x close

SOUTH AFRICA'S TV WEBSITE

SOUTH AFRICA'S TV WEBSITE

ACTORS | ARTICLES | CASTINGS | SHOWS | TEASERS

OK OK so you've been dumped BIG DEAL.

Written by GQ from the blog GQ Enquiry on 05 Sep 2007
Favourite this post

OK OK so you’ve been dumped…BIG DEAL.

Here’s the thing, I’m trying to understand the psyche of the dating man/woman (tall order I know) but please help me get some clarity on some of these questions.

1. Why is it that every time we come out of relationships especially if you’re the dumpee you feel as though it’s the end of the world?
2. Why do we end up doing elaborate things to try and snare the dumper back into the same trap he so obviously wanted to get out of?
3. Why do we always end up feeling like the world will cease to exist as we know it?
4. Why do we always want to do something vengeful especially vengeance that involves inflicting physical pain on the dumper?
5. Why is it that we can’t accept the situation for what it is. She/he dumped u for reasons only they are privy to?
6. Why do we get caught up in the drama of the breakup rather than the possibilities that the break up brings?
7. Why are we so dependent on others for our happiness and existence (songs such as you’re my reason for breathing come to mind). God gave you your own lungs and your own nose to breathe through so why would you give someone else the impression that they are so powerful that your breathing is dependent on their continued stay in an obviously unfulfilling relationship?
8. Why do we always have to find someone/something to blame for the sudden (sometimes not so sudden) end to a relationship?
9. Why is it that we can’t look beyond the emotional investment and in some cases financial investment made in the relationship & see it for what it is –OVA. KUPHELILE KUPHELILE.

Why not accept that the dumper has recognised his life's journey/mission and has realised that it does not include you?

Isn't it time we concentrate on what makes us happy as opposed to shedding too many tears over someone who's probably having a jol somewhere else with someone else?

Isn't it time you had a jol of your own??????

42 Comments

Toodecent
05 Sep 2007 08:42

If you were in that relationship for love and you trully loved your screwer as the screwee then I have 1 word to answer all those questions....LOVE
If you were in the relationship because there were certain aspects that you thought or wanted your screwer as the screwee to meet then I also have one word for this....SELFISHNESS!

Cande
05 Sep 2007 08:45

eish nna i dont have an answer to all those questions. It just happens!

Toodecent
05 Sep 2007 08:48

And oh...GQ o e botse tsotsi eo gore e go tlogele he can survive unless his feelings for you di tsamisana le my reply up there..

GQ
05 Sep 2007 08:51

@TDC: since when is LOVE the be all and end all? Emotional investments in relationships don't necessarily mean the dumper should stay indefinitely nor that the dumpee should end up feeling hard done by.

Besides as humans haven't we evolved enough to recognise and accept ukuthi these things happen & we shouldn't inturn spend so much time pining over what could have been but never was????

spice
05 Sep 2007 08:55

Because it's meant to be

presha
05 Sep 2007 08:56

Besides Loving the person, the rejection just hurts. And some of us have SUPERSIZE ego's, nje.

KeleFabulous
05 Sep 2007 08:56

GQ it's like this. u live ur life happily without person A and all is well. then person A comes into ur life and u forget u were just fine even before person A stepped up. now because u've forgotten all about ur life before this person when he/she dumps u, u feel like ur life is over. it's like dying. it's as easy as that. sure u can go back to your old happy life but hte fact that u know the life u had wiht him/her things will never really be the same...

Toodecent
05 Sep 2007 08:59

Ok then it just happens... mara still my first reply applies.

WhiteSockGirl
05 Sep 2007 09:11

I have to agree with presha... rejection by the person that you have feelings for... that is a major blow to the ego.

andi01
05 Sep 2007 09:17

To be honest i also dont understand what hurts when you have been dumped, when someone dumps you that means he doesnt wanna be with you. Now you know urself, u love urself and you are proud of urself, is nt self love better than any. To me its quite the opposite, when my partner hurts me, i always aske them why cant they just dump me and leave me in peace coz its clear they cant love you. If someone wants to be outa ur life why cry about it, let de mafacka go and who knows he might be standing in the way for ur true soulmate.

