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5 reasons I wouldnt...

Written by joy from the blog A Joyous Life on 06 Jan 2008
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Holler!!!! Last December I hit the BIG 2-5. I am still single (not by my own choice) but I’m ok with it (4now), unless time goes by and I become “the old lady with the cat”. I am one of those romantic people believing there’s a soul mate out there for each person, I thought I wuda met mine by now. Being a reality TV freak, there are shows that can help in my state, enter the Bachelor. But I won’t be signing up for The Bachelor soon, these are my reasons why.

5. The stereotype of beauty
Thousands of ladies will be sending in their pictures for a chance to meet their “soul mate”, and the producers will be judging who gets the chance from the pics. They would be looking for your conventional beauty: tall, thin, long hair. While I am the opposite of conventional beauty, I’m actually anti-conventional. Being short, ample and with afro. I am a t-shirt, jeans and takkies babe; let me mention my jeans runneth over with my apple bottom! But beauty is in the eye of the beholder (amehlo awaphakelani). So let’s say I’m successful and get selected…

4. “Sister Blister”
Sister Blister is an Alanis Morisette song about girls competing and dissing each other to get the man. So there’s one man, “the prize” and how many females? Living under one roof, competing for his affections. I have one word for you: CAT-FIGHT! Remember Lee-ann (season 4) or Kirsten (season 3) who both went on to lose! But is it/he worth it my sisters?

3. The rose ceremony
I have watched seasons of The Bachelor and imagined it’s me getting a rose from my soul mate. In reality I am not into roses or any flowers because I am such a ghetto child they are wasted on me. Flowers die and roses have thorns. So whether I win or lose, the thorns will prick (see number 1 and 2 below)

2. I lose
Here I am, the final two, but only one rose. In the limousine I am so excited and nervous, I go to him hoping I’m the one…alas, I am not I am sent home to my “hokie”(worst case scenario), on the bus, back to the office and everyone’s stares, points and pity for me. Smiling bravely and saying what a good experience it all was, meanwhile screaming “NOOOOOOOOOOOOO” inside.

1. I win
He chooses me out of everybody, great! We live happily ever after. Rewind! How many couples actually lived happily ever after? Down the road, lights and cameras off, the real world. He discovers I chew my toenails. Or he shouts the word “mommy” in throes of ecstasy. Cut, cut, cut!

Part of the reasons why I am still single at 25 is because of this romantic ideal, where I expect a date to be like an episode from The Bachelor.
Let me be content with my life, soulmateless. In my quest to meet my true soul mate I have countered hilarious situations and have stories to tell my kids, that is if I don’t end up “the old lady with the cat”.

Romantic bloggers out there, I know u there; imagine a home brewed Mzantsi version of The Bachelor, hahaha. The location, Cape Town, Joburg, Durban? Cape Town is gorgeous and a great place for romance.

# 5.Where would your ideal date be, where in your city would you take someone to impress them? What do you find beautiful, I’m all about inner beauty. Have you met someone you have great chemistry with but no chemistry in the looks department? Have you ever been rejected on looks?
# 4. Do guys fight for girls (cos I see a lot of this from girls about men)? Did you have people fight over you? (What a great feeling!)
# 3.What gifts melt your heart, are flowers part of it?
# 2. Have you ever fought for anyone, did you win or lose?
# 1.If you won, did it last?

Finally,,, sistas, have you ever made the first move? Guys, how would you react to that?

109 Comments

joy
06 Jan 2008 02:34

#5 Helicopter ride to Table Mountain, watch over the city lights,ahmmmm. #4 yep, i just love male attention, from the right men ofcos #3 chocs, simple gal at heart #2never in a fist fight, just competing (guilty!) #1i'll think abt it!
I never made first move, scared of rejection...

WhiteSockGirl
06 Jan 2008 03:04

5) The Kalahari… this one specific lodge. Bagatelle. Amazing.. check this out: http://www.bagatelle-kalahari-gameranch.com/facil.htm  I’d been there once (my job… sigh) and I vowed to go back with a sexy man. I am working on Gorgeous Man to ‘surprise’ me...
Chemistry is a must. Without that kissing is like chewing stale old bread. Yuck.
Inner beauty? What is that? Just joking.. But I have to find the person attractive. So, yes, outer beauty is important. I am very attracted to intelligent men,… and I always attract men that are into mind games. I have no idea why. Rejected? I don’t persue men… they persue me. am a fabulous bitch, ok?
4) I heard that girls fought over men. They must be severely desperate. I am fabulous not desperate.  What man is worth losing your dignity over? Men fought over me? I don’t date men who do not have self worth and selfrespect.
3) Love flowers… white roses. Jewelery would always melt me. I am vain and shallow.
2) If he does not know what he has in me, he is not worth the effort anyway.

joy
06 Jan 2008 03:21

WSG:Chemistry is a must. I totaly agree! but what if he damn ugly,but chemistrys excellent, wud u still go 4him? Gosh that always happen 2me, chemistry in loads, but low on looks,eish. i hate myself 4 bng vain smtimes, coz i believe in looking deeper, but i dnt practise it
>>I am fabulous not desperate. What man is worth losing your dignity over? << and losing ur looks too hey? coz u gonna look like a boxer out of the ring.

WhiteSockGirl
06 Jan 2008 04:27

'but what if he damn ugly,but chemistrys excellent, wud u still go 4him?'  
If there is chemistry, then you obviously find him attractive...  is that not what it is all about?  Being attractive to that person...  The rest should not matter.

