
Sentence! What do you have to say, for three years committing the same
Offence and still coming to the same court!


Accused: "Nee Fok your honour, stop releasing your frustration on me!
Jy Kan mos nie vir my blame as jy nie a promotion Kan kry nie! I also
don't want to see you in this court Anymore, the next time I see you
here I lodge the complain of Incompetence, if you were competent you
would have effectively dealt With me and get yourself a promotion. Jy is
dom, for drie jaare in the Same position and still struggling with the
same person"



VANDAG IS DE DAG...............

Cande
30 Jul 2008 06:36

Tripple LOL

felfel
30 Jul 2008 06:40

Father and mother are having sex...while their son is watching

Son: 'Nenzani?' 

Dad: 'Ngithela MAMA WAKHO ipetrol'

Son: Kutsho kuthi I engine ka mama idla ipetrol, ngoba izolo

ubab'UNdlovu naye uthelile'


Cody
30 Jul 2008 06:40

God laughed and said, "N!gga Please…………you're a bat!

tl tl tl kwa kwa kwa!!! this makes me think of andi!lol

Nonny
30 Jul 2008 06:40

LMAO, I love ur jokes Felfel.

felfel
30 Jul 2008 06:42

One day Sipho was enjoying the sun at the beach in South Africa.

A lady came and asked him, "Are you relaxing?"
Sipho answered, "No, I am Sipho."
Another guy came and asked him the same question.
Sipho answered, "No! No! Me Sipho!"
A third one came and asked him the same question again.
Sipho was totally annoyed and decided to shift his place.

While walking he saw a certain guy soaking in the sun.
He went up to him and asked, "Are you Relaxing?"
This guy was a lot more educated and answered, "Yes, I am relaxing."
Sipho slapped him in his face and said,

"Hey wena... Everyone is looking for you and you are sitting over

here!!!"

Pooky
30 Jul 2008 06:42

A large
woman, wearing a sleeveless sun dress, walked into a bar in Dublin.
She raised her
right arm, revealing a huge, hairy armpit as she pointed
to all the people sitting at the bar and asked, "What man here will
buy
a lady a drink?"
The bar
went silent as the patrons tried to ignore her, but down at the end of
the
bar,
an owl-eyed drunk slammed his hand down on the counter and bellowed
"Give the
ballerina a drink!"

The
bartender poured the drink and the woman chugged it down. She turned to
the
patrons and again pointed around at all of them, revealing the same
hairy
armpit, and asked "What man here will buy a lady a drink?"

Once again, the same little drunk
slapped his money down on the bar and said, "Give the ballerina another
drink!"

The bartender approached the little drunk and said ... "Tell me,
Murphy, it's your business if you want to buy the lady a drink, but why
do
you
keep calling her a ballerina?"

The drunk replied, "Any woman who can lift
her leg that high has got to be a ballerina!"

Cnglemother
30 Jul 2008 06:42

mayandie uwrongo sana why uvuse lo mhlola LOL! yithi ndiyochama for now showee!

pariri
30 Jul 2008 06:42

haahahahahahaahah Nonny haybo gal susihlekisa kangaka hhaahahahahah LMBAO
A message was recorded while calling for an ambulance "Come sbhedlela (hospital) come, a woman is borning a baby, and a spare".

zowee
30 Jul 2008 06:42

LOL @ ur jokes Felfel

felfel
30 Jul 2008 06:43

Thanks Nons.....have some more....

*A 20c coin met a R20.00 note and said, "Hey wena , where've you been?

I haven't seen you around here much."
The twenty answered, "I've been hanging out at the casinos, went on a cruise
and did the rounds of the ship, back to South Africa for a while, went to a
couple of rugby games, to the brothel, to the mall, that kind of stuff. How
about you?" The 20c coin said, "You know, same old stuff,
church,church,church*.

Boikanyo
30 Jul 2008 06:45



TV Newsreader: "Hundreds are feared missing or dead in India following landslides and floods caused by torrential rains." Couch potato: "Serves 'em right. What do they wanna go around following landslides and floods for anyway...??!"

Pooky
30 Jul 2008 06:46

Chinese couple had a black baby.
Husband didn’t believe it was his.
Husband: “Why baby black?”
Wife:”You hot, I hot …Baby burnt!”

