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The Breakup or lack of it thereof.....

Written by tizoz from the blog Relationships on 11 Jun 2008
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Ask me why I chose to write this article in red colour? The answer is I dont know!

Anyway Question 1: When does one call it quits?

I have been involved with this person for about five years now. 90 percent of it as a friend than a lover. Strange isn't it. Let me break it down. We 15 few years ago and hit it off. at that stage she was still young and trying to deal with issues.

We hit it off and broke up quite a number of times. I left town and he was still at the top of my contact list. We opted for a long distance of which half the time doesnt work because of trust issuez.

Since then there have been lots of issuez to the point that I want to quit but I just cant.... What must one do in this situation?

Question 2: How do you handle one way love.

When you are in a relationship with a person for how long can you pretend not to be hurt that they dont return your love? You give it your all but the other party is reserved?? How does one deal with that?

Question 3: How to avoid hurting the one you love?

My biggest weakness, I have done it several times it might seem like no big deal but after a while you realise the pain and agony you have caused the other party. I am the kind of person who gets pissed off and I cant hide it I just talk without thinking and half the time I dig my own grave when I realise I was just over reacting and the other party is already hurt. What do I do so that I dont continue hurting the same person that I call my lover?

Bloggers I know my article might not make sense but the key things that I need you to focus on is the 3 questions I raised.

41 Comments

Mathaz
12 Jun 2008 03:14

When does one call it quits?

When the only thing that you feel is pain.

How do you handle one way love.

I believe that for a relationship to work, both parties should put effort in it. Love is a two way street.

How to avoid hurting the one you love?

Being considerate of your patner's feelings, especially when it comes to things they do not like about yourself.

Nonny
12 Jun 2008 03:23

Hectic stuff hey Tizoz, let me put on my thinking cap.......ngiyabuya!!!!

Renegade
12 Jun 2008 03:23

When does one call it quits?

When you are no longer happy in a relationship, and nothing either of you do changes the situation.

How do you handle one way love.

One way love means that is not a relationship. A relationship requires the love to be requited, otherwise, it's just not a relationship
How to avoid hurting the one you love?

I don't know if it's wise to AVOID hurting the one you love. If the truth will hurt them, then like Leona Lewis says, "It will all get better in time". But it is possible to avoid getting into situations where you know you are going to hurt someone, I dont know if I"m making sense.

carino
12 Jun 2008 03:25

Question 3: How to avoid hurting the one you love?

I thought t he love was one-way...

If he doesnt love you, he'll be more relieved than hurt, dont you think??

carino
12 Jun 2008 03:25

Question 3: How to avoid hurting the one you love?

I thought t he love was one-way...

If he doesnt love you, he'll be more relieved than hurt, dont you think??

carino
12 Jun 2008 03:25

Question 3: How to avoid hurting the one you love?

I thought t he love was one-way...

If he doesnt love you, he'll be more relieved than hurt, dont you think??

Bra Bizza
12 Jun 2008 03:29

hectic my bra....so i'm not sinkin by myself in this boat...will come back later for replies

Shadow
12 Jun 2008 03:33

at that stage she was still young and trying to deal with issues.
I left town and he was still at the top of my contact list.

Hmmm Tizoz...Is your lover a he or a she...i'm confused, by the above statements.
I'm not good at advising, so i'll leave it to ma fellow bloggers.

Nonny
12 Jun 2008 03:33

When does one call it quits?
I believe that one should call it quits when the pain outweighs the pleasure, being in a relationship is really not worth it if you are unhappy. Five years is nothing, nami I was once in a five year relationship and I left *I sometimes have to pinch myself to really believe that I am not dreaming*, so my advice to u is don't dwell on the years coz sometimes we make the mistake of staying in an unhpappy situation just becoz it's been many years, which is wrong.

How do you handle one way love.
There is no reason to even figure out how to handle it. u just gotta leave. Becoz nomatter what u do U CAN'T MAKE A PERSON LOVE IT, it really has to come from within.

How to avoid hurting the one you love?
U seem like a person that's hurtful through words. So I'd say don't say anything to a person while u are still in the moment of anger. Calm down then u can rasie r point in a manner than is honest yet not too hurtful. If all else fails, apologise, it might seem cliché but beleve u me: "I'M SORRY" can be very effecive, when it comes from the heart and u really mean it.

mabhebheza
12 Jun 2008 03:34

Great article ....Tizoz my slavitha!
When do u call it quits?
When u have no feeling whatsoever 4dat person ...if u wake up @nite & ask ur self y is this bullfrog lying next 2me ..nje eintlek when u have tried ur all 2make it work but u feel stil uyashoda nge sumthing...

