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Marriage vows - what do they mean kanti?

Written by zaa from the blog Darkie Taal on 14 Sep 2007
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I'm very much concerned about the high rate of Divorces in Mzantsi worldwide.  It seems as if Divorcing is the "in-thing" and here am i used to think that taking a vow b4 God's eyes was like swearing (rite word?) under oath. In the good olden (spelling??) days, marriage was sumthing so precious, valuable and it stood the test of time (look at our parents, grandparents, our forefathers) but nowadays marriage is like a fashion trend, sumthing u can get in & out of for the fun of it.  

Personally i think ppl marry for wrong reasons, the most dominating factor being the financial security.  Today we read about wives killing their husband (or vice versa) & for what? coupla rands?/possessions? Y the greed vele? I keep wondering ukuthi if sum1 has walked down the aisle more than 1ce, does s/he really (i mean really) mean his/her vows? 

Why the marriage route if u not ready? (financially,emotionally, mentally) or if u know that's not what u want?


What do we really MEAN when saying "I do"?

97 Comments

lizzy14
13 Sep 2007 09:47

I blame everything in democracy everything started happening after this *I have rite* thing was introduced…having too much rites nje!!!!

Bra Bizza
13 Sep 2007 12:42

i do = until ish happens,i'm cool with you......thing such a happily ever after is bull ish as no one can be happy for ever.comes a time you go through rough stuff and this is where i do needs to be put into action but people are quick to jump the ship.

we are born into fantasies that do not exist....cause when you speak to the old people....all the fantasy that we live by is totally different to what they define as a marriage....hence they hold it up till the end of time.

Beyonce
13 Sep 2007 13:05

zaa darling... who is divorcing you?

mathata
13 Sep 2007 14:51

MY DEAR LET M TELL YOU SOMETHING,sometimes i think we dont mean what  we are saying .people they put sex n money first,we dont think abt future.other people love each bcz of a car or designer clothes once o shata that person those things of fashion they are finito,now we must think of  dipitsa,bethe not meterial things,all sudenly you think they are  going to give you money like  gale jola 4get it,so u think of DAVID or SOPHY.so we dont think 4 the future,go jola le commitment they differ a lot,ntho e bohloko SA re thuma ka hara AIDS,so i think b4r we divorce we must think of 4 words

immaculate
13 Sep 2007 16:27

people get married for the wrong reasons, EXAMPLE...a baby, money, family pressure, peer pressure..............once reality kicks in_the D word appears! So advice: NEVER GET MARRIED, if u do...u will be divorced....kekekeeeeeekkk...Only marry for the right reasons!

LM
14 Sep 2007 01:10

Misty-Lepako
14 Sep 2007 01:14

what are the right reasons for getting married guys, i'm about to get married and everyone around me asks me whether i'm sure i'm getting married for the right reasons, 
this should be the most exciting moment in my life but no, its the most stressful moment in my life, it feels like people have had so many negative things to say about marriage that i feel like there's nothing to look forward to
getting married for financial security is not necessarily a wrong reason, there should be other reasons supporting "the financial security reason" when one gets married, the truth is the standard of living is just too high to act all modest and idealistic, one needs to be realistic in saying i want to be comfortable when i get married, who wants to get married into debt in any case and hey sometimes getting married cause the sex is good is just plain ridiculous because sex will definitely not put food on the table
my advise is if you can get yourself a rich dude who will support the family get married to him, if he's not good in bed...........................dont worry about that cause trust me you'll get a man who'll be willing to service you........................the bonus is there will be no strings attached...............

babyjoe
14 Sep 2007 01:26

Personally i think ppl marry for wrong reasons, couldn't agree with you more. 80% of my friends are married (i don't know for what reason but they seem to be secure.) anyways i used to torture myself and get into relationships hoping that someone will propose marriage and i think thats why those relationships ended nowhere.

Recently i have discovered that i don't need to get married cos i don't think any man can stand staying with me for a month. I don't know but i am not the kind of person who change for other people, what you see is what you'll get and until i find someone who is not trying to change me but understands me for who i am, i'll be single and waiting.

The thing is people, especially ladies, they love pretending to be something they are not and after they get married they expose themselves and the poor guy realises that he is not gonna stand for the b****'s ish and divorce the woman. 

