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Is marriage overated?

Written by Mathaz from the blog Is marriage overated? on 11 Feb 2008
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We met in 2002, got married in 2005 and i regret the day i said i do. Marriage is not easy at all and i wonder if it is all worth it. I am not happily married and contemplating divorce. We still have not conceived mainly because of his drinking and smoking habits. He comes home in the wee hours of the morning and expect me to shower him with love.

He spends all his money on booze and I'm supposed to see if there is money for food, petrol, clothes etc. He does not even give me money to do my hair. I still love him but sometimes love is not enough or better yet is there such a thing as unconditional love?

Single ladies, i envy you so much. If you are not yet married herewith are questions you should ask yourself before you give your whole life away:

1. does he treat his mother with respect ? The way he treats, speaks to his mother is almost the same as the way he will communicate with you

2. Is he easily influenced or pressured to do something? Friends pay an important part and if he likes spending 80% of his time with them then you are doomed for failure

3. Does he respect money? If he spends money on invisible things and does not have a plan on how he will survive until the next pay day then he is more likely to depend on you financially

4. Does he have a good job? If not, is he someone who has a vision and dreams.

Ladies do not be in a hurry to get married and before you do make sure that you are financially stable if you do not want to be oppressed.

63 Comments

nice
11 Feb 2008 07:40

I would not say it is , but damn there is so much pressure that is placed on us by the society. I am barely 24 and just because I have been working for a while, everyone (okay most people ke) wonder why am I not married or even have a potential husband, forget that I do not have a boyfriend.

I had relationships in the past but we could not agree on too many things with the men and have always decided to not to hang on for whatever it may turn out to be and my friends have said to me that I lack commitment. Commitment , my foot, I will not tolerate nonsense just for the sake of pleasing someone.

Or by the way did I mention that all of my friends are getting married, and when I see them with their man/woman i sometimes get jealous.

Tshd21
11 Feb 2008 08:02

Shooo Mathaz, I feel for you. Hope everything works out and you, in the end, do what will make you happy! You deserve it!!!! :)

But what you fancy about single people.....chances are, they are also fancying you, being married or with a partner and all...so...eish...yah...

azHOT
11 Feb 2008 08:29

this is hectic Mathaz and quiet an eye-opener. Look inside you and find that strength you have always possesed but were not aware off. I want you to find that spirit and that fighter inside you. The one instinct we are all born with is the instinct to survive and you will survive this only on your terms. On staying or not staying you're the only one who can decide but whatever you do decide has to be what will bring you peace. I'll be back...

Golden Star
11 Feb 2008 08:52

Great one Mathaz...

The points you are bringing up are very important and eye opening. I think those who aren't yet married should ask these before they decide on getting married.

I don't think there is such a thing as unconitonal love. We all need to be loved and if you feel your love isn't returned and your efforts not appreciated then that leads to problems no doubt. You need to see that you are both pulling towards one direction, not each person in their own.

I'm just glad that you weren't one of those people who thought kids will make it better. Now you are not obliged to stay for the sake of the kids which to me means you have a good head on your shoulders.

Username
11 Feb 2008 09:08

Society places on us the burden of being perfect, sets norms for which we must live our lives and unfortunately women are the victims of this trend.

You need to rise above your pain and somehow learn that for every experience whether painful or what there is a lesson to be learned and personal growth to be achieved.

You cant predict the future but can make sure you learn from the past. Feel your pain and take time to reflect on it and then the healing will begin

Brown Shuga
11 Feb 2008 09:35

Yho Mathaz, is that true? Do people still do that in 2008? Wow, hope things will get better for you somehow.

Anyway, I cannot picture myself as anyone's wife and it scares the living hell out of everyone who knows me. I honestly don't see myself ever getting married and it has nothing to do with your problems, it just doesn't appeal to me.

DJ Why why
11 Feb 2008 10:21

Eish, Mathaz what you have is reality sister, luckily for you there are no kids (complications). Have you tried family counselling maybe he will pick up how he makes you feel.