Nonny
30 Jul 2008 06:46

"God laughed and said, "N!gga Please…………you're a bat!"
That God must've been Andi01, hhahahaha

pariri
30 Jul 2008 06:47

" U ya bona ma ime la ku F, kusho ukuthi FINISH and ma i la ku E, kusho ukuthi ENOUGH, So thela
hahahahahahahahaah hayi mani Nonny LOL yhoooo sibuhlungu isisu ngoku kuhleka

felfel
30 Jul 2008 06:47

Making love is the only job in the world which a man cannot include in
his
CV;
despite years of experience and a number of references.

A child asked her mother 'Mama u Secretary kukutya? Mother asked 'why
do
you ask? Child' Ndive utata exelela umalume ukuba utye u Secretary.


Boikanyo
30 Jul 2008 06:47

A little boy goes to his dad and asks, "What is politics?" Dad says, "Well son, let me try to explain it this way: I'm the head of the family, so call me the Prime Minister. Your mother is the administrator of the money, so call her the Government. We're here to take care of your needs, so we'll call you the people. The maid, we'll consider the working class, and your baby brother, we'll call him the future. Now think about that and see if it makes any sense." So the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what dad has said. Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him. He finds that the baby has severely soiled his diaper. So the little boy goes to his parent's room and finds his mother sound asleep. Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the maid's room. Finding the door locked, he peeks in the keyhole and sees his father in bed with the maid. He gives up and goes back to bed. The next morning the little boy says to his father, "Dad, I think I understand the concept of politics now." The father says, "Good, son, tell me in your own words what you think politics is all about." The little boy replies, "The Prime Minister is screwing the working class while the government is sound asleep. The people are being ignored and the future is in deep $#&@!”

Pooky
30 Jul 2008 06:47

LOL @ church church church ....

Nonny
30 Jul 2008 06:49

"The 20c coin said, "You know, same old stuff, church, church, church*."
ahahahhahaha Eish, man nami I makes sure I never give amacoins echurch, it's so wrong coz we spend so much money on luxury stuff!!!!

what aka mathata
30 Jul 2008 06:49

boikanyo maan.comedian,ha ha ha ha

felfel
30 Jul 2008 06:50

Two naughty boys stole a bag of Oranges from their home
They decided to go to the nearest Cemetery to share the loot They had to
scale a big gate to enter the cemetery
As they were scaling two oranges fell out of the bag and were left
behind at the gate

A heavily drunk man on his way from a local tavern was passing near the
cemetery gate and heard the following:
One for me-One for You (distribution of the loot)
Elami-Elakho
One for me-One for You
He immediately sobered up and ran as fast as he can to the local Priest
" Mfundisi come with me and witness God and Satan are sharing corpses at
the cemetery"
They both ran back to the cemetery gate and the voices continued:
"One for me-One for You" - "Elami-Elakho"
Suddenly the one voice said:
" Lets get the two at the gate "(meaning the oranges that fell!)
One of the pastor's shoes is still at the cemetery!!!

And we are always told not to fear death!!!!!!!!!!!!

Jada Smith
30 Jul 2008 06:51

THATHA JOHNNY

A female teacher, wearing a quite revealing summer dress, was giving an assignment to her 6th grade class one day. It was a large assignment

So she started writing high up on the chalkboard. Suddenly, there was a giggle from one of the boys in the class. She quickly turned and asked, "What's so funny, Pat?"

"I just saw your a$$!"

"Get out of my classroom," she yells, "I don't want to see you for three days!"


The teacher turns back to the chalkboard. Realizing she had forgotten to title the assignment, she reaches to the very top of the chalkboard.?

Suddenly there is an even louder giggle from another male student. She quickly turns and asks, "What's so funny, Billy?"

"I just saw your a$$ and some pubic hair!"

Again, she yells, "Get out of my classroom! This time the punishment is more severe, I don't want to see you for three weeks!"

Embarrassed and frustrated, she drops the eraser when she turns around again. So,she bends over to pick it up. This time there is a burst of laughter from another male student.

She quickly turns to see little Johnny leaving the classroom.



"Where do you think you're going?" she asks.