If its not a man cheating, its because the woman becomes a little devil after being an angel for a long time. 

thats what i think leads to divorce.......

belz
14 Sep 2007 01:32

Misty, the last sentence on your reply is unacceptable for a person who's about to get hitched.   as Bizza said i do means , we cool until *bleep!* happens,  many pple say marry for love, you can love a skhotheni who wont be able to provide you with the necessary stuff so clearly yu cant be happy in this case, i say marry someone who yu are comfortable with, someone who you can call your friend, and who is financialy stable, pple can say all they want kodwa imali is very important.

Package
14 Sep 2007 01:32

M-L--- gal ur getting married and u'r already talking abt bad sex and getting serviced elsewhere...!? u're already pre-empting the marriage... financial security alone is bad reason to get married... unless ke happiness is not key kuwe
i'm not sure ngawe...

the right reasons are (according to moi)
1)love, 
2)someone you feel safe with, 
3)someone who'll be there in richness and when poor, 
4)sick or health
5)a friend you wanna spend the rest of yo life with

Suzilicious
14 Sep 2007 01:34

Misty what are you on about "sigh" ?

Gugs
14 Sep 2007 01:40

OMG Misty-L what reasons are you getting married for?

Package
14 Sep 2007 01:42

i'm with u belz..... 
i'll marry a guy who i'm crazy abt who earns less than mna, but he shudn't be a burden on me. as long as we living comfortably... and most importantly that the love is still there

immaculate
14 Sep 2007 01:48

Misty-lepako...i don't believe u said that_for someone that's about to get married...heheeheee batho ba khotso! Marrying someone for financial security and getting serviced somewhere else is pure Adultery! 

One Right reason for hitchin:
Get married because u want to. Not because u are pregnant!

Irene
14 Sep 2007 01:49

I take our marraige vows quite seriously and it has been a great 10 years so far - I'm not saying it was all a bed of roses - you do go through some really tough times, where you just want to through the towel in, but then you think of all the great times you've had togheter and  you stick it out which makes it so much more fulfilling and draw you closer to one another.  First of all you have to love the person and then respect them and their views. Compromise and support of one another is the other golden keys.  I really do believe that if you don't put God first in your marraige then all would be lost. You have to have some sort of direction, and this is what has worked for us.

LM
14 Sep 2007 01:57

I heard that LOVE should not be the only reason for getting married....apparently marriage requires something deeper than that....shooo, it is complicated stuff.

GQ
14 Sep 2007 01:58

Misty Misty Misty...y even bother gettin married then. Y not have that man as Minister of finance coz it seems that's all u want him 4 & then have Ministers of Recreations (read entertainment) who'll service you till the cops come knocking...

Foxy gal
14 Sep 2007 01:58

Hey guys I get wat u talking abt coz really ppl have lost ubuntu & love along the way!!!

But it is not always the case there are still ppl who marry for all the right reason as Package has stated!!!!!!

I am married & i know that i married the best man for myself bcos i have no regret of getting married 2 him  i feel that i know him & he knows me(u can say I married my friend & that is a bonus). I think once u know that person is your best man 4 u & he knows you the best for him no 1 is gonna go around looking 4 the bests of other people (I'm not saying there is no man outside who can provide 4 me mo than he does(that's not tha point) but this 1 is the best 4 me no 1 else is!

And yes there are ups & downs and that the best part , knowing that when we are down we are gona be up eventually & we will always be together!! When i said I do I meant that i will LOVE & be with him in everyway!!!! Hoope this makes sense guys!!

Package
14 Sep 2007 01:59

@  Irene.... Amen sista gal... God first!

and to the ladies still seeking the good man, i recently read that you must not go searching for a man, search for God first and he will lead you in the right direction. and we must always pray for the man we want...
and don't look for qualities you don't even possess yourself... eg.. I'm looking for a honest, tidy man...., when u're a lying piece of ish, and ixelegu!.... don't work like that. Develop the qualities you want in yourself before you ask them of someone else

Package
14 Sep 2007 02:03

Foxy-G....... i get very motivated when i hear ppl like you........ gives me hope.

zaa
14 Sep 2007 02:19

@TVSA staff  - thanx 4 the blurb images uv created 4 my articles


<<<zaa darling... who is divorcing you?>>>

Beyonce, u nkutlwisa botlhoko waitse?

Segololo
14 Sep 2007 02:37

Hau bantu!!!
 Let me just settle in and Little Oprah will be back to tell you all about it... AND this Little Oprah is married!