I am one of those who have always swore to be single till the last day. Maar as I grow i realise that, it is not natural for a grown $%^%$# woman to be by herself *ok, my opinion*. I mean the older we grow, far less fishermen even look at the dam we live in!

Nowadays most peops in marriages either tolerate bad behaviour or skip, I am not much of a tolerator...marriage scares me, maar I cant be 40 and be looking/smiling at cuties in the traffic!!!

Mathaz
12 Feb 2008 00:21

Have you tried family counselling? Pastoral counselling to be precise, but even the pastor was lost for words in trying to mend our broken relationship. Believe you me we, no..... let me rephrase I tried everything but I'm at my wits end.

Toodecent
12 Feb 2008 00:29

Eh? Tse di batla batswadi tse... Wish that your problems be resolved soon Mathaz.

Amaka
12 Feb 2008 01:11

I feel marriage is just a waste of time and money (the wedding ceremony), think of what you could do with all that money blown in a single day + it makes things that much harder when you have to make an emergency exit. Society though has conditioned women that if a man doesn't propose it means he doesn't love her.

Love doesn't equal marriage, If that was really the case there wouldn't be any relationships just marriage. I know of guys who got married and they say they don't love their wives but love other people.

DJ Why Why said: maar I cant be 40 and be looking/smiling at cuties in the traffic!!!
You don't have to, if at 40 you feel you're too old for the dating pool then don't date. By the way 40 is the new 30.

Guys don't say, " I want someone to grow old with". Hey! People are growing older and wrinkly with or without you. So even if you're single other people are aging too, there's nothing to be scared of , you definately don't need someone holding your hand through the process.

Matlhoadibona
12 Feb 2008 01:13

Mathaz my sister, ke lakatsa eka bophelo bo ka fetoha and get better for you. In life there are ups and downs and you need to be strong, things like this take time to resolve but he needs to help himself first before he can be helped. Batswadi ba lona have to help now, this is the part where they are needed the most. Anyway i hope your problems be resolved as quickly as possible. Good luck

Dimago
12 Feb 2008 01:34

I honestly don't see myself ever getting married and it has nothing to do with your problems, it just doesn't appeal to me.
I envy people who have made peace with not getting married. I'd love to get married....

@Matha, i'll take your points into account when Mr Right (or so he will seem) comes along....

I hope things work out for you!!!!

maddie
12 Feb 2008 02:27

I honestly don't see myself ever getting married and it has nothing to do with your problems, it just doesn't appeal to me. Spoken like a true Gemini Shuga.

I feel you Gal, the thought of little brats and a husband running around and me playing wife and mother does not appeal to me.

I want someone to grow old with". Hey! People are growing older and wrinkly with or without you. So even if you're single other people are aging too, there's nothing to be scared of , you definately don't need someone holding your hand through the process. Amen!!!!!!!

When the time is right and my maternal instincts kicking in I'll just adopt, i don't have to go through the pain of giving birth to be a good mother besides there are so many orphans who needs love. My opinion and I'm at peace with all of these.

Zee Babes!
12 Feb 2008 02:36

@ Amaka - People are growing older and wrinkly with or without you. So even if you're single other people are aging too, there's nothing to be scared of , you definately don't need someone holding your hand through the process

I guess we are all somehow scared of being the odd ones and there is nothing wrong with being distinct. I guess the other source of our troubles are the institutions dat help us grow up, like our families, communities and friends - we are so connected dat we think what the other one does we shud also do it.

@Dimago - I'd love to get married.... Goodluck dude/dudette

azHOT
12 Feb 2008 02:40

the notion that a womans true worth can only be achieved through marriage and child bearing is nauseating to say the least. why do I need a man to validate myself? I know for a fact that I am at my best when I don't have to be holding someones hand or nursing someones ego and all that yucky stuff!!!

marriage has become an instiution of power and opression. Men (sorry to generalise) know that we as women consider it some sort of "achievement" to find a man and keep him so we end up settling for all sorts of shyt just to keep that ideal of belonging to someone and having someone to call our own.