One way luv?
eish....still thinkin

Avoid hurting
Angazi lapho ..becoz mina im staright 4ward i call a spade a spade..so if u get hurt ..isono ngawe...uzoqina!!..lol

Nonny
12 Jun 2008 03:43

LMAO @ uMabhebheza, uqinisa abantu nge three hey?...........LOL

carino
12 Jun 2008 03:59

Yho, Nonnz, your reply is quite deep, hey.. I feel like you are talking to me.

if u get hurt ..isono ngawe...uzoqina!!..lol
LMAO @ mabhebheza calling a spade a spade.

Shadow nami i was confused a bit...more so when i saw bra bizza's reply..

tha - bang
12 Jun 2008 04:00

my aunt told me that it is very important tfor the man to truely love the woman, than the woman to love the man. cause ladies heart can be won over with time but true love from a man keeps him in check.so if its one way and only from your direction as a lady.i say drop him.its not worth it

Fluffy Head
12 Jun 2008 04:01

I love the pics, classic...Where did you source them from.

andi01
12 Jun 2008 04:09

When does one call it quits?
When you are in a relationship, and feel that the word "breakup" comes through ur mind a lot, then wake up and do something. When the end is hear we know it but sometimes we choose to be indenial thinking it cant end, not after 5 years, if you dont end it now, you have other 5 years of pain, suffering and confussion. You have wasted enough time on this "single no return" kinda love, you dont want to waste more.

U cant make a person love you if they dont. My advise why do u care about someone's feelings who doesnt give a damn about urs. Do you love yourself enough, if you do you know the answer to this.

How to avoid hurting the one you love?
if she doesnt love you, how is she gonna be hurt. i think you just dont wanna end things hear bcoz u still love her, you are more concerned about ur feelings than hers, cos u made it clear that she doenst love you. Do urself a favour and get out

andi01
12 Jun 2008 04:14

How do you handle one way love
this is very hurtful joe, if a person doenst love you they dont. U will spent time, tears, and money trying to show them you love them, it wont work, they 'll just throw it back at ur face. U will change urself for them to accept you, u will break some of ur principles for them at the end of the day they will leave you and you'll be hurt. Loving some1 that doesnt love u back is teh worst punishment u can give urself. Its liek they dig holes inside their heart, and u spend time trying to fill those holes, the more u try the deeper the whole gets. Please joe if u know whats good for you get out. I have been there done that, i just feel bad when someone thinks in time people will change, they DO NOT. GET OUT NOW.

Renegade
12 Jun 2008 04:18

Someone anonnymus once said: "Change is what happens when the pain of holding on becomes greater than the fear of letting go."

Food for thought

mabhebheza
12 Jun 2008 04:24

I luv the pics 2 Fluffy....2classic..especially the last one "Just been Dumped"
it reminds me of my old Nokia 3310 phone back in my high school days when i deleted a boy's number it displayed that icon of a rubish bin shaking...."deleted"

Ive been dumped at 6h00 am ...thats where i learnt 2qina mzalwane....*sniff sniff*

carino
12 Jun 2008 04:26

Im sorry to interrupt, but....

Have the etv people forgotten about the countdown they set on top here... I mean, its now a countup... Its been ten days....

Nonny
12 Jun 2008 04:36

"Have the etv people forgotten about the countdown they set on top here... I mean, its now a countup... Its been ten days...."
@ Carino - They can't have forgotten, coz it's adveertsising and surely they are paying for it!!!!

"Yho, Nonnz, your reply is quite deep, hey.. I feel like you are talking to me."
@ Carino, perhaps I am speaking to u as well.

"my aunt told me that it is very important tfor the man to truely love the woman, than the woman to love the man. cause ladies heart can be won over with time but true love from a man keeps him in check.so if its one way and only from your direction as a lady.i say drop him.its not worth it"
I agree with ur aunt Tha - bang!!!!

belz
12 Jun 2008 04:37

yho tizoz, i'm going through something like this, thx for the topic, im looking forward to replies.

if u wake up @nite & ask ur self y is this bullfrog lying next 2me> LOL mabhebheza, what if the question you have is" God why is this poor soul so in love with me and mina angisafeel(i) nix!!!