Toxic
05 Sep 2007 09:23

7. Why are we so dependent on others for our happiness and existence (songs such as you’re my reason for breathing come to mind). God gave you your own lungs and your own nose to breathe through so why would you give someone else the impression that they are so powerful that your breathing is dependent on their continued stay in an obviously unfulfilling relationship?

THIS IS FUNNY.

It has everything to do with the sudden break from your comfort zone. It is never easy to get back to "normal" if you are at the receiving end of a dump and most dumpers just don't wake up one morning and decide to part ways with you. They establish other relationships and nuture them till they feel secure enough in the other relationship to finally let you go.

For the dumpee, whose life has been hunky-dory all this time, it is a great shock especially if they never suspected anything amiss in their relationship. Now there are cases where people stick it out for convenience (financial or otherwise) and are quite aware that they are living a lie..they can almost anticipate a dump but they go on and pretend it's not gonna happen or they hang on and try and save enough money to survive financially on their own before the relationship ends. Drama should the dump happen before they are ready.

Some have left behind their life pre-the relationship and now find themselves at a complete loss as to how to carry on living life as they've come to know it.

Women are highly intuitive creatures and at some point in a relationship, they can sense when things aren't going the way they should be and I think it's at that point that they should get out to spare themselves the pain that is inevitable.

sedi
05 Sep 2007 09:25

Mina i think what hurts the most it's the rejection, then u think there something wrong with u.

Zhico
05 Sep 2007 10:03

No.7 just finishes me...
mna I'm one of those who cry abt it then get over it....bt I'm still not over my son's father who hurt me like nothing in this life and can u blv I dumped him and I'm now the 1 feeling the pain...
sometimes LOVE iya bora(when rejected)...sometimes the feeling is just amazing(when u just fell inlove)...
bt my motto and 2pac's states LIFE GOES ON..and it really does

Tshd21
05 Sep 2007 10:16

@ Toxic: It has everything to do with the sudden break from your comfort zone, It is never easy to get back to "normal"........
Right there Tox, the getting back to "normal" part. U c, the reason people even sometimes contemplate suicide after break ups is because after the other person decides to leave them, they start saying that they will be better as soon things go back to "normal". Unless the other person comes back to your life "normal" will never happen. What people need to say is that after the sudden break form their comfort zone, they are now looking for the "new norm", without the other person.
@ Zhico: Ke lame leo. Le nna no 7 e a mpolaya! Lol

monchooza
05 Sep 2007 10:37

yah neh..................

Brown Shuga
05 Sep 2007 12:33

Phew GQ, this is so therapeutic (sp)!!! Wow!!! Everything you've said is so true hey...where were you when I needed to hear this??????

Ok, let me go read the replies.....

Beyonce
05 Sep 2007 12:42

Why did you reply before reading...

Brown Shuga
05 Sep 2007 12:53

<<Why did you reply before reading... >> Thatha Jim comes to Jozi...usuyaphapha...he he he

GQ
05 Sep 2007 13:05

Jah neh people, I knew ukuthi i wasn't the only one who wondered about lento yomjolo.

@Swazi95: Gal i feel u about the whole crying thing coz sacrifices have been made & now u feel cheated somehow. Well then cry if u have to but dont spend too much of ur time crying over someone that does not want to be with YOU. Sad I know kodwa that's the reality of the situation.

Well sis afta some serious thot & consideration (LoL sounding like a know it all) i realise ukuthi we are so self involved as people that we miss the point yokuthi IT AINT ABOUT YOU-REALLY IT ISN'T. He dumped U, so y do u have to feel like ish...

Pause (think about for a minute)

Wouldn't YOU rather be with someone that wants to be with YOU anyway?