Tshd21
06 Jan 2008 06:54

# 5.Where would your ideal date be, where in your city would you take someone to impress them? 
Anywhere, as long as I can still wear my dirty-and-seldomly-gets-washed white-all star, be comfortable and have great company!!... But I would like the proposal to be in Paris! Lol

Have you ever been rejected on looks? 
Yep!!! twice!!! 1. He was a model and dumped me because I did not fit in with them skinny !!!!@@s! 
2. He was a model scout and I,  most of the times, found myself answering why I do not lose a kilo here and there, go to gym and focus on my tummy and  wear make up because it will make my eyes more noticeable.. The nerve!!

# 4. Do guys fight for girls (cos I see a lot of this from girls about men)? Did you have people fight over you? (What a great feeling!) 
I am so sad I missed this moment...but my aunt saw everything and lived to tell the tale!! (I wasn't going out with either of them though!! *wink*)

# 3.What gifts melt your heart, are flowers part of it? 
Can you believe no one has ever bought me flowers? I'm hoping that it will happen some day! But nothing melts my heart like attention and a sensual tongue trip round  my body!! Hi-hi-hi

# 2. Have you ever fought for anyone, did you win or lose? 
No, don't think I'll ever do it....I have learnt (the hard way) that you cannot force someone to love you. If they don't, move on...that will save a lot of heartache and drama!!! 

heavenly
06 Jan 2008 11:30

#5<Have you ever been rejected on looks? > i have this thing of pushing people away if i think of them as a certain  kind of girl(the kind that is not me) man, i guess all in the name of trying to avoid this.

Mawandi
06 Jan 2008 12:22

mina dont want too much stress from the begining,a home cooked meal (any thing as long as it is nice food unless the mam want something specific but me not fussy) is cool for me it can be at a womans place or my place, once we know each other we can, dine out, watch movies,we can visit any place in SA and have fun.

joy
07 Jan 2008 00:56

Holler @y'all! I SO wanted2 reply y/dayBUT ima technologicalbimbo wen it comes 2 replyin 4rm my fone,i couldnt wait 2 get 2ofis. R U guys on polka?PLUS, y/dayi met upwith i guy i used 2 know (over 3yrs), "know" in the biblical sense (tsk), i dnt know wat 2 call him, ex? on/off b/f? Lets call him Brotha Joy. we just talked, nothing abt "us".thnk Gaaaaaad! nuff bout me,...
WSG:Chemistry 2me is when u got things in common mentally but facially its opposite (example 2 follow) AND>>>>Rejected? I don’t persue men… they persue me. BUT u know Benyonce and co. came up with Independent women song,we r liberated now so its 50/50, 21st century.am a fabulous bitch, ok?haha,ok
TSHD:stay far away 4rm models, unless ur in cpt wherever u walk u spot one, cant  ecape em, I would never date some1 better looking dan me, fighting 4 mirror and i get jealous.Have you ever been rejected on looks? me too but there was nothing happening,just flirting. Those dnt realise they have a short shelf life, so when they hit 25 they r packed away into a box and thrown out. u cant base love on looks only, i have 1 word 4ur exes=LOSERS!I have a pair of adidas takkies bought in 2003, never washed (they dnt smell, trust me!)im feeling u on dirty takkies LOL!
HEAVENLY:  PLS elaborate,im lost!u into girls?
SWAZI: wat ur fave place (tshisanyama)ko kasi?

joy
07 Jan 2008 01:00

MAWNDI:ur a guy,so pls be our guinea pig (help, spelling!).Have you met someone you have great chemistry with but no chemistry in the looks department? Have you ever been rejected on looks?Do guys fight for girls?What gifts melt your heart, are flowers part of it? What gifts do u give?Finally,,, sistas, have you ever made the first move? Guys, how would you react to that? sfunukwazi!!!!

Mawandi
07 Jan 2008 11:42

I will talk for my self.

Have u met someone you have chemistry with but no chemistry in the looks department?  eesh dificult question nehh me I want both, good looks and chemistry, dont get me wrong am not saying a woman has to be a supper model to look good or abe u beyonce then it will be unfair to all woman,if I get a super model  that will be a bonus and girls you dont have to be a super model to look good taking care of ur self will make you look good if u know what I mean.

Have you ever been rejected on looks? It has never happened in my life ubuhle bendoda izinkomozayo.

Do you guys fight for girls? no we dont fight we compete there is a difference, but mina I dont like competition iyakhathatza.

What gifts melt your heart are flowers part of it? flowers no! no! not for me, gadgets ye yes,clothing eesh yahh rather ask me what I like, cd ka maskandi  wonderful I love music phela ungawakhohlwa phela ama chocolete hawu ngiyawathanda nawo.

What gift do you give? from lingerie to what ever, hawu ne stick sweetie naso siyi gift.

if a sista make a first move?? eesh no answer on that one because it usually the ones we dont like.

on a seriouse note sistas  if you make a first move you must be ready for anything, u shouldnt have high hopes  quite impossible neh!!
rather make some hints you know what to do sistas and you are good at it if that bastard you want does not see your hints he can go to hell, dont go all out.

Tshd21
07 Jan 2008 11:51

@ Mawandi: Have you ever been rejected on looks? It has never happened in my life ubuhle bendoda izinkomozayo....Hi-hi-hi-hi-ha-ha

Beyonce
07 Jan 2008 12:13

LoL at Mawandi

Nanana
07 Jan 2008 12:20

Hi B

Feza
07 Jan 2008 13:30

Haai wena Nanana, why do i get the feeling you follow me everywhere I go. You have a crush on me? I'm kidding girl, please dont respond :)

Joyous Girl, the trick is Keeping a man, not getting him. Any one can get a man, but keeping him is the real issue here...if you ask me.

