He he he, eish something really funny (cause it's beyond frustrating) happened that inspired this article.
This person has owed me money for months now and I've settled on sending him once-a-month quite obvious (since subtlety went out the door a long time ago) reminders to pay me back.
Anyway, I spoke to this person yesterday to listen to his latest story and he said,"Ahhhh, I wanted to suprise you, you'll get your money 2moro". Hhe? WTF? What do you mean surprise me????? I was gobsmacked but then again, maybe I need to look at things from his perspective....eish I'm failing. Anyway, I told him that it's not a surprise since it's sooooooo overdue.
Oh by the way, he still hasn't paid me back and it's not money I'm willing to part with; he's also a cutie-but that's unrelated to this article.
Moving right along.....I then thought of all the other things we pass of as SURPRISES when they really aren't:
1. A couple that's been dating/vat-n-sitting for years/decades-announcing their engagement or imminent marriage.
"Yay, what a surprise,"----YEAH RIGHT! Who's surprised? The woman in the relationship who's been secretly or openly hoping and willing this to happen? The relatives who have been hinting and asking endless "Aah oa nyala gotsa o ja fela" questions? The man who can't figure out how he allowed the situation to happen cause he's been secretly pining for his girlfriend's best friend? I'm failing to figure out who the surprised person would be except maybe the mistress who's been declaring to her friends, "They'll get married over my dead body!!"
2. Erratic condom use + frequent sex= pregnancy
OMG OMG OMG!! The odds have been defied! Who in their right mind falls pregnant from having unprotected sex? Huh???!! The gods truly must be crazy.
Get real people. If you don't want a baby, please use protection ALL THE TIME you have sex. I don't wanna hear another ,"It was a surprise!" when the pregnancy test comes in positive. Even good 'ol Mary didn't exclaim till kingdom come when she discovered she was with baby. She might have been puzzled but surprised?? Hmm, i doubt it!
The only thing that's a surprise is the baby shower-and sometimes THAT isn't even a surprise *sigh*
3. The red /summons /lawyers/final demand LETTER
Eish i don't know which of them is more serious than the other but WHY are these letters a shock to your system or even a remote surprise? I'm referring to the one letter that spells out CLEARLY that if ignored, in 7 days, your arse is in court! The one letter you want to tear into pieces (like all those polite reminders) with a loud NXXX but hold yourself back just in time cause you recognise SERIOUS when it lands in your mailbox.
That look of surprise, which is almost always followed by an unconvincing, "they're mad, I'm not paying them a cent!" should go. It's not rocket science to figure out that unpaid bills don't disappear into nothingness if you don't pay them. Tearing them up into bits and pieces just cause you don't want potential fraudsters using your details doesn't mean a thing to your creditors!!
4. Investments that pay you off
What's so surprising about this yhe? Hayi I was gonna write something to support my feelings mara I'm not going to cause it irritates me each time someone jumps for joy and/or screams with surprise when they receive that letter or that phone call informing them of money coming their way.
Maybe it's just me but if I had put money away for so long, you DAMN believe I'll be crossing off the days till maturity on my calendat. In fact, the only surprise would be getting paid a day later than expected.
A surprise on the other hand is one of the following:
i) I'm browsing magazines or books at any bookshop and the woman next to me just falls over and DIES....OMG!!! Ok that's shock with a pinch of surprise.
ii) I'm at the till getting ready to pay for my purchase and am told i don't have to pay cause of some in-store promotion/competition...SURPRISE!
iii) OLD women in shopping malls that walk FAST, don't peer over the biscuits; don't fish for coupons in their handbags; don't exchange items at the last minute and my oh my, pay using a credit card!
iv) Cooking mogodu and not seeing a single fly in the house..W-O-W!
v) A first date that's not akward
vi)Unemployed, down and out people that do not manage to scrape together enough money to buy alcohol--where you @?
vii) Black people that don't like ho stocka vela i.e any form of stokvels or buying one product and getting one free even if they don't PARTICULARLY like the product in question.
viii) Drunk people speaking at a normal tone of voice...like shouting??...what's that??
ix)Traffic fines getting lost in the mail----now THAT would be a surprise!
x) A blog that's not longer than 4 sentences...eish I tried to shorten this and blv me I have made too many cuts and this is as short as it gets.... :)
HAPPY THURSDAY ALL!!