I'm not against marriage but I will not marry just to give up my maiden name=my happiness is something i trully value!!

felfel
12 Feb 2008 03:07

Mathaz, how about a separation if you not sure about a divorce and still love him. Separate, move out and be on your own for a while and think things through with a clear head and no pressure (like seing him drunk all the time), perhaps this will wake him up to the reality that he is losing you for sure or maybe not wake him up in which case then you can bow out gracefully for good and drop that sucker.

Renegade
12 Feb 2008 03:46

Eish Mathaz, i feel you, and wish you all the best.
This topic is close to my heart, thats why I dont want to comment much. But i'll say this, I think the reasons people go into marriage will determine its success. So many people marry because they feel its "time".

My ex-boyfriend is getting married largely because he feels its time(he's 30), and I'm 22, and not ready. The point though is that I think a lot of people get married because time is not on their side, and some make it work, most dont.
My other friend, she's 26, and all her friends around her are getting married, and she's feeling the pressure. She recently broke up with her boyfriend because he felt there was too much "marriage" pressure from her.

That being said, I think marriage is a beautiful thing, and one day, I dream of being at the altar, and i pray I do it once, and that death be the only thing that parts us.

Also, the questions you say one must ask are spot on, its just that I think when one is at the peak of the "love" rush, the answers are a bit blurry.

Again, all the best.

mseu
12 Feb 2008 03:58

Felfel, I agree with Mathaz give him some space and if he loves you he clean up his act and change I think that is the only way you will know if he is the man you want to spend the rest of your life. To be honest girl if I were you I wouldn't waiste anymore time. You are lucky you don't have children so I can't think of anything that stops you from geting out of that relationship and if it is love good girl.

J-Girl
12 Feb 2008 04:16

marriage is not overrated; provided you get the someone that you are 100% sure that they are the person you want to spend the rest of your life with; most people just get fixated on the idea of being married rather than seeing it as spending the rest of your life with somebody that you love.
with the right person marriage can be a bliss!!!
In the same breath the right person can be an absolute disaster if you are not the right person for them.

Mathaz
12 Feb 2008 04:26

He is the one who is supposed to move out coz i'm paying for the bond. He even has the nerve to say that i should go back home and he'll stay behind. His parents and my mother sat us together and his excuses was that i do not treat him right, cook for him etc. His mother took his side and suggested that my mother should take me to a gynae coz she is wondering why i have not conceived as yet.

Zee Babes!
12 Feb 2008 04:31

@ J-Girl....In the same breath the right person can be an absolute disaster if you are not the right person for them. Ok rite

azHOT
12 Feb 2008 04:41

His parents and my mother sat us together and his excuses was that i do not treat him right, cook for him etc. His mother took his side and suggested that my mother should take me to a gynae coz she is wondering why i have not conceived as yet.

"God helps those who help themselves". this person refuses to accept that there is a problem now, how do you help someone like that? perhaps you need to exlude his gynae-obsessed mother fromthe equation=she's adding on to the problem.

I agree with the ides of a trial seperation...it should shed some light and allow you both to re-define yourselves and remember why you got together and where and when things went wrong.

madomado
12 Feb 2008 04:46

Mathaz, on avery serious note:

.... your problems are beyond us. All I can say is, PRAY, ngwana a batho. Go on your knees. That is the only solution;

Marriage is a like a house. . There's only too keys to this house. When one of you's lose their keys; your mother and father do not have the master key. His parents dont either. Neither does the pastor at church or both of you's friends.

Only God has the master key. GO ON YOUR KNEES!! That is where we find all our answers.

Nanana
12 Feb 2008 05:15

Hi tdc,brown shuga,why why.and hi to everyone.Anyways you can not give what you dont have,obviously this marriage is over,but as for marriage I will never like Brown Shuga said,It does not appeal to me,never have nevr will.Mathaz you are a good person and I wish you all the best

Username
12 Feb 2008 05:34

I am sorry to say this but this is getting too much. Women would be dragged to the deepest of hells as long as a man dangles a wedding ring and some worth-less piece of paper in front of her she will keep hanging.

