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colour barrier

Written by Vutmi from the blog things and stuff like that on 19 Feb 2008
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Last week on valentines day i was just minding my business and i met this guy. we started talking about books and sports and we really connected. we exchanged numbers and ever since then we have been chatting a lot over the phone more than once a day. We enjoy talking to each other...well atleast i do!!!

Yesterday i was chilling with my friends and he called me. we spoke for almost 20 minutes about things in general. my friends asked me who i was talking too. here's how the exchange went down.

Friend1: who were uou talking too for such a long time?
Me: a guy i met last week.
Friend2: (excited)cool!!! do tell all.
Friend1: yeah tell us how you met, is he a hot? 
Me: he's okay. i actually have a picture of him.
(they both jumped to check my phone, after they saw the picture their expressions changed)
Friend2: oh oh that's not good!!!!
Friend1: yeah, that's definetly a bummer!!!
Me: what do you mean its not good?
Friend2: dah...the guy is white!!!!!!!!!
Me: and...
Friend2: you cant date. i have this cousin of mine i can set you up with........

....and they went on and on. i was horrified, i didnt think there were still people who were soo sceptical about race issue, let alone my two highly intellectual (a Lawyer and an Interior Designer) friends. 

MAybe i am not getting the picture or mybe i am naive, one thing for sure i am dissapointed.

What do you guys think? am i overreacting or what? by the way i am black, if that means anything.



29 Comments

Vutmi
19 Feb 2008 07:46

Somebody please help me understand what the big deal is about colour????????

Tynt!
19 Feb 2008 07:56

dez nuthin wrng with datin a white dude (WD), probs mght be with his parents and urs thou!

Bt if u havnt dated a WD b4, it wil b a little uncomfi with u (coz sumthins r eazier said inur lang, than the other!!! and the convsxn might be a little diff, bt the rst is da same)
Bt if u hav bin thru dat route b4, u wil b jst fyn!!!

ur fwndz wil eventuali gt ova it!!!

Gud lck if T eva wrk out!!!

azHOT
19 Feb 2008 08:03

absolutely nothing wrong with dating inter-racially. it would take more work because of the parents and other peeps. white people are less welcoming than black people in terms of "my child is dating a black girl/boy". if you're lucky, he might have liberal parents which will make it a whole of a lot easier. other than uppity white parents to deal with, the constant stares and a million questions i say try it even if it doesn't last if the two of you like each other enough... g'luck

Vutmi
19 Feb 2008 08:08

Gee thanx, i feel better already. I never really thought as far as meeting the parents; i am just enjoying an intelligent conversation with a guy for the first time in such a looooong time (no offence!!!).

WhiteSockGirl
19 Feb 2008 08:16

@Vutmi:  Difficult ne?  I remember the first time I took my ex to a function and my cousin and aunt pulled me aside and asked who is that person.  I told them it my boyfriend and they responded: but he is black...  
My neighbour wanted to know (from the woman who is working for me) about the sleeping arrangements.  She was very interested about where he was sleeping.  Did we sleep in the same bed...
My father is the worst.  But my attitude is, I can't choose my family but I can damn well choose my friends and I made the choice not surround myself with friends who are not narrow-minded and not obsessed with colour tones. Worked for me.

Tynt!
19 Feb 2008 08:17

I refrase: What do you guys think?

So thats wht we thinkin Lol?

PhlyLady
19 Feb 2008 08:18

Hi there Vutmi, personally I dont think there's anything wrong with that. I guess it comes with being different if I may call it that. Some ppl are generaly slow when it comes to change!!

WhiteSockGirl
19 Feb 2008 08:20

oops, correction:  I choose not surround myself with narrow-minded person who are obsessed with skin colour tones

spice
19 Feb 2008 08:23

SOoo Vutomi youre falling for a WD (as TYNT puts it )
just 1 Q are you up for it gal friend interacial dating  game is not for the faint heart my sista and 1 more thing nwana wa ka hina u ta ku satisfaya naa? i mean in that department and his thin lips are not doing him any justice

Zee Babes!
19 Feb 2008 08:25

I find it very nauseating dat ppl in dis day and age stll care so much about race...c`mon.  Aint we suppose to worry abt global warming or Aids?

ngwana
19 Feb 2008 08:28

Think a lot of people are not very open minded when it comes to this. Ive dated every race in south africa and people stare and have rude remarks.

I've had my friends tell me that a white guy doesnt love me he is only using me.

I even stopped going to Melville cause last year mixed couples where being beaten up by a group of people who where saying they are bringing the old south africa back.

Follow your heart, but just know that people wont make it easy.

Nonny
19 Feb 2008 08:28

Never let colour define the decisons u take in life. And never take a choice that will satisfy others, u must be happy with the decisons u make coz at the end of the day u are the one that is gonna live with that choice, so decide wisely mtwana, the question shouldn't be "what do u guys think?". But it should be: "What do u think?"..........And if u wanna give an interacial relationship a try go for it, u're young (I hope or rather I think by the sound of things) and u have to live life to fullest and besides it's NOT nice to live with a feeling of: "I wonder how it could've been had I given, the white dude a try".......and nobody is perfect and plus too ogamula banothando man........and lastly if it doesn't go well with the white guy remember that: "You must never regret anything that made u happy, even if it doesn't work out right in the end"!!!!

P.S - people will also look at u funny in malls when u are with this guy, just ignore them and do what makes u happy sisi.

Tynt!
19 Feb 2008 08:29

@ spice:u ta ku satisfaya naa?