Mickey Mouse
14 Sep 2007 02:41

Hey Zaa, I'm with you gal, I am also confused I don't know what is love anymore. You know what in my situation I'm inlove with my exboyfriend who dumped me for another woman who was pregnant his  child and that was 6 years ago. Now I'm engaged to be married and the poor guy have paid lobola but my ex is back now he wants to be my "ishende" I LOVE HIM TOO MUCH.

The bad part is I love my ex more than my fiancee. I'm praying to God to help me. I don't want to get married if I still have unresolved feelings for my ex.

belz
14 Sep 2007 02:46

Mickeye mouse: go to your guestbook, geez you sound too confused and i understand.

Dimples
14 Sep 2007 02:46

Morning, very interesting topic Zaa.  The very same thing is happening in my church right now.  Everybody is getting engaged, im taking about girls who are between 17 - 20 years, its all because of peer pressure. These are the kinds of things that will keep on increasing the rate of dirvoce in SA.

And the most sickening thing u'll find abo "brother" beza kuwe bathi sebebonisiwe. And our "sisters" instead of going to pray and question God about it, guees what they will do, Bazoqala bagqokise okomama, bakhulume njengo mama.  Mabakhuleka sebebonga umyeni nje qha, akusekho okunye.

STUX
14 Sep 2007 02:55

i personally think the love of nowdays goes for material possessions.people nowdays goes for people with materials,and the materials have taken place for love.its boring,its better for me not to marry nowdays.gape go nyalana batho basale  babotlana go na le impact cause fa le gola le ntse le le mo nyalong,le felela le luza intrest,thinking tha your partner is boring!

zandii!!
14 Sep 2007 02:58

i think im back 4 real missed yu guys

mazi
14 Sep 2007 03:00

@Foxy gal, i agree with u cz nam i am married and i enjoy each moment. when we have our ups and downs i knw that wl get through it cz we r both commited to our marriage. 

@M L : the rite rsns are 
love and responsibility, smn1 who is responsible wld definately knw that u nd to have food on the table and ur dreams to fulfill not uskhotheni ozotya imali yonke etywaleni and nw he ends up being ur first born cz u wl always have to bail him out.  

when we r going thru a rough patch, i focus to our vowes, cz i said phambi komfundisi in GOOD time and in BAD Times. ubomi abukho perferct and no one is perferct

libra
14 Sep 2007 03:02

i think people still think of marraige as a bed of roses where they will leave happily ever after-but its not like that.the two of u have to want to make it work and also be ready to face the downs that come with marraige.
being in arelationship for a while before jumping into marraige also helps(my opinion)- but there are some people ge ba sa jola they do not learn to handle thier relationship as they would when ba nyetse.therefore come marraige time they ran away when trouble comes cos they never paracticed while still dating.  practice makes perfect-even in relationship.
be willing to accept your partner's flaws- remebember u are not perfect urself
always try to look at the positives ya relationship.even when you are mad at him - keep reminding urself of all the things u love about ur partner-they usulaaly outweighs those u do not like.
ga e le marrying bcos o preggies or for money or pressure yona - its out and u will get hurt at the end.

mazi
14 Sep 2007 03:12

@ Mickey M: gal bcareful with ur ex, what if he wants to brk ur heart again. i once in that situation my ex dumped me for another woman and eventually i decided to move on when i was really happy again he cam back begging me to take him back and i did but i realised that he hasnt changed at all and that he was abt to brk my heart again so this time i dumped him and i told him ukuthi he needed to grow and he thought i was joking. 

2yrs dwn the line i met this wonderful and later we got married and i dont regret that a bit and yena after my wedding he 4ned and i told him ukuthi he must neva call cz i am nw married to sm1 else, so my experience has taught me that ur ex may not have changed at all maybe izinto azihambi kakuhle ebomini bakhe so he just taught of, as sn as izinto zakhe zihamba kahle he will dump u like a hot potato and u wl be hurt all over again.

Cande
14 Sep 2007 03:14

Eish mina i don't see any marriage lasting around me. People i know get married and 3 years down the line they are considering divorce.
I don't think i want to get married BUT i will like to have kids one day.

Foxy gal
14 Sep 2007 03:22

@ Mickey mouse - I think that this guy is coming back just bcos he sees that u have found some1 who loves u & who u loved (i still think u love him still) until he came to confuse you with his charm and mind u he is not promising u any commitment but he just want to use & abuse u (ishende!) once he has separated u & your fiance his gone & u left crying, regreting leaving yo man & feeling soory 4 yo self!!