The men’s psyche works in a way that there more you put into the relationship and put up with being used as a door mat the more he sees that you are not worth being his wife. If he says “futsek!!!!” and you giggle like he said “I love you” what’s preventing him from slapping you. A man wants someone who can help him build a future for himself as a wife not a stepping stone. Women need to learn that fast.

Unfortunately we women are to blame for the way our relationships turn out and believe me no human being can change because of someone but that change happens because you as the individual want to change so you can become a better human being.

Marriage is not overrated. You are hurting and as much as you’re angry you need to start doing some introspection and determine how much of the hurt you brought to yourself.

I feel your pain but as much as you need symphathy right now you also need a dose of reality

Amaka
12 Feb 2008 08:13

...and that's your opinion Username and you're entitled to it.

carino
12 Feb 2008 08:20

@Username:Unfortunately we women are to blame for the way our relationships turn out

There you are wrong, sisi.

Tshd21
12 Feb 2008 08:31

@ Username: Like Amaka said, that is your opinion and you are entitled to it!!

One question though.........So if a man cheats on me, how is it that I as a woman am to blame??

azHOT
12 Feb 2008 08:33

@ username= so what you're saying is that she's to blame 4 him going out and coming home @ the wee hours of the morning? that she's to blame for him not contributing financially to the home??? I DON"T think so. granted, she should never have put up with it to begin with but hell, she is NOT responsible for the actions of a grown-ass man!!!!

Username
12 Feb 2008 08:46

I am entitled to my own opinion and I am voicing it that in every situation women need to be accountable to what they bring in the relationship. You need to look at what the relationship was like in the beginning. He is a grown ass man, who decided to act like a child, but what does a woman do, women decide to play mommy and try discipline. *this is based on a general perception*

No one deserves to go through a failed marriage but what at the end of the day we should be accountable for our own lives and the decisions we make.

The “it’s his or her fault the marriage ended” results in people getting married again and making the same mistakes over again.

Its good women standby each other but its also good to try build each other and not offer false comfort.

Tshd21
12 Feb 2008 08:53

@ Username: at the end of the day we should be accountable for our own lives and the decisions we make....

Exactly!!! Mathaz's husband should be accountable for HIS own life and the decisions HE made...not Mathaz!!!

Username
12 Feb 2008 09:00

and she for the decisions she made.

mpule
12 Feb 2008 09:25

One question Mathaz. How old were you guys when you got married?

faraimagic
12 Feb 2008 10:12

marie wat?yho wat a big word....gaaaard im having trouble with the net today..wats going on people.

Mathaz
13 Feb 2008 00:16

women need to be accountable to what they bring in the relationship..... Why is it that when a relationship fails, the woman is to blame? What are you saying Username, am i now supposed to lick his a$$ everytime he treats me like a nobody? Women's role in the house and community has changed, we are liberated, educated and financially stable. Gone are the days were "I stayed with him because he supports me".

@Mpule we were both 26.

Nonny
13 Feb 2008 00:45

Mmmmmhhhh interesting views guys, what an eye opener of a blog!!!!

Amaka
13 Feb 2008 01:22

@ USERNAME: "Society places on us the burden of being perfect, sets norms for which we must live our lives and unfortunately women are the victims of this trend.

You need to rise above your pain and somehow learn that for every experience whether painful or what there is a lesson to be learned and personal growth to be achieved.

You cant predict the future but can make sure you learn from the past. Feel your pain and take time to reflect on it and then the healing will begin"

This is where you should have left it. I don't know why you did a 360 turn on us and started sounding like you're blaming women. Looking at your responses conjures a picture of someone in quicksand. The harder you were trying to defend your response, the deeper you were sinking in the ...

Tynt!
13 Feb 2008 01:30

I have once been solemnly involved ( it led to 1st phase of LOBOLA). W e stayed 2geda for 3yrs after LOBOLA, and trust me: Men can really devastate your brains….

Men kill:
• Your reverie of a perfect marriage ( I used to dream of white wedding and all that *bleep!* but eish its all gone, to the drain).
• Ur self confidence( perceived personality)
• Ur performance within your surroundings ( Family, friends, kids, work, social life, you name it)
• You as a person (Disordered, end up not knowing who you really are.)