Eish, that dprtmnt neh!
Ni ze ni nga hlangana na swona: I neva thought kuri na bo WD Va khoma thouze biga sizes, en damn, a swi kota ku swi tirhisa

Teej
19 Feb 2008 08:31

ABSOLUTELY NOTHING WRONG VUTMI......If you like your man,GO FOR IT!!!!!

let alone my two highly intellectual (a Lawyer and an Interior Designer) friends.
Its funny you should mention this part coz first thing I know my mom would say about you friends is..AMAQABA ke lawo.So baqinisile abantu abadala umabethi books dont teach you everything you need to know about life.Im sure you were not expecting them to react that way bcoz of their level of education.Oh well!!!!!!!

Vutmi
19 Feb 2008 08:31

lol @ spice. wani satisfaya in the intellectual department. as far as the other department i havent thought as far as that. 
i mean in that department and his thin lips are not doing him any justice 

hayi wena he doesnt have thin lips...he has the most gorgeous lips and he.......let me not get carried away.

spice
19 Feb 2008 08:43

Then go for it gal friend and gudluck ,so does he look like a li'l  like Bratt pitt or davey boy (david beckam)*wink wink* just give us a hint galfriend and one more thing just make sure you measure him up accurately the next time you meet neh ask mababes and nonny how it's done  hi hi hi hi

Vutmi
19 Feb 2008 08:49

he is a cross between Justin Timberlake and that guy who presents Eastern Mosaic i forgot his name. he has dreamy eyes, gorgeous body, he looks dangerous in jeans if you catch my beef. 
nonny and mababes i was reffered to you, pliz do tell how it done. 

Nonny
19 Feb 2008 08:53

"nonny and mababes i was reffered to you, pliz do tell how it done."............but I have already responded Vutmi my skat, what else would u like me to add???

mabhebheza
19 Feb 2008 08:55

mina manje ngenzeni ? Wat did u do?

Vutmi
19 Feb 2008 08:57

Nonny, sorry i hadnt seen your respond. do humbly apologize!!!!! 
great advice thanx. 

Nonny
19 Feb 2008 09:03

Now Vutmi I am sure know u why u were reffered to MWA after reading my response........LOL........see u tomorrow and u are a valuable addition to the TVSA family I tell u!!!

"mina manje ngenzeni ? Wat did u do?"............Mabhebheza - stop being a drama queen, Vutmi was just saying that she was advised by a clever somebody to look out for ama response ethu so2 coz u know that mina nawe.............eish let me not continue..........but that's the gist of the matter!!!

spice
19 Feb 2008 09:06

measure his stuff

mabhebheza
19 Feb 2008 11:42

ohhhhhh now i get it ! wena Nonny *pointing a crooked finger* *sigh*!

ok ke Vutmi will help u only in the department of UMdavazo ..enye nenye haai angizigeni ( i dont get inside)..LOL! u just follow ur heart phela i hear abelungu izi ngagara kweze 1st stage yomDavazo..hi hi hi ....

Ngiminye ngale reply*crossing my fingers* ..psss* Nonny uyazi ngathi imithetho yalekhaya!! oh nkosi yam!! shhhss Bhebhy!!

Brown Shuga
19 Feb 2008 12:01

Mmmm...I watched Sanaa Lathan's Something New this weekend and it's not one of the best movies around but it's really interesting. Kinda tries to bring out the challenges of a black gal dating a white guy. You can't control your feelings but  it is definitely challenging!

azHOT
20 Feb 2008 01:27

@Zee babes<<<<<<< find it very nauseating dat ppl in dis day and age stll care so much about race...c`mon. Aint we suppose to worry abt global warming or Aids? 

you'd think but sadly it isn't so...


1 more thing nwana wa ka hina u ta ku satisfaya naa? i mean in that department and his thin lips are not doing him any justice

@spice= have you met this guy? if not how do you know his lips don't do him any justice??? this is another example of bigotry which we could really do without. as for the general idea of how he would be in that department=people pleese. ther'es no such!!

Sam2say
20 Feb 2008 02:00

I as kinda seeing this WD at work, and ya because of what people would say, we never took it futher than in closed doors, coz he was worried 'bout his friends and I really had a problem with that, I mean we really enjoyed each other, we did not go further than kissing- to make things clear, I just liked the way he touched me and he enjoyed my nicely curvy body and my warmth, so girl go for him if you want to.

Its beter to know and experince than to wonder.

Zara.
20 Feb 2008 02:14

If you want to date him - GO FOR IT. My bf is white and I'm black. We love each other a lot and that has helped us deal with all the other challenges. My mom was not the biggest problem cause she saw he made me happy - so she swallowed her feelings. His dad (Afrikaans) was and still is a bit of a pain. But I respect him a lot and understand fully where he is coming from. Because of that, slowly but surely he is adressing me as his son's girlfriend - which is an achievement on my side.

So yah, girl you can do it if you want. But approach the resistance - especially from the parents and family with respect and understanding...Don't be pushy and demanding, it won't get you anywhere.

Vutmi
20 Feb 2008 02:20

i'm definately going for it, not even a truck-full of not-so-color-blind people can stop me and i am soooooo going to enjoy this relationship as long as it lasts. thanx to y'all 4 ur advices.

Nonny
20 Feb 2008 03:00

That's the spirit Vutmi.........and don't 4get we require feedback, phela I wanna know ukuthi kumnandi yini ukutshiwa ugamula..............LOL

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