I'm going to look for a job because from what I just saw, my school days are over!!!!!"






kick-s
30 Jul 2008 06:52

A husband comes home from a church service. As he greets his wife, he lifts her up. Astonished, the wife asks,'Yhu tata, yintoni, did umfundisi preach about being romantic?' No.' replied the husband. He said we must carry our burdens' 

felfel
30 Jul 2008 06:52

-This has to be in SA! Right??)

Telecom : How may we help you?
Customer : I haff a big problem with my phone bill. My wife, she think I haffing an affair!
Telecom : Okay Sir, and how can we help you with this?
Customer : My bill haff all these calls to Salulah and my wife think I haffing an affair with this woman, but I never heard of her before. I need to trace these calls please.
Telecom : Sir, I'm sorry but the bill won't actually tell you the name of the person you're calling, just their number.
Customer : This one does.
Telecom : What phone do you have, Sir?
Customer : A mobile. I tell you this.
Telecom : No, Sir, what make? What do you have in your hands?
Customer : An erection.
........................................... After a moment's silence, the gallant Telecom worker continued.
Telecom : Um, sir? Could you spell that for me?
Customer : For sure - E..R..I..C..S..S..O..N. Erection.
.............................................Another moment's silence from Telecom, and suddenly the penny dropped.
Telecom : Sir? Can you spell Salulah for me?
Customer : For sure. C..E..L..L..U..L..A...R. Salulah.

felfel
30 Jul 2008 06:55

INTATHELI: Baba Shenge kunamahebezi okuthi ungase ushiye ukuba umholi

We IFP. Ngenxa yengcindezi yokuthi awusaphilile kahle ngenxa
kashukela.
Kuyiqiniso kangakanani lokho?

Dr Buthelezi: Ngiyezwa nje amahemuhemu okuthi mangiphume ekubeni
umholi weqembu le IFP ngenxa yabo belu laba abathi nginoshukela. Angazi noma bake bangikhotha yini?

felfel
30 Jul 2008 06:56

An angry mom says to her pregnant daughter:
uthi lesisu yi accident?
U fike wathola ipipi limile wawela phezu kwalo nge kuku?
Uyanya man!!!

felfel
30 Jul 2008 06:58

Two old ladies are outside their nursing home, having a drink and a smoke,
when it starts to rain. One of the old ladies pulls out a condom, cuts off
the end, puts it over her cigarette, and continues smoking.

Maude: What in the hell is that?

Mabel: A condom. This way my cigarette doesn't get wet.

Maude: Where did you get it?

Mabel! : You can get them at any drugstore.

The next day, Maude hobbles herself into the local drugstore and announces
to the pharmacist that she wants a box of condoms.

The pharmacist, obviously embarrassed, looks at her kind of strangely (she
is after all, over 80 years of age), but very delicately asks what brand
of condom she prefers.

"Doesn't matter Sonny, as long as it fits on a Camel."

The pharmacist fainted.

carino
30 Jul 2008 06:58

There used to be a man called. Odd
When he was growing up, other boys used to tease him about his rather unusual name.
When he was a teenager, girls would tease him for his clearly uncommon name. So when he was an old man, he made his wife and kids promise they would not write his name on his tombstone.. coz he definitely didn’t want to be taunted him in heaven as well.
So his Tombstone read: “Here lies a father and husband, In Loving Memory, Mother and Kids. RIP.”

But for years after his death, people would walk in the graveyard, casually reading names on every tombstone, and they’d stop by Odd’s grave and say “Oh, that’s odd…” 

what aka mathata
30 Jul 2008 07:00

The was this men he was a single parent,so his daughter used to be in trouble,that time she was in jail,so  dad went to bail her.

this father the way he was angry ,he endup saying to the cops im tired with this girl,i dont know those boys always coming to my house what they are doing to her,if i was those boys i will *$#@*& her to hell

felfel
30 Jul 2008 07:01

Superman
Superman was feeling bored after a long day of crime fighting and wanted to go out and party, so he called Batman to ask if he wanted to go to a club and pick up some girls. Batman said Robin was ill and he had to look after him.
A little disappointed, Superman called Spiderman to see if he fancied a few beers. Spiderman told him he had a date with Catwoman.
As a last resort, Superman flew over to Wonderwoman's apartment to see if she was free. As he landed on her balcony, he saw Wonderwoman naked on the bed with her legs open. Superman thought to himself: "I'm faster than a speeding bullet. I could be in there, have sex, and be out again before she knew what was happening". So Superman did his Super Thing in a split-second and flew off happily. Meanwhile on the bed, Wonderwoman said: "Did you hear something? " No" said the InvisibleMan (on top of Wonderwoman), "but my a$$ hurts like hell!!"

mstick
30 Jul 2008 07:04

@Jada....I'm going to look for a job because from what I just saw, my school days are over!!!!!" .........tl tl tl tl tl ........i luv little Johnny

Jada Smith
30 Jul 2008 07:05

A blonde, wanting to earn some extra money decided to hire herself out as a

handywoman and started canvassing the neighborhoods.