Hey life is so funny. you know, when I was in high school and tertiary i used to think I was not getting a "man/boyfriend" because i had no action in the bedroom. guys dumped me all the time because i was "too scared" and had never had sex and would not dare even go there. (I'm a late bloomer, ok, its allowed)
And I used to think, "As soon as i'm sexually active, i can get and keep a man". (I was a kid, please dont laugh).


Anyway, there's a book i've been reading, Why men love bitches, scarry title, hey? It says the only way to keep a man is to keep him on his toes, by not assuring him where he stands with you and by standing your own in a relationship. 

And the things that scare men off are :naggines, mothering and insecurity. 

He's not that into you is also a very good read. 

Joyous: there are as many men out there as there are jobs. Go out a lot, mingle, network. one thing though, dont expect many men you come across to be single, or without a girlfriend. 

So put on your best mood, best outfit, smile and get out there, you will be with a man very soon.


eish-bo
07 Jan 2008 13:36

sistas, have you ever made the first move? Guys, how would you react to that?

Yeah I once made a first move at a guy, it's a pity it didn't work out but we are still friends and we joke about it. just glad that he is in my life though as a friend "hmmmm"

hotchocolate
07 Jan 2008 14:09

hi,guys I'm new n am glad 2b part of u all.Ive always believed tht men r hunters n I'm the 'hunted',I gt 2u much pride 2 make the 1st muv so I use ada sharp tools(no seductn)I gt 2 lure a man n b4 u knw it I gt the 'dawg' wrapped arnd my finger.

cnhlanhla
07 Jan 2008 14:59

thanks shuga i got the article, i now need to go back to the replies b4 sending mine. thanks again

cnhlanhla
07 Jan 2008 15:13

haaa! making a move on a man me never I'd rather be single..too much pride neh? or it's how i was raised.

Mambox
07 Jan 2008 23:28

Sistas, have you ever made the first move? Guys, how would you react to that? 
We were in the same college but not same branch, met at one of the get togethers also ran into him at the gym @ the time i was with my friend. One day i decided to call him and i did...i told him "there's this girl who has a crush on you, she thinks this this and that about you..."  he got all excited at the end i said "and that girl is me" and the excitement was GONE... daym! he thought i was talking about my friend from the gym :-( what a waste of time and biggest mistake of my life... i couldn't face him after that, i even quit gym.

A few months after he calls and says we must do something about what i told him but this girl wasn't interested anymore or maybe it was still the embarrassment...

Toodecent
07 Jan 2008 23:36


Have u met someone you have chemistry with but no chemistry in the looks department? Nope it has never happened...!
Have you ever been rejected on looks? Yah but honestly I went there with the idea of releaving stress as I had broken up with ma gal...besides i was 18 she was 24 and it didnt work out for me and her..! Am sorry yazi I actually regret using her as she called it..!
Do you guys fight for girls? . Why should I ? Nna i would leave in peace although hurt...!

What gifts melt your heart are flowers part of it? Gifts..? Never received those.
What gift do you give? Flowers, cd's and T shirts..!
if a sista make a first move?? Ahahaha will wait for that day..!

Mawandi
07 Jan 2008 23:54

cnhlanhla : you must be accessible phela while you have that pride dont build a wall around you ungabi yi afganistan, you might loose a man of your dreams I am not saying hunt a man, by giving some hints u wont lower your pride.

Mawandi
08 Jan 2008 00:03

lets define chemistry guys???  

Renegade
08 Jan 2008 00:12

Tsho TDC(hi), u need to talk to my man, he doesn't understand the concept of giving flowers.
@Mawandi or anyone else: I've always wondered about this statement "ubuhle bendoda izinkomozayo. ", what exactly does it mean? I thot it was about the amount of money a man has. Like the more money he has, the more muhle he is?

Amazing
08 Jan 2008 00:24

I don't give a hoot about flowers, as long as umncimbi wasezingubeni uphashash, I'm all good.

sponono
08 Jan 2008 00:27

Renegade "ubuhle bendoda izinkomozayo. ", what exactly does it mean? I thot it was about the amount of money a man has. Like the more money he has, the more muhle he is? 

EXACTLY that ..izinkomo is the moolah itself..not the actual cows (nowadays)
 it comes from the old tradition that a guy who lobolad with more cows is mushle.....(even though he might look like a chimpanzee)...so if I pay more money during lobolaring thats a sign that I'm loaded....and that makes me handsome in your eyes

sponono
08 Jan 2008 00:28

Amazing...nango 2008 usasithandela umcimbi..hi hi hi

Amazing
08 Jan 2008 00:32

@Spopo Eish Spopo, you know mos, angina choice! It's the only thing that ever goes right for me relationshipwise.

Toodecent
08 Jan 2008 00:33

I don't give a hoot about flowers, as long as umncimbi wasezingubeni uphashash, I'm all good>>> Oh my word but true that..."setswana sare bokobo ba monna bo bonwa kwa dikobong."