GQ
05 Sep 2007 13:18

Jah neh people,

I think we all think of this at some stage in our life it's just always refreshing to hear it coming from some1 else. Gives a whole new perspective on things.

Or Kanjani mablogger?

Zhico
05 Sep 2007 14:10

or maybe the person dumping does not know what he's missing in you...or was it love from the start???
this article is the one that made write about the CRUSH thing

GQ
05 Sep 2007 15:23

@ Zhico glad this piece inspired u 2 do sungthin...

But ke might I add ukuthi whether or not there was love there in the first place it still does not explain our constant preocupation with wanting to stay in that "comfort zone" even if it means you cheat urself out of being the best u there is

cnhlanhla
06 Sep 2007 02:01

good one presha, rejection jst hurts

GQ
06 Sep 2007 02:14

OK Ok so u've been rejected, who hasn't been rejected? Get over it-IT AINT ABOUT YOU-being dumped was not your decision so QUIT STRESSING over sungthing u had no control over

Direre
06 Sep 2007 02:40

GQ the way you are on about quit stressing and it wasn't about you, it clearly shows that you were never dumped, you were and still are the dumper?

Am i right or am i right??????

2cool EC
06 Sep 2007 02:42

Its not that easy GQ believe me. Have you been dumped wena? It hurts and it just happens as Cande-girl says.

Zhico
06 Sep 2007 02:53

I feel you there Direre...I still love my dumpee..is this the rite word..and I want him back...bt no chance in hell...*crying*

Annonymous
06 Sep 2007 02:53

MIna I have fortunately never been dumped, actually what I do is when I sense that things are going downhill I do the whole dumping thing first. I actually have no idea how I would take being dumped because even as the dumper I still feel very hurt after an end to a relationship.

Babyphatt
06 Sep 2007 02:59

This only my OPINION

1. Its probably fear of living without that particular person, and at the time you think life cannot go on, since u have established a sense of security with this so-called human being and you find it hard to just let go.

2. The fear of being without that person may compell you to try convince the so-called Dumper that maybe he/she might not be clearly aware of what they are doing, that they really havent thought about what they are actually doing, its basically when denial kicks in....i guesss

3. Its fear telling you that life has ended, (of which it hasn't) cause its hard to accept reality.

4. At the time it feels right to inflict the same pain the Dumpee caused you, you basically want them to suffer

5. Its actually hard at the time to accept the situation, to accept that the person who adored you yesterday, all of a sudden wants to cut all ties with you today

6. Well at the time you are not thinking about the possibilities that might present themselves through the break-up, but the focus is on the break-up and the pain it has brought.

7. Eventually you learn to accept and acknowledge that you have only yourself to depend on to actually experience true happiness and feel contented. That you dont need another person to be your reason for breathing (as you lovely put it).

9. Sometimes its hard to accept the fact that Kuphelile, but with TIME you eventually become at peace with the fact that its truelly over....and thats when the journey to self descovery, self - appreaciation, self-acknowledgement emerges. you get to embark on your blissful journey and enjoy what life has to offer.

And yeah i do agree that its best to concerntrate on making yourself happy, you get to realise your own strengths and capabilities, you get time to value yourself, to see that there is more to life than felling sorry for yourself.

You realise that you are better off, without the sorry sod (your Ex). And in time you learn to forgive but certainly not forget for your own good, cause there is no point in bottling up all the anger and feelin hatred towards the person while they on the other hand are moving on with their lives.
Shhhooooo that was a mouthful but yeah thats my take on this whole issue.....