Please think deep & hard abt this b4 taking any huge step for yo future!!!

I'm no expert but hey I feel what u going thru!!!!

myname
14 Sep 2007 03:25

Talking about people changing after they r Mrs who who who. My freind was a gud girl & i stil miss that other side of her. She is so insecure & moody all the times. I dont say dont watch ur man when they r going out bt she is crazy. The guy cant go out with his freinds incl . my boyfreind. He needs 2 b free like he used 2 b. Drink with his boys & have a gud time . She so strict & she can shout sana infront of us & ndibe nentloni. She lost i-respect & im getting scared bcoz he is drinking 2 much now. He was the gentleman bt now he is lusing it bcoz of the wife. Guys i think respect is the best tool & plz pray 4 ur family.

Segololo
14 Sep 2007 03:29

My parents are divorced, My husband's parents are divorced - We want different experiences for our Prince(s) K and Princess(es) K... So here's my take on this issue... How I view Divorce and why it happens...

Peeps - i love music - soon to write an article about this...

If you listen to Lauryn Hill's forgive them father she has a verse that goes

"It took me a little while to discover
Wolves in sheep coats who pretend to be lovers
Men who lack conscience will even lie to themselves, to themselves
A friend once said, and I found to be true
That everyday people, they lie to God too
So what makes you think, that they won't lie to you "

So, we are all here to live our lives - to the best of our abilities with the knowledge that what we do we cannot be judged for - Only God can do that.

We will experience life differently - with a conscious effort from us to do so, of course - and we will be liable to the experiences and the choices we make.

When I vowed to "love in sickness and in health, in good and in bad times, in debt or in wealth" I meant every word. It was and is a vow I made to myself and to my marriage. Note, I wrote "My marriage", not "my husband". Therefore whatever I do, I have to be certain it is for the best or good of our marriage, me doing MY part. It is very easy to blame, put judgment on others, push people to do what you want, but to make yourself do what is best for you and your purpose is harder...

So, people get married for different reasons, love being the most noted BUT I will fully support those who divorce because of emotional, physical, mental, sexual or any other form of abuse because that is not what they vowed to do or for in marriage. They vowed to love and be supportive and be supported emotionally, physically, mentally, sexually and in every way needed and required but not live the opposite of what they vowed for. Infidelity is another one that I will be supportive as a reason for divorce – I will not say to someone "your life is worth living with a cheater that does not appreciate you or even communicate what they need and are not getting but take the easy way out".

Sometimes people lose focus on marriage because of in-laws; there is no need – you can get angry and vent but remember that since you could never choose your family but could choose how you need them in your life – the same applies to your partner, they can’t choose their family but have the choice of the kind of relationship need they have. As long as you and partner deal with your individual families without muddling up YOUR marriage, it’s all good. In the end, it is YOUR marriage, not theirs. 

Solele, my married spirit soul mate and great friend, agrees with me that “There is nothing wrong with the institution of marriage but there is absolutely everything wrong with the expectations of others and yourself on the institution of marriage.” Therefore, decide if marriage is for you and all that it comes with it – the good, the bad and the ugly. Make the vow to you and YOUR marriage and pray that your partner does the same. 

If s/he is abusive and a cheater – Why bother? Someone will love you and give you what marriage is for; a lifelong partner that you will agree, disagree and agree to disagree with you with each and every vow you made in front of God… and will make you see the WORLD in a whole different way. I love you, King K!!

Little Oprah – My 2c worth!

myname
14 Sep 2007 03:32

Dont 4get PRAY 2GETHER i know some guys can b stubborn like my father every time u pray ask him to say something. Its doesnt matter whether LUFEFE as long he said some 2-4 words. That marriage is about 2 people not u. My father used 2 say 2 my mother "Oh gqiba nkosikazi amadolo am abuhlungu" & i thought my mother was crazy bt she knows that without praying there is nothing & we r nothing.