Now coming back to The Bachelor i dont see any sense in it really..! I mean to me its an orgy experience or being a don juan. Was watching this other one on MTV or Base over the holidays called the Power of Love (*I think*) it was late at night and oh my word the women actually spread them legs for the guy, the funny part is the one who blubbed about giving him a ride of a life time and that they deserve to be together didnt win...DAMN on TV..? I wouldnt.... even if the bachelor was Nonhle Thema or whoever.

monchooza
08 Jan 2008 00:43

Thatha Amazing.....LOL

Amazing
08 Jan 2008 00:44

Spopo check you PM (at your very own peril).
2D exactimundo. That show on MTV is nasty, humping on TV just for a rose, some women need a dildo PRONTO.

J-Girl
08 Jan 2008 00:45

AMAZING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ha!!
I used to think the same, but aikhona ayispani laway, I've come to realise. I've become uKabelo - ngizfuna zonke...amaflowa...amawalks in the park...movies...amadinner and of course nebhedi (kakhulu kakhulu)

Renegade
08 Jan 2008 00:51

Thanks Spopo, thats what I thought, I was just getting confused by the context that it is being used here....

Amazing
08 Jan 2008 00:52

@J Girl Nami Jgirl ngizifuna zonke mara mawungazitholi zonke uyazi consola angithi? So if the dude is being a schmuck in the other departments you just use his talents in the department of Sports and RECREATION to the max.

J-Girl
08 Jan 2008 00:55

@ Amazing - LOL!!!!

myname
08 Jan 2008 00:59

Lol all of you

Amazing
08 Jan 2008 00:59

JGIRL  Awuthandi uku khebereza ude uthi kakhulu kakhulu kwicwale lebhedi. I hope umama wakho uyazazi ukuba akazelanga apha kuwe.

Cnglemother
08 Jan 2008 01:03

I made the first move on the guy i met in hospital and damn that was a wrong move, the brother took me for a ride, he told me straight up there is going to be conditions since he's involved, ( normally i dont do involved men, but this was too hard to resist) and i agreed (big mistake).  He never called, called me to ask me to call him back or speak for 2 minutes and was forever running out of airtime. His idea of sending me an sms was a callback, he asked if i was on mixit so he can send me sms's cheaper and i dont do mixit. 

He visited me in my house, left with one of my cd's and never returned it, went all out cooking him lunch. I stopped calling as i am very quick to see when a guy is not so into me, and a month later he called to say he was in my hood at some party and he needed to see me later and i knew he needed a place to sleep ova, i agreed but waited until it was late and there were not taxis and drooped the bomb on him via sms that he better come and see me as i am going to soweto to a party and only then he told me he wanted a place to sleep and suggested he goes to soweto with me that night and hell no. and a month later he calls me asking me if we could stay together (his cousin is probably tired of his sponging ways) and i refused. All i am saying is for women its never safe to make the first move as men never take you seriously and use it for their benefit. But i am not agaisnt it i just made it on the wrong person. 

I am 26 and still single so relax joyous babe, it aint that bad. Pls God dont let me the old lady with cats, i need a man that i will get old with.

Amazing
08 Jan 2008 01:12

Cnglymamly was this guy Xhosa?

J-Girl
08 Jan 2008 01:21

uwenzani amaXhosa Ama? Oh obhuti bethu!

Amazing
08 Jan 2008 01:28

J Girl mna inyani ndinayo sisi. Ama O amaXHosa mahle andali, kodwa bayancuva, abafuni ukukhula bengafuni nokukhupha imali. Azange ndabanayo indzodza ethethayo. Andikhathali noba umhle kanjani kodwa if uthe gqi kum wathi "Molo sisi unjani wethu!" I'll run a mile. Kodwa abazalelwe kwaye bakhulela in places other than EC and WC baright shame.

Lex
08 Jan 2008 01:39

I also would 'shela' a guy,am too shy.

J-Girl
08 Jan 2008 01:47

True andali mara eish wats up with that behaviour yabo? Since the J-Man I doubt if I will ever go back to amaXhosa, ever! like i said ndizfuna zonke bona they give u ibhedi and then post your orgasm u must do the rest...the dinners...the bejaring (some are not even afraid to ask u to give them money baya kwaMzoli neboys, rha!). Whateva happened to ipride yenu bobhuti mase makhaya?

Uber B
08 Jan 2008 01:48

5.? What do you find beautiful, 
I find inner beauty quite appealing together with slight arrogance, dont know why but I think arrogant guys are damn fine! Plus I have realised that facially fine looking brothers take you for granted and that so called unlookable guys have great personalities.
 Have you met someone you have great chemistry with but no chemistry in the looks department?
Yup I met a guy that I worked with who was lacking in the looks departmet but I had alot of sizzling chemistry with, we could talk forever and had a good conecttion.
 Have you ever been rejected on looks? 
Not really but I have seen guys going for my bootylicious friend instead of me. Oh well that probably counts for rejection.
# 3.What gifts melt your heart, are flowers part of it? 
Anything thoughtful and sweet and no flowers(got hayfever)
@ Feza I thought so too, about that mentality that if you sleep with a man you'll be able to keep him however I realised  from all my friends teary confessions that once they slept with him he simply put on his pants, stopped callin', ignored and never came back. If he did he would just be back to use them. 

Amazing
08 Jan 2008 02:04

@J girl Ithekanti unenyani nawe. Mna kesana anduwudlali lomdlala, I'm very careful with the finance department. Awuno tya mna uphinde utye nemali yam. Never, kunga netha izi matisi ngalo mini.

Cnglemother
08 Jan 2008 02:09

Amazing he is Xhosa (limpondo lase Lusikisi to be exact), how did u know?