She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had

any odd jobs for her to do.



"Well, I guess I could use somebody to paint my porch," he said.

"How much will you charge me?"



The blonde quickly responded, "How about $50?"



The man agreed and told her that the paint and everything she would need

Was in the garage.



The man's wife, hearing the conversation, said to her husband, "Does

She realize that our porch goes all the way around the house?"



A short time later, the blonde handywoman came to the door to collect her

money. "You finished already?" the husband asked



"Yes," the blonde replied, "and I had paint leftover, so I gave it two

coats - no extra charge."



Impressed, the man reached into his pocket for the $50 and handed it to

her.



"And by the way," the blonde added ... "it's not a Porch -- it's an Audi."



OUCH!

felfel
30 Jul 2008 07:06

Bus stops and 2 Italian men get on. They sit down and engage in an
animated conversation. The lady sitting next to them ignores them at
first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of them say
the following:

"Emma come first. Den I come. Den two asses come together. I come
once-a-more. Two asses, they come together again. I come again and pee
twice. Then I come one lasta time."
" You foul-mouthed sex obsessed swine," retorted the lady indignantly.
"In this country.......we don't speak aloud in public places about our
sex lives........" "Hey, coola down lady," said the man.
"Who talkin' abouta sex? I'm a justa tellin' my frienda how to spell '
Mississippi '."


I BET YOU GONNA READ THIS AGAIN!!!!!


felfel
30 Jul 2008 07:08

A black guy and his wife are invited to a fancy dress party. He tells
his wife to go and look for the costumes.
That night, when he gets back from work, he finds on the bed a SUPERMAN
costume. Shouting, he says to his wife: "What the f*# is this? When have
you ever seen a black SUPERMAN ?"

The wife is upset and goes back to the shop to exchange it. When the
husband arrives, on the bed he sees a BATMAN costume and he shouts: "You
are f*#ing mad woman. When have you seen a black BATMAN? Go and change
it for something better."
The wife is now very annoyed, she returns the costume and buys various
things. On the bed she places 3 white buttons, a white belt and a wooden
pole.
When the husband returns and finds the objects on the bed, he says to
his wife: "What's this ?"
The wife responds: "It's so that you can choose your costume: If you
take off your clothes and stick the buttons to your body you can go as a
Domino, If you don't like that you can wear the white belt and go as an
Oreo biscuit, If you're still not happy, you can stick the pole up your
a$$ and go as a MAGNUM !"

Franco
30 Jul 2008 07:11

felfel
30 Jul 2008 07:11

Themba: was eating popcorns in the movies.

Lerato: says: "Are you not going to offer me any?"

Themba: says: "Offer Offer se foot! You are sitting with a panty full of
cake & you don't OFFER me any!" Are you mad?!

Nonny
30 Jul 2008 07:15

Themba: says: "Offer Offer se foot! You are sitting with a panty full of
cake & you don't OFFER me any!" Are you mad?!
 
@ Felfel - LMAO this one is too good!!!!

Franco
30 Jul 2008 07:26

This one day in Durban uMabheleni inkinsela yase durban ilunywa imali,
during  one of his expensive parties, he just said
 " anyone who can enter this pool from this one side and come out on the other side, i will give him a million"
yoooo, everyone was shocked by  this announcement,,,

the pool had old ,big crockodiles just chilling in,,,looking hungry..
Just as the men were still shocked " bhuuu,,,,hlwaaaa hlwaaaaa, bhu bhu bhubhu!!!!!!!"
it's Mkhize from Emlazi inside and he's inside doing his thing,,suprisingly the crockodiles just made a way for him until he came out on the other side of the big pool.......

wow!!!!!!.....bonk'abantu were shocked at Mkhize's bravery, even that the crockodiles were even scared of him as well,,,,,,
Here comes Mabheleni towards Mkhize with a cheque on his hand to hand over to Mkhize ,,,,
Mabheleni : Do you want it in two halves or a single cheque babu Mkhize?"

