One thing was foremost in my mind at the start of this week’s episode of The Amazing Race – would David and Mary be able to overcome the penalty they had been given for coming in last? I have to admit that I was feeling less than confident about their chances.
The first clue came in the form of a cellphone-video showing a picture of some towers with Phil’s voice telling them to go to Kuwait City. In what must surely be the first instance of a reality show avoiding product placement, the brand of cellphone was not named.
Just giving the teams a picture of their next location and asking them to find it themselves is a fine idea but I wish the show had gone even further and not even told them which city or country to go to. Then we could have laughed as the teams wandered around India vainly asking locals if they knew where it was and eventually getting directed to the completely wrong continent.
Team Kentucky marvelled more at the wonder of the cellphone than they did at the towers because they had never owned such a thing. I presume they mean a cellphone and not a normal phone because I do think they’ve moved beyond tin-and-string communication down in the wilds of Kentucky.
Meanwhile, the Beauty Queens were complaining that they were getting some flack from the other teams because, as one of them claimed, “No-one wants to be beaten by a couple of blondes”. Poor babies. It must be so hard to go through life as a long-legged, blonde beauty queen.
At the airport, we got to see the former-and-very-brief-alliance-of-blonde-domination both try to finagle good plane reservations. Peter did the old medical emergency spiel (“Help! Help! If the hydraulic fluid in Sarah’s bionic leg drops to under 50cc, it will explode!”) and the BQs tried to impress the ticket agents by pointing out their credentials as Miss New York and Miss California. Yeah, that’ll sure do the trick, girls. You know how fangirly those Indian travel agents over American beauty pageants.
Shockingly, the star power of Misses New York and California did not work and they ended up on the same flight to Kuwait as every other team. They did manage to charm the pilot into giving them some information about their destination so the Miss title still carries some weight in the world.
The teams rushed off to find the imaginatively-named Kuwait Towers. Well, most of the teams rushed off. The Back Pack, forced to wait for each other, toddled. Worst alliance ever. Well, maybe not for David and Mary because they’re always bringing up the rear or for the Lyns because they leave their allies behind half the time, but certainly for the Wins. I don’t understand why they would choose to continue to lug those giant albatrosses that are the Lyns and Kentucky around their necks.
As the BQs weaved through the streets of Kuwait City, Kandice talked about how her father had fought in Kuwait when she was a child. Eh, not as affecting as when David’s daddy fought in Vietnam. Needs more violins, sound editors.
At Kuwait Towers, the Roadblock clue asked teams which of them was strong in both mind and body. “I am,” Kim immediately answered. So humble, that one.
Sarah also chose to take this one for the team which she may have regretted when it was revealed to be yet another climbing challenge. Yet again, Sarah worked it out and managed to climb the towers with little difficulty. Peter compared her to a bionic spider-woman which is a crossover I’d like to see.
Alongside the Roadblock, there was a clue to a Fast Forward. Team Kentucky considered going for it but the BQs were also hoping for a shot at it. The Wins, who are way too nice for this race and probably cry when Simon Cowell is nasty to someone on American Idol, decided they would help out David and Mary.
They went up to the BQs and pretended they were going to go for the FF which discouraged the BQs from going for it. They then left the towers and waited outside until David and Mary were safely on their way. All of this even though they were already in last place. Why, Wins? I love Kentucky too but if you’re going to jeopardise your chances for another team, why bother signing up for a competition like this?
Uncontested, David and Mary did the FF which saw them put on fire-retardant uniforms and “fight” (i.e. walk next to) a simulated oil fire. I am happy to report they were not burned to death. Mary expressed a desire to star in a Steven Segal movie. Please, Mary, you could do so much better than Segal. Hold out for a Chuck Norris flick, at least.
Back(wood) DraftAfter completing the FF, David and Mary claimed first place and were able to avoid the thirty minute penalty. Nice save, Kentucky. I do hope you bring back a lovely souvenir for the Wins from the trip you just won.
Back at the towers, the Roadblockers were trying to figure out the second part of the task, which was to put together a puzzle with their next destination on it. Kimberly in particular was having a lot of trouble. She asked, “Am I just stupid?” Na, too easy, even for me.
The Zoolanders were the first to complete the puzzle but were stumped since the destination was written in Arabic characters. Where’s Babelfish when you need it? They then had the bright idea of picking the whole thing up and taking it to a nearby local to read.
It's actually Arabic for "I'm with Stupid"The other teams followed suit as soon as they completed their puzzles. They were supposed to go to a certain mosque but Kimberly thought it was a mask. When Rob corrected her on her mistake, she asked him how the hell she was supposed to know what a mosque was. Strong in body
and mind, Kimberly? Really?
When the Lyns, those paragons of good neighbourliness, found out what the Arabic meant, they tried to dissuade the guy who had helped them from telling the BQs anything. They then claimed it was unfair that the BQs were asking the guy for help and that the BQs had to learn to run their own race.
DhewjhfiuahfiuhsdkjfhsfhfHEADSPLODEY
I don’t know which part of this makes me more head-desky; the part where the poor, martyred Lyns are painting themselves as victims of the unfair BQs or the part where the Lyns, card-carrying members of the Back Pack alliance, are criticising another team for not running their own race. That’s almost Peter-levels of self-delusion.
"Stay strong, random man on the street! Even if the Blondes resort to water torture, tell them nothing. NOTHING!!"
The Detour choices were Manual, in which the teams had to load bags full of camel feed, and Autmatic, where the teams had to race a camel. Ah, but this was no ordinary camel race but a high-tech version involving a small robot as the jockey.
Go go gadget robo-jockey
First clues via cellphones and now robot jockeys? We really are living in the electronic age. I can’t wait until the contestants of this show are phased out completely and the cast exists solely of Model- and Actorbots.
Coming soon: the next generation of jockeys
Peter and Sarah decided they wanted to do the camel race. According to Peter, Sarah was a robotic babe. Technically, she’s a cyborg.
They got hopelessly lost on the way to the Detour. You can guess who Peter blamed for this. They drove around the desert for a long while before a familiar race flag caught their eyes. Hooray! They were saved! They followed it only to find themselves at the Fast Forward. Whoops.
One by one, the other teams checked in as Peter and Sarah wandered aimlessly for what seemed like forty days and forty nights. By the time they managed to complete the Detour and get to the Pit Stop, night was descending. Geez, how lost were they? Did they drive all the way into Iraq?
They weren’t just dead last, they were zombie last. After Phil delivered the bad news, the two of them admitted that they weren’t compatible at all, relationship-wise, and Peter should stick to fiddling with Sarah’s leg.
Poor Sarah. I wish she’d done this race with someone else (preferably someone with better map-reading skills than her) because she really was a kickass competitor. I’m bloody thrilled I won’t have to hear Peter’s daddy tone ever again, however. Smell ya later, sister.
Next week: Round 2 of the highly-anticipated Lyn vs BQ death-match. Also, the Lyns use their telekinetic powers to cause the BQs to get into a car crash.