Gugs
14 Sep 2007 03:33

Mickey-M girl he is an ex for a reason as much as you still feel strongly about him don't do it cos you can't trust that he won't repeat what he did to you. But in all honesty you know deep down the answer to your dilemma it just a matter of doing the rite thing. at the same time you can't marry someone and hope that u'll love him more one day

tshepiso
14 Sep 2007 03:34

zaa darling........ for everything in life to be real it should have being competed for, if u get married to a stranger the divorce is soon, 

tip for everlasting marriage:
1. advertise  - going out with single friends to busy & classy places
2. shortlist  - promise about 5 wo/men that you luv them.
3. interwiew - check for: finance, background family e.g genes, behaviour, and does s/he satisfy u (sexually)
4. appoint in contract  - that is when u r not sure of the whole package u looking for.
after getting all u need from s/he then a permanent appointment which is marriage. 
belive me. it does not take time.

myname
14 Sep 2007 03:48

And another thing listen & learn 2 other couples that went through hard times & after discuss it with ur partner. By doing that wenzela if something happened similar 2 that u know what 2 do & try 2 solve the matter. Marry some1 who is complimentary not supplementary. Grow 2 luv him/her & Communicate with ur partner.

Dimago
14 Sep 2007 03:53

Marriage is a commitment, people dont know what commitment is anymore. As soon as the going gets tough, they want out. Which explains the high divorce rate in our country.

Abuse of any nature is unacceptable, but anything other than that can be worked out with lots of hard-work and staying power!

Lekese
14 Sep 2007 03:53

"a vow I made to myself and to my marriage"
Sego, this to me is the crux of the marriage. You do not make the vows to the hubby but to the covenant of marriage. 

mazi
14 Sep 2007 03:54

@myname, u cld nt have said it better. le nna ke re communication is stl the best medicine thus far for any relationship. guys mna i am out of here nw, my boss kps lookin at me so ha ke batle ho re a nkobe. nice blogg Zaa.

myname
14 Sep 2007 04:40

@Misty-L the last time u asked about the right reasons & mine are; Listen & encourage, Ask each other's opinion if u r not sure about the decision u wanna make, Apologise & 4give, Be positive & accept differences, Talk about ur luv, Pray 4 each other, RESPECT, Give luv & share luv last bt not least tell ur partner u luv him/her. If u read carefully i didnt mention money bt since Belz already mentioned, yes it is important since everything needs money.

Misty-Lepako
14 Sep 2007 05:03

guys i see i put a spanner in the works.................me i respect marriage, i just wanted to see who amongst us still see marriage as a sacred union and am glad a lot of us still value the sacredness of marriage, it would kill me if people were not staying faithful in their marraiges

myname
14 Sep 2007 05:08

@misty say u r joking, sana usile maan

Mtwana
14 Sep 2007 05:24

i know 6 girls under hte age of 30 who have been married and now devorced coz they married old men with a whole lot of money and nothing else, they did not love them, just wanted to have a young wife to show off and marriage shoudl be abt love an more love and building a family for your children, imagine now, how many children are being raised by single parents and dwhat do they learn abt being raised by a single mother who calls the father "some piece of rubbish" what values are we instilling inour children, liyabhubah I tell you

Lex
14 Sep 2007 07:37

Guys we are all different (as I previously stated in yesterday's blog ya cheating),and we all get married for different things,different strokes for different folks right,its up to the married couple to ensure that their marriage works out.Almost all my friends are married (actually one is getting married 2moro and another next week) or have babies (come to think of it,I'm the only one without any of that) and I say congrats to them bcoz they have their reasons for being where they are now.I am in no way feeling any pressure for not being where they are and I am proud of that.I have turned down two marriage proposals in my short life (yuuu,I hope ga ka latlha lenyalo weitsi) because I felt I was not ready.Had I accepted I would be very unhappy now,and I am so loving being single its not funny.So guys what I;m basically saying is that whatever ur reason for getting married - stick to it and ensure that ur marriage works (my 2cents worth)

KeleFabulous
14 Sep 2007 08:12

hmmm...after reading all of htis i'm definately sure: I WANT TO GET MARRIED!!!

gaitsedi
14 Sep 2007 08:41

@mickey mouse,,,,,,,,,,,,ds person loves you now bcz you have some1 who loves you,once you dump yo hubby he isgoing  2change like  weather,honey 25men *bleep!* m in a year n skirlek i met somebody who want somebody to take careof n my dear  tose guys *bleep!* m like no body bsness,my father past away i didnt have money for transport (R25) i call them ba botlhe I dont have,mpotse,I was so hurt ,I became a cheater,the more i  play they (Romans do,)they start 2 love now i married with my old men  we are happy now we live in  Canada,those Ex when they see m they chok,so i married my hubby 4 good rson the time we met he didn't have money so im a big thinker we are on top now,everyday he tell m if was'nt m he dont know what will happen with him, i think if you get married  first think of team player things will b OK im 30 my hubby is 50 ohhhhhh my gaaag Im a hard worker n i told my self i whont raised my kids with dvor ce ,our parents they been strong,so let doit like them,but if we like publisity,is where problem comes