Mkhize : ANGIFUNE MALI YAKHO MINA , NGIFUNA LENJA ENGIPHUSHILE" ........

Pooky
30 Jul 2008 07:29

18SL....sorry guys but i had 2 tell it
A cucumber, a pickle and a penis were talking about life!
The cucumber said, 'when I get big and hard, they chop me up and toss me in
a salad!'
The pickle says, 'you got it easy mate! When I get big and hard, they chop
me up and drown me in vinegar!'
The penis says, 'lads, that's nothing compared to what I go through when I
get big and hard! They put a plastic bag over my head, shove me into a
small, warm, damp cave and bang my head against a wall until I throw up and
faint!'

thinLine
30 Jul 2008 07:38

Nonny
30 Jul 2008 07:41

Xhosa Funerals - Ziinto zabo ke ezo!!!!!!

Xolile's nephew passed away, on the day of the funeral he makes the following speech:

"Mawethu, size apha namhlanje ukuzongcwaba umtshana'm, uCharles, obeligqwetha. (LAWYER)
Uzalwa ngumfo wakuthi ongugqirha (doctor), umama wakhe uyi-CEO, izalamani(siblings) zakokwabo azikho zonke namhlanje ngoba ziphesheya kwezilwandle on a mission.

On Monday, I got a call on my Nokia E65, le inekhamera, niyazibona mos, yah, bandixelela ukuba, noh umtshana'm ufumene i-accident. Xa ndijonga i-Rolex yam, ndafumanisa ukuba man!- its still early, about 6H00 ekuseni.

Then I called my wife, because ebehambe ngeCompressor eye e-Monti the previous day. Unfortunately she was still in East London so ebengekavi nto. Since there was no flight available sathatha i-Jaguar, ukuyobona ukuba kwenzeke ntoni. Xa sifika, safumanisa ukuba noh, iJeep yomtshana iwile, wasweleka ngoko nangoko.

And so we started the funeral arrangements.

Sisokole ukufumana icoffin.I made a lot of calls, but to no avail. Besifuna I coffin ya at least R100 000. I was about to give up,saying I'll just postpone the funeral. Then I got a call from Germany , this guy said he's got a coffin for me for just R150 000, free delivery. I was so relieved.

Anyway, sizokwenza so, those of you abangena transport, ii-i-Veco zam ezi-eleven zi available. Xa sibuya emangcwabeni, kukhona i-set up yee tables, just allocate yourselves a seat. Nizakufumana ii-menu, eat and drink as much as you like.

And xa nihamba good people, those of you that come from Mafikeng nase JHB, you'll see just xa ningena kwi highway, kukhona ii-filling stations ezi about four, ningagcwalisa your tanks there.

Nina abavela eDurban, you'll see xa ningena ku N3, kukhona i-Shell garage,do likewise. Those of you abangena transport, ii-iVeco zam zizakunigodusa.

I thank you !

Pooky
30 Jul 2008 07:45

One day I met a sweet gentleman and fell in love. When it became apparent that we would marry, I made the supreme sacrifice and gave up beans. 

(i know its kinda old, but its still funny though)

Some months later, on my birthday, my car broke down on the way home from work. Since I lived in the countryside I called my husband and told him that I would be late because I had to walk home. On my way, I passed by a small diner and the odor of baked beans was more than I could stand. With miles to walk, I figured that I would walk off any ill effects by the time I reached home, so I stopped at the diner and before I knew it, I had consumed three large orders of baked beans. All the way home, I made sure that I released ALL the gas.

Upon my arrival, my husband seemed excited to see me and exclaimed delightedly: "Darling I have a surprise for dinner tonight!"

He then blindfolded me and led me to my chair at the dinner table. I took a seat and just as he was about to remove my blindfold, the telephone rang. He made me promise not to touch the blindfold until he returned and went
to answer the call.

The baked beans I had consumed were still affecting me and the pressure was becoming most unbearable, so while my husband was out of the room I seized the opportunity, shifted my weight to one leg and let one go. It was not only loud, but it smelled like a fertilizer truck running over a skunk in front of a pulpwood mill. I took my napkin from my lap and fanned the air around me vigorously.