Nonny
12 Jun 2008 04:37

I meant - it's advertising!!!!

mabhebheza
12 Jun 2008 04:52

So belz ur thoughts wil be ..Nkoyi yam pls shed some light in2 this sdididi 's mind so he can see that im not in2him..mvule amehlo nkosi ...
Mina i make sure i pull all the stunts so u can see its ova ..i cant pretend & its not my intentions 2hurt abantu ...but other ppl no matter how gentle u try 2let them go they dont get it ......oho uzozibona ke!!

LM
12 Jun 2008 04:59

Yho Andi01, your last two replies shem, angishaya ngaphakathi...am gonna copy and save them somewhere, if you don't mind.

Nonny I feel you on the long lasting relationship (5yrs and so on) thing....If nothingchanged for the better for most of that five years, what's gonna make the next five years pleasant or different?

belz
12 Jun 2008 04:59

...but other ppl no matter how gentle u try 2let them go they dont get it > Very very true!!!

tha - bang
12 Jun 2008 05:18

I agree with ur aunt Tha - bang!!!!@nonny
she proves the saying that wisdom comes with age

andi01
12 Jun 2008 05:21

sorry to be off topic @Nonny- benson's inmate just phoned me on his behalf, begging me to go see him. I said tell benson, "i love him very, infact I still do, but he chose to rip my heart apart and now I choose not be be part of his life anymore", he says "but it was drugs that made him do all those things, he needs u to rehabilitate him", i say "if drugs had legs and came 2 him, i wud understand, I wud like to rehab him, but that heart thats meant to rehabilitate him, he took it from my chest and cut it into tiny pieces, it wont do any rehabilitation since it still needs repair itself.

At the back of my mind I had ur voice and that of other fellow bloggers singing.
"we mzalwane Qina"
Qina. and i did just that I qinad, I hate refusing to help anyone inneed, buit that mafacka doesnt deserve my pity not even a little bit.
isnt it strange that people need love when they least deserve it.

Nonny
12 Jun 2008 05:25

...but other ppl no matter how gentle u try 2let them go they dont get it
@ Mabhebheza and Belz - I know, others, noma ungajola phambi kwabo and they can see u nine nine with another man, instead of giving up, he will send an sms saying: "Please send me a please call me when u are done, and I will call u, so I can arrange to see u".........Gosh, I mean really ufunani??? mina there is someone like that, I saved him as NEVER GIVE UP, shem bandla akapheli amadla, he really wants lekuku yami.......LOL

candybabe
12 Jun 2008 05:32

When does one call it quits?
so my advice to u is don't dwell on the years coz sometimes we make the mistake of staying in an unhpappy situation just becoz it's been many years, which is wrong... @Nonnz.
Tru this sista i'm with you 100%

How do you handle one way love?
Do you still need to ask coz @ this time you are just on your own,so B..O..U..N..C..E....theres no more love reserved for you!!!!

How do i avoid hurting the one that i love
Again i feel you Nonnz in this part where one needs to cool off first b4 saying hurtful s*%t that will be regretted at the end!

Nonny
12 Jun 2008 05:33

"At the back of my mind I had ur voice and that of other fellow bloggers singing.
"we mzalwane Qina"
Qina. and i did just that I qinad, I hate refusing to help anyone inneed, buit that mafacka doesnt deserve my pity not even a little bit.
isnt it strange that people need love when they least deserve it."

@ And01, that's what I am talking about, when I say: ♫ Wemzalwane Qina ♫
I mean u have spent enough of ur love and time on Beson & Hedges, even if he get Pasor Dube himself to phone u, still don't give in, ♫ Qina ♫. And when he calls again, tell I said akakope iphela......LOL........It's really true when they say:" U don't know what u have until u loose it"

belz
12 Jun 2008 05:36

♫Qina ♫ Andile ♫ Qina Do not go there andi!!!!!!!!

Hlehle
12 Jun 2008 06:22

U all know how to advise a person. I'll leave it to all ur hands. Singing right after u Nonny. Qina ungabuyele muva.