Once you hear a women saying: I do not want to get married, its normally acrimony ova their personal experience or exp via their loved ones (but at the end a man is behind all these)

Once you part with that particular abuser: u starts ur life from the scratch: (finding your self and what so eva) but trust me when you done with all the test, you come out shinning Just like gold that passed on burning blaze,

tyoksie
13 Feb 2008 01:34

My dear I feel your pain. I'm sorry that this man of yours (trying very hard not to curse),has made u go thru this pain.
Atleast all the ladies who r thinking of getting married including me will go into it with their eyes open. Thanks girl, u might not be aware bt uve just saved someone from making a very big mistake. MY EYES R NOW WIDE OPEN!!!

sisterk
13 Feb 2008 01:38

I think marriage is a union, you need to think a billion times before you say i do but the sad part is that love alters when its alterations are found, so you need to admit the impediments.this is a time where friends need to be excluded from your relationship coz it seems like he is married to his friends not you anymore.

spice
13 Feb 2008 01:50

His parents and my mother sat us together and his excuses was that i do not treat him right, cook for him etc
Maybe you should look into this one throughly maybe thats were the problems lies ,Maybe you have lost respect for him because of his behaviour and they way he treats you and once you loose respect for your partner it is the beginning of a night mare, beleive me Im living proof of that ,there's nothing makes a man mad or even aggressive like feeling disrespected or worthless in the eyes of his partner Im telling you he willl go crazy on you

myname
13 Feb 2008 01:52

eish guys u are scaring me each en every time u talk about marriage. Ive been trying ignoring this article but i decided to put my fears aside. Mna its okey if i dont get married & its okey if it does happen but right now im so so scared. Mathaz be strong sisi en unfortunately i cant give u any advice, maar i promise u it will pass & nothing cant b solved. Its either its going down or u both fix it bcoz at the end its all about u

LM
13 Feb 2008 02:00

I don't think marriage is overrated, like most blogas said, it can be a beautiful union between two people with 'good heads on their shoulders'. There are both good and bad men out and the same with women. People get into marriage with different expectations and diff intentions. There is a saying that says dibotse ga di lebane....
For e.g...this woman called me today at 12:43am to ask me what the hell I was doing with her husband. Apparently one of her hobbies is to go through her husb's phone and check for sms's,dialled nos and so forth...and later call those people(it doesn't matter whether they are relatives or not) and confront them....it's in her blood, I guess

Just after 8 am the husb called me to apologised for the drama.....he's had it with this woman and according to him the only thing that sustained their marriage up to now is the kids they share....but since this drama occurs almost weekly now he's decided to file for a divorce....the lady is even bared from entering her husb's workplace because she accuses every woman on her path with sleeping with her man. I can't really say this man is a saint but I can say he's one of the sweetest and responsible man I've ever come across....I've known him for 7 seven years. Imagine if this man was involved with a sane woman...like I said...most of the time dibotse ga di lebane!

Mathaz, I wish you all the strength and wisdom you might need to overcome this predicament you are faced with.

Username
13 Feb 2008 02:03

@Amaka I am not sounding like I blame women, I am blaming women. I am a woman and up until a stage in my life I woke and I realize walking out of a relationship and blaming the person I was with for the failed relationship made me walk into another one and do the very same thing. And I did that because I was a victim of the pressure society placed on me to “act” like a woman and chase the perfect dream. Happily married and white picket fence. I entered into a relationship with the dreams and hope that one day he will get down to one knee and I would say yes and we are off to the church and live happily ever after. I never stopped and looked what was happening in reality. That is what women do and man play off that.

@Mathaz You not responsible for being treated like a nobody but you’re responsible for what you did after he treated you like a nobody. And every single action you made in that relationship. I can’t even imagine what you went thru but can say you are better than staying in one place and crying over him.

