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Comments thats should never get past your lips

Written by poshspice from the blog POSH SPICE on 24 Feb 2008
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Yep, I'm one of those who've been sitting on the sidelines visiting the TVSA forum, so called 'silent bloggers'. well let say it's been challenging to be a spectator considering my fertile mind and opinionated self.

I am very tall and slender 'your model type of a person'. All my life I've had to deal with people feeling they are entitled to comment about my weight and height. Just because in most cases I'm the most visible person in the room and not your typical big ass, well rounded south african woman, I've had to deal with all sorts of comments from Tom, Dick and Harry who feel they are entitled to comment about my looks.

this is what I've been through:

'WOW YOU ARE SO TALL' me is asking herself is that good or bad...imagine growing up different from most other kids, with nicknames like 'spageti' while others are saying, you should become a model, or call you Ms SA. as a child growing up, all these conflicting messages bring confusion,self doubt and not wanting to interact with others

*'WOW YOU ARE SO THIN' , what on earth am I suppose to do, eat the myself to death so I can look like ya'll. gaining weight through food is out of the question cause I am a small eater... do people know that gaining weight does not mean healthy. then you get one or two people who'll say you are beautiful as you are but then that is 1% out of 99% who just say the undefined 'WOW' in a manner that makes you feel bad about yourself.

then you get your aunts, in laws, neighbours -'you should eat, you are not eating properly'...

* Then years go by and you gain a little bit of weight....those who've been saying 'WOW YOU ARE THIN' are now saying 'you are fat, I liked you when you were thin" whooo, you are damn hard to please'

you then get comments like 'uyamoshakala or uyonakala', am still size 30/32 I've just gain a little bit of weight considering am growing up!

so my view is:

avoid commenting about things that people can't change such as height (I can;t really cut my feet or my long legs to look shorter), weight-live it to buzum friends who know the person well and facial looks -if I'm ugly I can't really change it, I can try to take good care of myself and be content with who I am.

QUESTION

how do you deal with opinionated colleagues, friends, family whom the moment they see you they comment about your hairstyle,weight, height, clothes and style.

if you are one of those people, why do you think the other person need your opinion, because in most cases the opinionated ones have a lot going wrong for them...but we keep quite about it because they are mostly defensive people while they expect you to be gratefull for their opinion.

I feel people do not know your weaknesses, one mIght be struggling to accept his or her height and weight, why rub it in and kick a man vele e phansi.

23 Comments

poshspice
25 Feb 2008 00:04

morning ya'll -does anyone relate to the story above??

Vutmi
25 Feb 2008 00:20

i think all those people who comment and ask unnecessary questions are trying to divert the attention away from their own faults. For some twisted reasons they actually feel better about themselves when making those comments. The thing is they are the ones who feel uncomfortable with their own bodies, hair, or whatnots. girlfriend strutt your staff & dont give a bloody *bleep!* of what anybody say.
In fact when someone say "why are you fat/thin/tall?" Just say "Why do you look like an ape?" in the same tone they used.

felfel
25 Feb 2008 00:28

I can relate to the weight issue, CULPRIT? MY MAMA, every time I go home she's always on my case about my weight whether i've lost some or gained no pleasing her alright, its not enough that she'll keep preaching to me about it, but she also ropes in other people to comment, She'll say to my cousins "Uhlile kakhulu ngoku neh?" or "Hayi shame akathandwanga yilandawo asuka kuyo, kukutya for sure"....imagine, then my cousins are forced to comment also now. My mum is the sweetest person really, she'd chop off her right arm for me, even go hungry for me but haai man she can't leave ma body alone, i don't even undress infront of her anymore.STRESS!!!!!

poshspice
25 Feb 2008 02:37

ohh recently this chick says "its good you are wearing jeans, cause dresses makes you look very tall"

while others are saying "dresses look good on you" whuuuuuu good lord!!!