Pru
14 Sep 2007 09:08

People mistake feelings for love.Feelings go away after sumtime bt, love stays forever.There is also this thing of  "we've been together for years now" the years that you've been together don't guarantee you marriage.So  people fool themselves when it comes to marriage, they just want to see that diamond on the finger even if they are not in love.

Pru
14 Sep 2007 09:15

Irene i also i agree abt putting God first.Thats the best thing you could do for any marriage.

Beyonce
14 Sep 2007 12:00

he he he, trust  Little Oprah to come up with that:)! I hear you my friendship... you inspire us to be better.

cocktail
14 Sep 2007 12:49

Why would i want to get hitched  when all the marriages i know have collapsed? Dont get me rong those who get hitched go ahead im supporting u 101% but sorry not for me!!!!!!!

lorrelai
15 Sep 2007 03:07

Segololo said it better than I would have, it's exactly how she puts it.

sjura
15 Sep 2007 08:01

I stl believe that Marriage is one of the best institution u can eva find in the community.....bt for mna i dnt thnk i l eva b able to be that commited thats y im staying single for the rest of ma lyf bt m safe coz i hv a baby oredy so i wnt b going afta people's hubby jst 2 hv a child and brk a marriage in the process.To those who have been thru hell n back i say KIP UP THE GOOD WORK n i wsh everyone who's thnkn of gettin married wil take sumthng out of this topic.but mna nho nho nho senyoree.. m nt up 2 ths marriage thingi nobody can stand m cz sumtymz i cnt even stnd maself.

Cande
30 Apr 2009 14:41

*looking back*

ANGELIC.SMILE
30 Apr 2009 15:16

I have been very fortunate if that's the word to call it because 2/3 guys that I have dated had pledge marriage to me I even had an engagement ring at some stage a beautiful diamond ring I loved it on my finger but when he started making arrangements with my family I chickened out and told him Im not ready and he asked me for how long and quiet frankly I didnt know..

I was only 17 he was 20 and we were craze about eachother I was just too young to understand what the engagement meant that from the sight of the ring I jumped at it.. then time went by I was stressed and took it all out on him watever he tried to do for me I'd critisise until he had enough and cheated on me and by the way I still had the ring and when I found out he's cheating I lost it and all he had to say was ''You pushed me'' and he was right because he really tried to reach out but I was too much of a Drama Queen... my point is get to know that person before even proposing let alone accepting...I lost him to that girl and I have never seen him so in love and I advised him to wait until propsing to her we are very close friends till today..

what Im saying is the person who proposes to you is not necessarily the love of your life just another mistake, a step closer to finding her or him...Im glad to say we have both learned from it and have found better love and very much happy...But yoh He was flippn good in bed lol we had sex when I turned 18 hawu tltltltltl 
All you need is love, security. knowing eachother and faithfulness

machinjiri
28 Oct 2009 23:41

thanks beyonce for aking him

zozoe
29 Oct 2009 09:07

Lex
29 Oct 2009 10:08

tl-tl-tl,I went to a wedding last weekend and have two this weekend.The wedding fever is upon us peeps.Anymore invites,TVSA peeps?

cleve
29 Oct 2009 10:16

yes, TKSM is getting married in March 2010............

Best-Achiever
29 Oct 2009 10:18

NNa Lex im tired of weddings, honestly ... i have so many dresses that i dont even know where to dress tham after those weddings.... these them what what is so wrong because some  dressed real look wrong if there is no theme

maud
29 Oct 2009 10:43

i told my self i wont respond to any topics until i  reach my dedline, which i am not seeing happening anytime soon ,but i had to say something regarding this.

Marry for Love for love only, everything will come together, i was single for a very long time and enjoying my independency and marriage was not on my vocabulary, but trust me when you  find Mr right , you know , you feel it inside, and the vows will always be in your mind. you dont have to change your life style, but you change from (me) to (we,) love him /her for the person she/he is .

to ladies dont try to impresshim be yourself, stand furm on your grounds. you will be the happiest wife in this entire world, no one is perfect there will be those days, but if you have love enough, you will pass through that.
talking from experience, and it feels good to be Mrs...

cleve
29 Oct 2009 10:52

Congratulation Maud and GOOD LUCK!!!!!!!

