Every morning when I get to the office the very first thing I do after logging on is to check my emails. Now don’t be fooled into thinking I am checking for work related stuff. What I am looking forward to is what mail administrators may call spam or even junk mail. In fact if I open my mail and find only work related stuff I go into this minor depression that only gets cured by a good dose of funny email though I’d never admit that to my bosses.
Anyway as a recipient of thousands and thousands of emails and the vast majority being non-work related, I found myself thinking of all the types I’ve come across especially the ones I’ve found to be somewhat eyebrow-raising.
• The ones I call "God for sale emails." These normally contain beautiful Christian messages but in the end they then go something like if you don’t share this mail with x number of people in the next x number of minutes then it means you don’t love your God and are ashamed of Him and you will be punished for that. I always say to these "the God I love & believe in is not that petty."
• "There was a boy…" emails. If they start with the words “there was a …” I always think they have a bad joke potential. I am yet to be proven wrong because these mostly turn out to be totally flat.
• The "been around the world" emails. Chances are you’ve seen the email laughed and forgot about it and then months or even years later it resurfaces. I always wonder where has it been all this time?
• The "plagiarized" emails. These you’ve already seen but some thing's been changed from the original that you saw e.g. the title on the original was Nightlife in London and then some unimaginative person replaces London with Joburg or whatever.
• Then you get "psycho" emails. They usually warn you against some relatively unknown but increasingly common and dreadful disease only to find out its all a complete lie.
• One also gets plain old "hoax" emails like the “
"storm" warning that sent Joburgers home early last year only to be subjected to worse traffic than they are used to and off course there was nothing that even resembled a storm on the day.
• How about those "blowing own horn" emails? I once received one that was titled “BEST BLONDE JOKE OF THE YEAR” and it turned out to be the lamest excuse for a joke I’ve ever come across.
• Then there are those "be careful" email jokes. Case in point, a certain Z person was on trial for rape. Showers and baby oil were never seen in quite the same light again. Shower and baby oil jokes were invented in seconds but you had to be careful who you forwarded them to as well as who sees you laughing at them.
• And then there are those that "play on your conscience", usually titled "if you delete this you are heartless". These are usually about a sick person needing help “urgently” or a family desperately looking for a missing member, etc. Now these ones will leave a lasting picture in your mind but the problem is, usually there are no dates on these emails and a lot of them turn out to be years old or even scams.
• The "shockers!" These will show gory graphic pictures e.g. this extremely thin person their body covered in sores and blisters or extremely bad car accidents with people’s heads severed. These are supposed to drive a certain message home once and for all like HIV/Aids kills or don’t drink and drive. I don’t know if that’s the way to do it though.
• The "win something" emails. These usually enter you into some competition and you increase your chances if you also forward the mail to x number of people and cc so and so from the company running the competition. One of two things happens with these ones it’s either a marketing gimmick and afterwards you receive mail from a number of unsolicited sources advertising some crap you’ll never need, or the email to cc to doesn’t exist making the email a hoax.
• The "phishing" emails. I can’t say much on these ones because I’ve never received any. The only one I received was supposedly from an overseas bank that I didn’t even know existed so it was easy to spot that it's a scam. Basically what happens here some crooks will send you mail to trick you into giving away your banking details so they can get access into your accounts.
What other emails raise your eyebrows? Would you also go crazy like me if you couldn’t receive those silly emails at work? What are your favorites? Those Idols West Africa video clips take the cake for me just thinking about them would crack me up. And have you ever been a victim of an email scam?
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