J-Girl
08 Jan 2008 03:59

@ cnglemommy - typical baXhosa yhu, who doesnt know that?
@ Ama - we share the same centiments girl! Uhhh guys from PE are notorious for this!!! tl tl tl!

joy
08 Jan 2008 04:16

i "met" a guy these dating sms thngs (i have more stories) we smsed back and forth,it was gr8, then...he asked 4my pic, i hate that cos 1)why does he need a pic,isnt gr8 conversation enuf? i think its shallow. So I DID send him a pic of myself (i never do) but cos i liked him. I asked his, and heard xcuse after xcuse 4 weeks,so i cut connection. one quiet day, minding my own business, nantso isms, *ahh its him,yay!*,i open sms, MMS pic...yhuuuuuuuuuu!!!! i closed it, shook the image off my head, drank some COLD water and sat down, took slow breaths. I re-opened mms,heh the pic is stil there,hawu. is it? it cant be,no?! Hawu,it was Nightmare on Ndiyoyika Street!! Chemistry went strait out the window! we continued 2sms but it wasnt the same until no mo sms. im embarrassed of myself coz i dnt judge ppl on looks

joy
08 Jan 2008 04:25

On the flip side: I "met" a guy on these sms dating thngs, we smsed back and forth, it was gr8. He had bn tellin me dat girls compliment him on his looks, i thot ja dat wat they all say. We were in the same city, we decided 2 meet, ok. wow he was cute looking, read:young, i felt like miss piggy next to him, and i wasnt myself anymore conversation wise (speechless) so we cut communication indefinately!

Never dated a Xhosa guy ( 4long periods) there was one broke ass,it was just shaggin (twice) he used 2 sweat,eeeeewwwwwwwhhhhh!!!! Then I met a gd Xhosa guy, gd job, own place, marriage material, but no chemistry,eish!

Enuff bashing of xhosa men, some bayabheda, NOT ALL!!!!!!STOP!!!!!!!!! And Xhosa men, dnt embarrass urselfs,pick up ur game pls!

monchooza
08 Jan 2008 04:31

Joy i know the feeling, i have experienced that sometime in my life and i must say at times its better not to know the person you chatting with

Amazing
08 Jan 2008 04:31

Cnglmom Your story had a Xhosa guy written all over it. That's how I knew it. If only Venda and Tsonga were as good looking as their Xhosa counterparts. Because shame bayasivula isandla hayi nje kancinci. Ngaphandle kwemali, they know how to take car of a woman. 

PS. Don't attack people. These are just generalisations, call them observations I've made over the past couple of years.

monchooza
08 Jan 2008 04:43

i dont know why mina i just dont believe in this tribalism thing or generalising people because of their tribes or languages. mina i just believe ukuthi every person is unique iregardless of their language

joy
08 Jan 2008 04:53

MONCH: Ja its better not knowing neh, so if he cute, then mna i run, if ugly, i run faster in opposite direction!
Finally,,, sistas, have you ever made the first move? Guys, how would YOU,Monch react to that? Do you guys fight for girls? What gift do you give???? I MUST SAY THAT I AM PERSONALLY DISAPPOINTED IN TDC' ANSA 4 DAT! IM SURE U CAN DO BETTER! C'MON
tHNX Y'ALL 4 sharing even the tough parts, it only makes u stronger and a better person.
Girls its 2008 dnt be so uptight, step out of the box and be adventurous! Dnt be 2proud, or be AFGANISTAN as mawandi put it so well!!

Amazing
08 Jan 2008 04:57

@Monchy It's actually got a lot to do with where a person grew up. I grew up in CapeTown and some of my friends did so in EC. We can't all be complaining about the same thing if its not true. THere's a huge difference between WC and EC guys and the ones from the rest of the country. THe reason why we generilise them as Xhosa is because these areas are dominated by Xhosa people.

Cnglemother
08 Jan 2008 04:58

Amazing its true bayasivula isandla hayi kancinci, I have this other venda guy i still dont know up to today if he wants me or not coz he does not say anything he just showers me with gifts and money left right and centre. I mean he even went to the extent to surprise me in hospital to come and see my child univinted bringing nappies, food for me & my son and paid for maxi taxi to take us home. I have never ever asked him for money but nje uvela avuleke and i will never ask him as his genorosity and compassion just overwhelmed me and sometimes i feel so guilty accepting his money but i am single & have a child to feed what can i do?

Toodecent
08 Jan 2008 05:00

I MUST SAY THAT I AM PERSONALLY DISAPPOINTED IN TDC' ANSA 4 DAT! IM SURE U CAN DO BETTER! >> I gues you reffering to looks answer.. thats why i said I regret. It wasnt the looks actually it could have been anyone.Still i dont approve it.

joy
08 Jan 2008 05:14

What gift do you give???? I MUST SAY THAT I AM PERSONALLY DISAPPOINTED IN TDC' ANSA 4 DAT! IM SURE U CAN DO BETTER! C'MON
Thats the 1 i mean! i read ur article abt love and relationships, how 2 love better neh, 4got title, and i thot a guy wit style! maar, >>>>What gift do you give? Flowers, cd's and T shirts..! <<<< wat a let down!

monchooza
08 Jan 2008 05:14

shem single mother i love where you say "i am single & have a child to feed what can i do?"

SHEZ
08 Jan 2008 05:20

In my quest to meet my true soul mate oh my word this girl  is very real big up sister i second you.

Amazing
08 Jan 2008 05:20

Cngly Nam ndisenalo case yom Venda ondi spoiler to death even though andiyazi nokuba ibheke ngaphi indlu yakhe. I've known this guy two years. Undipha imali all the time. Ndigqibele kudala kwa ukuthenga iairtime nge mali yam. Xandi frustrated he takes me out and I got robbed a while back and now I'm carrying a skadonk. He saw it and told me that I can't carry it anymore "not while he's alive" (those were his exact words) So this weekend I'm getting a U700. yay. 