Then, shifting to the other cheek, I ripped off three more. The stink was worse than cooked cabbage!!!

Keeping my ears carefully tuned to the conversation in the other room, I went on like this for another few minutes.
The pleasure was indescribable. When eventually the telephone farewells signaled the end of my freedom, I quickly fanned the air a few more times with my napkin, placed it on my lap and folded my hands back on it feeling very relieved and pleased with myself.

My face must have been the picture of innocence when my husband returned, apologizing for taking so long. He asked me if I had peeked through the blindfold, and I assured him I had not.

At this point, he removed the blindfold, and twelve dinner guests seated around the table chorused: "Happy Birthday!"

I fainted!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

u4me
30 Jul 2008 07:58

1. Sex is like ur salary..
U don't disclose what u get but U always think that others get more than U...!!!

2. The human brain is most outstanding thing.......it functions 24hrs 365 days.....it functions right from the time u r Born ....until you fall in love

3. Man comes home, finds neigbour on top of wife. He rushes out screaming, ' what to do? ' If i hit him on head, it's murder. If i hit him on butt it goes in further!

njingalwazi
30 Jul 2008 08:06

Mayandie, unguMamtshonyane kanti?

Vesa
30 Jul 2008 08:10

@ Nonny.....

U ya bona ma ime la ku F, kusho ukuthi FINISH and ma i la ku E, kusho ukuthi 
ENOUGH, So thela!

The magogo had no teeth at all, so she put toilet paper and said: "Nazoke mfana wami, I also have amazinyo, so awungenza"......LOL 

The Zulu responds: "I style samasimba......UYAHLANYA! NGIKUFUNA KATHATHU OTSHANINI!!" (I want it three times on the grass)
where do u get these funny jokes!!! ROTFLMFAO........

Nonny
30 Jul 2008 08:17

"where do u get these funny jokes!!! ROTFLMFAO........"
@ Vesa, I get them from chain mails and lokshin boys u know the ones that sit on street corners called: "ophansi komthunzi welanga"........well they tell good jokes.

andi01
30 Jul 2008 08:18

Xhosa chick was one day raped and she went to the police to report the case…
A few weeks later she met with the guy who raped her at a Taxi and this is all she could say…

"Uyafunwa wena, utsho ngent'wemnandi nje… " 

i cant get over this one, classic. ha ha ha ha aha ha ha ha aha

ayzo neh
30 Jul 2008 08:19

A prostitute was davaz'n with a chinese man.... the lady was enjoy'n the chinese ride. when the guy was get'n more hotter umarhosha wathi  uhuuh! uh! "WATSHOKHONA"  in chinese language "wat cha kon" means "wrong hole".. ha lafa ngumsindo ichina lagibisela uma rhosha ngemali labeselithi "chou chawe" meaning "ur ass is not bad"

molibelis
30 Jul 2008 08:23

Penis said to ball, i will take party with me today,balls replied: U Big Fucking liar, u always get inside and leave us outside.

Cande
30 Jul 2008 08:30

Good night around the world

HOLLAND: Goeden nagt

AUSTRALIE: Night Mate

USA: Goodnite

DUITSLAND: Sl?fin si w?l

SOUTH AFRICA:

Are the doors locked, are the windows closed?

is the alarm activated?

Is the revolver under the pillow ??

Did you pull in the car and activate the alarm?

Are the Rotweilers on their post?

Sleep tight, don't worry, Eskom will switch off the lights!

u4me
30 Jul 2008 08:34

The husband leans over and asks his wife, 'Do you remember the first time we had sex together over fifty years ago? We went behind the village tavern where you leaned against the back fence and I made love to you.'

Yes, she says, 'I remember it well.'

OK,' he says, 'How about taking a stroll around there again and we can do it for old time's sake?'

Oh Jim, you old devil, that sounds like a crazy, but good idea!'

A police officer sitting in the next booth heard their conversation and, having a chuckle to himself, he thinks to himself, I've got to see these two old-timers having sex against a fence. I'll just keep an eye on them so there's no trouble. So he follows them.