Simmone
12 Jun 2008 06:41

@ Nonny: shem bandla akapheli amadla, he really wants lekuku yami.......LOL

roflmao, this remind me of the eno ad, "kuku yaka iyavaya"

but other ppl no matter how gentle u try 2let them go they dont get it

male friend of mine says its actually "bad luck" for a guy to dump a girl, it can cause significant draught in girlfriends. so he does everything in his power to get the girl to dump him but 2/5 times the girls seem to come back for more, which is puzzling considering the stunts he pulls.

Cutie Pie
12 Jun 2008 06:59

@ Nonny - I'm sorry this is really really off-topic. Nonny, you mentioned a blog by Segolo about another women on that articles of married women dating single men. Where do i find it?..please don't bite my head off coz i can't even get that blog now....I'm in a state of confusion, i just need that blog desperately...i started looking for it at 12, now its almost 2..hahaha

Toxic
12 Jun 2008 07:13

Question 1: When does one call it quits?

When u can walk away and know u'll never ever have to wonder...what if?

Question 2: How do you handle one way love.

The pain alone should be enough to convince you this isn't it. Love can't be forced however much u may try to. Nothing you say, do or buy will make someone love you if they don't.If u're not feeling loved, u're probably not loved.

Question 3: How to avoid hurting the one you love?

Can't be done. Any parting is painful even when the parties know it's inevitable. Just acknowledgin that te relationship ain't working is a painful process on its own so taking the step to end it is even more painful. Called growing pains. Allow it and learn from it :)

poshspice
12 Jun 2008 07:13

How do you handle one way love?

The tricky part about this situation is that, sometimes the person receiving the love gives mixed messages. They take advantage of the fact that you love them.

2 days he or she spends with you out of 31 days of the month gives you hope that he has some love for me, I need to be patient, then you start coming up with all sorts of reasons why he is not loving you back and solutions.

Personally, as soon as I realize the person is not sure whether he wants me or not, I come up with an exit plan. Meaning, if I still enjoy being with them, I stay until I’ve had enough and leave…

Nonny
12 Jun 2008 07:22

@ Cute Pie - The blog u are looking for will be really helpful, I'll post the link for u in ur Gb in 5 minutes love!!!!

Cutie Pie
12 Jun 2008 07:32

@ Nonny - thanks love!!!

WhiteSockGirl
12 Jun 2008 07:59

When does one call it quits?
When you realized you are staying in the relationship for all the wrong reasons.

How do you handle one way love?
You keep your pride, walk away from the one way love street and tell yourself ‘I am too damn fabulous for him, and he is simply too stupid too realize that I could be the bestest damn thing that could ever happen to him. Just as well, I am too fabulous for stay around and wait for him to wise up.’

Best-Achiever
12 Jun 2008 08:24

When does one call it quits?
When the things you dont like in a relationship or in a patner outnumber or equals those that you like

How do you handle one way love?
There i no one way love, relationship is the two way street, one way only happens to an individual i.e loving yourself .....Just leave

tizoz
12 Jun 2008 11:12

You guys are amazing hey! Sorry for being silent I just wanted to get your honest opinions without interfearing (Sounds like without fear or favour or is it Prime time all the time...whichever one that makes those peple happy)

First of all thanks for the replies they are spot on. but they still leave me in a dilema cause... lemme break it down.

Shim is in a relationship with me and I love shim to bits but we have had issues a lot but at the same time we have been through a lot together. we have grown to know each other better if I can put it that way. I love shim and shim loves me we are trying to make things work beta since we havent put that much effort in us but the problem is there are issues most of the time that leads to conflicts. Now I dont want to call it quits because it is no longer there but because I feel we are hurting each other every time we have to deal with conflicts. well shim feels more or less the same way even though shim never wants to call it quits. SEE THE DILEMA!

One way love thing is because I am more vocal than shim and I would like shim to be vocal as well but shim doesnt want to scream I love you all the time. hence it feels like one way thing. Shim does it once in a while and shim does it well but sometimes it comes at a wrong time when shim reminds me ukuthi hhayi bo dont forget ukuthi mina nawe siyathandana. SEE DILEMA AGAIN!

on the issue of hurting the one you love it's all based on the above cause mina I dont want to hurt shim by being unfair on shim but at the same time what I do or say ends up hurting shim anyway and I have to keep playing anita baker's record I apologise"

Anyway bloggers you have been of great help. Dankie Siyabonga.

P.S. Mabhebeza uwe wedwa slavithi sami!

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