THe difference between me and you is that he thinks he's my boyfriend already. WHich is kind of stupid since I haven't shagged him at all. His brother calls me all the time to ask when I'm visiting the family up in Venda. And I always lie and say soon. But I have no intention of going there. 

THe thing is I'm not feeling him at all. I even lied and said I was pregnant last year just to get him out of my life (because I was starting to feel guilty) but he told me he would like to raise the baby as his own. So ke, umntu uyithini into enje? Especially now that I'm not single and I'm going steady with another guy.

Toodecent
08 Jan 2008 05:24

Oh that... in real life little things are the ones that mean the most. If I can afford a car as a gift i would mara lenna ke yellow pages self.

Cnglemother
08 Jan 2008 05:43

Amazing umphiwe nguthixo wethu that's how i justify the situation mna, xa ndicinga uba ndandizohamba ngantoni esibhedlele nomtana ogulela ukufa if wayengavelanga coz ndandibroke enye into, bathi akaphi ngasandla mtshana so be grateful. But pls dont use him, thatha lonto akupha yona. Mna lo wam i wouldnt not mind dating coz akukubanga kangako kwiwindscreen yakhe uyajongeka qha ndiworried about abantwana esizobenza naye kaloku bona benza imithsugula yabantwana and ndiyoyika ukuya ekhaya nomtwana ongacacanga. uyawazi amaXhosa asetranskei xa ufike nosana olumnyama.

Toodecent
08 Jan 2008 05:51

Modimo weeeeeeee....! Amaizing that is some cold hard ish. You beta get the guy outta ur life now or bigger and bad things will come in the near future...read my words letter by letter.Its either you take him or chop him while its early.

Gucci
08 Jan 2008 05:52

you must be accessible phela while you have that pride dont build a wall around you ungabi yi afganistan @Mawandi

I don't give a hoot about flowers, as long as umncimbi wasezingubeni uphashash, I'm all good. @Amazing
This is why I miss this place...Kwa Kwa Kwa....nithini?

Now coming back to The Bachelor i dont see any sense in it really..! I mean to me its an orgy experience or being a don juan @TDC
Hmmmm....BIG WORDS!!!

Toodecent
08 Jan 2008 05:59

And oh... did you say he is bokhotshe Monene...? Then..don't give a hoot about flowers, as long as umncimbi wasezingubeni uphashash, I'm all good>>> Statement of yours right..? You should give him a shot  but dont be addicted....hi hi hi hi hi

Wasup Gucci...

monchooza
08 Jan 2008 05:59

Amazing ivenda lakho lizokuloya strong once abona vele ukuthi there is no future for you two.

carino
08 Jan 2008 06:16

What do you guys think about internet dating? I think that's what its called, forgive me... Do the relationships ever work? 

Amazing
08 Jan 2008 06:25

@Monchooza That's what everone's been telling me. But I have tried getting rid of him but he's like a cochroach he wont go away. I've decided that I wont accept his phone. Sometimes I'm overly familiar with guys in front of him and he still doesn't budge. What must I do?

myname
08 Jan 2008 07:19

Then he is done sana ukuqgibile he he he he

Pooky
08 Jan 2008 07:40

monchooza what is lizokuloya strong - what does it mean???

tshepiso
08 Jan 2008 07:41

# 5.Where would your ideal date be, where in your city would you take someone to impress them? What do you find beautiful, I’m all about inner beauty. Have you met someone you have great chemistry with but no chemistry in the looks department? Have you ever been rejected on looks? Yep several times
# 4. Do guys fight for girls (cos I see a lot of this from girls about men)? Did you have people fight over you? (What a great feeling!) i never fight for a man and I won't either
# 3.What gifts melt your heart, are flowers part of it? DVD's and box of expensive chocolates
# 2. Have you ever fought for anyone, did you win or lose? never, never ke legwala nna
# 1.If you won, did it last? 

@ Carino internet dating never works not for me only but for all.

monchooza
08 Jan 2008 08:02

ukuloya is to bewitch

Pooky
08 Jan 2008 08:05

oh ok enkosi Monchi monchi....

joy
08 Jan 2008 08:59

TSHEPS: never, never ke legwala nna NAM!!! I RUN!!
so guys: Have you ever been rejected on looks? It has never happened in my life ubuhle bendoda izinkomozayo. NIBAHLE KANGAKANANI, HOW BEAUTIFUL R U, ACCORDING 2 THE COW SYSTEM??

hotchocolate
08 Jan 2008 14:18

@ AMAZING:I kinda fil u gal,I actually h8 it wen guys let the fling/connexion go on 4 so long wthout thm saying anything,it luks lk its mo common thn I thot,thot it ws only christian guys.I learned tht the best thng is 4 the gal 2 do the part of confrontin the guy b4 matters gt ugly.as taf s it may b it's best u ask hm 'wategwan',sad thng is tht u gn luz all the gudies bt hey ud b shedding a lot of troubles 4rm yo bek.mina I dnt thnk there r 4mulas 2 such thngs so solving ths by 'sms' works 4 me-yeah I am a coward-bt in sotho they say:'ha bo boyi ha ho lluwi',it dasn hurt 2b coward u cn only benefit .

cnhlanhla
08 Jan 2008 16:02

hi hi hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii

heavenly
09 Jan 2008 00:27

@JOY: sorry i was not here for a while, read my statement again you'll get it<a certain kind of girl(the kind that is not me) man>

joy
09 Jan 2008 00:46

Heavenly, mna still lost,few brain cels,askies!