The elderly couple walks haltingly along, leaning on each other for support aided by walking sticks. Finally, they get to the back of the tavern and make their way to the fence. The old lady lifts her skirt and the old man drops his trousers. As she leans against the fence, the old man moves in.. Then suddenly they erupt into the most furious sex that the policeman has ever seen. This goes on for about ten minutes while both are making loud noises and moaning and screaming. Finally, they both collapse, panting on the ground.

The policeman is amazed. He thinks he has learned something about life and old age that he didn't know.

After about half an hour of lying on the ground recovering, the old couple struggle to their feet and put their clothes back on. The policeman, is still watching and thinks to himself, this is truly amazing, I've got to ask them what their secret is.

So, as the couple passes, he says to them,' Excuse me, but that was something else. You must've had a fantastic sex life together. Is there some sort of secret to this?'

Shaking, the old man is barely able to reply,


'Fifty years ago that wasn't an electric fence.'



Nonny
30 Jul 2008 08:35

LMAO @ SA, eish Cande, this "Are the doors locked, are the windows closed? " reminds me of what goodnyt means to me. Eish, crime is hectic lana fo sho!!!!!

myname
30 Jul 2008 08:40

Sorry if i duplicate it.............LOL 2 all of u. Guys nisile & wenaPooky ndise dessert sana kuyafiwa luv..................Mandela is enjoying a hearty breakfast - bacon, eggs, coffee, Croissants, toast, butter, jam, etc. when Bush, chewing gum, sits next To him and starts a conversation: Bush: "You South Africans eat the whole bread?" Mandela: "Of course." Bush (blowing bubble with his gum): "We don't. In the States, we only Eat what's inside. The crusts we collect in a container, recycle, Re-bake them into croissants and sell them to South Africa." Mandela: "Oh Really?" Bush: "Do you eat jam with the bread?" Mandela: "Of course." Bush (chuckling and crackling his gum between his teeth): "We don't. In The States we eat fresh fruit for breakfast, put all the peels, seeds And leftovers into containers recycle them into jam and sell it to South Africa." Mandela: "Do you have sex in America?" Bush: "Of course we do." Mandela: "And what do you do with the condoms?" Bush: "Throw them away of course." Mandela: "We don't. We pack them into containers, recycle them, and melt Them down into chewing gum and sell it to America."

Pooky
30 Jul 2008 08:41

LOL @ u4me

Molilo
30 Jul 2008 08:42

A man, after making love to his girlfriend got up and dressed, and the

Woman said "Aowa Ga ka rota"

- The man replied- "fotsek" o tla rota ko heno.





u4me
30 Jul 2008 08:42

Liar:
A man is dying of Cancer.
His son asked him, "Dad, why do u keep telling people u're dying of AIDS?"
Answer: "So when I'm dead no one will dare touch ur mom!"

Three Feelings:
What's the difference between stress, tension and panic?
Stress is when wife is pregnant.
Tension is when girlfriend is pregnant.
Panic is when both are pregnant.

Chinese Adam & Eve:
If Adam and Eve were Chinese, we would still be in paradise
because they would have ignored the apple and eaten the snake !





Nonny
30 Jul 2008 08:44

Mandela: "We don't. We pack them into containers, recycle them, and melt Them down into chewing gum and sell it to America."
That's why Mandela is loved so much, shem ikhehla line sense of humour yazi........LOL

Nonny
30 Jul 2008 08:46

Chinese Adam & Eve:
If Adam and Eve were Chinese, we would still be in paradise
because they would have ignored the apple and eaten the snake !
 
@ u4me - hahahahahah this is too good!!!! ROTF

Nonny
30 Jul 2008 08:47

Always tell the truth

One day an eight year old boy heard his friends swearing at each other

'nawe lenja le! futhi masende akho' then after school the boy went
home and asked his father 'Dad yini amasende' Dad replied 'OK Boy it
is nothing but the arms'

The boy was satisfied - The following day the father came from work
and he forgot to bring his boy some sweets so the boy was cross with
his father and he said to his Mum 'Mummy uyabona ubaba namuhla uza nje
ulengise amasende akangiphathele lutho' 

Molilo
30 Jul 2008 08:47

A man was being chased by a lion in the jungle.
As he gets tired and feels he can't run anymore he stands still and pray

"GOD WOULD YOU PLEASE MAKE THIS LION A CHRISTIAN PLEASE"
As requested God made the lion a Christian. As it reaches him the lion
Kneels down and pray

"THANK YOU LORD FOR PROVIDING THIS MEAL. BLESS AS WE EAT ,IN JESUS’ NAME. AMEN"


FOR THE CHRISTIAN, PRAYER IS A CHALLENGE. PLEASE AS YOU PRAY BE SPECIFIC
ON EXACTLY WHAT IT IS THAT YOU WANT.

