The good news is that for the first time ever, there is an all-girl team in the final three of The Amazing Race?
The bad news? Just read on…
The last episode saw the BQs avoid elimination but they started the episode in a precarious position – marked for elimination. I’ve really liked this new twist until now. I think it’s terribly harsh at this point in the game that a team could get screwed out of the final three because of that thirty minute penalty.
Mind you, I would probably be all for it if it were the Lyns burdened with a thirty minute penalty in this leg, so I’m not exactly an objective observer here.
The other teams, although disappointed with the BQs’ bacon-saving, were as obsessed with them as ever. They were hoping, praying and wishing that the thirty minute penalty would kill them off once and for all.
Yes, for the other teams, the BQs were just like all horror movie villains ever and simply refused to die. Metaphorically, of course, although I wouldn’t be surprised to see Karlyn going after them with a shotgun eventually.
So, as the teams set off for Casablanca, the spectre of the BQs lingered at the backs of their minds. Would the BQs use their sinister powers to somehow come up from behind and pass all the teams without being seen?
They would indeed. The Zoolanders were the first to arrive at the Roadblock but they were closely followed by those devilish BQs, who had used their succubus-like charms to seduce a local into coming with them as a guide.
The Roadblock was yet another eating challenge. The Roadblockers had to get their Jamie Oliver on – nudity optional – and prepare some camel meat for the eating. Camel meat? Gah. It’s better than fish eyeballs or cow lips garnished with teeth, but I can only think of those racing camels back in Kuwait. What would they think of their Moroccan brothers ending up as braaivleis?
Coming up on Special Assignment: an in-depth look into McDonalds' kitchen practicesJames, who was revealed back in Madagascar to be a meat-eating machine, took on the task for his team while Kandice chose to do it for her team on account of her giant gnashers being more efficient for chewing.
Camel meat: good for the MunchiesCamel kebabs are fine dining compared to cow lips so the two of them finished relatively quickly. “Awesome possum,” Dustin exclaimed as the cooking-demonstration-you-will-not-be-seeing-on-Nigella-Lawson-any-time-soon was underway. Hush, Dustin, don’t give the producers ideas. The last thing I want to see next season is a roadkill eating challenge with a bunch of possum heads grinning at me.
A possum. Not to be confused with Kimberly on one of her shoutier episodesThe BQs were just leaving as the other two teams arrived, leading them to wonder how the Blondes had passed them. They totally CHEATED, guys! They bribed Phil to show them a tunnel through the Atlas mountains. They’re staying alive! Just like the Bee Gees! Only they’re the Bee Queues!
Rob gave a primal roar of frustration which led to Kimberly state, “Rob has a little bit of an anger management problem”. You don’t say, Kim. Perhaps you can also share with us the colour of the sky or the religion of the Pope. Despite her previous difficulties in eating cow lips, Kimberly chose to do the eating Roadblock, perhaps hoping she’d get to chew on some delicious horse.
Oh come ON, Kimberly! This one doesn't even come with teeth!Lyn took on the Roadblock for her team and Karlyn took this as an opportunity to nag her incessantly, like some sort of even-more-annoying Peter clone. Her supportive comments went along the lines of “Eat faster” and “I can’t believe how much you suck at this”. Strangely, Lyn did not get the encouragement she needed from this and told Karlyn to shut her mouth. Twelve episodes too late but I’ll take it. Karlyn did not take the wise advice of her friend and kept bitching. Somehow she did not end up with a kebab skewer through her mouth.
The BQs were celebrating their surge ahead. “We’re totally in this game,” they said happily. Er, not so much, considering the next clue was in Barcelona and airports are Bunching Central.
Still, leave it to the BQs to squeeze out any advantage they can. At the airport, they asked the Zoolanders whether they would allow them the courtesy of stepping first onto the mat should they both be in a footrace for first place.
The Zoolanders had to use all their acting skills not to laugh in their faces at this ridiculous request. Come on, did the BQs really expect the Zoolanders to promise they’d step aside for the BQs? About as much chance of that happening as the Lyns putting the BQs on their Christmas card list.