TheLady
29 Oct 2009 11:03

Changed your mind Cande?

GML
29 Oct 2009 11:07

People make marriage what they want it to be.

hubby and I have completed pre marital counselling. and I'm glad we did it. We were able to address problems we had and talk about them in a civilised manner. now we discuss issues the way we did in counselling and it works.

Communication is key. Being best friends is key. Being brutally honest and knowing not to take it seriously but as a learning curve is key.

Being able to know boundaries in Relationships is key, knowing how far you can go with in laws is key.

La Dolce Vita
29 Oct 2009 11:11

I totali agree with Maud...u DO feel it inside,everything falls in2 place and things r just insync..

GML
29 Oct 2009 11:14

More importantly for me is that hubby and I- before the negotiations- said that we are not marrying to divorce, we are marrying to stay married and to stay happy in the marriage. To do everything in our power to keep each other happy as we are now. To love each other no matter what.

We made the promise to ourselves. And he asked me that If i had the slightest doubt I should tell him now so that we can address it before we commit ourselves.

We made a promise to each other and it will be confirmed/solidified by our minister in March next year.

Dont marry to be complete but marry to be complimented as you are.....

Lex
29 Oct 2009 11:18

I just think weddings are beautiful,and I soooo wanted to get married until I realised that the only thing I like is the wedding day,not the real life after that.Maybe I will be ready someday for a lifelong commitment,but until then,I'll just continue to love weddings.

blueroze
29 Oct 2009 11:37

mhmmm
it is really something to think about
people around me are unhappy in their marraiges, yet i am still saying i am getting married, when i meet with him

i told myself i will get married at a certain age and it is in 2 years time
so yes i will marry 
i believe in it

felfel
29 Oct 2009 11:45

U have a boyfirend nah ngoku myname awuzithethi izinto neh, lol

madleza
29 Oct 2009 12:08

b4 falling in love i think you have that picture of the person you want in your memory and when you have find one i think these are most important question you have to ask your self

1. do i love this person if yes why ? is our love based on material thing if yes is not love 
2.is this person the kind of the person i want . if yes . really the person whom i want to spend the rest of my life with
3.does he /she satisfy you  sexually (NB sex is the foundation of relation ship to men )
4.does he /she really take care of me ( in a good marriage people take care to each other 
5.can i tolerate his /her weaknesses 
after  you have answered this question then you get married and take vows to my understanding vows means the person i only love care respect and will be faithful to through hard and good time until death do us apart 

realist
29 Oct 2009 12:10

You may not like it but marriage is contract finish and klaar. No love is involved once you sign on the dotted line.

Mathaz
29 Oct 2009 12:27

People fall inlove with a person's trait rather than the actual person, what would happen if he no longer makes you laugh? 

baby e
29 Oct 2009 12:30

And GML is getting married too. 

I would marry for LOVE.

realist
29 Oct 2009 12:32

People fall inlove with a person's trait rather than the actual person,
Is it possible? If yes how?

blueroze
29 Oct 2009 12:52

.does he /she satisfy you sexually (NB sex is the foundation of relation ship to men )
i dont agree with this

Sslave
29 Oct 2009 12:56

marriage is not for kids. I'm still struggling to figure out my identity and do not even want to dream about my wedding day. I'm not sure if I'm straight or gay.  At some point I thought I was ready until I realised that i was making the biggest mistake of my life.

I have a friend who got married last year and she is so depressed that she attempted suicide twice because she cant take it anymore. When she got married they had problems already but she went on with the wedding anyway. Her reasons were financial security and because they had a baby together. I tried to hint to her that waiting might be a good idea. The only thing that i can do now is be there for her. She even started the process of divorce and after i gave her the same advice (waiting) she put everything on hold. I feel for her because she's always down and out. All she does is sleep and cry. I went to her house on her birthday to drag her out of her home to lunch but it was impossible. We ended up crying and eating chocolates. :-(

zozoe
29 Oct 2009 13:04

shoo

maud
29 Oct 2009 13:20

i think whats inportant know your partner first, in that case you will be commiting to someone you know and no hidden agendas, i dated my husband for 7 years before we got married, nothing is new, he knows me i know him. through this seven years webroke up for year i dated some othe people  so did he, we realise we made a mistake we got back together , and we are planning our first child.