So when you ask God to make you a millionaire don't forget to specify
the currency because you may become a millionaire in

Zim dollars

Hlehle
30 Jul 2008 08:55

Nonny yini nindiqeda kangaka noFelfel while knowing that ndiyantshontsha now i was almost caught. Hayi manje i have to bounce.

u4me
30 Jul 2008 08:59

CAN SOMEONE CLARIFY??


1. When dog food is said to be "Now with New and Improved Taste", who

Tastes it?

2. If the "black box" flight recorder is never damaged during a plane

crash, why isn't the whole airplane made out of that stuff?

3. Why do people say, "You've been working like a dog" when dogs just

Sit around all day?

4. Why some adverts keep saying there is "free gift"? Are gifts ever

Sold?

5. Can you get cornered in a round room?

6. If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from

Vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?

7. Why is it called a "building" when it is already built?

8. Why is it called a TV set when it is only one unit?

9. Why do most cars have speedometers that go beyond 120km/h when you

Legally can't go that fast on any SA road?

10. If drinking and driving is not allowed why the hell do they have car

Parking outside a bar?




Nonny
30 Jul 2008 09:03

"Nonny yini nindiqeda kangaka noFelfel while knowing that ndiyantshontsha now i was almost caught. Hayi manje i have to bounce."
Sorry Hlehle gal, anyway, on that note, nami I'm outta here, so I'll cyber see u guys 2moro, cheerio!!!!

Molilo
30 Jul 2008 09:04

OK KIDS TELL ME...

NGWANA WA KGOMO KE ENG?

THE WHOLE CLASS RAISED THEIR HANDS AND SHOUTED MAM , MAM

OK JOHN TELL US THE ANSWER

JOHN ANSWERED LOUDLY> NGWANA WA KGOMO KE KGOMOTSO

TEACHER ASHAMED AND ASKED ANOTHER QUESTION

NGWANA WA PERE KE ENG?

PAUL ANSWERED PROUDLY >NGWANA WA PERE KE PEREKISI

THE INSPECTOR COULD NOT BELIEVE AND LEFT THE SCHOOL IMMEDIATELY .

what aka mathata
30 Jul 2008 09:12

@molilo.you killed me with ,fotsek o tla rota kogeno ,i just picture the dude says those words.

VANDAG TVSA ROCKS THE WORLD
@BS,CAN YOU TELL YOUR BOSS WE WANT OUR OWN TV CHANEL PLS,SABC YA BORA ,TVSA KE BOSS

mstick
30 Jul 2008 09:24

A little boy walks into his parents' room to see his mom on top of his
dad bouncing up and down. The mom sees her son and quickly dismounts,
worried about what her son has seen.

She dresses quickly and goes to find him.
The son sees his mom and asks, 'What were you and Dad doing?'

The mother replies, 'Well, you know your dad has a big tummy and
sometimes I have to get on top of it and help flatten it.'
'Your wasting your time,' said the boy.
'Why is that?' the mom asked puzzled.
'Well when you go shopping the lady next door comes over and gets on her
knees and blows it right back up.

andi01
30 Jul 2008 09:46

What ladies say after umdavazo with a guy with small totolozi

English

Babes that was fantastic, I love you

Afrikaans

Dit was lekker my skat, jou dinge is bitjie klein, maar dit maak nie sak nie, more ons moet a Viagra kry, neh my moutjie

Zulu

Usuqedile, hay cha lezasalukazi mazingihlola ngeze zisole, ngishuksola ukuthi, hay cha kukhona obeke wahamba lana.

Xhosa

Yhuu hay uyamtya umntu sana, loonto ayikho nalento yakho, ube undonwaya mna, iphi khona ipenti yam, khe ndinxibe ndishiye lo nqompi nqompi wakho, yhuu ha-a undimoshela ixesha.

belz
30 Jul 2008 09:52