Cutie Pie
13 Feb 2008 02:07

@ Mathaz - I'm sorry sista for all that u r going thru ryt now. I'm sure when you got involved you thought he was going to grow and be responsible (that's normal). He must understand that things have changed, he can't expect a warm plate everyday and yet u r still providing him with a roof over his head. All i can say my love is that ur husband is very ungrateful. U obviously bought the house and pay all the bills just to cover his own a***ss. You did all that out of love and protecting him from embarrasment. But ke at the moment you have to make a decision. This man obviously had good things that u saw in him before. If u feel like the bad ones overwrites the good ones then there is no hope. We r definitely not in ur shoes, but we feel your pain. The decision is yours..

Has the mother - in-law ever considered that the problem (of not conceiving) might be with his son???

@ Username - I just think ur comment is unfair. I don't know if u've ever loved some1 enough to protect them. Mathaz did everything for
"their future", hoping that the man will grow up. She did everything because she does not want the world to see how irresponsible her man was. She did everything for the better of their lives..And she can't be blamed for that....

Dabs
13 Feb 2008 02:08

A man can only treat that way because you allowed him to do that when you were dating. I believe that this guy started doing this before you got married. That is mostly the case, we get married and hope the person will change. If he was like that before you got married then I have no sympathy. But if he started after, I just pray that your marraige survives and everytime that you think about leaving think of the vows that you made. Maybe he needs a little scare, move out but don't divorce. Any situation is worth fixing, believe and pray to God. Think about why you married him in the first place. Please give me your e-mail and I will pass you a powerful prayer to pray for your husband.

boogy-babe
13 Feb 2008 02:13

It is overated because if it wasnt then uthando belungazophela like it does these days btwn married people & there wudnt be this high rate yeDivorse& this constant cheating yamadoda atshatileyo who lie & say they going kwiconference kodwa they not. Its overated because its not what its meant to be anymore.

spice
13 Feb 2008 02:16

Dabs post the prayer right here on this blog my dear

madomado
13 Feb 2008 02:18

Nna I still say you should PRAY, Mathaz. They say the best gift a woman can ever give her family, is her knees. GO ON YOUR KNEES, mosadi. Thapelo ke maatla - Modimo o phala baloi.

madomado
13 Feb 2008 02:20

Thank you, Dabz. Plz post the powerful prayer here

spice
13 Feb 2008 02:22

If it was a man not a woman who had the same problem as Mathaz would you be saying what youre saying Now?.......... "just wondering "

Dabs
13 Feb 2008 02:30

yes boogy. I'm sick of marrie dmen always asking for my numbers and telling me I look beatiful. They must go tell their wives at home. They must just grow up and stop direspecting their wives with little girls young enough to be their daughters.

Nonny
13 Feb 2008 02:37

*shaking my head*...........damn mabloggers u are powerful, keep it up, ya'll really know how to be there for a sister in need!!!

Dimago
13 Feb 2008 02:37

For e.g...this woman called me today at 12:43am to ask me what the hell I was doing with her husband. Apparently one of her hobbies is to go through her husb's phone and check for sms's,dialled nos and so forth...and later call those people(it doesn't matter whether they are relatives or not) and confront them....it's in her blood, I guess
@LM People still do that in 2008?

Thapelo ke maatla - Modimo o phala baloi.
AMEN!!!

Yes Dabs, post the prayer here....

Dabs
13 Feb 2008 02:47

yeah, i look at my husband's phone and he looks at mine. why is there a problem? And if there is a woman I don't know that he is communicating with I have a right to know. yes you do that because in 2008 there is AIDS!!!!!!!!! and you need to know what your husband is doing, rather be safe than sorry. but calling the numbers is taking it too far.

mabhebheza
13 Feb 2008 02:51

All in good time it will end nd u will look back and see ur self asa brave young women who could overcome such obsatacles for now it hurting but ke bathi Time heals ...God wont give u uthwalo uzokwehlula Mathaz lolo..uzoba right yeva !!uzobana ((((((( a Warm Cyber Hug 2u ))))))))

Just tell urself that i wont take a bimbo like ur husband 2destroy he aint God actully he aint even Will Smith, maybe not even close 2 Zola 7 bona bantu aba famous abaduma nga something !!... so haai-eyee mann! U 2special 4him!