mabhebheza
25 Feb 2008 02:48

Nice one Posh..peolpe talk wether its good or bad..just thinkin about that scene in MR IBU Nigerian movie where he rides the bike and they say it father abuse to son y dont the son ride the bike ,then they still complain sayin how can a young boy let a grown man walk his disrespectful so they both decid 2walk and some ladies comment that they look foolish..so they son now is confused

MO: papa why is that everything we do people must talk
Mr Ibu: Mo peolpe always talk,talk talk
MO: so Papa what mut we do so ppl wont talk
Mr IBU: We die
MO: haai Papa u die first so i can take the bike..and bury u

Ok my point is if u conmfortable in ur weight and height ..gud 4u he next person 2me doesnt matter!

Dabs
25 Feb 2008 02:49

I am tall, slim and stunning. MAny people who have big asses and big hips always try to bring me down. but I told myself that they are just jealous because I can wear whatever I want without any Nasty stares. God Blessed me with this and I will embrace it. I just gave birth my stomach is as flat as a pancake. Thank You LOrd for this Gift!!!!!!!!!!!

joy
25 Feb 2008 03:26

PPL will always have something 2say, whether u thin,dark,tall or the opposite. if u r tall and thin then u can thank ur lucky stars! it hurts bcos we r sensitive to that part they happen 2 comment on. solution: self love, confidence and affirmation! love yourself there will nevr b another u! (no matta what ada ppl say)

TheLady
25 Feb 2008 03:43

If you are kid these do a lot of damage kwi self-esteem yakho. Am the only one with a dark skin at home, so when relatives came to visit it was always 'Hayi muhle lona' that would be my sister 'Lona ke ufana nobaba wakhe' or 'Wayezoba muhle ukube waba umfana' [if she had been a guy she would have been cute], right in front of me like I was deaf or somethingI hated family gatherings.

When I was in high school I hated award times coz kids would just say 'Hamba nje uyohlala khona lapha estage ngoba awakho wonke, sikhathele ukushaya izandla thina' translation [Go sit at the stage coz all the awards are yours we are tired of clapping for you]That made me wish I was average.

peaces
25 Feb 2008 03:46

As a young girl I used to enter beauty contests.As I grew up I became bootylicious and my friends used to coment about my boobs, legs & hips.I was a size 30 but becoz my boobs were round and plump and ndingenamicondo,they told me I would be fat as I grew up.I started starving my self untill I became sick and couldn't stand straight,I couldn't even fit into a size 28 coz I was a skeleton.Now I luv myself I don't care what people say and so should YOU.

Lex
25 Feb 2008 03:55

People always have something to say about u,and what I hate the most is that some of the things they comment about is beyond our control.This other chick once said to me: Huu,you are getting fatter by the day' and I was with my parents and they are both big.My response to her 'Look at my BIOLOGICAL parents,how can I escape being big,and anyway "nna ko gae b4 re ja re rapella dijo"(at home b4 we eat,we first pray for the food)'
The reason I specifically mentioned 'my BIOLOGICAL parents' is because yena she is adopted. U see people can make you nasty even when you had no intentions of being so.

monchooza
25 Feb 2008 04:03

mina my Mother complains about my complexion all the time....she says i am not suppose to be this dark, but i am ngoba i drink too much so the alcohol is burning my skin......and when ever i gain i complexion uthi i have slowed down on the bottle it shows on my face....*thinking. i would say this women thinks she is a god or something, she knows everything in my life even when(mostly) she is wrong*

ginger
25 Feb 2008 04:10

OMW, nice article. I am a size 28 n ma age is in de early-20's, can't gain weight (tried to eat as much as I can). Ppl do comment about my weight - a lot. Abanye bathi ngine-figure (ngiwumfana, nogal) this makes me sick.

My mother recently told me to cut my dreadz maybe I wil gain some weight- (do take into consideration that I've had them for more than 4 years) cutting them now is out of Q? Me being mois I just laughed at her.