Mathaz
29 Oct 2009 13:25

@realist what i meant was that i for an instance would fall inlove with someone who is financially secure but if he were to lose something i would find him unlovable.

My take is that if you are to marry, marry someone who'll provide for you financially.  There must be a balance, arry for love and for security.  Men are natural providers and therefore to be quite frank never marry someone who earns less than you, lest you end up being his provider. 

cleve
29 Oct 2009 13:29

Realist for once I agree with you regarding marraige. I remember when I was stila newly wed going on about LOVE........................... Ja ne, marrige is just a contract  and stability fela.

I don't believe in love, TKSM I know I'm hurting you here uyazifela ngothando

cuz-cuz
29 Oct 2009 13:51

well if i ever get married i wont say till death do us apart, but as long as i am inluv with u that i will be with you through good n bad, sickness and health da da da. so when i leave you n ppl ask i will simply tell them i am no longer inluv with u, unlike when i leave u n we are still both alive cause that would mean i lied to the ppl that were at the wedding, most importantly to God. 

Maybe it time they change the line till death do us apart, cause this is what make those that dont wanna be divorcee (that dont wanna be seen as liars)to kill their partners, that way they stick to their wovs. 

let me read yo all comments

Cande
29 Oct 2009 14:28

No i havent The-LAdy

realist
29 Oct 2009 14:39

@realist what i meant was that i for an instance would fall inlove with someone who is financially secure but if he were to lose something i would find him unlovable.
Agreed. As long as he serves your interest you stay interested. 

Men are natural providers and therefore to be quite frank never marry someone who earns less than you,
Are you referring to men? If that is the case, I fully agree.

Realist for once I agree with you regarding marraige. I remember when I was stila newly wed going on about LOVE...........................
Thank you. It is not about love but commitment to each other.

madleza
29 Oct 2009 14:47

if you know that you don't love your partner but you marry her/him for the sake of the baby gona loving is a skill you can learn to love your partner and live happily after

mathata
29 Oct 2009 14:50

Did i wrote that Bs**** hm 2007?

Once you say i do!you just killed that love ,finnito,the end,al- sen!

till death do us apart....hell no! nobody own somebody.

love is like toilet papar, it can be  finish anytime.

marriage vows was invented by somebody,So i do want to be that person  victim,those words was to build lovers,

Nowaday we are soooo short tempered.

blueroze
29 Oct 2009 14:58

love is like toilet papar, it can be finish anytime.
kwa kwa kw akw akwa kwakwkwawakwakwakwakwak
                                        bathong!!
               shinifed!!!!

ms.tebby
29 Oct 2009 15:03



love is like toilet papar, it can be finish anytime.>>>>hao mathata! kwa kwa kwa kwaaa!

Mathaz
29 Oct 2009 15:07

@realist, yes, I was referring to men.

zaa
29 Oct 2009 15:14

As much as I love my boyfriend, deep down I know he's not my soul mate **sad face**.  There was a time when I told him that I didn't get involved with him because I loved him, but I did it out of pity. I regret the day I said yes and the day he introduced me to his family.

maddie
29 Oct 2009 15:33

As much as I love my boyfriend, deep down I know he's not my soul mate **sad face**.

zaa i feel u sana and his parents love me so much.

@mathata

am also wondering ukuthi who invented marriage vows seriously

myname
29 Oct 2009 16:14

Afternoon beautiful peeps, i will read this tomorrow....

Happy raining day guys!

myname
29 Oct 2009 16:20

Ag this is old man .....

Holiday
30 Oct 2009 11:14

3 years back my boyfriend promised to marry me till now, when i approach him last month he says i will wait untill thy kindom come. so can i open a case against him? i just need money.

Cande
30 Oct 2009 11:16

lol

blueroze
30 Oct 2009 11:22

I didn't get involved with him because I loved him, but I did it out of pity. I regret the day I said yes and the day he introduced me to his family.




                                                BATHONG!!!  *amazed* JANG JAANONG?



3 years back my boyfriend promised to marry me till now, when i approach him last month he says i will wait untill thy kindom come. so can i open a case against him? i just need money. 





                                                                   IJA!!!!!!! IJA IJA!!!! IJA!!!!

zozoe
30 Oct 2009 12:12

LOL

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