Bantu benkosi, how did we manage 2 go SO off topic, abaloyi, nabaloyiweyo-uuushem, hehehe! Theres actualy an article apha that had me laughing so hard, stil does, if u wnt 2 hleka go to blog named Isixhosa. the xhosa manage 2 get dragged into this one, AGAIN!
Lets just be a little mo considerate 4 others, pls, (masicingelaneni)abt the pure vernacular languages used 2 respond. Mzantsi has 11 official languages, so we wont all understand. Lets live joyfully ever after

CARINO: i dnt know, i RUN away wen thngs start 2 get serious, its not a serious thng mna i guess
TDC:>>>If I can afford a car as a gift i would mara lenna ke yellow pages self.<<< YELLOW PAGES, LOL!!!!!! u not the only 1!!! a car as a gift is a bit over the top, its the small thngs nyhani

Finally,,, sistas, have you ever made the first move? Guys, how would you react to that? Mna i just flirt in general wit guys njee 4 fun, nothng serious,,, And then the guys gets the rong idea, he start tell every1 and feels like THE MAN, shem im sure he never got so much attention in his life b4, the horror!

Soul-Queen
09 Jan 2008 03:09

I know its weird but I have never ever made a first move to a "brother", but here's the freaky part, Every guy that I find attractive and handsome ends up coming to me for a date. 

I dont send signals but still they make their moves on me, beauty aside, I know I look good and everything but its just weird that I alway get all the guys I fancy!!!!

Amazing
09 Jan 2008 03:28

@HotChocolate I have tried smsing him and telling that I'm pregnant with so and so's child. I even went as far as giving a guyfriend of mine an overly inappropriate hug in front of him but he still didn't get the message. I once left my phone in his car and asked the same guyfriend to call me and ask for me. That happened and he answered my phone and heard my friend saying "Hi sweety." But he still didn't confront me. So what must I do?

Amazing
09 Jan 2008 03:36

@Cngly Ndiya bazi nonomthsuguru, andibafuni mna qala. Iwes kaloku e Trankei baqhele abantwana abahle isdala sento. Anywho, kuba njena ke kum. Once ndingabinamntu, akukho mntu o right ondifunayo. Kodwa the minute ndi jola, wonke umntu uyandifuna. Yesterday, I met this guy who lives in the block of flats next to mine (same complex). Umhle ingathi akayi e toilet, and he wants to take me out. But I have a boyfirend now and I'm extremely happy with him at the moment. So andiyazi ukuba uSathana undilingela ntoni endazi ukuba ndi right apho ndi khoyo.

Ngala xesha bendi single, bekungeko kwamntu ondijongayo. Nditsho ne Chomi zam bezindisizela ingathi ndinesimnyama. Ngoku, ndi ngu Flavour of the month. But I must say, I'm enjoying the attention, it makes for a nice change.

joy
09 Jan 2008 03:39

SQ, hiiiii: 
Where would your ideal date be, where in your city would you take someone to impress them? 
What do you find beautiful, I’m all about inner beauty. Have you met someone you have great chemistry with but no chemistry in the looks department? 
Have you ever been rejected on looks? 
i rarely flirt wit guys im interested in, scared of rejection. the 2 guys i dated long time, approached me and played those hard 2get games
I like guys with dreadlocks, or a lot of hair, i want hairy babies, like me, LOL :-)

Cnglemother
09 Jan 2008 04:05

@Amazing, stick to your current boyfriend otherwise uzoluza okukhoyo ngento engekhoyo, bahlala bebahle wethu abafana ngaphandle ingaba singaphela ngala madoda amahle ingathi ngamantombazana. but u are wrong with your unhealthy stunts to the venda guy, mxelele nje kakuhle and if akamameli utye imali qha, u dont need to pull all those stunts you pulled zephone nepregnancy.

Amazing
09 Jan 2008 06:31

Amazing
09 Jan 2008 06:43

@Cngly I'm too infatuated with u current wam, andisoze ndenze anything engasimoshela. Lo umhle gqithi, ndizambona second half. u Mr Venda yena ndisezayitya imali yakhe because ndiyambona ukuba uvuyela nje ukubase caleni kwam. Ndidikiwe kuku sizela abantu abangisizeliyo, ndizo bhanxa ngento le ka Thixo. Anyway, I'll stand up for my own sins come judgement day. So I might as well enjoy my way to hell.

joy
09 Jan 2008 07:24

YAWN

heavenly
09 Jan 2008 08:06

ok joy lets try and break it down, you know when you see/meet a guy and from his style, lingo etc you think you know what type of girls he goes for( and you dont fit the profile- in your own assessment); thats where i run, dont even give the guy a chance.

Mawandi
09 Jan 2008 12:47

kakakaka!! cnglemother your date are weired iyoooh haicha some man!!! be creful next time they will borrow your underwear kakakaka!!

Mawandi
09 Jan 2008 12:57

I'm enjoying this place, you guys are crazy izinto enizibhalayo iyooooooh.

Toodecent
15 Jan 2008 00:14

The girl I was referring to on the show Power of Love which is Black Bachelor her name is Tiffany "New York" Polland. A sex tape went out flying on the internet yesterday with her  and some guy...! Visit www.ahotmessblog.com  to read about it... and there is a Vid... but 18+

Nonny
15 Jan 2008 00:29

Dankie TDC.