I cannot change my bod n all that, so ppl should zip-up their gateway to chow n let live.

teardropz
25 Feb 2008 04:25

i can also relate to the article.. two years back i was at varsity, staying at the res ,everytime my mom saw me she would comment about how i gained weight or how i have lost it, and my aunt was always on my case aswell she would normally say " oh you gained weight ,wat are you gonna wear.. " ag plz. now im a normal 28-30 she says im getting thin , wat exactly does she want... im happy with my body. Oh and da ass thing.. i dont have a big butt either and ppl complain about it , i have a "pancake flat tummy" and well rounded boobs ppl complain, Was is up with that , why cant they just let me be.... love me for me nt the size of my butt or boobs.

i also have natural hair but sum1 recently told me that i should relax it coz its taking all the proteins that should going to my ass.... i dont give a F#@& i love everythang about THIS GAL........ that being ME

Teej
25 Feb 2008 04:41

MO: papa why is that everything we do people must talk
Mr Ibu: Mo peolpe always talk,talk talk
MO: so Papa what must we do so ppl wont talk
Mr IBU: We die
MO: haai Papa u die first so i can take the bike..and bury u......LOL @ Mabhebheza.Love this movie,this is so tru.

@Poshspice,hey banomona nje ntombi......they are just jealous of the way you look,so I suggest you ignore them.

Dabs
25 Feb 2008 05:35

Joy the way people are, it's like it's a sin to be skinny and tall.That is the way my body is and I don't try hard to be skinny.

joy
25 Feb 2008 05:56

enjoy it while u can Dabs and feel lucky, cos its not better on the other side of short and a plus size.
anyway its wat type of person u r inside, so the outside dnt matter. and ppl that comment 2much on others, u hav 2 wonder wat is missing in their own lives to b so concerned abt sm1's life! eish, angazi

sweetie my baby
25 Feb 2008 07:06

you sound lovely Dabs - don't let people get you down. when i was younger, people used to go on and on and on about my ass, like it was some kind of monster. it would make me wanna run away and hide - and looking back at pics from those days, i was so regular looking, what was the big deal????? heysh, people can try to kill your spirit.

@teardropz - as for the 'relax your natural hair so the protein can go to your ass'.... now i've heard it all. thixo! craziness...

poshspice
25 Feb 2008 07:56

some people don't realise some people never really recover from these comments.

my ex, at the age of 28 used to tell me now and again how he was told he's ugly, similar experience you had The Lady..

.but this guy lost all the confidence and now demands love and affection.and his mother never really made it easy, he was the least favourite child..now you can imagine the damage, havign to babysit this man who is a child at heart...yearning for the affection and acceptance ....

it's hard work, you feel sorry until you realise there is nothing much I can do for thisperson...counselling might do but male muntuz don't do counselling!!!

sponono
25 Feb 2008 08:07

THE LADY said>>'Wayezoba muhle ukube waba umfana' [if she had been a guy she would have been cute],

ITS WORSE when you're a little boy ...and some aunty says ah he's co cute could pass for a girl..and you dont really know what to do with those looks because you havent even reached purberty to actually look MANLY...(then you see the child turning into a monster trying to "uglify" himslef so he wont be thought of as looking girlish...thats why you'll find the most handsome guys are the most insecure and they like starting fights to "prove" themselves

belz
25 Feb 2008 08:09

i should relax it coz its taking all the proteins that should going to my ass> hhahahahahahahahahahahh yhu, shem bayahlanya bantu la ngaphandle!!! LOL , what crap is this?

Cnglemother
25 Feb 2008 08:24

@Sponza the way you try to englisherize everything LOL!

myname
25 Feb 2008 08:31

i wil read it 2morrow bye

sponono
25 Feb 2008 09:46

Cinlgemother @Sponza the way you try to englisherize everything LOL>>

its like you want to say "hayi suka man u-anti wayek'dlalisa..musuk'tetema la suka!!!!" (i wont translate cause it wont sound the same...and its for you)

LOL hi hi hi hi hi BUT tru dat tru dat........black peeps dont ...get traumatised they get over it.......

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