I was in a relationship with this guy *Benson for 28 months. Benson was not employed 80 % of the time. At the beginning of our relationship he was sweet, caring and kind. But 8months down the line he changed. He started doing drugs and he got very abusive, physically, emotionally and otherwise. Basically he treated me like *bleep!*. He was very jealous and accused me of sleeping with anything that moves. In October 2006, during one of his physical abuse upon me, I suffered a miscarriage (I was 3-4 weeks pregnant, but we both did know, I kinda suspected but I wasn’t sure). I forgave him for that and we carried on with the relationship. Basically I paid rent and paid for groceries and toiletries and he would only buy things once in a blue moon. He would come home at 3am in the morning, start calling me names, beat me up and at times force me to have sex with him. He would disapperare for 3 weeks without calling and when he returns he would blame me that I am not treating him well, that is why he disappeared. I would be angry at him, we would fight and I would ask him to leave but then again I would miss him and I would go looking for him, it was almost as if, I was soo used to the abuse. He stole my things (CD’s, celphone, clothes & Tupperware), sold it for drugs (tik to be more specific).
My family (sisters) were hurt by these things (even though I only told them half the staff), and they would talk to me and advice me that I need to make a plan before this man kills me. I didn’t listen to them. I loved him, and besides he was good in bed. I actually believed that they just didn’t like him. Deep down inside I knew that this relationship was bad for me, but I just loved the guy too much to let him go. The thought of him with some1 else made me weak in my knees, I just wanted him to myself.
He would tell me that I am a good for nothing bi**h. He made me believe that I was worth nothing. That I was ugly and no man could ever love me as much as he does. He made me loose confidence in myself and I lost a lot of weight. He made me believe that he was the best thing that has ever happened to me, even though deep done I knew that wasn’t true, I didn’t have the courage to prove him wrong. I would brake up with him (a 100 times already), and still couldn’t move on, always telling myself that I am not ready for another relationship, but deep down I knew that I was waiting for him to return, hoping that we would change.
On the 5th of April 2008, a friend of mine threw a party, many of our friends from the Eastern Cape (whom I haven’t seen in a long time were invited), and I was the last to arrive, to my surprise, my first ever crush, *Steve was there. The moment I saw him, I had this weird feeling in my stomach, the same feeling I had ten years ago, something inside me said “somethings never change”. Steve and I met 10yrs ago, I had a crush on him and he was also into me. I was 14yrs old then and scared so nothing developed there. We both went our separate ways and would meet each other at times. Every time I met him (in the years between), something inside of me moved, but I just kept on telling myself. “no I cant be in a relationship with him, we are good as friends, maybe he no longer has feelings for me bhla bhla bhla”. To cut the long story short, Steve and I talked and talked and I decided that, that night I wasn’t going home to Benson. I have let Steve go so many times before, but not this time. Besides he is visiting here, I cant let him spend the night all by himself (at the friends bedroom), he wont be safe, I need to take care of him, even if its only for 2nite. I spent the nite with him (nothing happened), not that I didn’t want anything 2 happen.
But even though Benson had treated me like a doormat, I wasn’t going to cheat on him. I was going to end things with him before I move on with my life. The following day I went home, I found my house has been broken into, and I found Benson inside waiting for me. I sat him down and I told him “when we first met, I told you that I would never cheat on you, when I don’t want be in this relationship anymore I will tell you, so there it is, I want out, I cant take the way you are treating me anymore, its been way too long. The only thing I ever wanted, and I told you, from you is “appreciation and care”, and you failed to give me those. So I am sorry my frend I cant be with you anymore. His response was, I am sorry baby, I am going to change, I will find a job, I will stop using tik, I will find the jo……………………….
In the middle of those “I will”, I felt asleep, I lost interest coz I have heard all that before and I wasn’t interested.
Do you think that I made the right decision?
Do you think I have been stupid to love this person soo much?
Do you think that I waited too long to end this relationship?
Do you know of any one in the same situation and what did they do to get out?
They say we teach people to treat us bad, do you think this was all my fault
Come ma bloggers, put on those thinking caps of urs and lets talk