PS; hope im replying to the right article i just browsed thru *my bad* i will read !

Dimago
13 Feb 2008 03:06

@ Dabs The proble is when you look @ your husband's fone with the intention of monitoring his calls/sms etc kanti then where is the trust? And then further calling the 'other' woman? haaibo! where is the self-respect? why not deal with your husband without involving 3rd parties????

Dimago
13 Feb 2008 03:06

@ Dabs The problem is when you look @ your husband's fone with the intention of monitoring his calls/sms etc kanti then where is the trust? And then further calling the 'other' woman? haaibo! where is the self-respect? why not deal with your husband without involving 3rd parties????

Cutie Pie
13 Feb 2008 03:11

@ Dabs - yeah, i look at my husband's phone and he looks at mine. why is there a problem?

That's one step Dabs towards calling the woman. What if you find some romantic sms and when u ask ur husband he denies? U'll definitely want to confirm ur suspicions by calling that woman. Eish mina I beleive what I don't know won't hurt me. I do that by staying away from my man's phone. I think he's respectful enough by not making me feel that he's cheating. I beleive that these things always come out, so if he's doing it it'll come out without me digging for it...Besides, we have that "small voice" that always hints us if something's fishy..so ke mina till then, i won't spoil a good thing..

Regarding AIDS, it's very much under our control. WE SHOULD ALWAYS USE PROTECTION...NO EXCUSE!!!! Whether he's cheating or not...

LM
13 Feb 2008 03:26

Yes Dimags, people still do that in this day and age....and now she will lose a 'good' man because of her stupidity.

And then further calling the 'other' woman? haaibo! where is the self-respect? why not deal with your husband without involving 3rd parties???? I told that woman to speak to her husband since I didn't have time for ishh at that time of the morning.

Tynt!
13 Feb 2008 03:38

I guess mst of us hav gone thru our patners phones, en evn get 2 da stage of callin their mistresses , wrong peeps en what so eva.... En eventually we learn to grow en find peace within us by nt doin it...

What peace is that goin to bring: you call them they tell u *bleep!*, en ur day gt ruined.. nt 4gettin to say: ur luv lyf get ruined 2,...

No ladies: w shudnt do dat, we degradin our selves...

en who knw: mybe ur man en da Mstrs talk about hw stupid u r afta dat..
As 4 bo mstrs bona: ITS CUMIN THEIR WAY, en its gonna cum back harder. Who d thy thnk thy r 2 still anda woman's joy???

Honeypot
13 Feb 2008 03:39

@ Maddie(When the time is right and my maternal instincts kicking in I'll just adopt, i don't have to go through the pain of giving birth to be a good mother besides there are so many orphans who needs love. My opinion and I'm at peace with all of these.)
I feel you gal, those are my thoughts exactly, I mean I had been promised marriage so many times and I know I am not the last nor the first woman to be dooped.Kodwa I would like to thank u Mathaz for mentioning those 4 warning signs, those are truly the signs of a shaky foundation for a marriage. Marriage is not overated but I think we must understand that love alone is not enough and it does not put food on the table nor pay our bills.There has to be trust,respect,security,honesty, reliability + a whole lot of otherthings and then of course love.

@ Spice, what a profound question?

Ms. Jay
25 Aug 2008 04:14

Hey guys, username has some vaild points, sometimes it wat we do or how we respond to someone that causes them to react that way. She proved by what she said and how you responded to her. Getting all defensive without considering what I may have done to create a situation like that and how I am still responding to my situation matters. Marriage is about 2 people,

Mathaz dear marriage is not over rated, you are just hurting and bearing the brunt of his fears and pride - you sound very independant and well God intended for man to be teh provider and sense of security for you not vice versa. He maybe feeling inadequate as a man and hence behaves like that.

God intended for it to be good realise that Satan will try by all means to destroy family coz he knows that there is power in the unity of a family - thru one family a whole Generation can be affected negatively or positively dependin on which you stand belief wise.

Be a woman of prayer all things will begin to work for your good,

to all single ladies....build a strong foundation before you marry, Mathaz I will pray fo your relationship.

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