Nonny
15 Jan 2008 00:45

Gaaaaaaaad TDC I just come the "ahotmessblog" site & danggggg they know er'body's businesss man!!!

Zee Babes!
15 Jan 2008 00:49

@ Soul Queen - sana abt guys you fency following you - damn you luck...bt i suspect dat you flirt with them, and then like normal human beings they follow the lead.

Toodecent
15 Jan 2008 00:51

Yep...there are a few sites like that one and she is all over them but its same video.

Miss K
15 Jan 2008 01:36

Cnglemom and Amazing: ingathi nixakene namadoda nje khaniwazise apha kum. Its almost a yr since i moved to Joburg kodwa indlela endilamba ngayo sana i even miss my stingy Xhosa brothers back in PE!!

 I feel u on the Venda man part, i met one when i first came here and he was great and all mara yho iwindscreen hay shame, i couldnt even go places with him coz i became a laughing stock!

awelani
15 Jan 2008 01:49

Haibo, not all Venda man have an unattractive wind-screen, I have a Venda guy and he is handsome.  I know of some xhosa, zulu, sotho and pedi guys who are not handsome.  So maybe Miss K, Cnglemom & Amazing were just unfortunate to meet those guys.

teev
15 Jan 2008 01:53

Mornig btfl ppl
@ Miss K, sana speak of Venda guys yaack kubo you must put a pillow in your face. but they are so caring and Ja Amazing they r a gud ATM  hahahahah..

Dintha
15 Jan 2008 02:07

Miss K, ulamba njani eJoburg emadodeni amangaka unless you're choosy which is not a bad thing but iyalambisa.  One thing I could neva do was to date my own sotho brothers. I take them all like brothers. 

awelani
15 Jan 2008 02:13

@teev: No comment on ur statement above.

belz
15 Jan 2008 02:18

Hayi some Venda men are  not caring at all, a friend of mine was dating one and yho bekukhala iscathulo sayo leyandoda, my friend ddnt have a say in anything at all, if she wanted a shag she couldnt say ngoba this man nguye who was calling the shots, and ubestingy that guy, i rememba my friend complaing ukuthi they went out kubraii or something, so she told him to buy him amasavanna, that man bought 2???? for the whole afternoon, yimihlolo phela le, 2 savanna is warm up how can someone expect you to drink to savanna on an outing.

Miss K
15 Jan 2008 02:19

@Dintha: Amadoda alapha sana have girlfrends and they expect u to 'understand' that ufike ekhona uMrs therefore they'll see u when they can and u can't just call them anytime. Sorry but i don't do the 'understanding' thing very well hence i'm still single and lonely.

mr smith
15 Jan 2008 03:06

you must remember we are all pretty in our own way and waiting for the right one could take for ever so its up to you to follow your feet and go out to find what you are looking for.
I have had girls pursue me and my last girlfriend i had, Did make the first move and damn I like that cos it builds my confidence and I think girls are equal to men so nothing wrong with woman charging after men..
Yes there is happily eve rafter and you must just find the right person. I have never beaten up a guy cos of a girl cos what she did to me she will do to the next guy and oh she will hurt him more cos i don't wear my Hart on my sleeves.

That reality TV is *bleep!* cos why cant woman and men find their own match, that is cheating the system. be strong and have patience.
no I hope you are satisfied with me answer and see it as my personal opinion.

Dintha
15 Jan 2008 03:24

I agree with you but must say I also admire them for letting you know in advance that there's someone. I prefer those type of guys. Not that I'll go for the understanding part coz once you agree you'll have to be teh other woman for the rest of teh two timing relationship. I like to play but hate to share my toys. I'm with you all the way sana. Been there and am now still pintching myself coz  Mr Right-Now is oh so fabulous to me.

tender tee
15 Jan 2008 03:41

i've had a guy telling me that he has someone but gave the excuse that the relationship was not what he hoped it would be and i fell for his story only to find out that he was lying, the same guy told my friend the same story and we discovered it after he phoned me and my friend answered the fone- 
some guys are just plain nasty and we fall for the"i have someone story" thinking that they are the honest and good types,,,

i think we should just do what we would like done to us in return cos like you say Dintha sharing toys is just not on. if you dont want to share your man why settle for someone who tells you upfront that he's taken...???

Dintha
15 Jan 2008 03:49

tender tee, that "I have sum1 story" is so tenderized and marinated that some women can't help but fall for it. For years I was u-Main-main or mabankbook or Fasti whatever you call it but in the long run ndabona ukuba we aint going nowhere plus it's useless sitting there hoping that the guy will love only you in the end. I say WALK AWAY.

tender tee
15 Jan 2008 04:02

one can never understand this dating game........

joy
15 Jan 2008 04:48

TDC:The girl I was referring to on the show Power of Love which is Black Bachelor There's a black version of bachelor?? and they doin what? hawu! banjani abantu bakuthi, y couldnt they just hav the same format, it would been gd cos there are few ppl of colour in the original show! but they had 2go and do that...nc nc nc

myname
15 Jan 2008 08:16

S*** TDC i saw that DAMN that disgusting sani. I didnt finish it but damn

Toodecent
15 Jan 2008 08:21

TDC:The girl I was referring to on the show Power of Love which is Black Bachelor There's a black version of bachelor??>>> Its actually called Flavour of Love. I catched a glimpse of it on MTV or something on DSTV during the festive.

2867780
21 Aug 2008 13:35

wat the *bleep!* is this

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