Direre
06 Sep 2007 03:07

@ Zhico my dear, i don't think you want that person back...all i can say is that he did you a favour cause out there MR RIGHT is also looking for you.... so don't waste your energy on this guy ......cry if you wanna cry (It does hurts but eventually you will forget that he was even you dumb boyfriend) BUT don't call him and ask him to take you back.....

immaculate
06 Sep 2007 03:08

Mina i dumped, then my friend snatched, then she fell pregnant, then i wanted my man back, by then it was too late cos the HO was a preggie...then i moved on_as hard as it was cos i really loved him,
then my man(ex) tried to sway his way back to my already broken heart, by then i had became smarter and wanted to avenge....REVENGE IS SWEET SERVED COLD AND HARD. i did that, i caused lotsa trouble...now they hate each other and mina i met the love of my life...hopefully it lasts

Mmakwena
06 Sep 2007 03:28

Immaculate you go girl - i had an amper situation: i got proposed then i declined-after 6 months phoned the guy and told him to leave his present grlfriend (he did), because i was ready to love him. now 3 years has passed in a happy relationship with him and i don't feel the way i used to feel about him anymore - what could be the cause of the that?

Username
06 Sep 2007 03:35

NO4…..it’s a sad reality at how far people will take number 4. Love doesn’t hurt.

We human beings have a tendency to attach ourselves to something or someone. It’s like getting motivation to continue living that just the thought of that not being there is scary. Loving someone is difficult but the fear of them not feeling the same way about you is also inconceivable.

Can I ask if you ever been in love, truly and fully committed. The time, energy and commitment towards a relationship then all of a sudden it’s gone. Especially is someone yesterday said “I love you” then tomorrow he/she dumps you for whatever reason. The human ego is a very fragile and dangerous thing.

The only is LOVE. It’s foolish, stupid, desperate and selfish but it’s a feeling that every person needs.

Zhico
06 Sep 2007 03:36

probably rite Direre bt i keep telling myself he's the father to my son..maybe things will work out somehow...bt I now see that I hv to cry and move on
Thanx Direre

Lungz@
06 Sep 2007 03:39

Eish guys, you bring up bab memories. When my boyfirend dumped his girlfriend to be with me she became crazy. She would come at 2am knocking on his door, crying and begging him to take her back. She had it in her head that he was who he because of him. I guess that's why it hard hard for her to let go. At first I understood but eventually got fed up cause she would make scenes that would wake up the whole neighbourhood. The fact that she was also finacially dependent on him didn't help.

GQ
06 Sep 2007 03:42

I've been on both sides of the receiving end and yes it hurts, i'm not disputing that & i'm not trying to down play it at all.

KODWA

All i'm saying is that at some point (if you should end up being in a rut over the Sod) hopefully sooner rather than later u need to dust yourself off & realise ukuthi-IT AINT ABOUT U

Direre
06 Sep 2007 04:56

@ Zhico- Sweety you are not the first person in the world to be a single parent....BUt if you think there is a slight chance that you may get back together THEN go for it!!!!

GQ
06 Sep 2007 05:16

@Zhico i'm sori I don't agree with Direre on this one. "Why go for it"? Kaloku lomntu dumped u not the other way around. Direre why should she open herself up to further rejection and heartache coz if ebefuna ukuba naye he would never have dumped her in the first place.

Gal u deserve a man that will love you and your baby and who'll stay with you coz he wants to not coz he feels obligated to.

Uthando shouldn't be so TOUGH...we make it all so complicated

Direre
06 Sep 2007 05:24

@ GQ...i said if there is a slight chance BUT if it was me i wouldn't go back to him, he dumped me so why should i give him the satisfaction that when he snaps his fingers i always go back....

ANyway i agree with you there 100% GQ!!!!

GQ
06 Sep 2007 05:57

@Babyphatt- wavela sowu shisa kangaka nje...Shoo (LOL)
@ Direre- thina we r on the same page lana

Ammy1GP
06 Sep 2007 06:41

@ GC > were u eva been the dumper or the Dumpee????????????????

GQ
06 Sep 2007 08:54

@Ammy1GP: please see below:

Reply from: GQ 9/6/2007 10:42:43 AM
I've been on both sides of the receiving end and yes it hurts, i'm not disputing that & i'm not trying to down play it at all.

Why do u ask?????

Only TVSA members can reply to this thread. Click here to login or register.