All four teams ended up on the same flight to Barcelona so you can chalk that Roadblock up as a complete waste. Poor camel died in vain. As if this wasn’t enough bunching, there was an hours-of-operation sign outside the first Barcelonan Route Marker.
The teams were all forced to wait until the morning for the maze in which their next clue was located to open. The Blondes got the bright idea of calling a cab to wait for them outside, telling a bystander it was “way necessita” to get a cab and to have it pick up the “Rubias” only. I suppose it’s better than “Please-o hail-o el taxi for las blondinas” but El Espanol BQ still cracks me up.
Into the maze the teams all went and learned all about their upcoming Detour. The first task involved putting on giant costumes and wandering through the streets in them until they found a fellow giantess with their clue. The second, and even more amusing task, saw the teams searching through a pile of tomatoes for one with a clue inside, all the while being pummeled by tomato-slingers.
To my delight, Rob/Kimberly and the Lyns both chose to do the tomato option while the Zoolanders and BQs chose the more physical giant big head option. Rob and Kim were the first to get to the tomato-pelting and the Barcelonans immediately set to pelting them with old tomatoes, glee written all over their faces.
Happy happy joy joy!!
I like to fool myself into thinking I have a witty and sophisticated sense of humour but all it takes is a bunch of people throwing tomatoes at irritating people like Rob and Kimberly and I’m rolling on the floor. Kimberly freaked out and threatened to quit. I laughed even more. Rob and Kimberly threw tomatoes at the crowd in between searching for the Clue Tomato. I LOL-ed, ROFL-ed and acronymed away.
This couldn't be more enjoyable if a broken ox was involved!
In the end, Rob managed to convince Kimberly not to quit and they somehow found the Clue Tomato fairly quickly. But the fun was not over because as soon as Rob and Kimberly left, the Lyns arrived for their pummeling.
Hey, TAR producers? If you ever want to do something like this next season and need a few good arms, give me a call, OK? I have very good vegetable-throwing skills.
Surprisingly, the luck Detour option turned out to be the faster one for both teams. Both Tomato-Terrorised Teams were finished and on the way to the Pit Stop before the Zoolanders and the BQs had managed to find their giantess. You’d think an eight foot tall woman made of wood would be easy to spot.
Eep, it's like a porn film directed by Salvador Dali
The Zoolanders may have been distracted by being able to see up their giants’ skirts but what’s the BQ’s excuse? They should be able to walk easily with heavy things balanced on their heads. That’s Pageant 101, isn’t it? Both teams found the giantess with the clue at the same time and a Thrilling Race to the Finish took place.
Alright, not so much with the thrilling. See, Rob and Kimberly had already claimed first place so the BQs were assured that thirty minute penalty. Barring a miracle in which the Lyns accidentally drove into a fountain or the Zoolanders were trampled by a Pamplonan bull run which had gotten horribly lost, it was pretty obvious that the BQs were not going to be arriving thirty minutes before anyone.
And they didn’t. The thirty minute penalty turned out not to come into play because the BQs were the last to arrive at the Pit Stop. This time, Phil eliminated them for real. No horror movie resurrection for them? Damn.
In their final interview, they hoped that they had managed to break a few stereotypes about pageant girls. Not the ones about pageant girls being hyper-competitive bitches, if the other teams have anything to say about it, but certainly the ones about pageant girls being too concerned with their hair and makeup to do anything challenging.
So ends the tale of the BQs, the most kickass female team ever to run the race. I’m happy to see a female team make the finals, even if it is the Lyns. I would have been ever happier to see two female teams make the finals and happiest to see the BQs cross the finish line first, but sometimes you get the tiara and sometimes the tiara gets you.
Next week: According to Phil, the fiercest race to the finish line we have ever seen. Sigh. I am afraid that without the BQs, the fierceness factor will be significantly lowered. Maybe they can bring Tyra Banks in to substitute for Phil.