There is a lot of talk and controversy around the topic of couples living together before marriage lately. Varied views have been expressed on the matter with people going so far as calling it evil and not a blessed setup in the eyes of uMvelinqangi. It always amazes me how easily people use religion to back up or substantiate their personal views and opinions. (An opinion though is just that, an opinion). Before giving ones two cents worth, it would be prudent to first try and understand the rationale behind this new craze. Sifuna ukwazi!
Probably the biggest reason for lovers living together is the simplest and most obvious, love. Two people feeling so strongly about each other and wanting to live together is the biggest driver of this new phenomenon. Traditionalists will be quick to argue that if a man and a woman love each other so much, why then do they not just get married? It’s a valid point but when one factors in the realities of marriage for young Black People, its certainly no longer that easy to ‘just’ get married. The cost of the traditional as well as western aspects of a wedding can get astronomical. The cost of a beautiful wedding gown is only equalled at times by the Hugo Boss leather jacket that your father requests from his in laws requests uma kuzocelwa intokazi yakwakhe. Eyi amakhehla aseyasi verstana istayela nokotini.
Of late the trend yo’kipita is driven more by practical considerations versus the traditional emotional ones. The cost of living today is at an all time high. One of the biggest costs is accommodation. Certainly staying with a loved could save one a lot of rent money. I have even heard off couples purchasing a house jointly so as to be able to enter the property market. There are added benefits of staying with a person of the opposite sex. For us,women, staying with a man can provide a sense of physical security in these unsafe times. And for amajitha well hey, they do appreciate the culinary skills that women come with as well as their home building traits.
There are downsides of iVat n Sit. From iperspective yabantu besilisa, staying with a woman will have consequences for your social lifestyle as well as general freedom. There are serious expectations you create in a woman’s mind by staying with her and she could forecast this present ‘arrangement’ as ‘forever’ and as such may begin viewing herself as uMrs. Once in this mind state, she will in affect begin to act as if she were your wife. Personally, i think having a live-in partner before you have consciously made the decision to settle down is nigh impossible. From a female perspective, by staying with a man, you run the risk of placing a man in a comfort zone where he has in effect gained a ‘wife’ but has not paid the price as it were nor committed himself to marriage. You will be amazed how quickly 10 years can go by nikipitile.
Without really expressing judgement on whether cohabitation is correct, I can raise one important consequence of this which affects both the man and the woman equally. By staying together couples in effect raise their relationship to a level which they may not necessarily be ready to go to. Staying with somebody is a hell of a thing to do. There are consequences of this. The question is are you ready for these? If even one of you is not, you both have in essence condemned your relationship to an early conclusion. That is the real test.
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